20-10-98
hi fred that was a wicked mad page i loved
the new song titles except eat horsie of course
i hope you liked the tape did you have any of it?
peace and love and good happiness stuff
badhorsie
20-10-98
Your page is the coolest in the world.. man..
do you have pictures of Steves famous concert when he
ate a piano without
ketchup? well done dude..
ps more piccies of your wife...
Your #1 fan
Sandman
Regards, Chris Sandford
22-10-98
Fred,
Nice pages. Did you put : "What's new in Baltimore" for
me?
(steve2.html) How thoughtful.
Anyway, keep up the bashing. Good job. Steve is really
good. But a
Vegetarian? Come on, even aliens eat meat.......
Shane McBride
24-10-98
I proudly present the feedback from Rich,
Steve's personal assistant.....!
I visited your site today, I love it!
I laughed out loud more than once.
Steve is here and I told him about it but
he's too busy right now to do
anything, but I e-mailed him the URL and
he'll be checking it out later. I
think it's very funny, we'll add it to our
list of links on the website.
Cheers!
Rich
25-10-98
Top site Fred, I got here from vai.com so they must love
your site too. Funniest damn Steve piss-take
I've seen, though sometimes I think that's how seriously
he takes himself.
Now, using my special code for amusing veggie vai songs
if you simply replace
Er with Lot
ot with s of
ic with Stea
Nig with k An
htm with d Ch
and ares with ips
Erotic Nightmares translates to Lots Of Steak And
Chips
Almost freaky.
Regards
Mike Ducker
26-10-98
Fred you maniac you !! hahaha oh man you got me laughing
!! quality
stuff mate !! keep up the humour in your work, i think
you should kinda
have a bit of fun with the spiritual side Steve always
seems to present,
i mean do it tastefully (I know you will !)
cya mate !!
Daniel Verberne
Hilarious site, I was cracking up over a few of the pictures
of the
hamburger!!!
Here is my share of helping for the vaiburger campaign.
"Green Meanie" Peppers
Jay Canha (The actual recipe can
be found in our HOME OF THE VAIBURGER!)
Dear Fred,
Very nice site. As you can tell by my id, that
Vai means alot to me
spiritually and musically. I appreciate the humor you
induced on your
page. I have a lil page, nothing special with all
of your cool stuff.
I would like to link to my page. My page is listed
at Vai.com under
Dave Lovallo's ...Vai tribute. Can you let me know?
If you have the
HTML code for the jumping burger to add to the link that
would be cool.
Let me know. Your friend,
Dave Lovallo
27-10-98
And now ladies and gentlemen.....
a few words from THE MASTER,.the greenest and meanest guitar-player on
earth,
The man who can turn a
cucumber into a bottleneck and play Bad Horsie in reverse with it....STEVE
VAI!!!!!!!!!
Fred;
I don't know what to say. I just got off the floor from laughing. Your
site
is hilarious and I can't
wait to show Pia. I'm flattered that someone would
take the time to devote
an entire web page to the possible results of my
ingesting a hunk of dead
stuff.
Although it's incredibly unlikely that I would ever eat a "Vaiburger",
If I
do I'll make sure your
there to taste, smell, and touch the regurgitated
aftermath. Mmmm, sure beats
McDonalds.
Warm Regergs
Steve Vai
Well people, I think you ought to cook your vaiburgers as good
and as dedicated as you can to seduce Stevie with all these
delicious veggies. I'm sure he'll be hungry after a gig so don't
let the last lines discourage you!!
Can someone tell me please what WARM REGERGS are?? Is it something
to put in a Vaiburger??
Warm regards (Non food)
FRED.
Hello dear people,
Look, I don't have anything against Steve Vai whoever
he may be, but I and I mean I am " wicked freds neighbour " and I
have to live
with that !
First of all I had never heard of Steve Vai untill
I woke up last saturday with a cramp in my head untill I realised that
it had been caused
by my " beloved " neighbours who where devotedly trying
to immitate a person in what they call " Their Little Studio " .
Please don't be miss informed by this page because
not long ago Fred was playing " The Carpenters " and Diantha was singing
songs
like " Top of the world " ( issued in 1973 and
have been record of the month in that year )
It seems they, at a friends wedding, have performed this
song.Brreeeee gladly it was not at my wedding !!!!
Now it seems my " beloved " neighbours are going
to move to another city in the Netherlands which means three things;
1st.) I do not have to wake up with a cramp in my head.
2nd.) We have to say goodbye to the best " wicked neighbours
" we have ever had !!!
3th. ) We Wish their new neighbours good luck.
Bye bye Fred and Diantha, we will miss these cramps...
