Not all too long ago...something rather disturbing happened. No...not my birth...smart ass.
I found myself wondering across the mall...most likely looking for a cheap fuck...i can't remember. At any rate, someone dressed in red approached me. He asked if I wanted to be in a movie. So i said yes. The next thing i knew, I saw a giant bag fly towards my face...everything went black.
I awoke on Santa's lap. Everyone was looking. I heard the laughs of bystanders...
"Isn't he too old?"
He told me not to move. He pressed harder against my sore bum. He said it was a candy cane. He asked if I wanted to lick it. I refused. Darkness again...when I awoke next, I found myself in Santa's workshop...completely nude and in front of a camera. In came Santa...naked as a jay bird. Behind him came 70 naked and drunk dwarfs. Reindeer soon entered the workshop. Before Ii knew it, Santa was sitting on my face screaming, "Come here little boy. Help me empty my 'Santa Sack'...ALL OVER YOUR FACE!" I couldn't see for a few minutes but heard the grunts of reindeer being violated by the tiny helpers. My only hope of salvation was Mrs. Claus who happened to walk in the second Santa pulled out a rather large candy cane. With a disgusted look, she walked away.
"Kids and their obsession with Santa now-a-days." My screams went unanswered...and drowned out by the sound of Christmas carols...
I don't remember how long this went on...but the last thing I remember before waking up in my bed...was Santa doing jumping jacks over my face. With one swift motion, I punched him right in his "Santa Sack." I'm pretty sure it was Blitzen who kicked me in the head...
Christmas: I awoke in the middle of the night...thinking I was safe in my own bed. I heard bells jingling. I saw a pantless Santa shoot up the chimney. Looking down, I saw my pants around my ankles.
Hey...at least I gotta kick ass present outta the deal...