It Was Lonely On This Rock...June 29, 1999

It Was Lonely On This Rock...June 29, 1999

I arose early this morning after only five hours of sleep. The reasons are twofold: Reekie and Moo were doing their "I have to pee" dance, and I had invoices to fax in hopes of getting paid today. The consequence of this early rousal was feeling lethargic most of the day, and I hate it when this happens. Unfortunately, with Moo only being a few weeks old, I fear I will have many early mornings to come.

While doing my paperwork early this morning, I sent a South Park e-card to Lowlandz to mark his 30th birthday. I just could not help myself. I called him later in the day to offer personal birthday greetings, and he is less thank thrilled about the milestone. This is a similar reaction to mine on my 30th, and I can empathize. However, life goes on, and all will be well, Lowlandz. Trust me. After all, we're in this together now.

Late in the morning, I called the organization I was hoping to get paid from to see if my cheque was ready. It was not, and the woman in processing was out for the day. This depressed me greatly, as selling more CD's was not practical, and I was again broke. Further, I cannot work without money for gas and entertaining clients. Therefore, the situation is a double edged sword. It frustrates me immensely being owed money and just sitting and waiting, and waiting, and waiting. Sometimes I wonder if self-employment is really worth it. It seems I just cannot stay at least one step behind the game. I am usually five to ten.

I have to remember to say a prayer to the spirits tonight for my Dad. It had been since Father's Day since I talked to him as I ended up leaving dinner at Ms. Crabtree's due to her insulting me, and my parents (mostly Mom) exacerbating the situation. When this happens, I tend to withdraw from family for a while, and try to take care of myself. Dad called me this morning to see how I have been doing, which touched me greatly. We have been working very hard to forge a positive Father/Son relationship, since we did not have one when I was wee. He has mellowed out a great deal over the years, and today, he was there for me when I needed him. I explained to him what had been happening financially (he sensed I was stressed), which is difficult for me as I do not want him to feel burdened or that I only wish to talk to him when I need something. He gave me grocery money, gas money, and money for my anti-depressants (happy pills...yay). We have made a coffee date for next week, and I am looking forward to it. Things have been difficult for him with my mother's health declining, and I want to be there for him when he needs support. It is really difficult for him to seek the support out, and I am thankful for every minute we can spend together that is not triggered by family issues. Thanks Dad.

The Goddess returned a phone call to Ms. Crabtree this afternoon, which did not go well at all. Ms. Crabtree asked her opinion on my distancing myself for a while, and The Goddess very gently told her that I had a right to do what I need to do to take care of myself. My sister was just as verbally abusive to her as she is with me over the fact that The Goddess was not partaking in my sister's pity party. She is, therefore, now occupying a space beside me on this water surrounded rock which is my position in this family. I am glad there was room, as I have been lonely. I am also glad that someone can finally validate my feelings about my sister's behaviour toward me. A prayer for The Goddess is in order, too. And one for my sister as well, because I do love her had want so much for her to heal and be okay.

The evening I spent working on this site, and I was able to get the "cast" and "about me" sections done. It took longer than I thought, and I am not sure I am satisfied just yet. The time was enhanced by frequent ICQ chats with Dray, whom I miss a great deal. Thanks for the assistance, Dray.

I am sure there is little wonder that I am exhausted at this late hour. I believe I am going to let the dogs have their last evening stroll outside and retire for the night.

...Blessed Be