Leon, Marjan and Justin
28-10-98
Dear Fred,
Steve loved your site and e-mailed me the address. It is soooo funny.
Have you considered any of the following titles contributed by Laurel
Fishman:
"Bad Horsemeat", "So Hungry", "Ya-Yo Spam", "Call It Beef", "The
Animal (I ate
for dinner)", "I Would Love To (Eat Pig Meat)", "The Carving Machine",
and
"The Mysterious Murder of Christian Tiera's Lover-he stole my hamburger".
Keep up the good work! If there's one thing we love to do over here
it's
LAUGH!!!
Thanks!
Pam
29-10-98
I always send a thank-you note to all people that send a response to
me, so I did to the kind lady above.
This is what I got back. What a great honor!!!!
Dear Fred,
Thanks for your reply. We will keep an eye on your site, that's for
sure. I am
a close friend of Steve's, actually. I'm his sister and I've been
his senior
personal assistant, secretary, bookkeeper, etc. for almost 12 years.
Rich is
Steve's personal assistant on tour & handles a lot of stuff
here, too. And I
do LOVE your sense of humor!!! You speak pretty good English, too!
Take care!
Pam
04-11-98
Hey ya Fred,
Great site dude. When you had to get back to work, i thought that i
would drop by and check out the site.
Funny, very funny, and a lovely wife you have too.
Soo, the great man has sent you an email, and the great mans sister,
and and the great mans personall assistant.
Anyway, i think the whole vaiburger concept is is a laugh and a half.
It is very funny and very original.
I hope you continue the great work on the site. I'm going to have another
browse through it, just incase i missed anything.
I 'll have a think about some vaiburgers for you and send them when
i have thought of some good ones.
Anyway, cheers and I wish you all the best for you future plans.
Warm regards and the like.
Dein freund
Walker.
07-12-98
Fred,
OK, you´ve made fun of my house, you´ve upset my wife ("are
we getting a
D-force?") and you´ve insulted me (I happen to know how to spell
"whammey"!!), but I will let you know my secret. For years now you´ve
wanted to know how I get that crystal clear, almost touchable, sexy
sound. Here´s the trick:
1) press one finger of the left hand in the fifth position on the top
string of your guitar. This may lead to some confusion, since you are
used to admiring yourself in the mirror and you may not know which
is
left and which is right.
2) strike that string. This is the string that hurts least when you
press it.
3) simultaneously strike the next string down. No problem: in the mirror
this is still the next string down.
4) you will here two completely different tones. You probably won’t,
because I haven´t told you the secret of connecting the guitar
to the
amplifier (=electrical D-vice that Steve uses to make a lot of whammey
sounds), but trust me.
5) rotate one of those funny things at the far end of the guitar to
give
you that cool guitar-tuning-electrical-guitarist look. Check mirror
image.
6) repeat for remaining five strings. Don´t worry about that
rumour
about the B-string being different. You would notice the difference.
Yes, there are six strings and you only have five fingers. Steve
invented a cucumber to solve this inconvenience. This turned out so
successful that he went on to invent the seven string guitar (where
will
it ever stop) and turned vegetarian.
Gerda still loves you, kisses to Diantha and next week we´ll try
the
D-chord together, so you can finally get the Carpenters´ "Top
of the
world" right.
Byby
Andrew and Gerda
07-12-98
Yes, Yes. While browsing Vai.com, I happened upon your site.
As I read deeper and deeper within the site, I took a double
take at the McDonald's hamburger in my hand. My chewing slowed....
It was then that I realized that I NEED A
VAIBURGER!!! I drifted off... Traveling without moving...
Eventually I woke up. I was in a field of sorts.. Filled
with more vegetables than I ever knew existed.. I wandered the field
for
days thinking to myself, "If only I had some bread I could make a VAIBURGER!"
This seemed my only escape from this
place, however, I did find sanctuary there.. I happened upon
a gourd. After hollowing it out, I attached strands of my hair and
a flattened branch that I had found nearby. As I began to manipulate
the "strings" a beautiful sound came from within the
gourd.. But... I needed more... I quickly found and shoved a twig at
the base of the gourd. I was now without limits..
Matter started to swirl around me as I continued on...
Things swirling.. It was then that I ended up here. I don't
expect
anyone to believe my tale.. But it REALLY did HAPPEN! If
you look deep enough... You will find.. the.... ANSWERS!!!!
Ryan W. Burns
07-12-98
Hi Fred,
Your page is great! You had me rolling on the ground for a good half
hour!
Here's a couple new song titles for ya:
Touching Turnips
Potato Road
Little Vegitator
Also here's a cool little recipe for Steve: See Recipe page!
eep up the good work Fred!
Peace
Gary Hancq