 |
jimvahrenkamp:an.illustrated.journey
|
|
9:34 PM I am probably more tired today than I have been for a long time. Today in track we ran a 600 a 400 and then a 200. All of these were to be run at a "race pace". Killed me nearly. Any way, after that I was riding my bike around with Jason, and we ate in the commans following that. It was so nice out today. There were people sliding in the mud, playing football in the muddy field, and just generally having a good time. It reminds me of sunday. I love to see cagey college kids flock outdoors when it gets nice. It's supposed to stay this way for the rest of the week so I am excited about that. But after jason and I ate we rode over to his house to drop his spikes off, on the way back he ate it. Were not sure how he did, but he tore up his knee pretty bad. I felt pretty bad. In the end he was ok and rode home while I went to class. I have been pretty motivated in the weight room of late. I am hoping that it pays off and I get bigger. We can only hope. jim
3.18.03 It is the most awful moments, or possibly the scariest when we realize that we have grown up and suddenly we are looked to to set precedents that will form peoples opinions for the rest of their lives. jim
3.17.03 I am making it a habit to write this late. Suppose that I should tray and break that habit at some point. But this time I actually got something done. Look at the new today page! Soon the rest of the site will look just like this. I am being cautious because I don't want to lose the archive. That is very dear to me and a loss there would really make me angry. So let me ask here and now, how did you all like the spoken entry? I am posting another one tonight. I like to think of them as a mini speech. It's like I get to improve my speaking ability's and let you guys into my brain a bit more. I am not so sure that you all find that to entirely exciting, but for me it is. Not much to say other than what I did today. I woke up to my alarm at 11:55. Why was I not happy about this? Church was at 11, and I set my alarm for 10:20 just so that I would wake up and have time to shower and get to church. I managed to sleep through about an hour and a half of my alarm. So there goes church. I went back to sleep and Laura woke me up right about at 1. So then after talking to her and checking the mail and her stats on the internet Johnny calls. He wants to borrow my bike. He and Tyler and Matt are going on a little ride. Matt is rollerblading, Tyler skateboarding. I decide that rather than let Johnny come and get the bike I will ride over and find out a bit more. It ends up that I run and Johnny rides as we go out. But it was good exercise. It was so warm out today. It was the perfect weather. If we had weather like this all the time I am sure that you could say we were in heaven. 72 degree's and no wind. Wow, perfect. So then I spent time with them over at Norton, we went and ate, and I came back here and installed office XP. Wonderful, as a result of that I spent the next 4-5 hours planning and redoing this page. I know, I know, it doesn't look like you could spend that much time doing this. But believe me, I had a few breaks, and then there is a great deal more behind this page than what you think or know about. Gotta go. I have to upload all of this stuff and get into bed. Have a good one. Jim
3.16.03
Listen to today's journal entry (different than the one below).
Click here
So here I am. Once again sitting at my computer. I had no idea that it was this late. But I guess it is.
jim
3.13.03
Ok so I came up with a new idea. I am going to read my entry for today and put
background music to it. Then I am going to bounce that down to one track and offer it on the web site every day! What do you think of that? I am going to be redoing the page here in short order to
accommodate the new things that I will be offering. I need some feedback on the songs that I posted. I am
going to take them down tonight later I think. Not sure, it depends on if I can like my audio files to another web site.
Well I hope you are all having a good day. I will have more here shortly (tonight after I eat and finish my speech).
jim
3.12.03
Access this song I wrote and produced and tell me what you think!
A note for those of you who are stat. people like me, the site just went over 20,000 hits. That is all thanks to you. Tell your friends about the site and let's get to 50,000 real quick like. - jim
I have new found resolve. Life has new meaning, and all this from something that will haunt me for years. Could you have imagined such? No, well off I go into the blue tomorrow with my head held high, and my hopes even higher. Let's all move
forward with such resolve, and then sleep well. Treat yourself right. I have been pounding myself into the ground with lifting over the last few days. Watch the gains that I will make though. It'll be amazing. Hahahaha. And you thought I had gotten strong earlier. Much love to you all. jim
3.11.03
Been putting this off all day. Let me just say this, I suppose you cannot understand the anger/fear/wonderment/and pain that I am
experiencing. No don't' get alarmed, just pray for me. Pray for strength, understanding,
perseverance, and ability to make wise choices.
jim
3.10.03
I am something I didn't even imagine I could ever be. I am that person that I loath. The one that does nothing. That is me. I am making my self hate myself. It takes time and patience but it is coming. Music, it is the singular escape from life that I have right now. Hate is not the word that I would use to describe my thoughts about life. It is so much more that I doubt you can truly understand. I need to do so much, and yet my only desire is to sleep. Oh how I hate you school, how I hate the things
that you bring. I want to meet every one.
jim
2.27.03
It has begun, that wonderful, special time in which I get to go home and be more bored than I would be if i were here. I anticipate working on the back deck if weather allows, seeing
Laura a little bit, taking care of bills and the like. I am as of now looking into getting a web cam for my computer. I would then add a web cam spot on my web site for those of you who have faster connections you could watch and enjoy. I had a thought that I was going address on here tonight but I am not sure what it was. I wrote down a list today in one of my classes of
things that I want to have accomplished by the time that I am 30. Or in 10 years. It's odd, I found it hard to decide on things that i wanted to have done. I am wanting every day more and more for
SimCity 4 to be downloaded. It's driving me crazy. It's been about a week and there are only 4 megs left for it to download. I got the movie fight club tonight
across the net work from a friend. I enjoyed that with my friend Johnny. Sorry I
have not been writing of late. That I believe was one of the things that I wanted to address with myself. I wanted to write some more. I am
going to take my computer with me home over break. I am excited to be home and to see my family. I really am excited to see my brother and sister provided they don't get too annoying. I should see if i can get my brother a different
operating system for his computer. Oh well we shall see what we will see. He'll be happy that i have one. It would be nice if we had a hub at home though so we could all three split the internet between us. We'll figure
something out. Well I am going to go and see if I should download some other game. Have a good night.
jim
2.26.03
I was wondering or thinking of what I would be like if I was a book character.
2.24.03
Last night I managed to scare Laura away from ever attending the fine
institution that I call USD. When we came back from Norton (my old dorm) we came in the back way and found that some boys from my floor were urinating down the stairwell. While I found it a bit funny I was none the less abhorred that my girlfriend had to witness it. When we got to the top of the stairs one of the guys was trying to take a dump in the corner. Oh the look on his face. They were all pretty drunk. So I got to do all the documentations and then Laura and I hung out with some of the kids on our floor for a while. Then she went back to the hotel since she had interviews to go to at 7 in the morning.
jim
2.23.03
I finally broke down, took the medicine and began to choke down the thought of your finest place you can find to dine, being right on time. But now my econ book is heavy thick and a place I don't want to look for the answers. Yes I will study, fill my mind with the muddy concepts of a
capitalist ideals. I am fine and finally I will begin to feel like my day has begun. This is
something of which laurels can be sung. I have nothing thus far, and so much more to accomplish. I know, I
know, study.
jim
2.21.03
Do you ever know waht is the right thing to do but can hardly bring yourself to do it? Does it drive you crazy and you feel sick. Right now I have abour 20 things that I know I need to do, am I doing them? No. So... yes that is right I don't feel right. Everything seems out of place. I want to quit, sleep, not do what I am doing. I need to study, do laundry, take a shower, clean my room, take the trash out, go get quarters, e-mail a teacher, and other things. So I guess I am off to attempt to put my life back into some semblance of order. Oh and be mentally tough today, remember failing to prepare is preparing to fail - John Wooden
Jim
2.19.03
Much too busy to write much but I will letyou know that I know what the sun looks like when it comes up in the city of vermillion. Amazing I know, but any way I am going to go and work some more on the network here on this floor. We are thinking of setting up our own user group for this floor and sharing all of our media that way. I have to educate people on what the network is first and how to use it. Ahh poor people who are my age that know nothing of computers. Poor, poor them. This way if one person has a cd that you can install from on the floor and that person shares his cd drive he can install it on every computer simultaniously. Ah the possibilities.
jim
2.14.03
I thought I would get a jump on the sunrise,
there was a time that I would have fought it, but now I guess I've taken the time and brought it out of a heart that was devoid of
emotion and clinging the thought that the next moment might be my last. What a promise, what a purpose. The reason to live is to die. The intermediate moments are just a passing of a waste that some reach out and grasp with a might that titans of old would envy. Let it go, we'll be there soon enough, and you see then that life is what you've given, not what you have
acquired. It is the culmination of a life of loss, time spent delving out the rough innerds of our hearts. Let's not just let them show twice a year, but fill the air with a passion so sweet that chocolate may become the salt that flavors our beef.
jim
2.13.03
I am going to start this entry by venting a little bit. I know, I know, I do that every day, but today it is of a different nature. I would very much so like to see my girlfriend soon. I have not seen her since I came to college, and would like to see her again. I would also like track to be over. I have 2 more weeks and the final culmination of it all is the conference meet. No, I will not be going to nationals, and no I will not be competing outdoor. I will be spending time learning to pole vault. Then hopefully at some point i will do a
decathlon outdoor and stop talking about it. I just want to be rested, not broken down, and excited for
something.
jim
2.12.03
I didn't write yesterday because we had a game for intramurals. Speaking of that I think that I am going to upload the brackets so that you can see how we are doing. Click here to view. My team is named the hive. We've won our first game. Well that is by
forfeit. I don't know that you can call that winning. The next team we play is supposedly pretty good. I am getting butterfly's just thinking about it. I don't believe that if we have everyone there that we can be beaten on a good day. We could win it all. Wow I am getting rushes of
adrenaline. Amazing how any sort of basketball will get me excited. My friend Johnny is the 1 on 1 champion of USD. With the kid that Johnny played I bet my dad could be 1 on 1 champion here too. Ever think about the cool things your parents did when they were our age? Or when they were in college. I would wager that they have either done some crazy, or neat things. Ask them about it. I can't imagine that it would hurt their feelings for you to take an interest in them. How often do we as young people do that? I mean do we really take an interest in our parents jobs/lives/interests? How often do we find out
something that our parents like to do and offer to do it with them? I know my dad likes to bowl. But the funny thing is that when I ask him if he would like to go he is always to busy. Come on, I'm making the
effort the least you could do would be to humor me. For instance my mom likes to play games with the family. I should play more games with her, or offer to at least. Just humoring them I would suppose would often make their day. I mean don't you think that parents often feel neglected after all that they do for their children and then
receive nothing in return? Try it out, and then write and tell me what you find.
jim
2.10.03
I didn't think that I would be getting to writing this late into my shift. The funny thing is I don't have much to say. I do have blisters on both of my heels. They are annoying, I am excited for tournament play to start for 5 on 5 this up coming week. We play a poor lamda chi team. I think they might not even show up at all. that would be dissapointing seeing as I need a basketball game in my system this week.
jim
2.9.03
I am going to cop out after a short note. I found today a band that I met when I was like a junior in minnesota at a music festival. They were really nice and all signed the cd that I bought from them. Well any way, I found them as the featured artist of the week on mp3.com today. So I was happy about that. Um and yes about the coping out, I had an entry typed up and then, yes voluntarily, I shut the computer down. I had forgetten about my entry and lost sound on the computer, so I had to start all over again. But this is a response from a friend about my last entry about raising children and such.
Comments = Someday you will have children. (Well, at least it is probable) And you will want the best for them. And chances are, that at least one point during your role as a father you will feel a sense of terror in realizing that to some degree you are responsible for how they turn out, and you will probably fear that you might screw them up. I think it is also a proven fact that parenthood robs a person of a significant portion of their sanity. All those things taken into account, you end up with loving parents that really want the best for their kids, but aren't 100% confidant in the task of maintaining that. Now, since most kids can listen to rock'n'roll and still grow up to be healthy, productive, well-rounded adults, other kids may listen to the same rock'n'roll and end up going off the deep end. Is the rock'n'roll to blame? I don't think so. But being as it's hard to say where exactly the blame does in fact lie, it is only expected that a parent might like to be wary of and eliminate any factor that may in any way, shape, or form cause off-the-deep-endage. In addition to this, we, as young, opinionated 20-somethings (speaking of which, didn't you just have a birthday recently?) are situated conveniently between the parent-child role. Still young enough to have a unique perspective on how we were raised, yet old enough to begin thinking about how we want to apply that perspective to raising our own children. I suppose that relatively speaking, I have made it this far considerably unscathed. I don't do drugs, I don't drink, I don't sleep around. But I can testify that I have done things, or listened to things, or seen things that I hope my own daughter won't. Am I screwed up because of it? Not particularly. But I will try hard to do better for my own kids. Secular psychology offers the theory that the main motive of humanity to reproduce is to have another chance at life...to fix our mistakes by way of having children, and ideally, relay enough wisom that they might not repeat our mistakes. In theory this would improve each generation and eventually acheive a perfect society. Of course, lots of secular psychology is crap. Anyhow, that's not my point. I know it is impossible to protect your children from all negative influences, and impossible to even know what exacly is a negative influence, and what is harmless. But I also know that as much as I would like to think I will always be a reasonable mother, I will probably, at least sometimes, drive my children up the wall, by way of monitering their music, their friends, etc. Unless you are a totally univolved, apathetic father, which I really don't anticipate, you probably will occasionally drive your chilren crazy too. Whew. Okay. Haha. Can you tell I didn't have much human interaction this weekend? Have a good day Jim.
Have a good day
2.7.03
I did it again. I didn't write. Well I didn't really have a chance. I was on duty all yesterday. I was thinking about music just now and was wondering about how parents step up and say don't listen to that music, when in their youth they listened to the music that is equivilent to what we listen to. How can parents expect from their children anything but the worst that they did when they were young. And if the children are being better than they were would the parent not be satisfied. Most parents I believe, if they are indeed good parents, would imagine that they turned out ok. So then if the kids are on track, or doing better than they did at the same age, would not the parent imagine that the kid will end up better than them. Any parents who would like to should really write me and address this issue.
jim
2.5.03
I cannot believe that I did not write yesterday. I do remember that I sat down and wrote a 3 page paper in like about 45 min. That was pretty good, and I think that my paper had good content. I talked to my friend anna yesterday as well, she wants me to write 2 songs for her. And then when she records her cd this spring she wants me to play guitar for her. Funny how things are. I say that a lot.
jim
2.3.03
I enjoyed school today. I liked my classes today. Things were good, and now I am sitting here in the computer lab once again praying, hoping, dreaming tha tsome day I could/can own my own computer. If I had one I could record music, play game, record music, download music, watch movies. Oh how I want one. In the "B" division for basketball we are the number 5 ranked team out of like 20. I am excited about that. There are only 4 undefeated teams, we should be undefeated but we didn't have every one on the night that we played diesel so we lost 49-69. We will get it back. We want to get those t-shirts and our names and picture up for winning. I am pumped about that. I am wondering when the playoffs will start though. I talked to the lady at the intramural office and she had no idea. Well who knows, any way I am going to read the rapid city journal today and then head up stairs. I Went running last night in shorts and a long sleeve shirt to let you know how warm it is here. Have a good one.
jim
2.2.03
Church was really good today. The pastor spoke about faith. He had like four points on it. One that faith is easy, which I find to be true. It takes nothing to have faith. There isn't anything you do, but simply believe. Funny how I make simple things hard. I went to church by myself, but you know what that was good. It wasn't like any one came to me and asked, are you going to go to church? I just went. I did it out of a desire to go. I have that, to go and to learn about God. When I am home listening in church is hard and I don't do it very well. But here, today and most of the other days I have gone, it's been easy. I always thought to myself when I was younger that when I grew up that listening in church (staying awake) would be easier. It just believed that there would come a day when I would never again get tired in church. I know that is not true now, but it does get easier the older you get.
jim
2.1.03
I needed Royce to tell me today that they way that I use my mind was both and asset and somthing that hurts me. I didn't accept it or realize it untill he told me. I was thinking about another thing today, Rap, while I may enjoy it, does not do the same thing for me that progressive rock does. Rock allows me to enjoy lyric's that I agree with. They talk about finding things, not killing people, having sex with multitudes of women a nd such. Do you know what I mean? I can identify with rock. Maybe that is why I could never rap. You know I don't have the things to rap about. My parents were good to me, and I really have nothing to complain about. Now occasional depression that I do have. So there you go I could write rock. I am going to try and write some lyrics tonight and see what comes of them. I am going to go overthem and try and refine them. Have a good night.
