A small guy goes into an elevator, looks up and notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon the small guy and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown." The small guy faints. The big dude picks up the small guy and brings him to consciousness, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small guy, "What's wrong with you?" The small guy says, "Excuse me, but what did you say?" The big dude looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown." The small guy says, "Thank God! I thought you said 'Turn around'."
Superman was flying around one day; with nobody to rescue, so he flew up to Spider-Man and said "Hey, Spider-Man do you want to get a beer with me?" And Spider-Man said "No, my web-shooters are empty I've got to go refill them." So Superman flies over to the Batcave and asks Batman if he would like to go get a beer, but Batman says "Sorry there's a glitch in the Batmobile I've got to fix it." So Superman flies around using his X-ray vision looking for someone to get a beer with him when he flies over Wonder Woman's house and see's her laying spread-eagle on her bed. He thinks to himself 'Damn I have got to have a piece of that.' So he flies in through the window, does a super-fuck and flies off. Now Wonder Woman feels something and looks up and asks "What was that?" The Invisible Man says, "I don't know but it sure tore the hell out of my ass."
What do a male prostitute and a lawyer have in common?
They both make a living fucking people up the ass
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. On this particular day, the teacher wanted to ask her class which part of the body went to heaven first. One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think your mind goes to heaven first because you have to have a mind in order to believe in God." The teacher praises the little girl as a little boy raises his hand. He says, "I think your heart goes to heaven first because God is all about love." "Very good," said the teacher. The teacher looked up and saw Little Johnny's hand up. "Oh no," she thought, "I'm not gonna like this. Little Johnny, which part of the body do you think goes to heaven first?" Little Johnny thinks for a minute and says, "Your feet." The teacher asked him why he thought your feet go to heaven first. He replied, "Well, I was walking past my parents' bedroom last night and my mom had her feet up in the air and she said, 'Oh God, I'm coming!'"
一位姑娘走到一座橋旁.看到小橋流水嘻這麼美的景色'不禁詩興大發'便吟出____ [東西南北一條橋'路上行人搖又搖'姑娘我低頭往下瞧......]說著就看到橋下一名 男子站在河邊尿尿...當姑娘不知如何是好時'那名男子就替她接下這首詩........ [幹你祖媽你看啥小(台語)]!!!
Two young gay guys are strolling down a country road when they spot a dog off to the side vigorously licking his balls. "Don't you wish you could do that, Terrence?" Licking his lips, the other one said, "Yeah, do you think he'd let me?"
What do Michael Jackson and JCPenny have in common?
Both have boys' pants half off!
What did the sign at the movie theater in Alabama say?
"Children under thirteen not admitted unless accompanied by their husbands"
某家的三姐妹同時結婚,蜜月後又同時回娘家 媽媽與她們進行閨房私語,問女兒 how feel.眾女兒不好意思講 只見桌上一本雜誌,大姐翻到民航廣告說就像這樣 民航廣告: 進出千萬次,快樂似神仙 接著二姐翻到香煙的廣告 上面寫著: 一根在手,回味無窮 然後妹妹翻到某家醬油的廣告 上面寫著: 滴滴香醇,美味可口 最後,三姐妹吵著媽媽也要說出 how feel, 媽媽不得以翻到了某家巧克力的廣告 上面寫著: 只融你口,不融你手
Two little black kids see a sign on a hardware store;"Be White only 99cents". The two kids reach deep into there pockets, one finds a dollar bill and the other 98cents. They agree that when the first kid gets done he will give the other his change. He goes inside, comes out white. The other kid asks for his change and gets told by his friend "GET A JOB NIGGER"
我 的 座 右 銘 :
教室銘
< 教室銘 >
分不在高, 及格就行, 學不在深, 作弊則靈,
斯是教室, 惟吾閑情.
小說傳得快, 雜誌翻得勤, 琢磨下圍棋, 尋思看電影.
可以寫情書, 想女人, 無書聲之亂耳, 無復習之勞形,
雖非跳舞場, 堪比遊樂廳, 心裡云: 混張文憑.
寢室銘
< 寢室銘 >
覺不在深, 有睡就行, 吃不在多, 能胖則靈.
斯是寢室, 惟吾閒情.
top翻得快, 快報看得勤, 游泳摸三圈, 尋思自摸贏.
可以看a片, 玩網路, 無書聲之亂耳, 有cd之樂聽.
雖非大賓館, 堪比套房級, 心裡云: 爽個不停.
麻將銘
麻將銘
藝不在精 有錢則靈 人不在多 四位則行
斯是清娛 惟麻將經
斷么斷聽門前清 海底撈月槓上尋坎心
可以建精神活腦筋
有晝夜之娛遣 無男女之區分
四圈見勝負得意勿忘形
賭鬼云 何厭之有
A bear and a rabbit were side by side, taking a shit. The bear asks, "do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit replies, "no, not at all." When he finished shitting, the bear picked up the rabbit and wiped his ass with it.
deep thoughts in the bathroom... Here I sit so broken hearted Came to shit, but only farted Then one day I took a chance Thought I'd fart but shit my pants!
Gay walks into a bar, walks up to one guy and says "I`ll give you $20 bucks you let me screw you up the butt!" The guy cringes and says "Fricking homo! Get out of my face!" Gay goes to the next guy, offers the same thing. Guy says "Man, go away, you make me sick." Gay comes to a whino at the end of the bar, offers the same thing. Whino says "Wella Okay" and stumbles out the back door. Gay proceeds to screw the whino up the butt when all of a sudden the whino shits all over the gay guy. I mean, the stuff is running EVERYwhere... Gay jumps back and says "Shit Man!! what the hell did you do THAT for? Whino says innocently "What? I cum too soon?"
女人結婚有甚麼用？ 答案是：「有個鳥用」 那男人為甚麼要離婚呢？ 「因為不想幹了！」
A black kid is white washing a fence. After a while he notices that he is getting whitewash all over himself. He decides, as he's always wanted to be white anyway, to completely cover himself in white paint. He goes home. As soon as his mother sees him, she says, "You better was that white off before your daddy sees you, or he'll tear you up!" Yeah, Yeah. So on the way to the bathroom, his brother meets him and beats him for being white. Before he can make it to the bathroom, his dad walks in. He yells, curses, and finally beats the kid to within an inch of his life for painting himself white. As he's scrubbing the paint off, he looks in the mirror, and says, "You know. I'm jes beginning to understand this here integration crap. I done been a white boy 15 minutes and I already hate 3 niggers!"
Why did the condom fly across the room?
Because it was pissed off
