A Willow On The Verge Of Winter....October 1, 1999

A Willow On The Verge Of Winter....October 1, 1999

It was just past dawn this morning as I was driving my overnight client to school. While careening the car through the twists and turns on the road cut into a mountainside and following a river, I had a revelation.

Autumn is upon us.

It was the sheer splendour of the natural pallette I beheld that awoke me from my wedded stupor. My vision was bombarded with hues of gold, bronze, red, orange, yellow and maroon blazing by me from the mountain of maple, poplar, oak, and birch trees on my left, reflected in the glassy calm of the river to my right. Coursing Mother's fresco this morning left me speechless.

Autumn is the season that makes the rest bearable. The days are no longer insufferably long and hot, replaced with cool, breezy, sunfilled hours that allow one to regale of the outdoors much more comfortably. Nature's living canvass is ever changing in hue while infusing the air with scents of drying flowers, grasses, and foliage. The setting sun firing the sky with remarkable combinations of yellows, reds, purples and pinks gives way to the bright orange-red of a harvest moon.

Normally, my spirit is aroused with the life energy so forcefully radiating from winter's foreshadowing. However, as today progressed, I found my soul feeling more like the leafless willow, with scattered pieces of its short term vibrance laying on the ground or floating in the air, dry and yellow, while standing helpless to prevent an inevitable forced slumber.

I returned home from rejoicing in my realization of fall to a notice from the bank in my mail that they are going to repossess my car. Their letter and the payment I recently made crossed paths, and I am not sure that there is anything I can do to halt the process that has already started. Yet another piece of mail from another bank threatens court action lest I repay them for a preauthorized payment they covered back in the spring. All this in the wake of having to borrow money from my wife's roommate so that my phone was not disconnected earlier this week.

And while trying to distract myself by watching television this evening, I lost my cable.

It is not the wedding that has resulted in these latest financial turmoils. Indeed, The Goddess and I had to beg borrow and steal to pay for that even. Both of us are owed thousands of dollars that we continue to fight for. On my end, it is from invoices that I cannot get the government to pay for because of a plethora of bureaucratic bullshit reasons. One social worker I contract with even lied to me by telling me that the cheques were already in the mail. I found out today that the invoices still lay unapproved on someone else's desk. On top of this, I am owed for work with another client dating back to the beginning of the summer because that social worker refuses to return my calls asking for a requisition number to put on my invoices so that the processing agents know where the bill is originating from. All these piled up back bills from my company represent thousands. The Goddess herself is waiting for thousands in retroactive pay that is being held up by the 1/30th of staff that are unionized in her organization of 1000.

So, all these things are happening when all this money that is owed to us sits in someone else's bank account.

I am at a loss as to what to do. It frustrates, angers, and saddens me beyond being able to think constructively.

I am, indeed, a willow on the verge of winter.

....Blessed Be...