When I was in Liverpool, I had a very good friend, Eldon, he aften invited his wine buddy Gordon over to drink, drunk and laugh together. When they were together drinking, they always made fun of each other and try to make the opposite party look stupid. I don't drink a lot, but I did enjoy the laughter.

One day when they were drinking, I happened to be by the side. After two bottles of red wine, both of them started to be looked like clowns to me. You know what I mean. It is always the case.

All of a sudden, Eldon burped. Gordon got the opportunity and said: "Eldon, what's the matter with you!?" Eldon won't give up that easily. He replied: "Oh, I am terribly sorry, my friend. You MUST excuse me! As a matter of fact, I was going to fart. You know I am always a polite person. So I changed my mind and burped instead."

One day, they were drinking in the garden and it was dark in the evening. Gordon was totally drunk. He took out a torch and switched it on, the light was straight into the sky. He challenged Eldon, "Eldon, you seem always clever and can do anything, I wonder whether you can climb this light to the top?" Eldon replied, "No, you are bloody clever. I know, if I climb to the top, and you switch it off, I would be drop dead!"

Eldon fabricated the following joke. As an antique dealer, especially specialize in Chinese decorative art, he collects and deals with vessels made of ceramics, porcelain, cloisonné and items made of gold and silver etc. That is why Gordon called him a second-hand citizen. Eldon made a connection between the vessels and my name - Ting, which is my Chinese name. Clever though.

Do you know why all Chinese have a name that is beautiful, loud and sounds like something? Such names as Guang, Dang, Ping, Ting, Dong, Ding, they are indeed Ding Ding Guang Guang, Ping Ping Pang Pang. Each one of them has a beautiful story behind.

From the very ancient time, the Chinese have a tradition to give their children a very loud name. This is very important as all the other Chinese superstitions, Fengshui, Bagua etc. In order to do that, every Chinese household has a vessel. The vessels are made of different materials based on the family’s financial and political status. The emperor would have a golden one. Middle class people would have silver ones, brass ones and copper ones etc. Poor people would have their vessels made of wood or even mud. And there are such vessels made of iron, ceramics, porcelain and cloisonné, these are only for fancy noises. When a child is born, the mother would grab their child’s legs, some mothers grab only one of the legs, because she is exited, and climb very high with a ladder. When she is high enough, the mother drops the child into the vessel. Of course, it would make a very big noise. The mother would give whatever noise her child makes as the child’s name!

I do miss Eldon's humor and his relaxing manner of dealing with awkward situations. Here are two examples.

On a raining day, we went to a super market. I was still holding my umbrella open even when we were inside the super market. Eldon gently touched me and said, "Ting, it stopped raining."

Eldon took me to his friend. I did not know the way so was only blindly following him. At a street corner, we bumped together, so I thought we were turning to my way. After I walked a distance and reckoned he was behind me. Then I heard his farewell: "Ting, bye-bye!" Turning around, I saw him was in the opposite street waving at me, smiling on his face!

A couple was on their way for a holiday. At the airport, just before they check in. the man suddenly said, "Oh, Darling, I really wish we had brought the piano with us!" The wife replied, "Don't be crazy again, what the hell a piano is for our two weeks' holiday?" The man said, "You see, Darling, I left the tickets on the piano!"

Sex and Humor

I went to the city hall to renew my dog license. I told the clerk that I wanted a license for Sex. The clerk said: "I want one too." I said: "But this is for a dog!" He said: " So long I can have sex. I don't care what she looks like."

I went on honey moon with my wife. At the reception in the hotel, I told the girl that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a separate room for Sex. She said: "Oh, Sir, you seem don't understand. So long as you pay the bill, we don't care what you do in your room. You don't need a separate room for sex." I said: "But Sex keeps me awake all night."

I took Sex for a dog's competition. Before it started, Sex ran away. Another contestant saw me standing there disappointed and asked what was the matter. I said: "I want to have Sex in the competition." He said: "Oh, wonderful! If you sell tickets, you'll clear it up." I said: "But I want to have Sex on TV." That man said: "Oh, that is not a big deal any more. They already have it on cable."

I went to the court to have a divorce with my wife. I told the judge that I had Sex before I got married. After I married, Sex left me. The judge said: "Me, too."

Last night Sex ran away. I looked him everywhere. A policeman came up and asked: "What are you doing at four o'lock in the morning in front of the city Hall". I said: "I am looking for Sex." My case goes up this Friday.

We can have a lot of fun with sex, can't we?