3:09 PM
I put my mind to it today and I went from a 9.09 in prelims to a 8.68 in finals for the hurdles. My friend Wayne ran like an 8.2 somthing. In any matter really fast. But i guess I am learning things. Last night was long. I stayed up and watched the kings and the lakers play. I was hopping mad after the kings lost. I really really dislike the lakers. I really believe that if they were not around/didn't play in the NBA no one would care but the peopel from LA. I personally would be happy. I just hope they don't make the playoffs and ruin everything for everyone else (the rest of the NBA) again. For the 4th straight year. Laura's team won their game last night. Her team members are having some ailments right now. Like one of them has a blood clot in her lung, another has a hurth ankle, laura is just getting better from being sick, and so on. Well I am going to read the Rapid City journal to see what went on last night, and then I am going upstairs to my room to call johnny to see what he is up to. I need to take out my trash too. Oh well, bye
jim
1.30.03
Word up, I am so happy. I did really well in our 5 on 5 game. We won, we were close the whole time and they got 3 technicals and we just pulled it out. I think I ended up with 10-12 points and quite a few assists. I am much better today, things are ok. I went and got my bible out of my car and to tell you the truth I really feel much better since then. It's funny how things like that will just make everything better. OK I have got to go, have a good night.
jim
1.29.03
I know I know, I am sorry to d o that to you. I don't like to write and write, and then leave you hanging. Sorry about that. So any way. Yesterday as I was completing my book East of Eden, by Mr. Steinbeck I experianced one of those rare perfect moments. It's when things smell just right, the air is perfect, your comforatable, and it seems nothing can go wrong. Well what followed was everything going wrong. Heather made a note during shot put yesterday that I was not myself. She said I was impatient, rushing, out of it. I'm not excited by those sort of comments. Everything after that was horrible. I wanted only to be done with things. To go to sleep. I had 2 meetings after track practice. And to top it off we lost our intramural game last night. I think I just care to much, and to counteract me caring and the hurt that I might suffer, I simply push things that I care about away, and pretend not to care. I distance my self from things that I know caring about will bring pain from. I'm not gaining anything from this. I am however learning from it I think. I have a 600 and a 300 to run in practice today and then I am on duty from 6-2. I am not happy about that, but you know it comes with the territory. I am going to hit the sack, or sit in my room and listen to my new Justin Timberlake cd. I really like it. I know you are all freaking outright now, but get over it. It's a good cd.
jim
1.27.03
I guess I have really not made any observations about life for a really long time. But here is my one for today. I was thinking how often have you watched people and t hought it out and imagined their personality, and their voice. Then they speak and ruin everything. Oh what horridness. You imagine how nice and kind and sweet they might be. Then they open their mouth and they are coarse and funny. How we want things doesn't really align with how life is.
jim
1.26.03
I have been spending some time in the lab today looking at track results. A kid I ran against when I was in high school, Jaime Sperley just ran a 21.31 in the indoor 200. That is incredibley fast. And I found out about Barton County community college. They are amazing in track as well. If you want to read about this stuff here are the links. www.naia.org for jaime, and http://www.barton.cc.ks.us/sports/trackfield/tf02-03/newsreleases/Lashleytakesover.htm for the barton track program. I am going to run and get some detergent from Hyvee here soon after I get done reading about some more track stuff. Have a good day, and yes I am doing better. A nights sleep always does that for me.
jim
1.25.03
It's the day before the super bowl and I could care less. I am in a state of apathy that is just a bit much for me to handle. I am not sure where I am in track, and I am going to go talk to gotts on monday and voice my frustrations. I am tired of sucking in high jump, I am tired of sucking in hurdles. I am tired of being terrible in the 1000, and I want so very badly to come some where near my mark's of last year in the long jump. I am struggling to get over the 20' mark. While I am, it is still like every day I could just lay down and quit and not miss it.
jim
1.23.03
When I started out to write this I was thinking of the things that I did the first semester at tech. This I suppose continues over to the 2nd semester there too. I was thinking that since I have been here I went to sioux city once for some fun. When I was in Rapid I took off and went to omaha, I would like weekly run up to Spearfish to see people (ok a girl), and then I went down to Denver. What is the point you may ask? Well to put it bluntly I don't do anything here. I would even go to my friends house (Anna, Tera, Stacey) and wash dishes, talk, go get Mt. Dew across town, run errands and such. I had a good time. I would spend a little time with Laura on Sundays, going over for dinner from time to time. And then there were the times that I wold spend with my boys coaching basketball, and then in the spring coaching track. I just miss those times. I had a good time at the track parties that we had too and Elders house. The games on the weekends at tech were a good time, and then the time spent at track meets with my friends, one thing that I really remember was IV on Thursday nights. I loved going and singing and hanging out with christian friends. I miss that here. They have a different format that doesn't fit my time schedule, it's a pain, it seems like the kids here are different.
jim
1.22.03
This was the first day that I really fell in love with my classes. I just sat in each one today and revelled. I loved each one, each word spoken. I chuckled all through coaching today at the things that Gottsleben went over. It was just funny, far to funny to keep quiet about.
jim
1.20.03
It is too bad that I have not written in the last few days. I was gone for a few of them, and I apologize. I have a basketball game here tonight at 8 o'clock. I don't know who we play and I am hoping that we can win if it is a tough team that we do play.
jim
1.16.03
I found out this day that Vermillion has it's own public transportation system. They have a mass transit system. What is going on. I am almost totally bewildered about why they have one, and who they move around. On another note I have more of the story that I introduced the other day done. I typically write in my english class, while he talks about herman melville, and mark twain, and people that I know about. Darn it, I finally got the books that I need for the class and now I have to go read them. You know how you remember things just when you imagined that you have everything done and you could relax? It is one of those days. I did finally get my car back from Bob's Amoco. It turns out that it was merely a connector between the starter and the battery that was having problems. Darn thing, 1.25 for the part and 12.00 for the 5 min of labor to put it on. CAll me and I'll come down there and put it own for myself for free.
ji9m
1.14.03
In an attempt to die early I have been beating my self into submission in practice. I am so drained mentally that I cannot really explain it. I just want to lie down and die. I really do. I want to stop doing things. I want to give up. I think that htis is the adverse effect that track has on school. It not only wears you out physically. It destroys what mental fortitude you have left. It assaults every part of your being. And it doesn't stop.
jim
1.13.03
I am going to begin today's entry with a short bit or begining of a story that I started while being bored out of my mind in my Am. Lit. Class today.
Thomas
I would sit and write more and more and more, but you are all chatting with me and I have to go play basketball right now.
jim
1.12.03
So I was sitting here thinking today. Is there anything that can be more easily created than destroyed. You know how there is always construction, and how it always takes a long time, and how anything being destroyed takes comparatively little time. Odd, simply odd, that is all that I can say. I had a good time with my residents this last night. We got together and played taboo. I guess that I should really put that down as a program but as you know I am way to lazy. I think that after talking to laura last night on the phone I might make a greater attempt at some good grades in my classes. I don't know what it would be like to pull a 4.0 I don't even know if I am any where capable of such a thing. I don't konw if I want to try somthing like that. So for the time being imagine that I am again back to normal and just hoping for b's and going from there.
Shalome
1.11.03
It is the day after my first pentathelon of the year, and I have attained a new high. Am I satisfied? Let me put this in perspective. The day begins with a short 60m hurdle race. My time is a paltry 8.62. There is a slight satisfaction when I find that this time is good enough for a 4th in the event. (there are 15 competing) Next comes long jump. I get some run throughs down and I am feeling ok with how I am hitting the board. I get through my jumps and I am not even sure thatI have gone over 20 feet. Dissapointing at best. I was shooting for a solid 21 foot jump. My goal in the end is to find my way to a 23 foot jump. That would really give me some solid points. I am next in the shot put. Practice throws go well and my first put is out over the 12.32 mark. My previous pr was a 11.09 at nationals last year. You do the math that's about a 5 foot increase. Not bad considering I've not been working that hard at this event. That distance is a solid 2nd in the event. We get to high jump and I only go over 6'. I miss barely at 6'2" and wonder what my problem is. My teamate Paul manages to clear 6'9" and 1/2. Not bad. We find that with a good race Paul can break the school record in this event (the pentathelon). So we go into the 1000 with me getting ready to help Paul to the school record. He only needs to run a 3:04 in the 1000. I have never run slower than 3:03. I'm not worried. So I pace him for the first 3 laps and then lose hope and out distance him by about 20-30 meters at the end. Paul is not much of a distance runner. I won't say here that I am, but I am better than Paul at this. So that is how the day ends. I am tired and not much is accomplished and I get 2 pr's (personal records) on the day. Happiness is not in recieving but in giving. So figure that one out.
jim
12.30.02
I am sure by now that you all know that I hvae been sick for the last few days. I am getting better but I have yet to eat anything of real value. Just sitting here wasting away. it's amazing to go for like 4 days and not really eat anything. When I am at college I can't really go for half a day without eating anythying. I am frustrated with my finances right now. I really really am. I want to come up with some cash as soon as I get back to v-town. Life and money, odd how they intertwine so well. And so often too.
jim
12.29.02
I have at this time an un-ending fear in my heart. It's somthing that will not go away and I wonder if it will end my life. No, none of you reading this no of what I speak. It is somthing I must bear alone, but in this I am praying and hoping and looking toward the light. What do you do other than pray? There is nothing in my physical power that I can do to change this, but pray. Pray for me, do not stop, I shall let you know when you and my prayers have been answered. I might add that I am sick right now as well. I was sick all the way to Aberdeen, and all the way home. Laura lost her game, and I puked the following night 3 times. Over and over and over again. Not a fun thing, just somthing that happened. So here I am now remembering that it takes so much longer to recover than the one night that it takes to get sick. I must go now and help jeff and his friends with his movie, but please if you care, pray for me.
jim
12.27.02
So here I sit in the dark wondering where I will be tomorrow at this time. I am going to aberdeen with Laura's parents. Wondering how things will go. I just finished downloading 2 simpson episodes and wathing them. Funny how such a show is so witty. I laughed and laughed, but all this laughter is by myself. I don't have any one else to laugh with. Some times it is when you are alone that things are the most funny. I think that people should be able to laugh by them selves. It shouldn't be forced it should be somthing that bubbles over and springs out of the simple joy within. Where am I going, when will I get there and what will I learn along the way? Ever watch the movie Ice Age? You should. It's a great movie, filled with fun and laughter and not dirty humor either. Parents should watch that movie and they should watch Monsters Inc. too.
jim
12.16.02
So here I sit. In this room filled with the sounds of rapping keys, and breathing, and I am sure if I could hear them, thoughts of anger, discouragement, and fear. It's finals week. Just another week to many of you, or even me. But to some it's one of the worst 2 weeks in the year. I don't have anything profound to say. I never do. I am in a limbo in the worst sort of way. I don't really ever get angry here. I am occasionly angered by a door slamming, or at the inconsiderate actions of some one I got to school with. I am worried, I don't know what is coming, and it's sort of like t he lull before the storm. Does that make sense? I suppose not. But I'll keep you posted on what happens.
jim
12.08.02
So I have been working on some writing of late and I wanted to let you all read what I have been up to so here it is. In links of course. If you have problems reading it let me know.
Jim
12.02.02 Mon.
So I guess you could say that the word of the day is homework. We're (all of from the floor (all meaning most)) down here in the computer lab typing away. I got my schedule for next semester set up and it looks like it will be interesting. I know that I've never found a class so interesting that I wanted to go every day. But I do remember that I liked some more than others so one class of history 2 of english (speech and am. lit.) and econ again isn't so bad. But I still have to type up all of my terms for my econ class test on wed tonight so I am going to let you all go. Hvae a good night
jim
11.30.02 Sat.
It as if Thanksgiving were not a time of such. Did I enjoy my stay here? Yes I did, in fact I can probably tell you that this is a place that I love much more than vermillion. In vermillion I don't have friends like I have here. I even have just become friends with some kids that laura is friends with from stevens, and I can tell you that there are no kids like that in vermillion. None, I don't really know what I am trying to say. On thursday I sat down to work on a paper just for no reason. Non was assigned I simply wanted to come up with a thesis and support it with complete thoughts and arguments. So I did, it is not finished but it will be when I go back. I will sit down with the corrections that have been made by my friends and work out a better draft. It will be more complete, and it will sum up what I am trying to say somthing that I have yet to do. I want to add here at this point that Apocalyptica is a wonderful group. It is made up of 4 men who play cello's. They play popular music like Metallica, and then they play original arrangements as well.
I want to address at this moment my distress over my girlfriends birthday. I have wanted to do somthing special for it, but for the life of me nothing has worked out. So now I am faced with what to do, when to do it, and the fear that I will never figure somthing out and mess things up. I feel stupid, very vulnerable, and quite frankly lost. I don't want outside help because then I feel like I am of little or no worth. That I cannot do things on my own. Has any one else ever felt like this? I hope to god so. Any way I just needed to say that. I am going to go now and play a game and hope that helps me feel a bit better.
jim
11.25.02 Mon.
I am usually asleep at this time of the day. But today I am here on the internte thinking of how I need to be on the phone talking to my buddy josh. I am going home on wed. I will be home for a few days. I am going to play in the alumni game when I am home. I am excited about that game right now like I cannot explain. It's like I am back to highschool. My heart races thinking about rebounding, and helping my team score the winning basket. It was winning games, not scoring that drove us. Odd how some people are so pushed to be the star when for us it was will we win? I am dizzy. I have been for like 2-3 days. Somthing I think like vertigo. I have not had a day off from track for 7 days. A day off means not a hard work out. Yes I had practice on sunday and sat. And yes I am very very very tired. So tired that I could sleep at any time. Cold contagious, w hat does that mean? What will I lose out in the end? Hmm, well ponder that I hiave a track meeting that I have to get to. Hvae a good day
jim
1.22.02 Fri.
I have rehashed over and over again an entry in my head. It was inspired, full of life and each day it lives on in me. Some day it will spill out onto the pages. I will find my passion, I will know that feeling that I finally produced somthing that is purley and finally mine. It will be as clean and real as the music from the guitar Ani plays. If you don't know who she is you are missing out. I truly believe you are missing on of the greatest things, one of the greatest inspirations of my life. Oddly enough I have been by myself the last 2 days. Today I slept in, then I went to track after eathing a light lunch. I ran hard for the first time in a long time. I out ran wayne and briggs on the very last 200. I was very happy about that. So there you have it. That is all the inspired writing that I have right now. Nothing more. I am empty, poured out. I can tell you this, my girlfriend laura is in the state championship for volleyball and I am going to watch her play tomorrow at 5:00 in watertown. I hope she wins, just for her sake. Ok I am outtie (meaning I am going away or leaving for you older folk)
jim
11.17.02 Sun.
I am here hiding from what I know I cannot escape. I don't like my job I didn't get enough sleep. May be I just had the worst day of my life. There is no escape and no excuse, so I need to just suck up and be nice. That's all there is to it. I may hate what I do, hate where I am. I still must be nice. I have no reason, excuse, no room to be what I know I should not.
jim
11.14.02 Thurs.
I am tired out of my mind. I was going to go upstairs and go to bed but then I thought to my self that I should sit down and write at least today. So here I am wondering what I am doing. Silly silly me. I went to class this morning and when I got back my roomate was gone. Not that that in particular was odd. But it was later in the day, 7 hours to be exact, when he had not shown up still that it became odd. So he called a few minutes ago to let me know that he was in Kansas. Crazy kid, I don't understand what is going on in his head. I hope that he can see in me that I care, and that I want the best for him. Only that. My hair is getting quite a bit longer than when I came here. And that is not and understatement. I should really get some one to take a picture with a digital camera so that I could put it on here.
0
jim
11.13.02 Wed.
Odd how so much time can pass and so little can happen. I can be absent from everything, left out side, excluded and not miss a beat. I don't feel included here, I don't belong. But then comes the question of where I do belong. What is my place? I'm not listening to what God has to say right now. Why you ask? I don't know, I don't have an excuse, I don't have an understanding, or a contemplative answer, just simply that I am not is enough I should think. I went to the library last night and got myself a copy of Mozarts Requiem. I really enjoyed sitting and listening to it. I got some speakers and a different stereo when I went home, and now my room has higher quality sound. I enjoy it much more than I did before. I still need more speakers, and I believe that is what I am going to ask my parents for, for christmas. I know a friend who's brother, well Katie is the friend, but her brother has some speakers that he would like to get some money out of, and I think that this would help both of us out.
jim
11.04.02 Mon.
so yes I am usually in class at this time. But I guess we don't have class. I rode to the dome on my bike when it was freezing out for nothing. It makes me mad that I didn't know that there was no class. So today I guess you can say was started off with a bit of confusion. Now I'm just sitting here reading the papers from around the state. I spent some time last night with a girl from Winner who also lived in Torrington at one point. I just helped amber with Word. It amazes me how such a simple program can be so befuddling. Why is that? But then look at me, I struggle with the basic concepts of sentance structure and spelling. So who am I to say? I guess really no one. Sorry my writing has been so sporatic. But really untill I have a computer in my room where I can journal regularly. It's not going to happen. Peace out.
10.31.02 Thurs.
I spent my time tonight working assisting the RHA. I was a tour guide of sorts for those that were visiting our residence halls to trick or treat with their kids. I had a good time, and I think that most people enjoyed making their hall creepy and uninviting. I then proceeded to sit down with some of the guys on my floor and watch the Wizards/Celtics game that was in progress. I'm a fan of the
Wizards because of the addition of MJ in the last few years. So I was happy when they sqeezed off a 114-69 win. I I I, that's all I think about. But let me ask this. What else should I think about? Am I living any one elses life? Am I called to? I'd say my responsiblity is myslef and my actions. But then where do I draw the line? Is my concern for everyone I know enough? Do I need to shout to the mountain tops my level of commitment to friends? What must I do to establish the fact that life is all about how you affect other people? Also let me take this moment to explain my comments about my girlfriends pictures. I think she is beutiful. My concern about people's comments stemmed from a discussion she and I had about a site called techhotties.com. On this site girls from South Dakota School of Mines and Technology we put up and rated by other people. We decided that it wasn't really fair to judge on a photo. So when I placed the pictures of my girlfriend on the site my disclaimer was so that no one would make a premature judgment just from a few pictures. She is intelligent, wonderful, mature, and most importantly a christian. Those traits make her the most wonderful girlfriend in the world. I also believe that things are often best left unsaid, or left for times when it really needs to come out. A person who is always spouting about their signifigant other makes me wonder why they can't just be happy with what they have, and if they are insecure and need constant reassurment. Just a thought that I am going to throw out. I know what my girlfriend is to me and quite frankly I could care less what any one has to say about her.
jim
10.29.02 Tues.
I am excited for my first intramural 3 on 3 game tonight. We should do well. We have a few kids that can shoot, and rebound. You know, just get it done. Any way Derek is gone tonight. I was thinking. Will he be here next semester? Or will he be out on achedemic probation? A thought that hit me tonight. I just added pictures of Laura. To view them click here. I know that she isn't to hopped up on people seeing them, so when you do look at them think for a moment before you open your mouth. It is often that most things are better left unsaid. Especially when they are cruel. These words have no place in our homes, our society, and in our every day talk. Listen to me. I guess you could say that I have been a bit convicted about my own speech of late. I don't feel that I am speaking in the manner that I know to be right. I spend to much time "settling", or that is to say, not attaining what my potential holds for me. I am just an underachiever when it comes to some things. I know that I have my talents and gifts, and some times I use them. But the areas where things are not easy. These are the places that I do not do so well. I spend time thinking about what should be done instead of simply doing. I wonder, am I any better off than other people? What is it that I have that others do not? I'll just leave it at that. I guess have a good night.
jim
10.27.02 Sun.
Memories are so hard on me at times. Just thought that I would note that the memory of all my letters from Grandma Alice (on my mothers side) were addressed to Master James Vahrenkamp. Not just Jim, but Master James. I always felt important when I was young. Grandma knew my real first name, she knew that I was important. Silly silly me.
jim
4:04 PM
So often in the moment when i am reeling off the perfect entry, I am as close to a computer as I am to home. It runs out through my mind, and on Fri. night it made tears come to my eyes. I wasn't sad, I was just stunned by the realization that at your lowest moments, when you count on God, the world, everyone give up on you. They come along side you and make you feel so silly for ever doubting that he was there. He's always there, never failing, and I am here wishing, just for that once, that he would fail me. Then I could feel better about my own failings in life. But it won't happen that way and I will continue to doubt, and even not believe that he will be there in the end. When all along he has gone no where and I am the one looking elsewhere for the answer. So silly am I in my futile little human mindset. I imagine that I can understand everything if I just set my mind to it, and it is in these moments that I find that I truly understand very little.
jim
10.24.02 Thurs.
Today was the day that I gave up, laid my arms town and threw my head up. I wanted to die, want to die, and can't find any thing worth living for any more. I am nothing, and finding that everything is just out of my reach. It is the beggining of an end for me, and nothing more. A chance to eventually settle the score. The even, the odd, the wrong the right, and nothing more for me but the darkness and coldness of this winter night. I wish that I could have found somthing anything, but then to me everything is nothing.
