To August, I Bid a Bittersweet Adieu....August 31, 1999

To August, I Bid a Bittersweet Adieu....August 31, 1999

My day ended this evening with another late night conversation with The Goddess. Initially, it did not go well. Status-quo it seems. I ended up listening to her give voice to yet more insecurities about my level of committment, and my expectations surrounding our relationship. In response to my growing impatience and defensiveness, she said,

"So just shoot me then if I am suffering from wedding jitters."

While tempted to remind her just who wanted this fairytale ceremony to begin with, and while even more tempted to offer to get the gun, I took a more rational approach,

"Actually, I think it is more than just wedding jitters; I think your OCD is working overtime."

It was then that she conceeded that the increase in medication that she was supposed to be taking, the increase she decided to so generously save for moi, had been prescribed by her doctor specifically because of the upcoming wedding.

She really, really must want me in hospital greens and paper slippers, drooling, hearing voices, talking to myself, incontinent.

"I am taking them now, though," she deems proudly.

Lucky me, I think to myself. The increase will start taking effect just after the ceremony.

More internal screams.

She asked why I could not cut her some slack. I told her that she had eaten up all her pieces of slack pie long ago. Baking another one was only going to be reinforcement.

I wrote that the conversation initially did not go well because we managed to get passed all this insanity for once. I read to her my entries from late last week, which not only made her laugh hysterically (excuse the pun), but hit home for her just how incredibly loonie her behaviour has been.

The Queen had been humbled.

Easing my wounds considerably was her thankfullness that I can find the humor in all of this, even if just in written word as opposed to in dialogue.

Cancel the cancellation.

I spent a wonderful and relaxing evening over coffee at Chapters with Marrin. Such activities, too, allow me to maintain at least the facade of sanity.

We have a long and great history, Marrin and me. Despite having not seen her in a while, we sank into conversation with an intimate comfortability as though we have been neighbours for decades.

For this reason, I know it will last a lifetime, at the very least.

....Blessed Be