 | From
the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of
the best flight attendants in the industry...Unfortunately none of them
are on this flight..."
|
| Pilot
-- "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going
to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but
please stay inside the plane till we land...it's a bit cold outside, and
if you walk on the wings it affects the flight path."
|
| From
a Southwest Airlines employee.... "There may be 50 ways to leave your
lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."
|
| After
landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you
enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a
ride."
|
| After
a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight
attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when
opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure
as hell everything has shifted!"
|
| As
the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone
voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
|
| From
a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome
aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the
metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other
seatbelt and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't
be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin
pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab
the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling
with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are
traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love
more."
|
| "Your
seat cushions can be used for flotation and in the event of an emergency
water landing, please take them with our compliments."
|
| Weather
at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try
to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves
you or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."
|
| "As
you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings.
Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight
attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
|
| "Last
one off the plane must clean it."
|
| Overheard
on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly
windy and bumpy day. During the final approach, the Captain was really
having to fight it After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant
came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to
Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while
the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate."
|
| Another
flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: We ask you to
please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
|
| An
airline pilot had hammered his
ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required
the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile,
and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ Airlines." He said that in
light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the
eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone
had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She
said, "Sonny, mind if I as you a question?" "Why no, Ma'm,"
said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old lady said,
"Did we land or were we shot down?"
|
| After
a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain
Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up
against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning
bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through
the wreckage to the terminal."
|
| Part
of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you
folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge
to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope
you'll think of us here at US Airways."
|
