he's been my most faithful supporter. always there for me when i needed someone to be there. though i didn't always appreciate his presence of course, i was blind, i guess. freshman year, we spent a lot of time together, because we had a few common classes. we talked a lot, sometimes not particularly enjoyable for me, because i would end up getting all frustrated trying to understand how this guy can be so full of crazy and sometimes downright bigoted ideas about the world. it took me some time to relax a little, and stop taking everything he says too seriously. because he's so much more than his crazy words, and crazy ways. now i know. end of freshman year, i was shocked when he asked me to be his girl. i said no. he didn't understand why i said no, so he asked again. and i said no again. there really wasn't any reason other than that i liked someone else then, and it wasn't him. the timing was just wrong. since then, i got involved with other guys, i got my heart broken, i broke another's heart, but alvin was always there. just right by my side, quietly watching out for me. still, i didn't always appreciate his presence. somehow, i was so darn sure he's not the guy for me. it's become a habit, for me to dismiss him as an possibility. until i found myself unable to shove him out of my mind anymore. until i found myself so hurt by his hurt. so touched by his eyes. it's become so difficult to say no again. even though i made a resolution to steer clear of romance still 2002. guess i have to eat my words now, because not only do i now think he's the guy for me, i think he's the only guy for me. the only guy who can cheer me up with his goofy ways. yet impress me with his understated understanding of everything around him. the only one i look at, and forget what i was going to say. though there's a high likelihood he didn't even notice it. the winds have turned against me, i now pine for his attention more than he does for me now. haha. retribution, i say. he's not mr perfect, despite what he claims. but i'm not ms perfect too, which he's quite quick to point out. haha. but together, i feel safe. secure. comforted. loved. i hope he feels the same too. i'm blessed. [ his picture is here, on the main uiuc page, which was created before we got together. i don't want to change anything on that page, because i am tickled by the "could have been" category i threw him into. it's funny. ] |
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