Matt asks questions- September 24, 1998

Matt wants you to ponder these doozies about his trip thus far:

Q1

When I return to Australia, my new job will be

a. train expert and author of amusing tales

b. car counter, glue sprayer, truck driver

c. Australian ambassador to Poland

Q2

Favourite article of clothing found in stores so far

a. Norm from Cheers t-shirt "aliens have invaded my stomach and are demanding beer"

b. Nike black and gold spikes

c. Old style bar picture on t-shirt "beer - getting ugly men sex since 1827"

Q3

Favourite homeless person/beggar action

a. Guy who waits at Alcatraz tour line asking for money and at the same time talking into a mobile phone saying "i'm telling ya, AT&T is where it's at"

b. Chicago man who waited on sidewalk behind two branches he held, hiding until a tourist walked by and he scared the shit out of them

c. OLD viet vet guy with sign "why lie, I want beer"

d. Lady in vegas who asked me for 32 cents (i think she must have been short a stamp)

Q4

Favourite advertising

a. Steve Young- QB for San Fran 49ers in a fantastic restaurant with a glamourous woman. Romantic music, etc. She leans over and says "it's getting a bit cold in here" He smiles, takes his jacket off and walks over (the camera pans out), past the girl to Jerry Rice, San Fran wide receiver, who is shivering and sitting at the same table. Steve puts his jacket around Jerry "VISA - looking after the ones you love."

b. placemat advertisement for gun store in Monticello, New York State "who's going to protect you if guns don't"

c. Ad for wrestling coming to NY city. TEam of five wrestlers standing with rackets on Flushing Meadow, waiting to receive service from the undertaker. He belts it out of the stadium, but Kane signals it in. Mayhem ensues. "See some real action in NY"

Q5

Only sports story in the paper for the past month

a. Australia's Kerrie Anne Guse's shock early exit from the US Open tennis

b. Mark McGuire, drug addict and Sammy Sosa's battle for a home run

record which no unamericans care about

c. How interclub will cope without my presence this season.

Q6

Most scary people in US

a. Hispanics in hair nets

b. catskill Mountain residents

c. Hootie and the Blowfish fans or

d. bible bashers

Q7

Which of the following did not happen to me

a. got a sore tooth from eating ice cream

b. actually reverted to turning underwear inside out to avoid washing

c. met cool girl on train and ended up snogging on overnight journey

Q8

Worst musical experience in US

a. Missing the only orthodox Jewish rock star perform Downunder by Men at Work in the jewish all night rave in the Catskill Mountains

b. witnessing 50 campers singing their Our Time Cabaret medley "Ibelieve the children are our future, oh yeah"

c. seeing dodgy pub band in San Fran play the same song 8 times, or so it seemed.

Q9

How fat am I?

a. I'm so fat, I broke my belt

b. I'm so fat, I hire a guy to walk in front of me with sign saying "wide load following"

C. I'm so fat, I finally threw away my runners, knowing that I would never go for a run.

q10

Most famous celebrity encountered

a. Richard Dreyfuss at camp

b. Christy Turlington in shop in Chicago

c. Benny Hill

Q11 Highlight of trip so far

a. finding out that ice beers in us have more alcohol content than others

b. accidently knocking towel off good looking girl in San Francisco hostel

c. Seeing barber shop in vegas which doubled as a church on Sundays

d. Finding out in Vegas that poker machines can be found in K-mart , Wal-mart, 7-eleven stores and in the Las Vegas Community Hospital.

ANSWERS

1. c 2.a 3.b 4. All ads are cool 5. a 6. c 7.a (my teeth are fine) 8. b

9. neither (although I did break my belt and throw away my runners) 10. c

(I swear I saw him on the subway in New York) 11. All of the above