10.22.02 Tues.
And so now I really want to die. I took my accounting test. I think that I did pass, but I am more than worried that I did not do well enough. I am horridly scared about my test on friday, which is math. I am worried that I won't pass that one either. I took a pretest on the chapter and failed it miserabley, and still done no math since then. I am going to crank up on some tonight. I don't see how I can prepare for like more than one test at a time. studying for 2-3 hours at a time for one test takes quite a bit, and then to turn around and do the same for another every night of the week? You have to be kidding me. But I am guessing this is what I can some to expect in the days to come. Sorry I have not been writing, but I woul dhave to say that I feel I have a good excuse. But no excuse is ever good enough is it? Why do we feel the need to excuse our selves rather than simply take the responsibility for our actions. It's not often that we avoid any punishment or conflict in doing it. I have track again today. Gotts and I were talking yesterday about what I will be doing this year indoor, and what I can expect in the conference meet. It's all about conference isn't it? Odd, I feel that I am focusing on a different goal than every one else on the team. OH and I am updating my food intake today.
jim
10.17.02 Thurs.
If there were a record for making silly and inrresponsible decisions I am sure that I would have it. It seems as though I have no reason or understanding of life and how things are to generally go. Some day, some time though. Alex is going to beggin studying math with me on tues. and thurs. How exciting. We are running hills today in track and I really want to get them done so I am going to run very soon here. I am also going to make myself some ani cd's from the ones that I have on CD. Last night was hectic and I got no home work done, but that is ok since I didn't have any due for class today. I do however have a test in this class soon enough. That would be tues to be exact. On another note I got a 41 out of 50 on my econ exam. A 43 was an A so I am rather dissapointed in that I did not get one. Better luck next time I suppose. I almost have a B in accounting, but I need to work harder and get a B on this next test in there so that I can not worry so much about that sort of stuff. Any way I am off to track practice. You all have a great day, and for goodness sake. Get some sleep.
jim
10.15.02 Tues.
It is the first time that I have enjoyed Accounting. I understood what he was saying today. I think this is because I spent the time before class to teach myself how to do closing accounts. Hard stuff, but I guess all things have their price and I have not been paying my dues. I have seeking searching for the way around the quagmire that is school. I am not willing to get my feet dirty if there is the chance that I could sprout wings and fly over and away into the future. Track is great, always good, the pain and suffering I accept freely here, and still I stave off the school hoping it will take care of it's self. Silly silly me.
jim
10.14.02 Mon.
It is the moments when it is dark; the air is cool and dry, and you are alone, that you realize the things you have forgotten. The wind rushes through your clothes and chills you. The stars are bright and clear, and the moon hovers over head watching. The big dipper lounges no longer over head but to the north, and the leaves litter the ground.
jim
10.07.02 Mon.
I know I know, I've not written in a long time. I suppose that is why I have such sporatic hits on the page. Any way I am here and writting again. I watched the movie Farenheit 451 a night or two ago, and I realized that it is a terrible missrepresentation of the book. I do'nt konw I am having an ok day, not great, not bad, I did my math assignment for today this morning so I had that done, so I only have wed math to do tonight. I hvae bible study tonight, and I need to read romans chapter 3. I really wish somtimes that people on my hall believed the way that I do. Or at least that more of them did. It's like we like the same things, but God's not one of them. Any way I need to see some other believers tonight.
10.03.02 Thurs.
When you find somthing of immense value do you not hold on to it with all your might? Here lies my question, why is it some times that when we know that somthing is of great value we just push it to the way side and ignore it. We know that if we lose it we'll be destroyed but it is merely the present that concerns us. It's a simple matter of stupidity.
jim
10.02.02 Wed.
I know this will sound bad, but I really just want to give up on doing things right now. I mean track is not one of those. I wish math were like track, in that I hated it untill I did it. And then when I was doing it Iknew that if I stopped it would defeat all of the work that I have been doing. Knowing that no matter how bad it sucks that I have to push through and get done, that whenI am done I am done. That thing is though that I don't have to pass in track. I do have to be passing, I just have to put in the effort that I can. Every where I turn there is encouragement. Always pushing me along. In math, there is never any of that. HOw do they expect us to be good in math if they don't require us to do the home work, and they just let us decide what we want to do. HOw many people will choose what is suggested over what they think is best. Oh how I hate life, and choices. Does every one in the world really want others to make decisions for them? Or is it just the majority that will complain but is quite happy when they don't have to decide what is right and wrong, and just made to do what every it is. Ahh, why do I always blank out on tests? What is my deal? I have never had problems with test before. Any way I am going to run all of my hate out on the track today. You have a good day yourself.
jim
10.01.02 Mon.
Today it almost hurts to sit here and write. I was watching the campus cam from tech like I do so often and watching the rain fall, and then and there I was just remembering walking across that campus. Why is it that everything that has happened so much better than what is happening now? It's odd, simply mind blowing.
jim
9.29.02 Sun.
I might want to start with saying that last night was nothing. We just sat around and grilled on our George Formans, and watched football. I wondered about Nebraska's fall from dominance, and the choice to put Lord at Quarterback.
jim
9.28.02 Sat.
I am sorry that I did not write for the past few days. I have been doing other things. I might add right now that I did do pretty well on my accounting test. That was really good. I need to spend some time today studying for my math test that is coming up on Wed. Thank goodness she moved it from Mon. to Wed. It makes it easier for me to procrastinate. Lol. NOt really. Track was a killer yesterday. Warm up then 10 200's with 200m recovery, and then lifting. I went from 3:15 to 6:00. I was going to take an ice bath but the trainers were closing up just as we got there. So then I missed dinner to go to a worship time for campus crusade for christ. That was good we sang for a long time. I was so tired that while we were singing one of the songs (standing up) I blacked out, but I caught my self just as I was going to hit the floor. Some people laughed, but I am not so self consious that I worried. We went on a prayer walk and prayed over parts of the campus. And then went back and sang some more. Then I went and watched episode 2 of Star Wars with a friend. When I came back I was going up the stairs and Kariel and Des were coming down. Well Kariel had consumed so much everclear that she was about to fall down the stairs. I mean she was drunk like they make it seem like in the movies. So des was like you want to come over and hang out for a while? I didn't have much to do so I said sure. Well any way it ended up I went to the fron desk to wait for them to come down and my friend eric came home, also drunk. Well Keriel got mad because he was talking to some girl, and des and kariel took off to go some where. Eric chased after them, and then they were gone for a while and I sat outside and talked to some girl from winner for a while while I sat and ate my sun chips and reading the money section of the paper. After a while we went back inside because of the cold, and I sat reading my paper. Kariel came back, but only because she was so drunk she couldn't keep up with the other two.
jim
9.25.02 Wed.
I don't have any thing to say today, other than that the emptiness of my heart is over whelming me. I can also say this; don't worry about me. I don't think I used that right, but any way it was an attempt. Today listen to some ani difranco for me. Have a good day all.
jim
jim
9.23.02
A weekend spent at home is a dissorienting period of time. My surroundings are familiar, and now I am back here just in my room. I put my hammock up in my room. It's great, I might add that it's finally getting cold here. I don't really want that. I like the heat. But I guess that I can say that I enjoy the cold as well. I am worried, possibly apprehensive about my grades, school. I was thinking today during math how stupid I must seem to laura. I don't think I will be going home this coming weekend. I want to, but I don' tknow that it will work out.
9.19.02
So today is not nearly as cool as I thought it would be. I was thinking that I would do at least ok on my quiz in accounting. No deal there. I forgot like all that I knew. And it was not nearly as simplistic as the home work we have been doing. I guess better to learn now on a quiz than next thursday on a test. I'm tired, I stayed up 'till 5 this morning and watched 3 of the star wars episodes. Yes I know not the best use of my time, but my roomate and friends were drinking in our room, and if he got docked I really didn't want to be there, and have that go on my record, so I got the heck out of dodge as they say. I was just reading marci's journal and it made me laugh to see that she actually reads this. I also took note that it is cool, and even more interesting to read somthing when it has to deal with you. I might mention here as well that Mary has not written in quite some time or I would tell you all to go read her site. Sorry I can't do that!! (hint hint) Todays sound track is comprised of Metallica's And Justice for All..... cd. A good cd that I would recomend for most people under the age of 35. Any older than that and you begin to scare people, right? Here is a question that I have when do you use the ; sign? What the heck is it for? I don't really see it used that often, and I can't remember if I've ever used it. Is it possible it could make my writing better? Who knows, some english teacher needs to write me and tell me what it is for using the form directly below this. Did you know that is an e-mail form? well if not you should use it. It is easy convenient, and quicker than writing me from your e-mail account. So I just got done reading the torrington telegram, the scottsbluff star-herald, and the rapid city journal. So I am going to go now. Have a good day
9.18.02
I didn't feel well last night so I went to bed at about 10. I slept for 12 hours and I feel better today. I am however concerned about my quiz tomorrow in accounting. I don't really understand all that I need to know. So I will be hitting the books tonight, that is after I am done updating you all on how things are. Katie wrote me today that was nice. She is enjoying school. Practice was not nearly as hard today. But you all know what that means right? Harder stuff tomorrow. I did my first load of laundry today and found out that I need to dry my cloths for more than 36 min. I ended up with damp clothes which I laid around the room to dry out more. I hope they are ok. I'll do my next loads tomorrow. So todays theme music comes from Weezers first album. Really good music. I will have to do some home work to it tonight. My friend Johanna called me last night at 12:15. I was asleep, when I got to the phone she had just hung up. I talked to my brother jeff last night and he says he will be moving from center to running back again. I am excited for him. I want him to have and to take the chances that I did not get. Not much else exciting to report as of now, except that I need to go to the store tonight so that I can get some more milk for my protien shakes. I am losing more and more weight. Eric and I were discussing it today and our abs are already feeling stronger. Workouts are getting easier, and we are getting just over all in better shape. I am excited to work hard all fall and see the results this winter. I won't have much to get excited about for another month, but when that time comes.... Let's just put it this way I will be excited. Ok so now I am off to do some home work and then to head to bed. Every one else is going out to do some mid-night bowling tonight. I don't really think that it is a wise use of my time so I am going to try and get to bed early. I had forgotten that college students live for staying up late and getting up later. I am all about going to bed at a reasonable hour and getting up at 8:30 or earlier every morning. I have to test out of csc 105 some friday. I will get around to it. Have a good night and tell some one you know that you love them.
jim
9.17.02
So I guess I have about 15 min. before I have to ride my bike to track practice. We had a hard work out yesterday and thus I was unable to sit up for most of the night. My abs were crying like little babies. Well I am losing fat and getting stronger. I can see this in the veins that are surfacing in both my biceps, and the abs that are sneaking through the fat on my stomach. It's exciting. Once again I started the day of with a protien shake. I only now wish that I could get to bed before 2 am. It always makes for an interesting next day though. I woke up at 8:35 this morning. I had planned to go eat breakfast, but instead I sat down and did about an hours worth of math. That would equal the assignments for the week. I am done with that, and am now left with accounting to study for. We have our first quiz on thursday, and I hope to be prepared. I paid good attention in class today, and so felt that I helped prepare my self. Eric Kittles and I were discussing today about some economic modeling for our lives, and how we use our time. We decided that we don't use our time efficiently, and are not getting our maximum utility out of our time. But we failed to come up with a solution to our problem, or even an explination. I think this is going to lead into an experiment. Or at least I will suggest such a thing to eric in the coming days.
jim
9.16.02
So here is the news for today. Last night at roughly 12:00 I visited the ER at the local hospital for the 2nd time in one day. After I got off the net last night I went up stairs, and I was promptly recruited to help pull a mustang out of a ditch. I am imagining the the ditch is not steep, and this will not be a big deal. Well the girl should have rolled the car about 5 times with the way the ditch was. It was about a 5-8 ft drop off at about a 50 degree angle. So Meat and tyson went and got a tow rope and we pulled it out with meats truck. It wasn't really that easy of a thing. It took some doing. So any way after that I came back and slept on the couch for a while then finally crawled into bed. This morning Gabe kept me awake in micro econ. and math went well. I didn't miss any of that. And I am coming home this friday with Gabe. I'm excited about that. Right now though I have uploaded some pics of my room, and roommate and the like so click here if you want to view them. Hvae a good one and look for an update later tonight if I get to it. I suppose I will put one up after a gruelling track practice. Hope it goes well.
jim
9.15.02
has there been a time in your life when you look at a person you have spent a great deal of time with and suddenly realize you no longer feel that you could care less if you ever saw them again? It's almost as if we have been fooled into believing that the existance of that other person is what gives us meaning. Without them around we don't know what to do. Now I am not saying that I have faced this exact moment my self, but I have often wondered about who I base my worth in. People are like a faulty stock market that promises great returns, at a high risk, when in reality people quickly show us the bubble in the market that we just invested in, and give us no return. God is the always there reliable CD. Boring I know, but there for us who want to come back to the bank and truly make an investment that offers a sure return. So now I am going to post some of my thoughts that I and a friend had in a conversation. To give you some background Mary is a friend of mine who is now married to my other friend Jeremy.
Ok so here is another conversation I had with my girlfriends little sister. I don't know if my comments have any relevence, but I wonder if they reveal any thing about who I really am.
OK that is enough for you all to read in one day. And pretty much exausts my creative nature for the night. You all write now and let me know what you really think. And I really do care
jim
9.12.02
It's the days when I imagine I have somthing to say that i realize I have little or nothing to offer the world or anything. I'm just a piece of the puzzle. I suppose without me the puzzle would be incomplete, but that seems so insignificant. I didn't do my home work for the class that I have this morning. I am not sure how to do it. I know that when I am done with class her at 12:15 I am coming back to my dorm and sleeping. I have an interview for a job today. It's for a job working in the computer labs. I would very much so like to get this job, it would erase the need for me to go searching for a job. I don't want to go down that road. I just want to work here on campus, and make that my life. I don't know where I am going to go to church on this coming sunday. I imagine that I will ask amber if I can go with her. I might add here that I went to bed before 1 last night. It felt good to finally get more than 6 hours of sleep. Yes it may have been only 7, but an hour more seems like forever. I am not sure what is going on with me trying out for this band that I went and did preliminary try outs with. I would like to do some drumming, but I am sure it will boil down to me playing with amber and her friends. Not to say that it is bad, just that that is what it will come down to. My classes yesterday were grueling. I was tired, and cold, and I wanted noting to do with sitting in a class and learning. I wanted to come home and sleep. But I pushed my self through and I am the better man for it. Well I think I am going ot take a shower and head off to class. You all have a good day.
jim
9.11.02
jim
9.10.02
I had just typed up and entry. I had started at 6:38 and I just accidentally hit ctrl-a and then typed
something and it erased all that I had. Sorry about that. But to lighten up your day,
tomorrow I am adding what I ate. So look for that.
Jim
9.09.02
Today I am here looking at my aunts web page. Click Here It's really got some great shots of her dog, and cat, and all of my family should look it up. Any way, I'm sitting here listening to Jay and Stacey go back and forth about how one is not a good RA and one is. It's funny. I enjoy talking to both of them. I often wonder what exactly people are afraid of. And of late I have been thinking that when people suggest that the person they are talking too would like to do
something. It is in all reality their attempt to make their suggestion the other person's desire without making it seem that they are being pushy. It's funny to call people on that. They are not sure when called on it what to say. Well I am going to go, but keep writing. I will.
jim
9.08.02
So today I am sitting after I have completed my home work. Here in the computer lab talking to amber. We suck at football. I watched the game last night and we are just really bad. Amber says she was uninterested. She says the game was stupid. She says a girl she hung out with last year, was at the football game drunk, and it was
disappointing. More so because she does not talk to her any more. Now she's singing. She asks who I keep in contact with the most. Who is it. Not really any one I reply. Amber thinks that I can type faster than her. And the thinks that I had a computer. NOw she's laughing at me. and humming and sighing. And now laughing again. So it's good to be with old friends again. Ever miss people you once knew? I really miss just sitting with people. Every one here is so into action
9.07.02
11:36 PM
there is again the empty gut feel of a sat. night spent doing nothing. Simply because to do anything else with people would mean spending time with drunks. And so I am alone in a world that hates me. That despises the very stench of my undrinking sweat. I would be told that it is the advantage. But what is being advantageous about being attacked for what you believe? I spoke with my friend Alex today about God, and what I believe. I think it clicked with him. I told him to philosopize about God is to look for an answer where there is none. God cannot be defined in human terms by human minds. Seems to be tought to deal with for him. I might add here and now that I think I have some sort of anger inside me that I do not know anything about. Pure, unbridled anger, towards somthing.
jim
9.05.02
9:50 AM CST
Ok so I missed a day. But who can blame me? It's the first day of school, and there were places to go, and things to learn. Unfortunately I only went places. There was no learning, and my math class has yet to find some place to meet. You would think they could at least schedule the classes with class rooms. I dont' really remember what was said in my last entry, but I will add that I am now bonding with my floor mates. We know who each other are, and where each others rooms are. I guess since I went and stole the couch out of the lobby our room is the place to hang out. If you give people a place to sit they will visit. No, no, don't question me on this one I have experiance. So one class for me today, 11-12, not even a long class since it is on t-th, but that is not up to me and I am not complaining. I am heading back tomorrow to the great City of Rapid City. I'll be watching my bro play some football. I am pumped about that. I'll be riding with jackie-bo. She so wonderfully accepted my proposal to ride with her back. I need to get a hold of hammer and see if I can park my car at his place. I should go over ther after our 2nd track meeting at 4. It's funny how much older I am than the other people on my floor. They all act like they are just going to go crazy if they are not always milling around, running, yelling, being bad in general. I could sit and stare at things for hours. I think that might just be me though. How about you guys? I like these computer labs, but they are too far away from our rooms. Well I am going to head back. Have a good one, and write if you read.
jim
9.03.02
4:43 PM CST
If you thought that since I am at college I would have more time to write and maybe write more. I think that I shall alert you that you are incorrect in that assumption. I spent far too much money on books again today. I also found a ride home for friday. I think that I should find out if my car is in good condition before I come back. There is a rock climbing thing tonight that I am going to go to. I am also going to head and eat soon enough. I found out this morning when I went to take a shower that I had forgotten, or misplaced my shampoo and the like. So I am left with the head and shoulders that I found in the shower. I've taken 2 showers today. That is simply because I went and played basketball for 1 and a half hours by myself. I met a girl last night who is 6'3" and is on the track team. She runs 26.8 in the 200, high jumps 5'7" and long jumps 17'. All marks that are considerable for a girl that is in high school, but merely average for a girl that is in college. Any way I went to a party over at the "Grinch" house last night to see if I could meet some people. The dorms were barren. So any way I went with some guys from my dorm and we just followed these girls from the floor below us. After a while John (a young man from sturgis who lives a door to the north of me) and I went back to the dorm on an account of the intense heat, and for john, lack of alcohol. I still am struggling with the issue of people being drunk. They really don't seem any different to me. At any time. My roomate has committed himself to going into the hall of our dorm and yelling "Party!" at the top of his lungs. It's quite humorous, and I think that I am the only one who get's a kick out of it. I am going to have to find a digital camera and take a picture of our room to post on the net. There is a kid down the hall, our RA, robert, who might have one. I will have to check with him.
