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Check out our Valentine's Day Subtexy Quotes Project

"Did you see the guy they want me to marry?"
"He looks like a gentle soul, that's rare in a man."
"It's not the gentle part I have a problem with, it's the dull, stupid part."
-- Gabrielle and Xena in "Sins of the Past"

"I'll keep this [breast dagger] for the time being."
"Ha! It's not like your breasts aren't dangerous enough!"
-- Xena and Gabrielle in "Dreamworker"

Gabrielle: That was the wind right?
Joxer: Yeah, sounds like it's hungry.

Joxer: You know what? I'm a graduate of the Royal Athenian academy of cooking. I cooked for the king, before he died.

Fish, Femmes, and Gemmes Quotes- I found an episode guide and went crazy with cut and paste.

Xena: I’ve got it. I know what to do. The North Star is on the verge of extinction. The fate of the whole world lies in our hands. We’ve got no choice. We’re going fishing.

Gabrielle: All right. Um, if we’re all obsessed with something, what about you? What are you obsessed with?
Xena: Well, that’s the good news. I haven’t been affected by the spell, so I can still take care of business. So, let’s fish.

Gabrielle: Well, listen to my story about Gabrielle,
A cute little gal that’s lookin’ really swell.
Perfect hair, such a lovely lass
Nice round breasts and a firm young—
*Xena claps her hand over Gabrielle’s mouth*
Xena: Are you out of your mind?!
Gabrielle:Too loud?

Gabrielle: Are you worried we're gonna get there and fish will be gone?
Xena: I'm worried we're gonna get there and the fish will be armed.

Xena: This is gonna be the best thing of your young lives! Come on, Gabrielle, let’s get wet! (jumps in) Come on, Gabrielle! Get your gear off!
Gabrielle: (laughs) You’d like that, wouldn’t you?

Gabrielle: No, I’m sorry Joxer, I take off my clothes, I could kill you. Beauty can do that. Did I just say that? Is Xena right? Have I gone too far? Am I obsessed with myself? No! What’s not to like?! Right?!

Xena: Wha... just what were you doing out there?
Gabrielle: Uh, I was, oh! I was trying to kiss my reflection in the water. I couldn’t resist it. I leaned over and I tried to press my lips—
Xena: And you fell in. Any fish down there?
Gabrielle: It was like, my reflection embraced me. I sank into it. I was surrounded by it. And then you... you pulled me up, and I looked into your eyes, and Xena, I finally realized there can only be one person for me in my life.
Xena: Well?
Gabrielle: Me!

Gabrielle: Well that's fine. Except for one thing. You're not sacrificing my hair for a fish.

Xena: All you have to do is you, you stick your hand underwater and you feel around until you find a great, big succulent fish, and then you do this. You wiggle your finger so it looks like bait, and then Wham-o!
Gabrielle: You punch it in the face.
Xena: Well don't knock it 'til you tried it.
Xena: (Music) Gotcha gotcha now I'm gonna eat ya.

Xena: Fish don't just catch themselves.

Disclaimers- Just a few of the funny disclaimers

"No Ancient and Inflexible Rules governing moral behavior were harmed during the production of this motion picture."

-- "The Royal Couple of Thieves"
"Excessive belching can cause brain damage and social ostracism. Kids, please don't give in to peer pressure. Play it Safe."
-- "The Greater Good"
"No messenger doves were harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, several were reported missing in action, and search-and-rescue efforts are under way."
-- "Death Mask"
"Being that war is hell, lots of people were harmed during the production of this motion picture (but since television is a dramatic medium of make believe, all casualties removed their prosthetic make-up and went home unscathed)."
-- "Is There a Doctor in the House?"
"Although Xena finally conquered her dark nemesis Callisto, it took her weeks to get the sand out of her leather unmentionables."
-- "Return of Callisto"
"Argo was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, she is undergoing intensive psychotherapy to help her work through her resentment and feelings of distrust toward Xena."
-- "Intimate Strangers"
"No one was harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, Xena's ability to recover her body was severely impeded by Lucy Lawless' unexpected mishap."
-- "Ten Little Warlords"
"Julius Caesar was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, the producers deny responsibility of any unfortunate acts of betrayal occurring soon thereafter."
-- "Destiny"
"Xena's body was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, it took weeks for Autolycus to get his swagger back."
-- "The Quest"
"The reputation of the Amazon Nation was not harmed despite Valesca's overly radical adherence to an otherwise valid belief system."
-- "A Necessary Evil"
"Once again, Gabrielle's luck with men was harmed during the production of this motion picture."
-- "Blind Faith"
"No Cherries were harmed during the production of this motion picture."
-- "Comedy of Eros"
"The rooster was not harmed during the production of this motion picture, although his feathers were severely ruffled. However, a little gel and mousse straightened out the mess."
-- "Been There, Done That"
"No Convicts were reformed during the production of this motion picture. Can't we all just get along?"
-- "The Dirty Half Dozen"
"Despite another Xena look-alike, the gene pool (or rather gene puddle) was not harmed during the production of this motion picture."
-- "Warrior…Priestess…Tramp"
"No naked Gabrielles were harmed during the production of this motion picture."
-- "The Quill is Mightier…"
"No self-righteous magistrates intent on suppressing the basic human right of freedom of expression were harmed during the production of this motion picture."
-- "A Tale of Two Muses"
"Paradise was found, but not necessarily embraced, during the production of this motion picture."
-- "Paradise Found"
"Any similarities between Hanuman and a major character in the motion picture classic "Planet of the Apes" is purely coincidental."
-- "The Way"
"Although no great literary works were harmed or plagiarized, a few thespians stole some scenes during the production of this motion picture."
-- "The Play's the Thing"
"No sword-wielding, card-playing, therapy-seeking French Freedom fighters were delivered during the production of this motion picture. However rumors of Custer and Pocahontas remain unconfirmed."
-- "Deja Vu All Over Again"
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