So many of us never stop to look at the great things nature has given to us. Like this mountain scene. The phrase under it has everything to do with whether we are a success or a failure."ATTITUDE"
Attitude is what will make us a winner or a loser. I heard a speaker by the name of James T. Reese and he talked about an employee that walked into his office and said "Sir, I am not where I want to be." Mr. Reese replied,"Where do you want to be?" The employee replied,"I don't know?" Mr. Reese stated, "Then you made it."
We must have some kind of goals in life or we will stand still forever. Yes, it is easy to say get a goal and go for it but without goals, we walk through life with no sense of self. If you don't know where your going, how are you going to get there? It is easy to set goals. Know where your going and make small goals for yourself. For every small goal you reach,you're one step closer to your final goal.
All of us must learn to take each day as it comes. Live each day to the fullest and not worry about tomorrow. Sure, we are going to have good days and bad days. But that cannot stop us from reaching our goals. Someone once told me that for every step we take forward, there will be times we take two steps back. We must learn not to let this get us down.
To coin a phrase from the movie "Hope Floats", "If you give hope a chance, eventually it will float to the top." I really do beleive that when you feel all hope is lost that is when you find, things change for the better.
There is a poem called "Footprints In The Sand." There was a man walking on the beach and he is watching his life and he noticed that during the good times in his life there were two sets of footprints in the sand, but when times were the hardest he could only see one set of footprints. He asked God, "Why when I needed you the most did you abandon me?" God answered, "I did not abandon you during those times when there was only one set of footprints in the sand, it was because I was carrying you.
So many of us walk through life not beleiving in anything. Well I am here to say, there is a higher power for me that is Jesus and God. Everyone has their own beliefs, but there is someone guiding our lives. I know that for sure. If not three years ago, I surely would have died. But that night, God sent someone I would listen to, my dad. He told me that it wasn't time to go yet. There were things to be done and when it was my time he would be back. He told me God has a plan for me and this was not it.
Since that night, I have dedicated my life to helping others. By helping others, I help myself. I don't do it for thank you's or awards. I do it because it makes me feel good. If I can prevent just one person from going through the pain I have gone through.
THAN MY LIFE WAS NOT IN VAIN.
There was a time in my life when all felt hopeless and there would be no tomorrows. I tried to make sure there would be no more tomorrows. Since that fateful night March 31, 1996, I have learned that life is worth living.
No one can understand the pain in a persons heart at that moment when the dawn seems so far away. I understand, I have been there. How I returned was my faith in God. God had a plan for me and he didn't want me to leave this earth until it was finished. So that night he sent an angel, MY DAD, he told me that my work here on earth was not finished yet. And when it was time the plan would be revealed to me. The last thing my dad said before help arrived was, "baby when it is time I will come back for you, that is how you will know God is ready for you." I know I have talked about this night before and that I have told of my angel but there are many angels in many forms who have come into my life.
Since then people have come into my life (I like to call them my angels) that have helped me in my MY JOURNEY FROM THE DARKNESS INTO THE LIGHT. No therapist was able to help because they had no idea what I was feeling. Unless you have been there you can never know.
I am a person. I am a lady. Most of all I am good dispatcher, compassionate, loving and caring. I don't mind answering the phone, when a elderly woman calls in because she is scared because her lights went out. Or, someone calls because their cat is stuck in a tree. We must take the time for everyone. At the moment when they call it is the most important thing in the world to them and we must treat it that way too.
There are those out there that don't beleive I am OK. They have tried to make it look like I am crazy. Well, crazy like a fox maybe but, not insane. I am strong, confident, compassionate to those around me, and most of all, I have learned to love myself.
The man in my life told me when we first met, until I am able to love myself, I will not be able to love anyone else. Well I know he will take great pride in reading this passage because he was right. Life is to short to not enjoy every moment of it. Who cares what those idiots say, I know I am ok and that is all that matters. Life does go on and mine is.
I have searched all my life for love and at 37yrs old I have found it. I refuse to miss one moment of the love in my life. The love of my children, my mother, my granny and most of all the wonderful man in my life. Life is funny, when you stop looking for love and just live, it sneaks up on you. And I am happy that I stopped looking. I am happier now than I have ever been.
Besides the love of my family and my man, I have made so many new friends that are truly my friends. They are there to listen, cry with me, laugh with me and most of all hold me when there just isn't anything that can be said.
Everyday I seem to meet another person who either touches my heart or they tell me in some way I touched theirs. I think the nicest compliment I have ever received was from a greiving father, who is also a friend, that said thank you for what you did. I told him I had done nothing. He said,"yes you did, I may not remember everyone who came to see us these last few days but I will remember that you walked those up who couldn't make it alone. Thank you." I was at a loss for words. All I could say is your welcome. As I walked away the pain and sorrow that was in my heart started to melt away because I had made something a little bit easier for him. I guess that is what life is all about. Just being ourselves, giving of ourselves and not expecting anything in return. Even a thank you. I did it because I cared not because someone told me too.
We must all learn to listen to our hearts and let our hearts lead us in the right direction. When you follow your heart you cannot go wrong.