jim 4:57 PM CST
8.28.02 6:07 PM
so now I don't get off work 'till 5 o'clock every day. I work ten hour days. That means more money for me. I think I will actually reach the 2000 dollar saved mark. That is good. My car is dead. I think the starter is completely gone on it. It won't turnover, so I need to tow it some where. I need to get glasses, but I can't get off work early enough to get to the optometrist. Who knows. I guess life goes on, and I go on. I wasn't feeling so good at work today, but I feel a great deal better now. Speaking of going on, I am going over to katies tonight for a bbq. my friend from work, Joel Pavek, just got here so I am going to run. Hvae a good night.
jim
8.20.02 3:35 PM
I was more than pensive all day long at work today. There were moments when I was sure that I would fall asleep. And then there were times when I was confused and driven to find out what to do. In all the day was intersting. I once again miss joel. Since he is gone I am left to do odd jobs, and to get things for people. I like how Dale our boss trusts me though. He imagines that I will know how to do any thing that he asks me. My brothers guinea pig is getting bigger. I have just noticed in the last week or so. But still, it's getting larger. I am more and more excited for school with each passing day. I do however wish that it was the end of july and that I would have time to make another 1000 dollars so that school could be paid for. I am hoping that I can have a job when I am in vermillion. I would like to beggin working as soon as possible. I don't however wish to miss out on the events that come with the early weeks of school. They are some times the most fun. And that is where you meet people. There was a question that I had last night for you all, but I am unable to remember it as of now. I think I remembered. What was it that you thought marriage would be, or offer, that it does not? I was speaking with katie last night, and it was interesting to find out what she thinks of the subject. For some real odd reason I am not excited for, or about marriage. I am just not sure that I want to share myself, my time, things that I every now and then I would just like to be mine. For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be alone at things that are mine. LIke I never really wanted my parents to come to my track meets or my sporting events. I didn't want them to feign interest. I wanted only things that were genuine. It always seemed that when my parents did come to track meets, or wrestling or basketball, the would miss the instant that was most important to me. It was as if they were there not for me, but for them selves. if that was the case I wanted them to come for that reason, not to see me do well. I don't need any one to approve of me. I'm not a kid that needs constant approval. I can do fine on my own. The worst is when a parent doesn't know what is good or bad in a sport or event, and they embarrass there kid. I hate that. The parent should be interested enough to konw what is going on. so there is my anger for the day. And I might add right here and now it is not directed at any one. This is just what is spewing out from my mind right now. I hope you all enjoy, and have a good day. I have to shower and get janae's balloons.
jim
8.19.02 3:28 PM
I wrote yesterday but it is saved on the other compute because I could not get it saved. Work was hard today. I miss having joel around. And when we tie re-bar it's less work. Matt and I worked our proverbial asses off this morning. The boss comes to us and looks and the wall and goes, "If you get that off by break I'll buy you donuts." Well needless to say we had the whole wall off and stacked an hour before break. And he comes back over I want him to be proud, but instead he simply says, "you missed the bottem piece. Not a word about good effort or anything. I don't know it just really irks me. Anger all around.
jim
8.15.02
I know that yesterday I proceeded to make out the case for how bad my life is. Well it just got worse. I was taking a corner in my car today and the steering tie broke, so now both wheels point at each other. I guess it is just God telling me to get a life and trust a little. I don't know about school, I don't know how I will get to work tomorrow, I don't know what classes to drop at usd, and I really don't know what to do about most things. I know I need to water the back yard, and then I need to sand the deck, that is what I should be doing now,b ut I am instead typing and spilling out to you all. Laura says that I write in such a manner that she does not like. I write to many words to describe some things. I should be short, curt and to the point. I am not sure how to do that. Let's just put it this way, I want my school paid for, my car taken care of, and my brother to be the running back on the football team. I told him to quit messing around and to just take the spot if he could. He needs to step up, and I think that he is going to do that. I am enjoying all of ani difranco's cd's. A friend of mine got me copy's of all of them. They are in mp3 format so that is only like one and a half disks. So put me out of my misery, have a good day, and thank God you are not me.
jim
8.14.02
I have news. I have spoken to my college roomate, and now I suppose I should right here and now that he is in track as well. He is also a hurdler, and a good one at that. My best time, ever, in the 110's is 15.05, his best time ever is 14.00 . So you might be able to say that he can thrash me in the hurdles. That's cool for the team at usd. If you have a good connection to the internet you can go to www.usd.com and go to the sports section, look up track and then go to the link that says team site. From there you can download, or watch a video about the outdoor season, and the indoor seasons. They are really cool, and with a really fast connection that wait is not that bad. I don't know what to say to you that have written to me. I suppose that I am getting cold feet. I am simply worried. I don't know where all the money will come from. It's not that I don't have it, I just would like to avoid using it if at all possible. What was probably the hardest time in your life to face? Mine has probably come and gone several times. But I am just not really sure what makes times so hard. I think it is just me.
jim
And so it comes, as though out of the dark, and over powers the light and consumes my day. Each moment spent in a yearning that cannot be contained. I arrive home a sit at the monitor, the images from the day pouring out, but my fingers unmoving and stilled at the keyboard. My mind follows suit, and slowly but surely the moment pauses. And I am here in nothing. Time is stilled, I do not blink, and the pure extasy for the moment is sweet purfume. I love my day, I love my work. I love the fact that Joel, the young man that I work with, loves Ani Difranco. I can find no greater joy in the fact that he is a christian. I can only find hope and despair as I look and reach toward the east each day. For each days brings closer the day of truth. I must leave. I do not want to. I am selfish, I seek only my own gain. But I know that I must go. I love riding my bike, the wind, the smells, and it all will pass. Everything will die, and I will be left, alone. I want to be alone. Of late I have had anger. I think it is due to the fact that I can't understand what to do about college. Maybe it is tha tI don't want to go and find out that I don't want to be there. I am scared, I will tell you that. I want my father to understand a few things. I want him to know that I want so desperately to be asked to do things. I want to be treated some what as a person who has a sense. Some one who has reason, and who can do things with out being told how. Simply put I don't want to know how to mow the lawn, or take out the trash, or how to talk to people. I want to be treated how I am at work. As though I am capable of doing things without constant supervision. Will he, can he, let me be? I want to be friends with my dad, but the more I try the more it seems he tries to be my parent. Maybe in leaving I will accomplish this. It's odd to think, but will my brother miss me? I doubt it, I don't think Janae will. And I wonder now, why will my parents miss me? Will there be no one who can do things for them, will t here be no one who can mow the lawn, or fix the lawn mower? I am just not really sure about any thing. Ok well katie is here so I am goign to go.
shalome
jim
Hey there,
I have not been motivated in the least to write in weeks. I don't know why. I have, however been reading my journals. I am glad tha tI did write all those days before class. I enjoy my own writing. I am not sure if you guys do, but I know that it really places some memories for me. I can understand what I was thinking and all of that jazz. I am excited, but apprehensive about school. I don't know, I am just w orking and living right now. I need to take care of some business tomorrow. I need to call matt brown. I need to do many things.
I am angry. I just remembered that liana is supposed to be here. Dang me and my memorie.
jim
Date:7.13.02 4:47 PM
All of this time and no one to enjoy it with. Every one is gone. I called all of my friends last night, and this morning. Every single one of them gone. So I am left to cruise the net. But I am sure that the rest of you are excited since I am writing. I might add that a good artist to check out would be Bright Eyes. I guess that is the name. Look it up on Audiogalaxy, and by the way what is wrong with audiogalaxy? Does any one know? if you do please write and tell me about it. I went and worked on josh's computer today for 2 hours. That was really draining. I am not so sure that I am going to do that again for some time.OK so I guess I am going to go and look up stuff. Talk to you all later.
shalome - jim
Date:7.9.02 6:20 PM
as I sit down to pen out this entry, a great and perilous weight sits above my head. Prepared at any moment to fall and crush and dream, or hope that I may have. I might add here and now that I have many hopes and dreams. I am writing simply to let you all know that I have not died, but that I have been working hard, and not really had anything to write. But here is today's entry. As we speak my stomach growls in horrid anticipation of our arrival home. We have eaten one meal since lunch yesterday. We're a bit hungry. But for no reason I am thinking that I may just not eat. I will just go hungry. What could it hurt? It might even be intersting. Of course I could chew my tounge off in the hunger, but then I could not speak. And in that I could say nothing that I would regret. Think about these things, and of course sholome and to all a good night.
jim
Date.6.14.02 1:27 PM
Ok so to start with, no lingo today. I was reading it back to myself and I don't really believe that it makes any sense to any one but me. That is indelible, and quite frankly a tantalizing taste of the obsurdity that I am. Nothing more than ramblings all bunched up and coming out in my journal. Any way I was writing to my friend Megan Mahoney, and I found out some wonderful things. Her christian walk has turned around and now I would consider her more on the correct path than I. Let me give you some background on megan. Any way when I worked at McDonalds she was one of the attractive girls, and after I had resolved that in my mind I found out that she was quite possibly the best basketball player to come out of south Dakota since Becky Hammon, who now plays in the WNBA for New York. Sorry I have to cut this short I just don't want to write right now, and my brother needs the computer. I promise more writing later tonight. Any way don't freak out too much.
shalome, jim
Date:6.7.02 6:23 PM
Work kicks it, and flat out I am on it. Don't know how that works out. I am officially going out with Laura if you wanted to know. So I suppose you could say that is tight as the young folk say. Any way I am going to try and get coaching the boys and girls summer league teams. I would really enjoy that and I feel that both teams would benifit from my presence. So any way I am working and sleeping and that is about it. Oh and on the other hand I am dreaming about what I can and will do. Ok so I guess I am going to run and go to a punk show. I am pumped about t hat. I always get up for those sort of things. Ever think you are too old? well I get that same feeling. Any way have a good day.
jimmy V.
shalome
Date:6.3.02 5:48 PM
And suddenly the estrangement seems to be containment
and I am lost in steed.
no unified or glorified in thought or word or deed.
I didn't decide, I didn't claim to want what I have What ever I guess I tried, I cannot express what is in my head right now though. I will come up with it soon though.
jim
Date:5.30.02 9:09 PM
word, or so they say. So things are back to normal. I am working with the dry wall every day. Stuff like that. I am just not really into anything right now. I am thinking that I miss liana, and I think about my old chats with Megan, to clear that up I am talking about Megan Mahoney, and talking with her at work, and stuff like that. I am thinking about talking to ashley, and I am thinking about conversations had at work, and things experianced, and then not. Any way I am going to write mahoney, and call laura, and then go to liana's. Yay, I am pumped. Any way, work tomorrow and then nothing for a few days. Have a good one.
shalome, jim
Date:5.28.02 12.47 AM
Imagine the inconveniance if you had to drive across town to use the internet. What would you do? In my case I simply do not use the internet as much. I am hoping and praying that this job comes through hanging dry wall. I would be so down with that. Any way, I have all these thoughts that are contemplative and pensive, and yet when I get here they are gone, wasted on a time when no means of recording was available. This is why I need a wrist AI. Somthing that could take down things like that for me and translate them to text. Then you could be understanding so much more of what I am saying, and even more of what I am wanting to say. Right now I am listening to some rap, namely One mic by nas, for you adults you should look up this music and find out just what your kids are listening to. Could you appreciate the simple fact of the matter that you could be wrong? What could be more satsifying than knowing that you have raised a child who has made a choice that surpasses your knowledge? You're not always right, you can't be. If you were, you would be jesus, or God. Are you either no, and never imagine you are. Take your short comings into perspective and use them. Don't catagorize all music as bad if it is not witin what you believe is the only good stuff. I am not at all sure of what I am trying to say, and you can take it any way that you want. But why not admit you're not the best, and only hope that your kids can be. Give them your best. That is all we ask. We're not unreasonable, kids have sense too. Somtimes I imagine more than some adults. Simply because we don't feel the pressure to be on top, or above others. We can be satisfied with what we are given. Another thing, make sure your kids play some sort of music, even if it is piano when they are like 8, you can't imagine what it will do for them, even if they hate it. Oh and remember it's ok to be wrong. That only means that you're trying, and accepting that you can't do everything. That brings about undue respect from us. Admiting short comings is amazing, and somthing that we as teenagers, and young adults really need to learn to do. You can never say you love us too many times. We may on the surface hate it and resent the fact that you do, and a note on that, when I say to say it. I don't mean you have to say that you love us every time you see us. Doing things can show it, saying it's not enough. In james he points that out we cannot have faith without deeds. If so, how could we ever tell if we had faith if we could see no deeds. Show us.
Date:5.23.02 3:57 PM
I would write each day, but I cannot get on the internet voluntarily. So by the time I am able to get on, all of the creative juices have run out of my body. More and more each day I think about writing a book. I am not sure what I would write it about, mostly like every thinkt ath I do each day, or the things that I think aBOUT . That I think would be pretty good, and interesting too. I have to work on sunday, and sat, and fri. All of those days. Summer is under way and I am tyring to get a job that robbie williams had. Hanging dry wall. I don't really know anything about it, but I guess now is as good a time as ever to learn, or somthin glike that. Any way I will write when I get the chance, I am not promising anything, but I can tell you that it might be 3-5 days in between entrys. If I get somthing figured out, it might turn into an every other d ay thing. Have a good day.
jim
Date:5.02.02 2:17 PM
I am more than glad that I wrote at this time today. I brought my head phones to school, and I have watched I think 30 - 40 trailers, or as some would call them movies previews. I have been in the computer lab for like an hour. It's been great but I think it is time for me to head out. I have to study now too, and go get stim on my knee. Yes I hurt it again. I am retarded. I need to download some new music. Thank God for the computers at school. I love my head phones they are really good. The sound out of them is incredible I think I will sell my books to see if I can get out of my financial trouble that way.
jim
Date:4.25.02 2:21 PM
I might let you all know that I have not been writing, because I have been writing. To better explain that, I will have some new posts coming on the papers page. One is a business paper, and one a paper for english, boy I am really sick of them. The hardest thing is getting up each day. I am like a million dollars in the hole right now. Damn the finances, or should I say that lack of them. I really need a job so I think that I am going to go to mcdonalds to beg for some semblence of employment. I am not really sure what I am going to do if they turn me down. The biggest deal is that I am not looking for a job for the whole summer, just for right now. That is why no one wants to hire me. Laura and I went to a Barbeque last night at my friend Justins. We had a good time, I managed to cook some nice hamburgers and to down 20 cans of soda. Laura was home by 9:45 and I was home by 3. Funny how that is, she had home work. Does that help? Any way it was a good time, and I can add that I drank a gallon of water this morning to counter act the affect of the soda. Shoot I just remembered wheere I was parked. I don't want any parking tickets. Hvae a good dya.
jim
Date:4.19.02 2:34 PM
Ok, here is a good one for all of you adults, but I am sure my friends my age can relate as well. I need you to write me and tell me of any similar experiance you have had dealing with police. Last night as I am rolling home in the car I am a bit drowsie and not paying much attention, well at some point I must have dozed off, becaues the next thing I know I am looking in my rear view mirror and thinking, "Dang that guy shure has bright lights." Then I was thinking who has lights on top of their car? Any way, the pretty lights come on and I realize just what is going on. I pull over and it comes out that I have been driving 56 in a 45 zone. Yeah I really didn't think that I was, and don't remember him pullin in behind me or anything. I must have been asleep, which I am sure is horrifying for those of you who are parents. Just think of your child sleeping behind the wheel. So yeah, he was nice enough, and I suppose I looked bewildered enough that I got it cut in half, 50 in a 45, not much you think right? Yeah well try on 51 dollars to be exact. I like the part on the deal where it says. "I plead guilty.............." Yeah I feel like a criminal right now. I am not excited about track to day, my ankle still is gay. There is a high school track meet tomorrow although. I really wish laura could go that would be fun. But I guess I will have to go it alone. Any way I need to get my paper off of the net and onto a disk so I can work on it at home. Have a good one.
And write me about your experiances!
Date:4.16.02 9:39 AM
I know I know, it has been quite some time since I wrote. Amazingly I have managed to stay busy between now and then. I just got back from a trip to USD, and I am thinking that I may have to go to school there next year. That is, I am goign to apply online today. The funny thing is that when they got my transcript, my fathers TTL class was on it. The addmissions lady wanted to know how I was taking graduate level classes. Funny eh? I am tired right now, I really am, and these next 2-3 days are going to be my big push to really be done with all home work for the rest of the year. I am going to write 2 papers, one for english and one for business and tech. And I will from there, continue to get my essays done for english, and study, and go to class more in US history. I want a b in that class badly. Truthfully I just want to raise my gpa like mad. I don't care so much, it is just that I need it to have padding for classes when I go to USD. Any way I am going to go start on my essay due today for english. Have a good one. Oh and I ran like 55.8 in the 400 intermediates. I cut 2 sec.
jim
Date:04.11.02 12:56 PM
I am sitting between the classes. So here I am typing and wondering about what will come of track practice for the schoolers. Will they be there? I really doubt that they will. I don't question their commitment, I would have done the same thing. Hmm, just wondering today. Did any one read yesterday? This marks 3 days in a row of writing. I will get back to writing more often in the next few days. So look foward to that and keep checking back. I went and did long jump pop ups in the gym by myself. I felt better about it for a long time. I did them by myself so I was proud for my commitment as well. I think it will be a good meet this weekend. I am in 5 events. No it's not the pentathelon, I am simply in 4 events, 110 HH, 400 IH, Long Jump, 4X400, and the 4X100. Don't ask me how it works. I guess I am running unattched with the 4X100 group. Sounds good, well I need to get to class, have a good one.
jim
Date:04.10.02 11:29 PM
And my short knowledge of life shines through in the moments when the harsh reality of life strikes me forthright in the face. And I am left here stunned. Erin Sorenson passed from life unto death today and I am sitting here feeling an immense sense of guilt. My insides turn and twist, and I feel like some sort of retch in the cold rain stairing off into space just wonder what when why and how. And to all of these questions, in my great knowledge, I can find no answer.
jim
Date:04.09.02 10:03 AM
I have to find some gas for my car I think. Not sure if I could make it to the gas station. haha, funny how these short oversights make my day interesting. I hope you find somthing humorous about your day. have a good one.
jim
11:22 AM
There are few things in this life that I despise more than immense amounts of food that I despise. I have been living off of fast food, and what good food I can find around the house for maybe the last 2 weeks. Oddly enough one thing that really gets my goat is the simple fact that all of the cereal (a staple of mine) that we have is terrible. For a span of maybe a month we had, what I would call, some of the greatest cereal in the world. I was happy, things were going better. But now somthing else went on sale and I am stuck with no name cereal that tastes like little pieces of cardboard. Breakfast is really supposed to start your day, and I've not had breakfast for 5 days. Ahh, that could be why my life seems a bit incomplete. Any way, I got gas for my car, and now I am sitting here thinking of how I will beggin the englis paper that is due in oh, 2 hours. Plenty of time to write a simple one page, double spaced reaction to some assigned reading. It really befuddles me how my friend andrew can whip my butt at math (which is not saying a ton) and still can't grasp the simple concepts that are in the reading that we do. I've tried to explain things to him, and it's like all of a sudden the lights turn on. Why is that? He doesn't have very good reading comprehension. Yes well odder things occur every day and I mull over the simple ones.
jim
Date:04.07.02 5:23 PM
How was your day? I was able to accomplish a great deal. I went out and worked on solidifying the base for my hammock, I then raked the front yard, then I washed my car, and detailed the inside. And all of this coming after a 2 hour nap, that included missing lunch. Ahh what a great day. And all this coming after and even greater one. So I shall tell you about yesterday. The started with me waking at an early hour, that is to say 8:00 AM. I promptly went back to bed. I didn't have to be any where until 10:00.
