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Fair [ January 16, 2002 ]
Black and white The world is not black and white, how else could we afford to act like stubborn or scared kids sometimes?
Winter Even my husband says he's had enough of it, and I am ever the more impatient, with feet frozen, lips badly chapped. Yet another thin layer of snow on the streets and the ex-christmas trees at the corner, something for the tiny toy bunny to watch from the shelter of the abandoned red car.
Addictive Lost again in the taste and scent of darkness of beverages that enchant the brain into a long, sullen awareness. Lost again in thoughts that are not mine, lines that keep rolling in front of my eyes, long into the night, as though travelling through a tunnel. Lost walking down memory lane, just one street, the same street here and again through stories of her life, late after the theatre Friday night, when the drink was light and lucid on our table, and time flew by as I smiled, having forgotten my daily addiction, or rather the lack of it.
Effervescent thoughts No memories to call upon, really. Have I been non-existent? Have I been without an aim and a solution? Have I been scared, have I been taken, have I taken part, have I been playing solitary games that can easily be replaced, almost reproduced? Will it then be starting over again, or starting anew? Sizzling. Yeah. That much I certainly knew. And in my dreams I argue and reason and see it all so clearly I even wake up, rewind and replay, but transparent as they are, the thoughts evaporate by morning.
Save your grace Of what is proper and good. And of what sometimes we all do, act as fools, without thought, or sometimes on purpose. There is no such thing as the right to hurt someone because of your petty pride, to, so to speak, just to show. No revenge, no remorse is justified. I should have learnt by now.
Not fiction And not wishes. Just the bare truth of my perspective, barely there. Perhaps, one day, to say I'll gladly tell you in detail.
Saturn return "Every 28 to 29.5 years Saturn returns to the same point in the Zodiac it was at when you were born. In a nutshell the Saturn Return at age 28-30 represents a major turning point in your life. Major events occur in your career and your relationships in response to a change of attitude on your part. Maybe you decide to go in different directions or maybe you decide to get really serious about the direction you are going. Either way you make important decisions and as a result you take on more responsibility and your lifestyle changes. In some aspects of your life you may have ignored your responsibilities up until now so the Saturn Return brings stress and crisis, demanding that you face the problem and make changes. When you go through your Saturn Return you realize just what it is you really want to do in your life, so you shelve interests, behaviors, careers, relationships, etc. that don't apply to your new direction. It's like trimming down your life, getting leaner and meaner, more focused."
Pruning Early morning, mid-week walk on Andrassy street, old, dirty snow by the sidewalk and branches of trees fallen from the sky. I wonder at her windows, whether she has had her curtains by now, whether they are on the other side of the planet or still nearby. |