"Shifts...." April 8, 2000

"Shifts...." April 8, 2000

Half Past Midnight...

...and I feel a great shift in cosmic energies lately, that directly effect the state of my reality. It is arduous to find a language for it, but I will try.

I have been feeling a predominance of positive energy all around me. This positive energy consists of love, peace, and security in the knowledge that all will be well.

And as negative as Alyx's illness is, I believe it is the validity of the cognition of his being sick that also brought on the shift. I say validity because I have a sense that he was not well long before his illness was confirmed, but like me, he is stubborn.

I was being facetious when I wrote weeks ago that we do not seek medical attention until our mortality is in jeopardy.

Yet, Alyx being sick has reminded me, in a slap in the face kind of way, of our very fragile mortality, and that time stands still for no being. It has prompted me to reaffirm the love I have for those I hold close to my heart, and to clean house with those that serve to be a continual source of negativity and pain.

Life is full of simple pleasures; every day affords us the opportunity to be thankful for our state of being, despite how miserable the world is around us. Indeed, for the very reason that the world is a place of misery, pain, greed, and destruction, our reality, positive or negative, is very much self constructed.

I have chosen to see things surrounded by brilliant white light, consumed by the affection I try to project into every second of every minute of every hour in every day. I am blessed with things like how The Goddess smiles every time I walk through the door; it is a unique smile reserved only for my entrance. It is also with Lowlandz request that we each get an identical tattoo in the form of a brotherhood symbol. It is with how I know Alyx secretly hopes that The Goddess and I will visit even for just five minutes every day. It is with Reekie nuzzles and Moo slurps, and with the reciprocating love that our friends bless us with every day, even when they are not physically present.

I am now fending off the demanding, rude, obnoxious, and immature behaviour of people I thought were friends and who are supposed to be family. Time and time again I have stated what I need from these people for our relationship to be okay. Time and time again they have refused to take it in, refused to acknowledge the responsibility of their actions, and continued to take advantage of me.

I realize I am far from perfect. I have made mistakes, I will make many more before my time here is done. However, I try to offer my friends the gift of taking responsibility for these mistakes, without conditions, without retaliation. At this stage in my life, I am only interested in surrounding myself with those that can return all the positive energy I try to send out into the world. One can only say the same things so many times, in so many different ways, before it becomes blatantly obvious that the words are falling on deaf ears.

If these people want to be a part of my life, then they are going to have to get a hearing aid and an attention span, but I will not be supplying the materials any longer.....

....Blessed Be...