9/26/02 ~ Luke

Well, as it turns out I'm lazy and a liar. No video, no post, I'm a failure in life. But that's old news. Last weekend was wonderful, I'm afraid I haven't thanked alcohol enough for existing. With the arrival of Ben and Spence as planned, and the unexpected showing up of Ryry, the seeds had been planted for an awesome night. We all went over to Nicki's place to find an already sloshed group of people, jealousy of their drunkenness towered over me like a really tall midget with a short spoon. I couldn't let the midget get the best of me, so I ferociously began drinking. Rob was the token sober kid for the night, but all was not lost for young balding Robby. In a sick twist of fate, somebody had brought their younger sister with them. She was the ripe age of 16, and if you know anything about Rob, you would know that is how he likes them. I couldn't let Rob go in by himself, he'd fuck it up. I had to break the ice somehow, so in my infinite drunken wisdom attempted to convince this young lady that she had a stub tail. And that this tail sounded like a squeaky hinge when it moved. Now, any normal person would have just laughed at my drunkenness, but no, I had to accuse the psycho animal rights bitch from hell of having a tail. This girl literally almost got in my face about my making such a statement. Yes, that's right. She was mad because I said she had a tail, wow. I promptly reminded her she was 16 and should never talk to anybody again because of her freaky tail disorder. I think she continued her tantrum, but I wandered off most likely due to something shiny in the distance. So the total consumption by Luke that night was almost at fifth of vodka, 4 shots of yagermiester, and a few beers. Drunk? More highlights from the night:

—Spencer falling off the balcony.
—Ben and Luke pissing, together, off the balcony.
—"Who has my popuvvvvv?" Me, as I drop a full bottle of beer on the floor. It
     sprays everywhere, and all I can do is cheer at it.
—"Come on Luke, do it for the midget nazi ice skaters, they need you!" Rob,
     convincing me to take another shot.
—Spence and I sharing a toilet as we barf together; how romantic.

Of course there were more funny things that happened throughout that night, unfortunately I can't remember them....um, whoops. I'll have rob write up a post or something. I usually end up wandering once I'm drunk, and that night was no exception. Ryry, Shana, and I set out in a very crooked v-line towards home, and along the way crossed paths with two very drunk girls wrestling in a giant puddle turned lake behind the library. They invited us all to join them, and we were going to, but once again something shiny beckoned to me, and I just sorta wandered away. Rob had left a while before I did and according to him, upon my arrival home I promptly tripped over the drum throne and bit it hard on the floor. I don't remember this, and I have no visible injuries, so I'll just take his word for it. I made another trip to purgatory before somehow scaling the mighty distance between floor and top bunk. I woke at about 7am still very drunk, my hand gently caressing my sheets, and I made a discovery, the sheets were quite saturated. Now don't get ahead of me here. I do remember reassuring myself, "babhh...it mustt be sweat, stttuupid hebejebe." Of course, it was not sweat. Waking several hours later I came, rather quickly, to the realization that I had puked in my bed. Wonderful! A pristine sunrise, bird chirping softly as if to welcome the new day, dew glistening over all the earth, Luke lying in a pile of his own vomit....today, all is right in the world. Peace out my children, I'll have more for you soon.


9/18/02 ~ Luke

I got this in an IM earlier today, enjoy...

As we all know, the Taliban considers it a sin for a man to see a naked woman who is not his wife. So, this Saturday at 2:00 p.m.Eastern time all North American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort. All men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they think it's okay to see other women nude and to show support for their fellow sisters. And since the Taliban also does not approve of alcohol, a cold six-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-Taliban sentiment. IT IS YOUR PATRIOTIC DUTY TO PASS THIS ON

9/17/02 ~ Luke

Another week gone by, I'm quite lazy and as such am only doing about one post a week. My apologies to anyone greatly offended by this lack of postastical action. I'm thinking about shutting down the Half Life section of my page since I don't really play anymore. As such I'm looking for a worthy replacement. Ok you assholes, I actually need feedback this time, what should I put in it's place? What do you want me to do with this page? I could open a larger video library, or something else along those lines. Fuck it, what do you want? Attention, this is all that is Kenny. I forgot to put his picture up in the last post, I'm such a horrible parent.

So last weekend rocked, got to spend some quality time with my girl Lindsay down in Kalamazoo, my girl who's wayyyy fucking beautiful. And in the process plunged myself further into debt. I'd like to thank Hot Topic for selling obnoxiously large pocketed pants, and society for providing people with no money, like me, credit cards. My face received an upgrade thanks to new spiked barbells for my eyebrow. I think they're just swell....um.... sorry. I try to be cool and do rockin photoshop stuff like my boy Nate, but unfortunately I have no art skills and whatever the hell this is was the best that I could do. Not much funny to report this time, however my boys Ben and Spence are coming down this coming weekend, and I'm sure that will bring with it many funny tales of cow fucking and girl tipping. So here's what I'm going to do since I'm such a great guy. I'll make a new video for clip of the week (aka clip of the half year), before the weekend even gets here. Deal? Tonight is Tuesday, and as such an age old tradition a year strong to the week will once again be carried out. It's Tuesday Night Porno™ foo, why aren't you here? Tonight's film is the much anticipated 'Sweet Encounters' starring a lot of nekked people. It will have to be one hell of a porn to top last week's title: 'Jewel Raider', complete with farting lesbian scene. Good enough for me, peace out...

9/9/02 ~ Luke

Well the weekend has passed, it's Monday morning and for the first time in about 54 hours that I'm sober. Needless to say it was a good weekend. To make things better we had a shitload of people come visit. Ryan, Randy, Nate, Peter, Al's shorty Kelly, her friends, and um...I think that's about it. So basically I drank myself stupid every chance I got, hooray for vodka. Nate was kind enough to document some of the events, and I've put them into a nice thumbnail gallery for you. Enjoy...