Date:04.05.02 9:03 AM
I would have sworn that it had been longer than this since I wrote. I would have certainly wagered that. Any way I just want to say that I had a wonderfully profound bunch of writing for you yesterday but I just didn't get to it. I bowled a 132 average the other day over 5 games. I was thinking that would be somthing that my dad might like to do with me. Do you ever think of that? Do you think parents really want to do stuff with their kids? It just seems odd that it would pop into my head. Well even look at it this way, I really like that my dad enjoys watching me compete in track, or what ever sport it may be. And shoot all I ever find myself trying to do is to make him proud. I think about things like, no one else's dad that I know can say that their son went to nationals in track. I don't know, I really don't, but I remember that dad liked to take me bowling for my birthday, and I was thinking maybe he would think it would be fun if I asked him to go bowling with me maybe saturday or somthing up at tech. I remember how I used to want to be better than my dad, like I played him at chess for ever, and finally beat him once. I was really pumped, but I've never beat him again. I was thinking this summer that one reason that I really like working construction was that it was like when dad would take me farming with him. The smell of the diesel, the sound of the equipment, the smell of the dirt. And then riding on the tractor and the like. I just really remembered it all from when I did things with dad. So yes I will ask him if he wants to go bowling with me. I am guessing he will be too busy. School seems a bit better, I'm not having any problems with any calsses right now, I need to figure out what to write my paper for business on. Right so I am not sure what else I had to say. I just want to help some of you out with this. When I go to qualify for nationals this is how I can. I can hit a provisional mark, and hope that I finish in the top 16 in the nation, or I can get an automatic time or FAT (fully automatic time)time. That would qualify me no matter what. I am getting closer in both the 400 intermediates, and the 110 highs. I want to add that I am working on qualifying for the 2nd biggest meet in the nation, the drake relays in the 400 intermediates. It is 2nd biggest only to the Penn Relays. People like micheal johnson, and maurice green (world record holders in the 400,200 and the 100 respectively) go to these meets. Somtime I am going to have to explain the professional world of track to you guys. But I think you have a better handle on it now. Does that help Ronnie? ;) . OK well I am going to check the top 10 times in the 400 intermediates in naia. Hasve a good day all.
jim
Date:04.01.02 9:48 PM
I am simply down with life. Chilling and coming to the realization that I really have no idea where I am headed. I did well at the track meet on Sat. I tied for 3rd in the 110's place 7th in the high jump, I didn't place in the 400 ih, but I did cut time. To all of you who don't understand that is good and simply take it at that. Not really sure waht else to write. Oh here we go, I just wanted to address somthing that happens to me all to often. I just really get a good chuckle out of people who really want to feel that they know me well, but that don't put in the time. And then they hem and haw over what they observe in the short time they are around me and contemplate their observations and the like. It's quite frankly funny. Just that, funny, and I get a kick out of it. There is nothing wrong with it, let me tell you that, but it's just funny. So any way think of that when you think of your friends and how you treat them this next day/week/month/year. Contemplate consequences, and understand that about 1% of your life is about you. Almost everything is about other people and how YOU affect THEM. Not vice versa. So now re-evaluate your life in that light and maybe make a change or two. Have a good one, shalom
jim - 10:08 PM
Date:03.26.02 9:13 PM
All in all, things are good today, better than the previous day I might add. Any way, so I am chatting with my bud danielle right now so that puts me in a good mood, and laura and I did a ton of history homework last night. It was good because I have missed a bit of class over the last few weeks, that helped me catch up. School seems really non-stressful right now. I think that eric and I are going to run down to usd this next week. I need to talk to Jerry and find out if he has signed any paperwork. I couldn't really go down and have a good chat with their coach if the paperwork was not done. But I think it would be fun. I am not sure about sleeping arangements, or what eric had in mind, I am not sure what he wants to do while we are there. It would be good to see the campus though, and see what I am getting myself into. Could it be that I really don't want to go there? Hmmmmmm, possibly. I was thinking yesterday how my life would make a really good soap opera. Do you ever think your life is like that? I was talkiong to marci and she thinks that my life is far more exciting than hers. I am not sure that I agree with that. I think that I just make parts of my life that are run of the mill seem exciting to other people. Maybe it is because I look at everything as a learning experiance. I am not being put down when bad things happen to me. I may not look at it like that at first, but in the end can't we all imagine that things happen for the better good? If we look at things objectivly. I suppose I could imagine that the whole world was out to get me, but i've learned far to much from falling on my face to truly come to that conclusion. But I doubt that people my age would trully believe me on that. Tragicallly I have little more to write. I suppose that I should go and look to see how often you all have been hitting my site. I am craving making music right now, with other people. you know me playing bass, guitar, drums, the like. But only with people who know how to play. It is way more fun then. Simply put I am not angry any more, simply taken, remotly forsaken, but no longer angry, maybe pensive, somtimes repulsive, but I the destruction of the simplicity that is me.
jim
Date:03.25.02 12:39 PM
I thought today I would start off with how any adult can put fear into the heart of a person my age or younger by simply telling them that they need to talk to them. Now let me get this straight, it is not that we (people my age) have a guilt consciounce (sp) but when was the last time some one said that to you and it was a good thing? Never that is why, so immediately we go to thinking of all the bad thigns that we have done that we could be held accountable for. And quite frankly it can wreck a perfectly good day. My advice is don't do that, come right out and say what you need to talk about. Good grief it's no fun for us and adults you'll avoid a great deal of hassel if you are just forthright with your intent. I need to go get my sisters guitar restrung. I would buy the strings myself, and then string it, but I am to lazy. So I will let the guys I buy them from restring them. Plus I am going to get some lighter strings that are not so hard on the fingers when you bar chords.
jim
Date:03.23.02 3:05 PM
yeah so how is it that you are today? I would love to hear from you all. Any way I went down to colorado and ran at a meet in boulder. There werent' a whole lot of people there, but I did run a 57 sec 400m hurdle so that was good. I can cut some real time off of my race with just a bit more effort. NOt sure what else to tell you guys, but I might have more to talk to you about later tonight. Ok so have a good one I am going to go.
jim
Date:03.19.02 11:45 PM
for a while I was thinking that it was me, and that today really was the 20th of this month, but I have another 15 min. 'till that happens. So yes my day was eventful, and I will tel you that I am certainly thankful for friends right now. I made a call to usd today and spoke to them about some paper work that they need to send to us. But I guess the ball is rolling and we shall see what we shall see. I don't think that my GPA can get any worse with the outlook that I have on classes this semester. Only up from here. That is what I imagine. Hmm, what else to say that happened today. I was really tired today, but I enjoy Sci-Fi when I am half asleep. I think I really get her (Dr. Shirley) goat when I appear half asleep but manage to make all the valid points that she is looking for. I believe that it is quite unanticipated and disconcerting. Haha, I love it. Ok so an update in some software you should have. That would be a program called Trillian. It is available at download.com and it combines yahoo, icq, aim, and msn in one program for your convenience. No more signing into 20 diff programs ont he net to chat with friends. So there you have it. I honestly thought that my poetry my drive a few e-mails my why, inquisitive, wonderous, who knows what I thought. But any way, no prob. I'll just have to put up some controversial thing that will really draw some e-mail. OH and the program, a girl told me about it, Kudos to danielle for staying on top of technology and being ahead of me. Never met a girl that was ahead in that area. Wow, so that is a great bit of news. Yes yes, I guess I need to hit the sack if I am tired. I really want to make it to my business class tomorrow. I missed monday. Ok then have a good one. I already took a nap from 8-10, but I must take a longer one now. I feel like some one beat on me with a stick, I am sore every where. OK I am goign to take my contacts out tonight too. Peace
jim
Date:03.18.02
I would like to say right now. That I simply would enjoy a sense of committment.
here is a poem I wrote to myt friend marci. It is impromtu and not much to it, but it is b etter spoken word, to music I think
JIm
I just came up with another poem sort of thing, here it is.
better men have said worse, better men have quoted verse, but wouldn't it be funny if life were the converse, simply reversed? or would the time spent lying? be better served dying. Isnt' it all the same in the end? maybe we could start a trend, cut life short before it can begin, but would it still be life then or simply an organ, somthing rejected, molested, unwanted, and detested...........
jim
Date:03.17.02 10:10 PM
it has come to mind that I think I am in a transitional period of my life. I am moving from having importance in one area of my life to another. So that means that I am going to think somthing is more important now then 8 months ago. That includes people and the attention that they give to me. I am learning as I go. But it is sort of exciting to realize somthing and to grasp so tightly to it. I am worried, yet not apprehensive about the future. I remember moving here and all the diff emotions that I felt. You know about leaving a past home, and then starting a new one. Amazing how it is. But here I am, and now contemplating a new move somwhere. Who knows where, who cares, oddly enough I don't. But I still want my ties here. I want the people here to not forget. To easily I find that it happens and people simply adapt to where they are. Maybe that is the way it is supposed to go. That is my inexperiance showing through, I am having a tough time expressing myself right now. Or realy asking what I want to know. I really am in a not caring mood. I am just here and you are just there so have a good day.
jim
Date:03.16.02 12:40 PM
I really am not excited about anything at this point. Just sort of wishing that some one would seek me out and ask me to do somthing with them. I Really think that it would be nice. People are supposed to call me today, and I wonder if they'll call. I doubt it, since that is the trend. "I'll call you back!" or "yeah sure I'll give you a ring when I am around.", does any of that happen? Never, some times when josh is around he will call, and if some one I know needs somthing from me, then they will call. But only when they are in need will they call. I could leave myself in the dark purposfully, and just sit here, but no I stoop down, eradicate my pride, and "I" call people. I am the person who takes an interest in the silly little things you are doing. YOu need to find that person today and tell them that there efforts are appreciated beyond measure. Look if it wern't for people like me, people like you would not have near as an exciting life as you think you do. But then as I think it may also be due to the fact that I am often not around so when people call I am always getting messages. Some times they are mysterious. LIke I got one from a tracy guy who wanted me to call him back, yeah he never had his phone on. So if you, Tracy, read this, call me. OK? See, things are just really odd. I played way too much computer yesterday and watched very little basketball. I think I am goign to go watch some now. But what will I do tonight? Yep, you're right, nothing. But realize that I am content in having nothing to do. So have a good one.
jim
Date:03.15.02 11:55 AM
I have an eye appointment today. I am pumped about that. Being able to see in mty classes in school should really help. Laura may come over today, sounds good to me. I've not seen her for like 2 or 3 weeks. But you know who is counting. My sis and her friends all went skiing today. Should be a really good day on account of all the snow that we got yesterday. I hope that my absence from writing has not discouraged you guys. I am trying to work back t o the frenzied pace that I had held before for a short 2 months. But it almost seems as if my life has slowed down. Nothing is happening. I am really enjoying working with the kids on the track team at school. I think that they can have a ton of success. I am actually going to travel with them to their first meet next weekend. That is to mean not this next sat, but the one after that. I would love for it to be sunny and really a good day for a meet. That always makes it better. Boy the girls are stacked this year too. We actually have 2 girl hurdlers that should do well. I am guessing that makayla can place at state this next year. If only we had her sis out for track, that would really just make every thing perfect. But she looks so good over the hurdles right now. My bro is improving just about a ton too. And then we have melodie glasscock. She has good form I am just wondering about speed, but I am sure that it will come. The boys shot putters should do well too. I am going to get them throwing in the 40's for sure. I have not doubt that either of them can, but simply am wondering how long it will take. I am excited for rob to get back too. Then we really could have a good core of guys throwing. They are learning quickly too. I am really tired of college track right now. I suppose that is because we have not gone to a meet for a long time. I want to get to another one. The next one is t he Rob Upton relays or somthing in col. I am pumped about that. But one thing that I am not pumped about is going back to school. I should look and see what homework I have, and then I should do some of ti for the comoing week and make things easy on me. That would really be nice. Maybe i will do that. I need to go get some checks today too. so that I can pay my father the money that I owe him. I just want to be out of his debt. Then I want a job stripping logs. I went and talked to them about doing that, and they said that I should come back in like a month. I really wish that they had said a week or so. I am going to pester them untill they find me a job to do. That is all tha tI have to say about that. I know that when I do start working for them I am going to make as much money as this decrepit body will allow. I am goign to work myself to the bone. I am goign to flat get it done as purcell would say. Any way I guess I am going to go I was hoping that I could chat with some people on the net, but no one is around and the eye appointment is here in a short while. Any one want to donate me some money? I could use it, but then I could waste it too.
jim
11:30 PM
I cannot some times explain myself to me, or to other people. Often I wonder how my thougts come about, or where they come from. I was thinking about peoples dependences upon each other tonight. Who doesn't have any? and are they happy? Is it healthy? I would imagine that it would be, but then when you cannot depend on each other is it? Imagination is so wonderful, in it I can go any where any time, and do anything. I love to imagination the future, what could have happened in the past, stuff like that. I was inspired to write a ton during the movie tonight, we were soldiers, and now I am not. Ok so have a good one.
jim
Date:03.14.02
haha, it is snowing here a great deal. And today is a good day. I went and spent some time with my married friends mary and jeremy. It really was a good time, but I must add that on the way here I hit a drift and spun out of control and into a larger snow bank. A nice fed-ex man helped me dig my car out. I was really quite impressed that he helped out. Actually another kid my age hoped out of his car and ran over to help too. I really am impressed at this moment with both shows of kindness. It's sort of hard to imagine that people are that nice on any given day, but I guess it comes out when people are in need. So any way I am here at tech and I am checking my mail and writing in my journal here because I am more than sure that I could not do the same at home. I was going to add that my father changed the password to the internet. He never gave any reason, didn't warn us, so now I have to ask him to let me on the internet. Now my dad makes it such a hassel that it is not even worth asking him. he puts you through 20 questions before he will consider letting you on the internet, and by that time I am so annoyed that I am considering just ripping the modem out of the computer and seeing what it is like when he can't get on the internet from home. Ahh, it drives me nuts. We didn't even use his computer that much. We actually used jeff's with the same connection, but he won't even let jeff save the password on his computer. So I am just really agitated with the situation right now. The profs are all up here playing soccer in the gym. It is so funny, they make me laugh at how intense they get, but then how bad some of them are. The japs or chinese not sure which really whip up when it comes to soccer. They must just have a blast kicking the pants off of the other professors. haha. Any way so I am agitated and it is snowing. I think that I shall sleep some more todya. I have bags under my eyes. I'll probably also make some phone calls, and today might be a good day to reinstall the modem on dads computer so that it stays on the internet longer. Ok I could call mr blackhurst and buy a new one from him too I guess. So here I go I am leaving tech now, and the computer. You al lhave a nice day and thank you for all the e-mail that I recieve concerning this. habave a good day.
Date:03.12.02
The Ani Concert was good, and for those of you who do not know she is secular, I don't agree with her politics at all either. She supported ralph nader and the likes, so she's a bit messed up that way. But it was a good trip. I managed to exhaust myself in the short time that I was gone. But it was at the Filmore auditorium. Great place to say the least. It was all open no seats so we were pretty darn close to the stage, and it was a good show it really was. AS I was standing there I was just looking around and thinking about how I was taller than all but maybe 1-2 people there. My buddy marci on the other hand is 5'4" and not taller. So as it happened two girls push up infront of us and as it turned out they were quite nice. They were making sure marci could see adn all that, and the greatest thing was that they knew every word of every song. I knew most of the songs, and a good share of the words, but I mean they knew every one. So that was funny, then they were polite enough to ask if I minded and the others arounds us if they lit up. Since they were so nice about it I am sure we all conceded to them for t hat reason. But so any way they were from boulder, and were simply amazed that we drove so far just for a concert. But what they failed to note is that this is the closest that ani ever gets to us. Boy it was a good show though, I really enjoyed watching the drummer. Dangit. I will continue this tomorrow,b ut I can't chat and read and write at the same time. Hvae a good one tonight.
jim
Date:03.10.02
I am quite simply put a bit angry and put out over the way that I am treated somtimes. But I think that in retrospect that I need to get over myself. Should I ever stand up and say "No, goodness I cannot stand to be treated like a second class person any more". Why do I have the right to tell some other person that they are wrong? Darn it, I have more choice/strong words for my feelings right now, but in respect for the older people who read and do not approve of such language, consider it implied. So any way, I feel like I am being stepped on regularly, and am a bit concerned with the fact that I do not have a great number of male friends that I do a lot with very often. I will figure out somthing. I truly will. I leave tomorrow for an ani concert in Denver. That should be a good time, I'll write about it when I get home. I want to go to omaha but my mom and dad think that is too much running. I may leave and just leave them a nice note about it. Funny how I am rebellious. OK night,
Date:03.08.02
yesterday at this time there was a fire in my gullett, but now it has subsided, and we are watching brave heart. I am planning to run about the state in a bit here, come maybe wed. or tues. Not sure. But I would love to be out and to see josh and jeff, and danielle, and that would just really suit me. To say it in a word. That would suit me. Forget it I have to go I have nothing more to say. I'll cath you later.
jim
Date:03.04.02 12:56 PM
haha such a wonderful day. Warm, and I have a basketball game tonight that I am playing. Boy am I excited, I think I am going to warm up and get ready by shooting up in the gym. I don't know what all to write. I placed 9th at nationals in the Pentathelon, that might be of interest to some of you. I know my site really sucks right now, I am going to have to do some work on it, I will tell you this though I am ready for Mid-Terms. I am all set, especially for the test that is going to be on wed in trig. Ok I have to go and talk to dan about bbal tonight.
jimmmy v
Date:02.26.02 2:30 PM
I suppose that I should start by saying that the reason that I havn't wrote of late is time constraints, and the simple fact that I have not had anything that I wanted to write. I leave for tenn. tomorrow for the national indoor track meet. I am not sure how I feel about that. A bit apprehensive I suppose. As for people that I am interested, there simply aren't any. I don't know what is wrong with me, or if there is anything wrong with me. I high doubt that there is. Don't we all go through dry spells? I konw that I do. I am excited about junior high boys basketball being over, and indoor track having a break. This is going to be odd not being eternally busy. I don't know if that is the best description. The season has been long, and I am a bit tired. It is not like last year. I had josh, and mr pruchnic was here and there and what not. This year I am the only one helping and such. It's a bit hard, I don't notice as much during the games as I should. Basically I am slipping without any one to point out my flaws. We are going to be more controlled on the offensive end today and see how that goes. I got adam hoyt to run some practices while I am gone. I am thinking that Karls dad is going to do the coaching when we go to edgemont this friday. I am bummed that I don't get to go and coach, but I guess we have our responsibility's. Speaking of responsiblity's I have been shirking mine in trig. I've don'e most of the home work, jsut not enough. I've not worked ahead yet in that class. I am going to look up the assignments for the next few days tonight, and then take my books with me on the plane. I will get all of it done while I am there. Casy will be able to help me out with that. I've not even really spent the time at school to write have I? I cut my hair off. Who cares, looks are really only skin deep right? If some one doesn't like me now because of my hair, then they were never my friend in the first place. Darn it, I just wish I could be happy with what I do, but I've gone and cut it so now I am getting used to it again. I really need to talk to Gabe, and find out if he is interested in selling his bike. I would like to get a hold of it if I could, I could also talk to ryan and find out how he feels about getting rid of his bike. I had heard that he was thinking of getting rid of it, but you know I would like to have one to ride, and just for fun and the like. Any way I suppose that I am goi8gn to head to school and do practice. You allhave a good day ok?
jim
Date:02.16.02 11:45 AM well I wasn't gone for very long, but you can imagine how much sleep I got. Haha, well I need more. I do, I konw that, conferance is this friday and saturday. I am going to win the pent. That is all that I have to say. I am just flat going to get it done. I hit 6'6" 1/2 in the high jump so that is quite a few more points than the 6'3" that I got at the last meet. I need to be consitant. That is the main focus for me, to hit my best marks or just short of that every time that I compete. I can't choke in the long jump this time again. I did the last time at bh and I wasn't to happy with a 20'2" mark, I need the 21' that I have inside, that would really ruin tonkel's day. But I want to peak at nationals and bust out a 2nd place score. Clay is a bit to far out to catch I think. I am not sure though, maybe if he had a really bad day in high jump and a poor showing in somthing, no never mind he is too much of a stud and far to consistant to do that. Any way so the rest of my life is pretty peachy. Just working on school, which reminds me I need to find out what the assignment is in trig for the next few days. Maybe I will go the mens' bible study tomorrow night. that would be good for me to do. A good refocus. I went an dworked out yesterday, ran like 2.25 miles, warmed up stretched forr like 30-45 min and then ran 800m of walk jog. Ok then I guess that I am goign to go and call laura back, maybe I should call aaron guliuza back and see when I am going paintballing. So much for my life, I could just sleep too, have a good one,
jim
10:20 PM
it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. And I was the worst of people. I would recomend the movie Find Forrester. It's a pretty good one. I will write more when I get off the phone with Laura.
