...160702, 1859hr, central time...

i probably would have spit a lot more venom in this entry if i had written in the afternoon. i was literally fuming. not that i'm actually cheery now, but at least i've lost the urge to strangle someone. [no one specific, just someone]

i woke up early this morning to study for my exam, but i wasn't very constructive in the morning either [compared to the night before] because i kept falling asleep, i had to keep myself awake by sniffing medicated oil once every 5 seconds. the trials and tribulations of a reluctant but dedicated student.

to get myself completely refreshed for my exam, to rid myself of the medicated oil smell, i decided to take a shower before i leave the house. unfortunately i took a longer time than i should have, probably something to do with the fact that i dropped shampoo all over the floor and had to rinse it away, only to have it foam even more.

by the time i rushed out of the house, hobbled all the way over to the busstop, i was just in time to watch it leave. i couldn't cross the road, but i tried to wave the bus down nonetheless, i was so desperate. but apparently my huge silvery crutches weren't enough to catch the attention of the busdriver, so i missed the bus. and i had less than half an hour to walk to class, for my exam. godamnit. the last time i walked there on my crutches, i took 45 minutes. lucky i've kinda gotten used to them, plus i cheated and didn't do the hopping thing the whole time as i should have. i was almost running and my ankle honestly almost gave way too.

thank goodness i made it to my exam just in time. the bad news is, i got there just in time, so i didn't have the chance to review a few simple things i had intentionally left to be reviewed in the last minute cos they're so simple. well, guess what, the exam was all about those simple things, and i want to kick myself for being stupid. honestly, i think i must be the only person who doesn't know the conversion factor between inches and meters. or maybe i should kick myself for taking that shower. who freaking cares if i reeked of the smell of medicated oil.

i had an appointment with my advisor after my exam, but i figured i have some time, so i dropped by the union to buy some stamps. the postage fees have gone up again, i had to pick up some 3 cent stamps to complement the 34 cent stamps i still have. the machine rejecting my dollar bills wasn't that irritating, i always knew that machine to be crazy. but the irritating thing was after i dropped in one quarter, i realized that i had to buy 50 of the 3 cent stamps [well, $1.50 didn't seem like a lot of money till i wondered why 3 cent stamps would be so expensive.] why the freak would i want 50 of these stamps?! i tried to get the machine to reject that quarter i've already put it, but it refused. it "said", "no change without purchase." what the fuck! fine. if you want my quarter, you can have it - i paid that $1.50, and got my 50 3cent stamps. i'll have to use those 3 cent stamps somehow - 25 at one time, if necessary. now i realize i'm probably punishing mr postman more than i'm punishing the machine or the stupid person who programmed it to say "no change without purchase". but what the heck, i'm in a bad mood.

i hobbled to my advisor's appointment hungry and tired, after battling the stamps vending machine, i couldn't get lunch because i was worried that i'd be late, and i honestly didn't want to have to rush anymore after my crazy "run" in the morning. so i took my own sweet time to walk over, i was actually a few minutes early. the secretary very sweetly said Alan will be back soon. yeah, okay! so i waited. and waited. and waited. and fuck that guy didn't come back till half an hour later. half an hour late for his appointment with me! damn it i was going to scream. after he came back, the secretary went into his office to ask something, and they had the gall to continue with small talk about some next semester new policy thing that they should leave to discuss when there isn't a student waiting to see him. i was gonna go in there and beat them up with my crutches.

finally i got to see the advisor, almost 45 minutes after my scheduled appointment. the actual meeting took only about 10 minutes. i don't know why i have so much anger in myself, but i felt like i had to strangle someone. it didn't help that on my way out of that building, someone literally slammed the door in my face. [ok, so maybe she's in such a hurry she didn't notice someone on crutches behind her.] honestly, doors are the most impossible obstacles of my day, but usually people are nice enough to open them for me if there're people around. if no one's around, i sigh and do some acrobatic stunt to prop it open with one crutch while twisting my body to squeeze through a small opening without getting my other foot stuck. but this time, this is completely ridiculous, to get slammed in the face. grrrrrrrrr.

anyway, i flushed all the venom out of me [yes, i was waaayyy angrier this afternoon, this entry has a lot less f-words than i would have used if written earlier.] i took a nap on the quad, under a tree. some ant bit me in the arm, but it's okay, i just killed it. i know what people say about an ant being a living being as well, but i really just had to kill something, better an ant than a person.

i had lab in the afternoon which went surprisingly well. i was so far behind everyone else, because the machine screwed up during the last lab, and i happened to be the last one in line for the machine, so i had to try again today, while everyone else has zoomed ahead and finished making their wafer. it wasn't all that bad working alone, at least there's less small talk to make, less need to smile when i don't feel like smiling. my wafer isn't completed yet, but it's just one step away. it looks all pretty and shiny now, because i'm put in the metal contacts for the devices. oh, all the diodes, BJTs, MOSFETs, my beautiful babies. at least that's an accomplishment today.

so now i'm not so angry anymore. i don't know why horrible things always happen to me one after another. or they seem so horrid only because they all come in the same day. i wonder.

i was so silly, he didn't reply to my email requesting for a break up. i knew what his answer would be, but i don't know what i was thinking, i emailed him again, asking for his reply. i was so brave, i guess, seeking the finality of the decision, to make sure it's a mutual agreement. now this reply came swiftly. yeah, it's final now. i don't know what that's actually achieved. but crap, this is not the right day for me to deal with this.