|
August 18th
( Idea stolen from Tigerlily's page) Liars can say it all just as well..." -- Patty Griffin "Christina"
my thoughts.... Today was pretty uneventful, but the lack of excitement got me thinking about all the problems in my life. Not that I've ever had any problems dwelling on my completely screwed up life, but i think i got some much needed perspective today. I've decided that eventhough i don't have control over a certain boy situation that's tearing me apart...i have atleast been able to make myself realize that he is not dwelling on this. There is no way that he's sitting here at nite, thinking about me...it's just not happening. He isn't thinking about me, let alone obsessing like i am. I've decided that no matter what he's telling me...there's always gonna be a part of me that doesn't completely believe him. I just can't trust him like i used to...i'm always questioning that he's telling me the truth, and that hurts me. I want to be his friend, and i want us to be able to get past all the "more-than-friends" stuff that we went thru before, but i need to be able to completely believe everything he tells me. And even now i feel like he's still lying to me. I tell myself that he's completely being sincere with me, and that just makes me think about the last time i thought he was being completely sincere, and how it turned out he wasn't. So now i don't trust my judgement anymore...cuz he ruined that for me. He fooled me, and now i can't trust my own judgement. It shouldn't be that way, at all. All I want to do is go have some fun. I want to go to school and party some and drink, and my friend is having a party on Friday that i'd really like to go to, but lacking a certain mode of transportation is leaving me no way to get there. And even if i could, i don't know if i would stay at his house, or what. It's just so inconvenient. Once i get to school things will be better...i hope... Anyway, i'm gonna go to bed. If anyone is reading this, please sign my guestbook, okay? I'd love to hear from some people! G'Nite! |