November/December 2001
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November/December 2001 |
| Dear James Brolin, I've seen you walking down the street, ignoring me. You with your beautiful talented wife, me hiding behind my bran muffin. Once popular so many years ago, now forgotten. Much like our relationship. It reached a fevered pitch back then, didn't it. How would you like it if I told them about all of your magazine subscriptions. The titles of those magazines. The amount. There is no way you could possibly be reading all of those magazines. And how about your beautiful talented wife. She isn't reading them. She couldn't possibly read all of those magazines. Love, Jack Robertson |
| Al Gore is in trouble because voters poked two holes instead of one. Sounds like something that would get Clinton into trouble. |
| I tell ya, Dano... halfway through that run Farve looked like he caught a serious case of the gout. We're talking more uric acid between his toes than the bottom of the Roadrunners cage following a meal with Speedy Gonzalas. |
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Dear Katherine, My name is Alec Baldwin. I am a very famous movie actor. Do you remember The Shadow? I thought you did. I am writing on behalf of the current situation in your lovely state of Florida. My wife, Kim Basinger, and I often vacation in the Florida keys. I like to sit on the beach and drink pina colatas. Kim likes to drink Mai Tais. But this isn't about Kim and I. This is about you and me and what you can do for me... and vice versa. In the movie, Outside Providence, I play a father with a rough exterior and a heart of gold. Don't be fooled by the rough exterior of this letter. I assure you the heart of the letter is pure gold. I will be starring in the future summer blockbuster entitled Pearl Harbor. For these types of movies, the studio always has grand premieres. There are many famous people there. It is very fun. Have you ever been to a premiere of a summer blockbuster? You haven't? Well, perhaps we can do something about that I recently won 250,000 dollars on the celebrity version of Who Wants to be a Millionaire. I then sat next to Kermit the frog for the remainder of the episode. Kermit said something very interesting to me during a commercial break. He told me he thought you were a beautiful woman, Katherine Harris. I didn't disagree. I have previously been quoted as saying I would move to Canada if George W. Bush were elected to the Presidency. I don't want to move to Canada. And you know what, Katherine Harris? I don't think you want that either. So what do you say we accept the hand counts. It's the American thing to do. Yours truly, Alec Baldwin |
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