Date:02.16.02 1:12 AM
I was just thinking that all the potential in the world is worth absolutely nothing if it is not realized. If I "could" run a sub 45 sec 400 yet never did, it wouldn't do me any good to think of the could have's. Any way that was just weighing heavily on my mind the last few days. I went to a show tonight. It was pretty good, the bands got better as the night went on. And it ended with press the minute man. And yes you guessed it, I keep up their site for them go there. I seem to myself to be unreasonable and me of late. I am guessing that it is not me, that I truly am. I found a bit of vitality in the fact that humanity is what it is on the surface, and nothing deeper than that. I miss being on the internet, but not as much as I enjoy the understanding that I have gained by working harder in school. I am sorry but I am just not inspired tonight and a few things are weighing heavily on my mind, I am wondering what is going on tomorrow, and if I can find some friends to do somthing with. I doubt it, maybe IV is taking a hike, but I have no idea how I would find out about that. I am going to call marci tomorrow to find out about my trig home work, maybe laura will be home to talk to, that would be ok. I suppose that I am going to wrap things up now and head to bed, I need the sleep.
jim
Date:02.15.02 11:16 AM
I have not been writing simply because I have now made my priority school. That is right, Jim Vahrenkamp has committed to do Trig every night that he has home work. I am actually taking some home work with me on the track trip. I am going to be done with all of my reading by the time I get back for my sci fi class. Sorry about not writing though. Hits are down as can be expected. yes yes, I will try to make some small amount of time and once again become prodigious in my writing. I don't feel so good right now after eating pizza and having a dew. Had a good time at IV last night though. I really love hanging out with those guys. I just have to remember not to get so wound up. I really do get excited. You know me. Any way I am off to hang with my IV friends. Talk to you all later, and marci, have a good day.
Shalom, jim
Date:02.12.02 2:45 PM I didn't realize that I didn't write yesterday, and I did not realize what time it is today, I need to head to school to get ready for the games, and right now I need to shower!! HAHAHAHA, have a good day every one, and pray for your friends, it's a wise thing to do.
jim
Date:02.10.02 3:54 PM
I'm tired, and I really mean that. I think that I could just sleep and sleep and never wake up and I would certainly have gone on sleeping had it not been for my sister screaming. She screams about every thing, especially when it doesn't go her way. And to prepare you all, yes I am going to rant about her actions for just a little while. Trust me, things are only good when she is getting her way, but look out, if you took back somthing she may have taken from you at any point. She is going to yell at you. And for what? The getting back of your stuff? I'm climbing the walls, one person in the world knows what that reference is to, it is a song, and it simply reminds me of a person. You can e-mail me and ask me about it if you want. I have been listening to the mellow music these last few days. I would suppose you could say that I am simply in that sort of mood. Oddly enough I think that I can try and blaim my inadequecy's in Trig, on the darn computer in my room. That was when I quit doign homework. Yes relatives, I didn't do my home work. but I am goign to move that darn thing to Janae's room pretty soon here. She spends most of her time in my room right now. I need a place I can sit and do home work, and I just don't have one as of now. I must apologize for not writing as much of late. I have noted on the statistics page that hits are still hovering around the 35 a day range. Of course those drop with a great signifigance on Sat. and Sun. This is my next question, have I been writing in a fashion that is easier to read of late? My grammer I mean, has it been better, so that reading is not so hard on your mind. So that it is not like the interpretation of a foriegn language. There is a sort of emptiness about me recently. A hallow smile I offer to you, simply in wonderment I think of what it could be. But it is true I am empty, I suppose we can chalk part of it up to the fact that this passing thursday was the date on which I asked amanda out last year. So it would have been a year, and now it is not. So maybe sort of a bit of aloness comes with somthing like that. Don't you think though? I'm no expert, and even now as I write I must confess that I don't even have any mild interests any more. They come and they go, and I simply stay the same, always. Ha, no man can say he is better off without a woman, how can he, they do a whole lot for you. But like they say our worth is to be placed in what God thinks. Ha, much easier said than done, the people who tell us that, more often than not, seem much better off than us. I have decided that I may go out on a limb and take a loan out and buy a crotch rocket(fast motorcycle), why not? My dad wants me to take out a loan any way. I say that if I take one out, it should be for some sort of gain. I need to speak to Gabe about this too, he was the one that aroused my interest, and from what I hear it is in good shape, cheap insurance, cheap on gas, but in one way it may be bad. I don't know how to drive one, yes yes, now I have driven motorcycles before, but it's been a while, and I am not so fresh on all the hand signals and such, I suppose I would have to get a differnt drivers license with an endorsment in motorcycle or somthing. But that would be really great for me to have. I think, and for once I would be doing somthing becuase I think that it would be fun. Of course I have already maxed out all the practicality of the issue to my self. I do'nt konw where Dave went, but I think I am goign to go and do somthing else. I don't know what, but I guess somthing. Maybe more sleep, but I really should see what my brother is doing. I hate my life somtimes, but I guess we live and learn. Have a good day, and sleep well.
jim
10:00 PM
I just wanted to tell every one, and myself somday, that tonight was the first time that I saw her and had no feeling what so ever. I anticipated the empty gut feeling, but it wasn't there. It was so great. I must confess that it is a relief, and that now maybe I can sleep better. My dream last night I was running around helping my family, they of course were a diff. family, but I was making them happy. I was painting at the very end the way the sunlight came into this place. I was standing in a pool, or maybe a stream, and i was very sarcastic with this one woman as she tried to place some of the credit for my success upon herself. I felt bad about that. But I was speaking to a young lady and she was genuinly interested in what I was painting. Earlier in the dream I had given my brother somthing and it brought tears to his eyes. I meant that I gave him money instead of giving it to my tyranical father. Remember this is not my real family. But I gave him the money so that he could go visit some one. I am not sure who, but he cried and I cried. It was very different. So I guess I am off to look at colleges on the internet. Have a good day again.
jim
Date:02.09.02 3:46 PM
It's more than I can handle often.My thoughts that is. When I am left to my own devices I am able to destroy any self esteem or hope that any one could instill in me. I suppose that my intense love for music, and a desire to melt completely into it can help me work on destroying my hope. But I know what it should be, and that is based on God, but that is too easy, and I don't really often do that. I think that chatting and typing in my journal do not mix. I really don't have much to say today too, which I suppose could be it. I think that I am on pace to hit 200 again this week for visits to that page, and I am encouraging some more friends to check it out. So maybe we will push up towards 300 hits a week. I think that if I lived in the dorms some where I could do that. What else do kids in dorms do but surf the net? haha, any way, I suppose I am goign to go and shake a tower (take a shower). Have a good one and wish me well.
jim
Date:02.08.02
I often suppose that I am eccentric and not just unique. But I am somthing that the rest of you are not. No one is like me, and I am special. Funny how that is, and oddly enough it apply's to all of us. Even through the repulsion to the girl in Fight Club, at the end I was more than content for her to be there for him. It seemed almost as it was a need. Like it should just be that way and I only had to accept it. Acceptance is somthing that can be sorely missunderstood. Really, I mean we don't have to accept every thing. God tells us not to in his holy word the bible. He say we should only accept that which is holy and pure. So go to it as I like to say, get up for it and stay up. Do what is right all the time, simply because it is right not because you want to. Get over yourself and step out side of your comfort zone and explore somthing new. In every thing there is a lesson for you. You just need to have your eye's and ears open and be waiting for it. Be ready to learn in every instance, hurt may come, tears, and suffering, but also a lesson, and you will never suffer those tears and suffring again if only you can learn. Sorry I don't have a ton today, but I did upload the stats for my boys basketball teams. Click here if your would like to view them. It may take a sec. to load. Have a good one,
Master James Matthew Vahrenkamp Date:02.06.02 12:00 PM
I've been in more than shall we say, at state of mind. I learned that things can never be what they seem, and if they seem a certain way, they certainly will change in a short while. I can't imagine that things are really waht they are. My mind is on a high today. I am pumped more than ready and invigorated by the challenge. I want more than a lot of things to make tucker understand that he has to out work me to be a national champion. It's not his for the taking. I am going to wrest it from his grasp, and then simply as I like to say, go to it. I am writing quickly as I need to head up to see jerry and get ready to go. I am so pumped. Adreneline has been pumping in my veins since class started. I was just sitting at the table today while the others talked and imagining all of my events. I am really getting into this. It is all tha tmatters, not school, and I have the mindset that I need today. No one can touch me, if they think they can, then they are wrong. The will soon know. And I ma not peaking right now, I am reaching toward a goal that for most is unatainable. I will be the only one, I will win. You will see, my potential is only seen as far as skin deep, but it runs right down to my heart, and my inner core. It is what makes up my being. It is the essence of me. That is my heart. It is bigger, stronger and more passionate than any you have ever seen. And yet you would really have to konw me to know my heart. To know what is there, to see the real me. YOu hvae to work to see it, will you see it? Willyou ever understand, it is my will, my being, and it is why I bounce my leg in atticipation of competition, the feeling of failure is not gratifying, and winning is intoxicating. You know I am right, today I just realized how wonderous it is to feel my heart in my throat, to know that everyone is chasing me. I am the pursued, they are at the disadvantage. And teh feeling of my pulse against my finger, strong, powerful, and solid. Like that of war drums. But no it i smy body speaking to me, pushing me, readying me. I am, and will always be a champion in my eyes, and they eyes of God. shalom
jim
Date:02.05.02 5:50 PM sorry about the short hiatus. I know that I should have written yesterday, but truthfully I really felt uninspired. Right now I do simply because I have a track meet tomorrow. I am excited, and at the same time apprehensive over the matter. I want to do well, but really, can I live up to 3293 points? Do I have it in me to get another 200 points? I am 7th in the nation right now. Going into conferance with the #1 pointage would really help my confidence. It would allow me to relax and comopete. Ir eally have to go out and get it tomorrow. Well I have been typing torridly for a short while now, and I must run to class for fear I would be tardy and stared at by all the nerdy engineer's haha,
jim - more later, just wait
Date:02.03.03 1:48 PM
Return to a state of normalcy is all that I can hope for. But these moments are far and few in-between, and so treasured. But I am really not sure what to hope for right now. Not sure where to go, or how to get there. Just simply that I need to continue to move foward. What is last year to me now? I can't live in the past, and neither can any one else. I need to deposite my checks int he bank tomorrow. And I need to call marci medalion. Boy I am really worried about this week that is coming up. We have a game tomorrow against Hermosa, we should be ok in that one, the one that I am worried about is against wall. That should be our 2nd real test this year. And coming up I have New Underwood again. I think that I am going to really work on post defense and just make wall work their butts off to score. I don't care if the shoot a million three's or jump shots. There is anot a junior high team that is that good. They will have to earn every point. I may slow it down, and just controll the ball for forever. No ref is going to start making 5 sec calls on a junior high team. We will win I know it. Boy that would really make wall mad. I think clint and the rest of the boys are going to hvae to be really aggressive, but the 1-3-1 can be packed in, and used correctly. I am a bit worried about losing david though. That is really going to put a load on joel, and I am sure that we will have to go to a 4-1 for the rest of the season. Well I am a bit out of things to rant about. Hvae a good day. The Rams are going to win.
jim
Date:02.02.02 5:55 PM
I just got home from my track meet. No I don't have great results to post. In high jump I was able to rake the inside of my left leg and make my self bleed a ton, to the appalment of the other contestants. I wasn't a great deal happy about it either. Any way, I made 6'2" and missed barley twice at 6'4". It's just a matter of holding my head longer. So the height for 6'6" is there, the technique will just come with time. I must be patient. And in the hurdles I ran an respectable time in the prelims, but I didn't have good form. So I decided that i would hold true to what I have been taught in the finals. That earned me an 8.21 clocking. My best is 8.00, so you can imagine that I wasn't happy. But the matter of the fact is that once again the technique is coming, and I just want to rush ahead. But I did feel that I ran a better race as far as form goes. I will watch the tape, and then decide where we are. It is coming, just look at it this way. I am sacrificing success now for greater success later. In the 400 I did run a 52.0, that is down from a 52.4 which I ran last week. I am going to just get better in that too. I have a pentathelon meet this wedensday, it starts at 2:30 so I am excited about that. I am going to try out my new long jump technique. I hope that I can go 21 feet. I will just you wait, my shot will be much better too. As far as it goes mentally, I will be prepared that is all I have to say. I think that I will go to bible study on tuesday if I can. That would be good for me. OK then I guess I don't have anything else to say today. I am going to head out and read marci and mary's pages. I am also going to look for somthing to do tonight.
shalom, Jim
Date:02.01.02 11:10 AM Ok so I have been a bit off with my dates I guess for the last few days. But now I am all adjusted, and I am thankful for all of the reading that I can now do when I get on the web. I was looking at mary's journal, and looking at Marci's journal, and then there is Eric's page. So there really is a plethera of things for me to do, and I can keep busy for quite some time reading them. Any way I went to applebee's last night, and Andrew came with me. It really was a good time, I also asked Marci if she wanted to go to the formal with me, that should be an adventure. But I am thinking it would be fun. I need to get together with her, and see if she is going to be able to get off of work to go. Then I guess we are going to Minerva's. It is a very nice resturant, and we would be going with a few other people from IV. So once again IV comes and opens up my life just a tad bit more. I have a track meet tomorrow. I am sort of excited about it. I am bummed in that I need to hit the sack early tonight. Actually I really don't have anything to do after this next class. So I may go home, take a nap, or lift, no I won't lift the day before a meet. I am retarded. Any way, about junior high basketball: last night we played edgemont, and just smoked the pants off of them. We really did play well. In the 7th grade game I took out the tall kids just so that Edgemont could do somthing, wrong move, the kids I put in just beat the pants off of them. I looked at the book too, and the scoring was as balanced as it can be. The high scorer had 18 points and we scored almost 60 pts. In the 8th grade game we did score close to 60 pts. Almost, we had 57 pts, and Edgemont managed only 11. That was good, their coach yelled at me that my players could only play 6 quarters a night. Funny, I was helping her out by letting my 7th graders play a little ball against her 8th graders. So I just stuck more 8th graders in. At one point I went with a bigger line up. All posts, but one gaurd. And what ended up happening was that they did not score in that quarter, and we had a ton of offensive rebounds. All was good in the land of ought not. Any way, so I feel the team is improving, I can trust most of them with shooting at their own discreation. I had a tad bit of a problem with the point gaurd situation, Taylor may be my answer. He didn't look very well last night. He really looked sick, and I was worried about him. I guess he was ok though he did score when neede, and he distrubeted the ball well. Just enough scoring to keep them honest on him, and enough passing to make them guard other people. For the first time last night we actually pushed the ball up the floor. Well my fingers are getting cold and I want to tally up my books, have a good day. Shalom,
jim
9:47 PM
and they shall come and I will die, imagine the sounds as you hear my cry, wanting, cold and lost, time will tell, time and the frost. It will cover me, fill my mouth, enter my thoughts, and suddenly my actions will be as cold as my soul. You will stare with wonderment, I will glare, and then I will be gone, for this is the land of the living, the land of reprisal, this is the land, and I must be gone.
I saw tonight that I can only come to understand myself, when I am totally alone. I used to have a spot that I would go. It was a place unlike any others. In a word, Mine. You know the sort, the place where you hear the music that has pulsated through your head all day long, and themed each thing you did. Only now it weaves around you, in a comfort, but in this moment, in this place there is a contentment. God is there, and you are there. It is a sort of meeting place. In all reality God is always near. Close at your side, but here you know he will be. There is little fait involved, mostly a simple understanding.
