I have a cousin named Mikey. He lives in Cleveland. Even though he is a Browns fan,
I have to like him. He has season tickets. I am guaranteed to see the Steelers take on
the Browns every year.
I have always respected the Browns fans. They put on one hell of a tailgate party. For 10 straight years, Mikey would invite me to the game so he could parade me around the parking lot. The Dawgs would go crazy at my black and gold attire, and spew filth ridden adjectives in my direction. It was always in good fun. Maybe it was the 3 year lay off, but this year was different.
We arrived in the parking lot at around 1:20 PM. I figured this was a little early for an 8:20 game, but we had a T.V. with us to watch the afternoon games. We came equipped with a couple of outdoor cookers to steam some crab legs, and deep fry some Butterball turkeys. I was dreaming of this as we entered the parking lot.
We paid our ten bucks, and drove past the gate. It took about 5 seconds for someone to notice my Steelers colors. It took an extra second for the chorus of "F&%#* Pittsburgh! F&%#* Pittsburgh!" to start.
I knew I was in trouble.
We meandered our way through the vast sea of brown and orange to try and find Mikey's buddies who were reserving a spot for us. Every inch of the way, I was greeted by another drunken barrage of verbal abuse. The percentage of Browns, to Steelers fans appeared to be about 95-1. I kept my mouth shut. I love the Steelers, but i'm not stupid.
When we finally reached our destination, I was greeted by Mikey's group of about 20 more Dawgy's. After the initial onslaught of "Pittsburgh Sucks", his friends settled down, and were actually quite enjoyable.
I grabbed a beverage, settled in next to the T.V., and started feeling pretty comfortable in my surroundings. Mikey could sense my contentment, and didn't want any part of it.
It was time for the parade.
I must tell you that I am not shy about my fondness for the Steelers. I came to this game proudly wearing my Greg Lloyd jersey, and a 2 foot tall black and gold hat. The same kind that the Cat and the hat wore. The Greg Lloyd jersey was in memory of one of the greatest linebackers to ever grace a gridiron. As our trek through the parking lot started, the first words I heard were- " Hey Dr. Zeusse. Your team sucks!" I thought that was kind of funny. Maybe this little procession wouldn't be too bad. I was wrong.
Amidst the constant verbal barrage of expletives, I noticed a group of 8 Browns fans partaking in a friendly game of 4 on 4 football. It was friendly until they saw me. I noticed them go into a huddle, and it was no longer 4 on 4, it was 8 men on the line of scrimmage. When the ball was hiked, it was full steam ahead in the direction of yours truly. Two guys grabbed me around the waist, and promptly slammed me into the nearest port-a-potty. The other 6 guys made sure I felt the full force, as they slammed in as well. When I heard the guy in the potty screaming, I felt a little better. At least I was still standing.
Mikey and his entourage thought that was one of the funniest things they had ever seen. I figured I would head back to the serenity of the television set as quick as possible. I quickened my pace, and got ahead of them. On my way, I could tell the Dawgs had finally had enough beer. They weren't drinking it any more, they were throwing it at me. The ones who didn't have beer must have thought I was hot, because they let me have it with ice cubes. I retreated to the safety of my chair in front of the television set.
I sat there for the next 4 hours, and watched the football games with my other cousin, Marty. He is a Steelers fan as well, but he is a bit of a wimp. He was part of the group that paraded me around the parking lot, but he wouldn't put on his colors until he was in the safety of our little oasis. I can't blame him though. These fans were pretty rowdy.
About a half hour before game time, we loaded all the cooking accessories into the truck, and made our way to the stadium. I think most of the drunken dawgs didn't have tickets to the game, because it was a pretty uneventful trip. When we got to the stadium, the anticipation level was pretty high. You could feel the energy that every fan was radiating in confident expectation of a Browns victory. The funny thing is, these fans actually believed that their team would win! All the experts had predicted a 6 win season for the Browns, and this game seemed to be part of their destiny. I thought otherwise, but did anybody really expect this?
We were pretty sure that Kevin Gilbride's offense would be an improvement over Ray Shermans, but to this extent? Kordell was audibling, running, doing the option play, and everything else we were hoping to see last year. He gave every Steeler fan hope that it will be an exciting year to watch. He also removed all hope for the 73,000 Browns fans who thought their team had a chance of respectability. After about 10 minutes into the first quarter, the place was silent. By the middle of the 3rd quarter, at least half the fans had left. Marty and I stayed until the final second ticked off the clock. I hadn't seen Mikey since half time. Back at the truck, Mike told me he watched the second half from the dog pound. I know better. He was scared of the abuse I could now rain down on him. He left because the disappointment of his teams poor showing was too much to take. Did I gloat? Yes, but only because he deserved it. I didn't gloat too much though because I want a ticket to next years game.
I know that a team is never as good as they look in winning, and a team is never as bad as it looks in losing, but it sure was nice to see so many "Dawgs" going home with their tails between their legs.
by Steelergil (Sept.15, 99)