This page makes no sense
'This section is a good reference' Christopher Speak/Jimmy Somerville
New Inane Facts
FEBRUARY/MARCH
Supplies of world famous Andy Townsend masks have been dramatically decreased. This is due to a physically disturbed chimp and the arrival of several Jimmy Somerville all-in-one suits.
Wild-man of the newscasting industry, Jeremy Paxman, was recently witnessed giving 'pleasurable oral sex' to a Mr Kevin Racey's nipple. This astonishing allegation was made by a Mr L. Foxall - of whom works for Kevin Racey Nipple Farms Ltd. He states his hate for Kevin Racey, and his filthy habits. 'It's not only this incident', dribbled Mr Foxall, 'Kevin has beaten numerous monkeys and OAP's to death, as well as ripping off my right ear with a spade'.
Stephen Bartlett
David Duchovney was at Fearnhead College just before Christmas. In a no-holds-barred ceremony, he spoke.
APRIL (from the Turtles)
Lulu
JULY-DECEMBER
Jim spotted a carving of a naked Gloria Hunniford made in stone. It is estimated to have been made in the previous ice age. Mr Hunniford is now in quarantine and being carbon-dated. The results are not expected for 4 years, by which time she will be dead by extermination. She was sentenced to death by microwave for the slaughter of 583 chimpanzees, who were at the theatre watching a quite dire performance of Carusel.
Stephen Bartlett