Date:01.31.02 12:01 AM
Today I became a man, yes? Well in a sense I am nothing of the sort. But I did make some decisions. I have decided to spell better on my web page so it is easier to read. I read through yesterday's entry and it is a bit confusing, sorry! Any way I went to IV tonight, and it is apparent that web pages are all the rage. I guess marci (www.geocities.com/marciebens.) has been getting a ton of hits the last few days. I just made a new page for Mary Smith. www.geocities.com/fruitcages it is a good one. And I would encourage all of you to go there. She writes, simply put, some of the most amazing stories and entry's that I have ever read. Life is so intersting when seen through her eyes. I simply become jelous, and inarticulate when compared to her. I am so musch more raw, and what I am, nothing. I decided today that I should be persistant in what I want. I also have been praying like a mad man. I am going to get it, I am just not sure when it is coming! Haha, well I am as giddy as a school boy tonight. Let's see, what is the thing that I learned today? Well I learned that I am a great deal to hard on myself, and that I am doing well in track. I feel like I am not doing well enough. I guess I am doing ok, but I need more sleep I know that, that is why as soon as I am done with this it is off to bed, and then I am goign to head to prayer meeting in the morning. I don't see how skipping that would be rewarding. God rewards those who are faithful to him. But I have to remember to be real, and honest, not only with God but with myself. I love music, I really do, you should only read my journal with music playing. Go to it, shalome!
jim
Date:01.30.02 8:33 AM
my mother is upstairs singing, my brother is in his bed sick, and here I sit rapping away at this old keyboard. I got my guitar out for a change, that is instead of playing my sisters acustic. I was just fiddling with some songs, and I think that I should sit down and record them so they don't fade from memory. I need to ask john if I can do some more recording, maybe with him playing things. That would make it easier. And this time I could use a metronome instead of just my head and sense of rythm. Yes yes, well onto other things. I was thinking on the way home from school this morning, at 8:00 am, that I am not very good at showing my feelings. I suppose you could just say that I am not very good at flirting. I thought I was at some point, but guess I have just lost it, or I am unaware that I am able. OH how I miss getting e-mail, I do, really, don't get me wrong or anything, just miss seeing some people. Natalie, if you are reading, howdy. That is my new word for now, howdy. I had one last year that I really like. A word of greating that is, and I cannot for the life of me remember what it was. Things were so different a year ago. I had a girlfriend, thought I was going to go to school in sioux falls, I was playing basketball. Just all this stuff, and now I am here, and I don't really know why. I am convinced though that I shall attend prayer meeting every morning. Hold on my mom wants me to help her (pause) OK now I am back. To give youa sense of how long I was gone, I tis now 9:29, ok so I think that I am going to go to school, and after my first class today, Iam going to go and write some more. SChool, that'sa funny thought. I think I am goihgn to listen to some ani on the way to school. My goodness she is good, the guitar can wait for me to get more inspiration. I just watched a video from my friend dave. And today my revelation is that it is so important to bind yourself tightly to the body of believers. I hvae not been doing that, I hvea been off in my own world, and since I have been there I hvae not been able to keep myself in check. And to top it off I hvae missed the fellowship. So I suppose I am going to prayermeeting and such to get back the fellowship, I was thinking I might join choir, I am a bit apprehensive, in that I don't want to envelope my life in the consumption of my time, but if I am at school that early already, why not go to it? And I love to sing so that is a plus, especially the choral type of music.you konw what I was jus thinking? when you are along you don't really talk that much. I have been sitting here not talking for at least the last 15 min. Wow, so overwhelming. It is nice just to listen. Natalie, that what is sweet about her, or you if you are reading, you talk and let me listen, all to often I fin dmyself the only one really talking, and every one else talkiongl. All the kids ont he track team say that I should have my own talk show. WHat are they implying, they always listen they don't say, "JIM SHUT UP!" so who konws. I really, really lvoe to listen, and to watch and just observe. I am tired, my abs hurt. I got on-line last night, and when I was waiting for the computer I hit my abs again. So they are still sore, my back is sore from high jumping. I was arching over 6-11 last night. That is really weird. It's like falling a long ways,a nd I kept falling in between the mats so I would get stuck, or my head would fall between them. It was just a good time. I was reallyl down yesterday too though. Ok get to it, hahah, so I say goodbye, and have a good day, that is untill I type again.
jim
Date:01.29.02 11:27 AM
I guess today is Andrew Smiths Birthday!!! Yayyyy, everyone, including my relatives who read this needs to e-mail him (cybermech77@hotmail.com) and wish him a wonderful birthday. haha, getting older is so much over rated, just nearer to death I would say. ANy way so I am goign to write about girlfriends as Mary says. I will start by umm lining you up to my situation. I have an interest in Girl, lets call her N, ok and I was dating girl A a few months ago. So now, girl N has, in my opinion, shown interest, which is exciting for me. So any way, but yesterday i saw her with another guy. Lets call him guy X, just becuase I am not to overly enthused about his appearance onto the scene. Ok so Girl N was with Guy X, and I, guy J, just sat and watched. But word on the street, that is as of 6 last night is that she has no boyfriend, only a friend. But I wonder, another consideration is that I am only interested in getting to know girl N better as of now. So I am concerned that girl A will want to get back together if I get to heading in the direction of a relationship with girl N. So I am at a cross roads. As of now I am getting to know girl N better. As far as girl A goes. If she comes back. I am going to tell her that I can't go back out with her. Or somthing like that. This is all in theory so none of what i am saying will really happen if the situation did occur. So I guess I am going to go eat pizza now. That is my update as far as now.
jim
Date:01.28.02 1:49 PM
man oh man, have I got a good one foryou. You totally have to watch fight club. I swear it has to be one of the most wonderful movies I have seen in a long time. I loved it somuch because it thinks just like I do. It is the embodyment of imagination. Not often do you see that. So I guess I am going to find a copy of it on the network at school and give it to some friends. I was sitting in the miner shack today, and I was more than certain that I was goign to freeze to death. I had my fingers in my ears, so that I could just really get into what I was reading. And low and behold who bumps me on the head? Natalie, any way I just thought I would add that. She said to ask her to tell me somthing when I saw her next, yeah I didn't get a chance to. So any way, I was thinking today that I am going to bust my butt this half of track. That is who I am, track, taht explains most of me right. The pain that results in gain, yes I konw I am silly, But that is how I think of it. I am wanting to tell you that everything has potential, regardless, some just for good, and others for evil. Thinkof that when you look at people, potential, just underneath the skin, Evil - Good. jim
Date:01.27.02 6:02 PM
I would suppose, and this is coming from my view point, that the times that I write in my journal here would be of some interest. Looking to see when I write might suggest open holes in my schedule. And quite possible a time to catch me at home. HMMM? Any way, so today was a pretty good day I suppose. Most would freak out because it would be their birthday. Big deal, it's another day of the freaking year. I really don't see why people get so bent out of shape for birthday's. I don't even enjoy the passing of mine, I would be rather content if people would just let it slide on by. Any way so on, I got the best gift that I have ever gotten today. It was from my Grandpa. He gave me a fishing lour which I thought was so wonderful. He got all choked up talking about stuff, and for once I really think that I saw who he was. He really loves the outdoor's and I didn't know that he had such and appreciation for God's creation. Shoot I even shed 3 tears. It would have been more had I been off by myself thinking about it. But so any way it was jsut like a symbolization of what life has meant to him. The chance to be outdoors and experiance life. In a way that so many people miss. Right so I need to stop talking about this, but I wanted all of you to know that people are so much more than you can every imagine. There are so many facets of each person, that it is not fair to say that a person is shallow, or deep, or emaciated mentally. Come on, maybe they don't value the same things you do. But for once, get over yourself, and quit worring about what every other fricking person thinks or does or acts. All that matters is what you do.
jim
Date:01.26.02 6:29 PM
I would have wrote last night, had it not been the nigth before track meet. I was clutch today. For you older folk, that means that I was basically doing very well at what I did. What did I do? Well I did long jump, and my first jump was 19 feet and 1/4 inch. Yeah I know, nothing impressive. Ok so here we go on my second jump. I'm all up pumped, dying to try it. And I am knowing that I am behind the board. I have to run harder, hit the board and be quick through the ankle (not allow my heel to drop at all when planting for my jump), drive the knee to my chest, and just bust out a huge jump. Coach has told me to give myself another foot back. But, what does he know about how I run. So I give myself about 2-3 inches more. Down the runway I pound, heart pounding, expectant, up I fly everything is good, and what do I hear?...... "scratch". Shoot, coach was right. That was a good jump. So I head back, and for the first time this year I realize that my brain is the factor that has been missing. I have been running on my legs, and thinking with my arms. So I go back. I am visualizing, and for once I am understanding what it takes. So I'm up. I take another foot back so that I don't crowd the board (get to close to the line, which in crossing would require a scratch: BAD). Down the runway I go, I am pushing, getting it, I am pu in the air, I drive the knee through to the chest, and hit the sand, I know that I am not extended enough when I hit the sand. And I am dissapointed. The jump looks short, and I was counting on a good one. I slap my hands together and spray sand on the old people to t he left of the pit as I am facing the runway. I get dirty looks like, "who does he think he is?". Duh, I'm jim, any way I head over to coach and he is grinning like fricking cat. What is this I think, I suck, but I hear the words. Twenty feet, Nine Inches. What is that? Who are they talking to? I am elated. Blood hits every vein in my body, and I am pumped. I have succeeded. I am back on top. And I know I have accomplished what I set out to do. That is a foot better than I have ever jumped in my life. Worth another 100 points in the pentathelon at least. Alright. I know what I can do, and I am prepared to do it. Just have to work on my knee drive.
jim
Family Update
Jessica: Things are going well for her as she is competing in volleyball and has made the varsity squad after having not played volleyball for 2 years. She is excited for the results to come in response to her application for her status as an exchange student to Germany. She would really like to go.
Date:01.24.02 9:54 AM
Right so I am waiting for track practice to get under way. That is to say tha tI am waiting for kyle who just showed up. Any way, life is pretty darn good. I am content as a cat with a saucer of milk right now. That may also be bad in that I may not do my homework as diligently as I used to. I really need to work on my trig. It is stuff that I really didn't understand last sememster, and I need to understand it this time around. I went and tested for credit csc 105 yesterday. Yeah that was pretty easy. a bit frustrating at times, but all in all an easy venture. But any way I got done with that, went to boys basketball, and yelled a lot. haha, I hope that they didn't take it too hard. I need to keep working solely in the defensive end of the spectrum. That is where we can make the most improvement. But that is as exciting as it gets. I know I know that I need to put up some stats for the jhbb. They ae coming, I need to rework some of my formulae so that it takes some of the work out of my putting the stats together. Data entry was never that fun in the first place. But here I am, and this is what I do. I was talking to a kid at laura's last night who just got a job some where around here that pays like 10 and hour. Work ing with compouters that is. I would kill for a job like that. Of course they would have to flexible. And on a lighter note, Zandstra did get the bid for the by pass job by my house so for the next 4 years i could potentially work down the street. That would really be great. That means that when I am off work, I am done, and right near where I want to go. Home. Any way track is gettin going talk toyou all later.
jim
12:45
funny how things happen that you would never expect. I washed my car today, and I worked on making the tires look new and shiny. Honestly, I don't htink that my paper that I prepared for sci-fi is going to fly. I really don't. They were things that I honestly thought, and that I read about, but I don't know that she is going to feel that they were heart felt, or deep enough. I am about 13 min away from that class, so who knows. You konw what is exciting about tonight? Nothing that is exactly it. I have nothing to do, no where to be. My nighclass can be exciting, and I can enjoy the fact that I have read ahead so far that he will never catch up to me. At least not at the pace that he has choosen to go oin class. Why is it, that I can never understand just where I am. Never, I can't. I needed to call jerry last night and tell him that the pen. meet that he was trying to get going wtih the guys at bh is fine. I would love too,a nd I have the time to spare. Andrew smith is funny, and I love the 7th and 8th graders that I coach. They are beggining to understand that I really like them too. They are about over the part where I yell alot. It also hurts not to have some of them, they are sick, have sore ankles, and one is in South America. Good grief. Do you ever feel like your life is open to the public? Like everything that happens to you, is scrutinized, and doyou ever get tired of it? I know that I feel like that some times, but then I like it often whe people actually take an interest in what is happening to me. K I have to run to class to make it on time. Have a good one.
jim
Date:01.23.02 10:53 AM
somtimes it is the things that you want to know most that really hurt. Right? So what I am trying to say, is yes, even though it may hurt, knowing is far better than wondering ever could be. Take me for instance, it will take time, but in a while I will be ok. I talked to Amanda on the phone last night, it was good it even seemed as though she was willing to talk to me. That is not to say t hat I feel that she is interested, and truthfully, right now, I am not either. But she actually seemed like she wanted to talk, and like she was enjoying it, not like she was having her spine ripped out, such as it has seemed before. Any way moving on, I also talked to laura, which was good. She does good in that she lifts my mood often. And I think that we may go get some coffee tonight. I really need to either get out at least once a week, or just to make it to IV some night (intervarsity). So no ideas about amanda, and no other girls to report either. I am not shunning them, just being very picky. Yes and I have a computer in my room at home that I am not sure what is supposed to be done with it. I have to call my aunt tonight and see what it is exactly that she wants done. I am guessing that they want to give it to my grandparents for e-mail and the like. Ummmm, let me think, NO. It is old, just get them a new one. Have all the kids pitch in 50 bucks and get a new one for God's sake. Don't be so cheap. These are your parents that we are talking about. Any way so I am in the market for a new computer, that is to say that I am looking merely. Not much else, but there are some really great deals on the net if you will just look. Any way I still need to do my trig home work. Have a good day.
jim
Date:01.22.02 9:44 PM
so now I smile and you tell me it will all be ok?
wonderment is more than I can grasp, and yet there it is. The begging that comes from an end. Right so we have all seen that right? But when have we ever lived it? Living is so hard, and doing things right makes nothing easy. But easy is the way out that always loses. Hard is the path seldom traveled, that holds the rewards of paitience and understanding, both which I could use right now. Any way I am going to go to bed, and leave you with that thought. Understand that right is not always easy, in fact, I would say seldom.
Date:01.22.02 11.:21 AM
Rioght now I am cooking my self some pizza for lunch. I am rather excited about it. No revelations of late. But today I am listening to some great, I suppose you could call it, hard rock. But it is christian, and I really enjoy the fact that they can scream about God.he hey hey jeff just got on the internet. Here is a sort of update in my life. Some of you might be offended, but don't write me about it or anything (sarcastic tone implying no one but relatives ever writes)! Haha, any I am trying out boxers. I am not yet sold on them. I really don't see any benifit in them, and they really are not that comfortable. Any way, on to other subjects of life. Laura was having boy problems untill that is Brock called, and now thingws are all good. She is liking him a great deal more now, and so I guess I am pleased for her. Of course how can I not be? I am always pleased when other peoples relationships are going well. As of now I really don't have anything as far as in the way of relationships. I am a barren wasteland waiting for the rain, lol. Yes, no real considerations, mostly just hung up on amanda (meaning I still have feelings for her). But what can one do? NOthing as far as my case goes. So I am chilling here with God, and hoping that he knows what is ahead, and is looking out for my betterment. Right? Isn't that what we are supposed to be doing? So any way, ,school is good, I did my homework from today again, but I think that I need to do some more reading for my history class that is tonight. I have a boys bball game to coach tonight. After the game at New Underwood the other night I know what needs to be done, and will get to it. But check this out. We have had 3 games and no practice in between. So I am just waiting untill we can get in the gym. The high school boys have a game with newunderwood tonight. I am hoping that goes well. They really have put in a great deal of work this year, and since matt is gone for a hwile now (their main post player), they are having to play a great deal of freshman. They are holding up to the job, but seniors are a great deal wiser when it comes to games that are on the line. Any way I guess I am going to go and type up a practice schedule for this week for the boys. Have a great day and hello to all of my relatives who faitfully read this, and sorry about not writing for like 2 days.
jim
Date:01.20.02 12:21 AM
yes it has been a short 12 hours since I last wrote, but now I am looking up music on the net that is obscure, and well just not in the loop. My favorite band of the moment is Dennison Marrs. I have to run and help my dad get a new washer and dryer. bye
jim
Date:01.20.02 12:11 PM
ok so I was looking at stats for this week, and you guys helped me reach 103 hits this week! Wonderful, that is the most that the page has ever experianced in such a short time. I forsee, in the near future, a redesign of the page. Maybe on monday, I have a good idea that would clean the page up a bit and make it look nicer, and run better. Well well well,
jim
Date:01.16.02 7:48 AM
I was going to write last night, but I just never got around to it. Now after this I need to head and do my Trig home work. I am excited about not haveing to go to school this friday. I really am ready to get into track and to compete the best that I can. As far as to how I did at the track meet on saturday, I thought I wrote about it. So here it is. I got 3rd in the 55m Hurdles, I ran a time of 8.00. If you want to see a comparison you can visit this link and go to the sports page and look at the track section and look at the DAC-10 standings. I provisionally qualified for nationals in hurdles, and now only need to drop about 1.5 tenths of a seconds off of my time to get in automatic. In the 800 that I ran, I ran a 2:09. That so far this year is the fastest on the team. I ran it so that I could get ready for the 1000m that I have to run on friday. That is just part of the pentathelon. Which is comprised of a 55m Hurdles, high jump, long jump, shot put, and a 1000. so I am all ready for that except for the long jump. but I will get that onthursday or today. School is goign well, and I guess I am being more studious. I hate it, I wish I was just out and about, but this is the way that it is supposed to be. I am shooting for A's and B's. I am capable, just not always willing. So I hvae to stay on top of it. OK then I guess I am goign to download some more rap and make myself some rap cd's for this weekend.
jim
Date:1.14.01 1:30 PM
haha, well I was just reading through my journaling from like a year ago, and boy is it funny, just to see where things were, and how I was. I was a pretty cool guy, and now look what I hvae become. I am not letting my self be me. I will just you wait. I was also talking to dave, and I guess my dad was more of a ladies man than I could ever imagine, which means that yes he did talk to them when he was my age. Funny how parents can defy your imagination. Speaking of imagination, I was reading our assigned reading for my sci-fi class and, what a story. It sounds like some thing that I would imagine in my mind. I have lost my creativity, but I think with it, I have lost a great deal of depression. Mood swings seem to come with any thing that is creative. HOw many happy and content artists are there out there? and how long have they been like that? I think that I am way to shallow rigth now. Yeah so when you see me. It is the real me, but what you see is just what shows through. There is way more in me. YOu just have to want to find out what it is that i hvae hidden in side. I could be just the coolest man around. And so I'm special and content, and especially intent, on believing that leaving was heaven sent. I could wonder and wander right off of the earth. But would you be there to catch me or to see my birth. I am nothing more than a man of the times, never on time, and always behind. But in ways I am light years a head, father down the road than those who are dead, to a world that we are live in, and appreciation, nothing, believing, and finding the end. So I will go on,and you can come too, but will you must you, what will you do?
and to think that I just poured that out from my head, and never gave a though to what I was saying. I am going to write one e-mail, print off my paper, and then I am going to go to class, you all have a wonderful day. And pray that I get to clep computer.
jim - I think that I am far to reasonable
Date:1.13.01 9:54 PM
yeah today was good, I can just say that, and I can say thank you to all of the people who are my friends, and who stick with it. You're important, and no one can put a price on your head. Never.
