Matt gets all poetic - November 8, 1998

Ok, so I was fumbling, agitated. I counted, One, two, three, four, five. Yet another look of stupidity crossed my face. I felt my face reddening. I decided to check again. One, two, three, four, five, and that was all. It was beginning to become apparent that I didn't fit in. Anybody worth their weight knows that every traveller has a minimum of twelve pockets on every pair of pants. I had five. I feel myself being ostracised by the travelling community, yet I push on - pocketally challenged. There has to be some sort of support group for people like me.

Anyway, I'm in Calgary and surrounded by a better class of homeless people. I've been asked for money in both English and French - that's progress for you. it's a sad day because tomorrow I leave my Swiss friend behind. Luckily the upside is that I leave Calgary behind also. Some bozo has decided to trust me with their car for the next 3500km of my trip to Toronto. It's a 95 car and i get to drive on the wrong side of the road all the way - how cool is that? I've done my sums and equate it to driving to the Coolac street milk bar about 9000 times. That's a lot of peppermint aero bars (it's good to be back in a country where they exist).

You probably know by now that an ex professional wrestler has now made it as a governor in the US. But did you know that also running for a position was GRAMPA from the Munsters. He still looks exactly the same, only 400 years older. Katarina Witt is the covergirl on this month's edition of Playboy magazine over here and the new Chanel no 5 girl is a former olympic synchronisded swimmer for Canada. She doesn't have the nose peg marks any more.

Today, I saw it actually snow for the first time in my life. This of course, prompted me to start singing. I started of with winter in America is very cold, but then realised that I don't know any more words. I then moved onto my favourite things (snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes) ...they really do tickle. By the end of the day I was bloody cold and found myself singing "take a look at me I'm Jose Romero, Jose Romero, and Mark Arceri is taller than me".

It's very cold here and i think of all the summer dresses at oaks day in an effort to warm me up. Oh yeah, all those girls. In my mind, I take them over to Canada, take off their dresses, wrap them up in clothing until they are indistinguishable and say to them, See I told you it was cold. I'm sorry, my mind is going funny now.

Doctors are now fighting for the right to do full penis implants. Imagine, using someone else's furniture, with a dirty girl and then swapping it back again when you have finished so that you don't catch anything bad. Enticing huh.

If anyone feels like making any mystery bank deposits into my account, they are most welcome. it is also time to start thinking about your Christmas message of good will to me.

And finally, for the culturally impotent of you, out their, I had the thrill of writing a poem last week (or as I call it, words that rhyme). You all have to endure it because it was a very cool moment.

It's called untitled

It wasn't Yogi.
It wasn't Humphrey.
It wasn't even Teddy.
But it was very very real.

Not two men in a suit
Nor a confectionary snack
Not a fire patrolling shoot
Just a graceful, timid bear - Black

I did not see it in a cage
Not a tortured documentary rage
nor a circus freak on a three wheeled bike
Just a simple bear on a forest hike

Had I known too much,
I may have been scared as it was,
I was under prepared no video or camera or artificial light
Just a beautiful second recorded by sight

While I'm not enlightened in a religious way
I saw a black bear cross a road
Twas a very fine day

Thank you and love in a poetic way to all

Matt

Next weeks preview poem:

Oh seagull Oh seagull Do you really think I'm dull?