How long has it been now
six months, more?
It could have been yesterday
the pain still hurts so.

How many letters does it take
to break a heart in two?
For me, it was six
the doctor's said cancer
and my world went black.

I remember so vividly
how we gazed into each other's eyes
knowing there could be no other
so sure that our love would be everlasting
doesn't love always seem that way?

I'm haunted by your image now
thoughts of you on bended knee before me
promising eternity
not knowing how short a time it would actually be.

Later, you on death's bed
pale against the sheets
fighting back your tears
even as you kissed mine away.
Quieting my sobs
trying so hard to be strong for us
for me.

You knew I would fall apart
shatter into a milion pieces
You used to shake your head
when you'd find me crying over the morning paper
each sad story setting me off anew.

I'd read about a little girl, leukemia
sick from her chemotherapy
she's dying, she's dying
you'd hold me in your arms, and rock me
and I'd know I wasn't alone
and that made all the difference.

So, of course you tried to comfort me
as you lay dying
when it should have been I comforting you
at least that one time
god, I'm so sorry, how I wanted to.

I'll carry to my grave
the memories of your strength
how can I forget?
Now, I am tired and lonely
my soul laid bare.

I'm just too afraid to let anyone else in
I turn away from those that care.

I know that you prayed for me
prayed that I'd find happiness
but, I can't, I can't.
I want so much to join you
curl up within your coffi,
and hold you forever
but I am alone.

Happy things make me sad now
for I cannot share them with you.
The laughter of a child
used to hold such wonder
we'd point and share
dream of the day when we'd point at our own
now we never will.

I feel as if I am betraying your love
that my weakness is an affront
I want to be strong
to show what your love meant to me
how it helped me grow
but God knows you were everything
and everything
and everything to me.
All I can give you, your memory
and yes, myself
is this first step.