jim
Date:1.12.02 11:52 PM
Right.... so It was on this fine evening, in mrs shields, and a couple of glasses of water, and a discussion with josh that God revealed to me his location. I had had the map for so long that I had forgoten how to read it, and then the words burst from my mouth, and out of me spoke the words of God. "I am here." It was all he said, but it was what he said later that made me think to myself. I had not really lost any thing, well I had, but I had gained an understanding from that loss, that from anything God can make a beutiful work. And so I am here appreciating his wonderful work, and praising and thanking him for being the eternal father of goodness, who in our darkest hour will not forsake us. We make turn away from him, but when we turn around we can only expect to see his smiling face of goodness. So here I am staring him in the face, wondering where he is. And he speaks to me, which I might add, is not comman, and I know. I know now, when was the last time God spoke to you? I find it amazing that I can be so dumb. God has my every best interest in mind, and to tell you the truth:God will allow you to be any place that you want to me, completly devoid of him, or with him, and so on etc. But the fact of the matter is that only when you are within his will can you really be happy. Yes it is true that you may think that things would be better if you had this or that, but in reality since God knwos what is the best for you, he knows that ou don't need that. Another thing that I realized today for myself, is that only when I let go of the things that i desire to keep the most, only then will God allow me to have them, or if he does not, I was never meant to have them in the first place. God makes it really easy on us, we just make it hard on ourselves. Right? We have the whole bible that reveals God's will, and yet I still have to search for it. If you were in Mrs. Esposito's class with me, then you already know that Jesus is the answer, but in reality it is, you must go to God in every situation. There is nothing that you can do in your own power, only in God are "all things possible". But there it is, the simple equation for success, and I just spelled it out for you. so you all hit the sack, and be positive, I knwo it is hard, but you must believe, only then will you find what you desire, or what you need. or Both.
jim
Date:1.10.02
5:42 PM
yes I thought that I would sit down and write twice in one day. That is simply because I am here at tech waiting for my class to start. It is my history class, which I found out I will be missing next week because of a basketball game. I really am hoping that basketball does not hurt me too bad, when it comes to this class. I really would not like that. I think that Gopd really wants me to focus on some things that will prepare me to leave. And I think that involves a few things that a select few know about. Any way I hvae not really been getting any e-mail from you guys about my journal so I hvae been writing more so that you would have somthing to respond to, even a hello I read your journal is nice. I hvae been keeping a few days worth of entrys up so that if you miss a day or two you don't have to mess in the archive. I really like my page here though. I am thinkinhg that I will add another journal, only this one is going to be for a class that I am taking. It is for my science fiction class. Any way I think I am going to go to class now. Talk toy ou all later.
jim again
11:15 AM
good morning. I just got up, and I have school today. I have a science fiction class at like 2 and then I have a History class at 6, so I have a day that is a bit diff. I am hoping that aamco can take care of my car problem soon. I am getting tired of buying more fluid for it. It really sucks. I really don't want to work. I just want to go to school, coach, and have money for no reason. I guess I will come upon money with tax returns, and coaching. That should help a bit. But then if I work too, I can have some things that I could not before. But again I am with out the time that i am used to. Any way I need to run and start getting things done, so have a good day, and write if you have any comments for me.
jim
Date:1.09.02 9:42 AM
well I am up a bit more early than I want to be, but you know yuou can't have every thing. I am thinking that I will just go back to sleep. I am looking at a place to get my car fixed so I shall call aamco today to look at it. I would really like to get it fixed, and then I could roll, but not 'till then. Any way jeff wants to go ice scating today, but I really don't want to. I have track that I have to get to. I just want to do nothing untill it is time for practice with the boys, and then from there to get to practice. So that would be good. Damn I just wish I knew what school to go to next year. I really need to get looking, I want to find somthing that is a ways away. I really am thinking like 3-4 states away, but there really is no place that I want to go, that I think I could afford. So I must adjust my priority's and get things set again. I have a track meet on saturday, and I am pretty happy about that, but I really would like to be without my stitches. I am trying to figure out how I am goign to coach, and practice the same days. I guess that I will have to plan ahead and practice by myself on the days that I have games and such. So that sucks, and then it is not that bad. But I just want to be back to high school, but we decided that there is no merit in living in that past. Only looking to the future with God at your side. I think then you may forget that he is there, but having him there is better than knowing that he is not there. I talked to laura last night, and that was what I needed. I think that I got an understanding of my situation that I can live with. It still hurts to find things out from people second hand. Trust me if you are ever with some one, let them know what is going on.
jim
Date:1.08.02 10:16 PM
I was up later than I ever wanted to be last night. I am going to hit the sack early tonight. I am a bit depressed right now. i am tryhing to be happy and have good days. But you know how that goes. You never can really completly do what you want. Any way I was thinking today that I would just never trouble people with my troubles if I don't think that they are really interested. I used to only worry about missing seeing sporting events, and the like, and I was never crushed when I didn't get to spend time with people. And all of a sudden I feel a big like lacking in that area. It's been a long time since I have cried and suddenly I am and I don't know why, but I guess it has just been a hard day, and I am afraid for josh and jeff to leave, jimmy is gone and I am just not sure about any thing. Where am I? I think that I shall try and brighten some ones day tomorrow. I really need to. I hvae to go
jim
Date:1.07.02 11:59 PM
well goodness. Here I am again. All of you that read this should really tell at least 3 people every day about this site, and see if we can really spark some interest. I was thinking of writing the address on dollar bills and such. Maybe I could work for a while and buy a billboard and advertise my site on that. I think that it would be pretty cool.
jim
Date:1.06.02 jim
Date:1.04.01
jim
Date:1.02.02 7:46 AM MST
I am finally back to that place that I belong. And i feels so good to be home. Not good that I will have to go back to school soon, but that I am with the people that I love. Not that I did not love my relatives in New York. These are my friends. My best friends. Not just people that I know. Any way, the trip home yesterday to say the least was uneventful. I slept most of the time, and then drove from lusk on home. That was good. At that point I could not sleep at all, and it gave me time to just sit and think. And of course think I did. Just about every thing. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. Let's head back to the concourse in Newark, NJ. Here I am sitting listening to my ani, and such, and really just wondering why I am at the airport nearly 2 hours before our flight, and then I remember that we had to dump jeff and janae on carol and ron, for their trip back. So here I sit, pensive? No, not really, just watching every one that is around me. There are two black people directly behind me, that I would guess have been married for quite some time. And I would count 5-8 years as quite some time in this day and age. But i just watch how they interact, and it is obvious to me that they are best friends. They laugh at what each other say, much like I do with josh. But the thing that I notice most is how he does things for her, and there is no demanding between them. They are calm and content to be sitting some where waiting for a plane. Over to my right is a guy with red hair. He is about 6 feet tall, and his hair is frizzy and messy. He has two boys with him. The funny thing about this guy is that he is wearing a trench coat. Not one that you would think of, no not a black one, but a tan one. And it doesn't look like it belongs to him. One I would estimate to be the age of about 4. He knows what is going on and sits and plays with his toy airplane that he has. He is having a good old time, and his mother sits, and watches him. Dad, is following around the toddler who has in his mind nothing more than to clean up the area. He find every piece of trash, and meets every one in the near vicinity. The man is nice, and once again he is happy. The world is not so sour as I would imagine. It really is not. And I see that in just these two sets of people. My goodness there are so many more. There is a blond girl I would guess that is about the age of 22 and she is staring at me. Not blankly but as if she knows who I am, and is honestly trying to place me. I don't htink she is staring blankly because she is speaking to other people as she is looking, and changing her face all the while. But any way she stops and I see that my dad is up and wandering around again. He really doesn't sit still any where that we go. He always gets up and finds out every thing about the place. He reads all of the signs, but he does it on his own. An odd characteristic that I should say I think I have inherited. Jessica is complaining about the wait again, and I get up to move accross the large room to see the p hone bank. I head over and call my house twice. Just for the heck of it. I call and then hang up before the answering service gets it. It is just somthing to remind me that I am goign home. That I will be there someday. Someday, and yet at this point it seems so far away. Date:12.28.01 12:35 PM EST
well I think more and more how I would love to hvae a lap topo that I could sit and type out, or more or less catch my thoughts as they occur. It is often that I am in more of a mood to type at that point in time, that when I get to the computer. I think that my fingers are forgetting how to type. But then I am going to copy a bunch of stuff in today. So not much writing. Yes I miss you too amanda. Talk to you guys soon. That is when I ge thome. I hope you enjoy the sizeable update. ?
jim
Date:12.25.01
Right so today is christmas day. Odd enough I slept for a great deal of it, and just spent time doing absolutely nothing. Right now my brother is sleeping, and the rest of the family is getting ready for supper. I personally am starving. I am thinking that I may never get to put this journaling on the net while I am here. But then I do have a phone card and I could just call josh and get the numbers for the service at home. Would that work? I was thinking that I could. Any way how bad can it get? Really. So yes I guess now that I have to go to a funeral while I am here. I am not too excited about that, but you must live with the cards that you are dealt, right? So any way another thing that I absolutely detest is the fact that everyone here loves to play cards. What is a guy supposed to do if he doesn?t like cards. What is wrong with me I have been sleeping like mad since I got here. My Grandma asked today if that was all that I do? Hhaha. I am laughing at the thought of me just sleeping all the time. My uncle took me down to a track that is here in the town or whatever you call it. I am really confused as to how things are organized in this area. No towns just people every where. Which brings me to the next thing. I really think that I could live here. I think so. But what would I do for a living? I have really been working on that one for the last few days. I haven?t even tried to figure out when I am coming home. I really have no idea. I do know that I have to coach when I get there. Boy my head is sure filled with ideas. What is married life really like, and do you really need to do the things that you like before you are married? Is that the deal? Which is better marital bliss or the life of a bacelor? I couldn?t tell you. But I could tell you that every one must have a different view. So I guess tomorrow I don?t know what I am doing again. I never know what I am doing, or any one else here, and I really don?t know what people at home are doing. I am sad that my christmas was when it was. I am happy with what I got, but I would like to be able to let things that I get be a surprise to people. I mean what is the fun if you just tell people what you got, you never get a response, as to how great ?it? is or you know. Just never get to have people comment on how great things are that you have. I really think that some time here along the way I am going to check my e-mail, I know you guys can?t read this at this point, but thanks if you sent me any e-mail. If I do go away to college I can understand why I would really need e-mail. I think I would go nuts without it. Any way I guess that I am going to go. I am not sure what I am going to do, maybe I will call josh. But I?ll be back needless to say. Oh and I love the architecture here. Oh and by the way I would love some of these altec lansing speakers. They really do have a great sound.
-jim
Date:12.24.01
Today has been good. I already went and did my work out with my brother. It worked out good. They (my Uncle Ron and Aunt Carol have a hill in the back of their house. So my hill workout went well. I am thinking that I did it to near after eating. I will have to change that tomorrow. The other thing is that I am going to be not so tired.
Yesterday: Well the night, and trip down went well. We ended up staying with a family that we know in Colorado Springs. Turns out they liver very near to the airport. I am so confused this year about when christmas is and was. I mean if you had 2 of them wouldn?t you be confused? I checked my grades on the internet, and I was not doing as bad as I thought, so that is good. I need to change my password for the internet stuff for tech so that I don?t have to keep going back and finding out what it was. Any way so on the trip to colorado springs we first stop after leaving Torrington, just south of it near a town called Hawk Springs. Well we come in and all, and were talking with Steve, they are going on a cruise to Jamaica soon, and he asks if we (my brother and I) are computer wizzes. Of course it sounds like fun, and I say that I would like to look at what ever the problem is. So he takes us over to his computer which it ends up has nothing but dos on it. So I sit down and he has a mangarie of disks, both cd-rom and 3.5?s. So I get to looking and I guess maybe the cd rom drivers were not installed. But in the end I was able to install windows for him, and he was as happy as can be. Which brought me back to the people thing. Just how good it feels to do things for others and to see their joyful reaction. How happy are you when some one is able to help you out, and doesn?t ask a penny for it? It feels ever so good. And so as we left that place I had a sense of goodness in me. But we were on our way south toward Ft. Collins. I must add at this point how much I really do love that land. I really do. In between Lusk andCheyenne. Simply a beautiful place. So any way we get to Ft. Collins in not to long. I am not sure how t he trip went, I had ani in and drifted in and out of consciousness. So when we get there Andy Topel is there, and I talked to him for a while, and then Tom came on down from sleeping I guess. But I might want to add that while I was there the whole time I kept laughing to myself at how Jewish they were. Literally. Their father, Sam, is full Jewish I think, and he looks it with the beard and glasses. What?s even more fun is that they are all artistic, musically and they love literature, tom is odd in that he is really great at Physics. Yeah don?t laugh my tech friends he could blow your doors off when it comes to that. He has like a 4.0 in that, and he is in something like physics 3 or 4. Wow so I am impressed. Any way we had pizza and I am talking to Joey and he is telling me about his music and such. So he pops some in, I?m impressed, and then I mention that I have recorded some, and he want?s to hear it. So I went and got it. But the funny thing is, was that they (Andy, Tom, and Joey) were all impressed. So that made me feel great. Really and these are people who are in college marching bands, and who play studio stuff, and such. So not just mess around musicians. So that made me feel good. I was even more excited when I got talking to tommy and I guess he really likes literature, so I B.Sed with him about that for a while. And he wanted to know if I did any writing, and I guess he does. But he wants a type writer. We have one, so I think that I am going to mail it to him some time or something. Mom may kill me, but that is just worth it I think. I of course told him that I have to get some of what he writes out. Which may inspire me to do some writing too. Really how many of you guys write? I guess this journaling counts sometimes. I get poetic and intersting. Any way, so we headed on south from there to Colorado Springs. When we got there we met Brian and Dore. Dore was our babysitter for a long time. She was a good one. She was always fun, and we enjoyed it when she came. Any way, so I was talking to Brian and he was telling me about how he started this company when he was in high school that makes hacky sacks. That was cool, well he goes on about how he is selling anuity?s right now. And then he wants to show me his computer stuff. Well that ends up being very cool. He has a laptop with a docking station, a fast really nice one at that, then a wireless mouse, keyboard, and a flat monitor. Yeah I am looking at a couple grand of computer equipment. So I am in awe, and then he goes on about how he has satelite internet, and then he has a router and another desktop in the house. Just everything that I really want some day. But they have a really nice, and now we are finally to yesterday.
Yesterday:
So we get to the airport about an hour before our flight. And they have to search every thing that we have. Funny at first, but when you realize that we have 12-13 bags, not as fun. But still funny to me. I love watching people in the airport, or for that fact any where. They are always in such a hurry, or simply in their own world. I love to see groups of kids my age. I wonder where they are going, and how college is for them, and if they hate it as much as I do. But I am betting they do when it is time for me to push the cart with a million tons of bags on it to our terminal. We get to our terminal and there is a girl there in full uniform, and I can only think of Steph. The girl looks distraught, not even pensive, but just dying to get home, or to speak to some one her age. I wanted to sit down and say hi, and just be nice, but we had to get on the plane. I guess I forgot to mention that at this point I have been searched twice. Always a fun thing. Crazy aunt carol just came in and stood there for a sec, and then said sorry and ran out muttering about name tags. A funny thing, but back to yesterday. So we get on the plane and we?re ready to go. I get to sit with some lady and her husband/boyfriend I don?t know which. Ends up that she lives in Cleveland, and has been visiting friends in Colorado Springs. But she has to get back to cleveland to get to work and such. She is some sort of Electrical Engineer, and just got a promotion so she has to be back for work, and her male counter part doesn?t have a thing to do for like a week so he is going to head up to Niagra or something. She was reading a book by Stephen King, about the sorcerers tower or something. But she really was very nice. Any way, that was great and all but it was just a flight. Finally I have been in Texas, Yess!!!!!. Not really, I don?t really even care to go back, not any time soon at least. Any way so we got into Houston, and all jeffery can talk about is how many cochroaches there are there. But that is just Mr. Harris telling his horror stories. But again funny. We of course went to eat, and all mom can talk about is how Tony Rout said we have to eat the ribs, we have to eat the ribs, yeah yeah yeah, jeff and I ended up eating at Subway. I really dislike people who live and work in our country, yet cannot speak out language. A mexican woman got the order for us, and I looked at the reciept, jeff and I asked for small drinks, that?s it. She charged us for mediums and chips. So I was not to happy with that. But you know you can?t get to bent out of shape over just a bit of misunderstanding, so we went to enjoy our food, apart from the rest of our family. Now I am not saying that I am anything that far from a tourist, but my parents are the biggest ones that I have ever met. It is like a kid in a candy store. You are just never sure what they are going to do. So to avoid and embarrassment, jeff and I ate by ourselves. As soon as we were done eating we had to rush to catch our plane. We got on and it was all good. But I looked at my ticket and it says 32-B. way in the back of the plane. Not to bad, but it is between Jessica and Dad. Not a place that I wanted to be. So it ends up some guy wants to trade seats with my mom so that he can sit with his family. Well mom heads back to his seat, which is next to a girl that looks about my age, so I?m like I could talk to some one, mom I?ll trade you. So I move back, it ends up that the girl and I get the only open seat on the plane between us. So I am blessed with some more leg room. And she just happens to have the Brittney Spears Rolling Stone. But she is nice enough. Ends up that she lives in San Diego, and is heading to Jersey City for a family get together. She works at upper deck. So we talked about that for a while. During our conversation my dad is laughing loudly at the movie, and always turning back to see what I am doing. He?s hilarious. Any way, in the end she shows me some video of her getting her tatoo. It?s really funny, just her grimacing, and what not. She was a really nice girl though, and it made my flight a ton better to have some one my age to chat with. I think I would have gone mad sitting with jessica and dad. But we got into Newark, and after we get all of our baggage, and such we meet my uncle, and I get to ride with him and his friend in the truck with our baggage, Everyone else in the other car. But it turns out that his friend Butch is a world class scuba diver, and did some diving beneath ground zero days after it happened. It is crazy he know everyone, or if he doesn?t he has a relative that works there. So it was interesting to meet him, but I slept like a rock last night. I was so tired. But today I am just sitting around. I may just lay down and sleep. I am not even sure when I am going to put this up on the net. So any way janae is pestering me to use the computer. I am not sure what she thinks she is going to do, but something I am sure. Maybe solitaire.
-jim
Date:12.22.01 10:39 AM
well I am finally on my vacation. I am getting ready to head to the southern end of wyoming today, with family in tow. or vise versa. I made them all really mad when I found out that my final was later than I had anticipated. All in all thing went well, and all ready I am excited to get back home so that I can start my boys basketball stuff. Josh has agreed to help me out with that. This is different, no longer do I have to be places, but only my family. Instead of my having practice ina while, my parents need to meet friends in 20 min somwhere. Well I am guessing that I will not get to write tomorrow, but most likely the day after that. Keep writing, and I hope you enjoy the family update. Write and tell me exactly what you would like to see in that. I am not sure all of you saw the pics of my dad that I just added, so here is the link. Make sure that you take a look,a nd then of course send a response. I really should get myself a new computer. I really am thinking that I need one. A lap top in a situation like this would be ideal. Did everyone visit the new web page that I created concerning ou |