I saw a tape of a man called Charlie Plum. He was a Vietnam Veteran. He had been a prisoner of war for six years. He talked about his time in the prison camp and how he made it. When he first arrived there he was torchered for military propaganda than put in a cell that was 8 foot by 8 foot. Where he spent 2103 days. During his speech he would walk 3 steps one way and 3 steps the other. He stated that was the only thing he could do. He was going stir crazy. He said he went as far as making a deck of playing cards out of toilet paper. He had to keep his mind occupied. Finally one day he heard a noise in the corner that sounded like a cricket churping. He thought to himself, now that is a talented cricket maybe I could teach it to sing. Of course the audience laughed. Than he went to the corner of the cell where he realized it was a wire.
He knew this wire had to be attached to another american in a cell next to his. But he didn't want to talk to him he was embarassed about how he looked. He had been torchered and he was bleeding from 4 open wounds but he needed to make contact with another human being. So he tugged on the wire. The wire disappeared and came back with a piece of toilet paper and a note on it that said learn this code and eat it. So he did.
Then he went back to the wire and started to communicate. The man on the other side of the wire asked how are you doing buddy? So Charlie told him he was awful and complained about everything that had happened to him. The man replied sounds like you have worse problems then them. Charlie said to himself worse problems then what I told him. What kind of a nut am I next to. But he needed to keep making contact so he asked what is that. He said you have a very common disease and it can kill you. Charlie asked what is it maybe I know what it is. His reply was you have PRISON THINKING. Charlie asked prison thinking? He said yes, you think your a prisoner. The first thing you do is blame everyone for your problems and it just starts to eat away at you. You have to stop it before it kills you.
So Charlie listened to him and they all in the prison camp began to communicate and they formed a bond that got them through the worst of times. They were all in the same situation and they helped each other get through it.
AND THEY SURVIVED!
How many of us walk through life blaming everyone else for what is happening in our lives? I know I have at times but I have learned to take control over my life and now I know anything I set my mind to I can do.
But, I think the thing that impressed me the most about his speech was a story he told about the man who packed his parachute. He was out one night and a man walked up to him and said "Your Plum?" Charlie replied, "Why yes I am." The man stated "You flew jets in Vietnam, you were stationed on the Kittyhawk, you were shot down over enemy territory and was a prisioner of war for six years." Charlie was stunned, he asked him how did he know this, "I packed your parachute." Well in amazement Charlie held out his hand, he was speechless. But this man new exactly what to say. "I guess it worked?" Charlie said "Why yes as a matter of fact it did. Out of the 18 panels, 15 worked great, 3 were damaged but it wasn't your fault. I jumped out of my jet at such a high rate of speed it damaged the 3 panels." At that moment Charlie said to the man "I never thought I would get the chance to meet the man who saved my life. Thank you." The man told him "there was no need for thanks, the fact that he helped someone out was enough thanks for him, he was just doing his job."
Needless to say, Charlie didn't get much sleep that night. He tried to picture in his mind what this gent looked like way back than. He said he probably walked past him hundreds of times and never thought twice about him. Because, after all,"I was a Jet Fighter Pilot." He was important. He never thought about the job this man had done. He probably packed hundreds of parachutes and until it was time for Charlie's parachute he could have cared less. But this man had saved his life.
He then posed a question to the audience who is packing your parachute? It made me stop and think. Who was packing mine? You can say the first to pack my parachute was my Mom and Dad. And I have to say they did a very good job. They gave me a basis to start with. Now those packing my parachute are my friends and the people I have met and will meet along my journey. I guess it is kind of strange but, my life is developing in front of my eyes, as though I am turning the pages of a book.
So, I guess I would have to say thank you to Charlie Plum, for he is the one who has shown me that, who we are and what we are is our choice. We can choose to lay down and die, or we can stand up and fight. I CHOOSE TO STAND UP AND FIGHT.
In choosing to stand up and fight, I risk being called crazy and a lier. But I am not crazy and I never lie. So I guess you can say I am normal. What ever normal really is. I have come a very long way and I think that I am finally seeing a difference in my life.
But I think the difference is facing what has happened to me in the past. And knowing what happened to me was not my fault. I trusted some friends and they betrayed me in a way that words could never explain. The hurt in my heart is so strong I sometimes have a hard time taking a breath. But knowing that if I don't fight it means those horrible people win and that is not acceptable.
Someday they will get what is coming to them and I hope they hurt as much as they hurt me.(sorry) I know that life has to go on and I can never stop living. There is to much in my life to be thankful for and I guess just being alive is a gift in itself.
One of the most important men in my life told me that having me in his life is a gift. But what he doesn't know is that I thank God everyday for giving me the courage to stop and talk to him and listen to him. (Well sometimes I don't listen, but most of the time I do.) He has helped me to realize that I can be loved just for me. He is a wonderful man and everyone who meets him feels the same way. But mostly, I LOVE HIM FOR JUST BEING WHO HE IS. THE LOVE OF MY LIFE.
The song on this page is "I believe I can fly". Three years ago, I felt as though, I had crashed and burned. You can say I had hit rock bottom. The only place I could go was up. Well since March 14, 1999, someone told me I was like a butterfly. I was in a coccoon and now I have come out and I am flying, actually I am soaring. I truly like what I see from here. I know that God brought Roland into my life to help me get through this horrible time. I can say that there is no greater gift than a friend who will stand behind you no matter what.
He has shown me that what I thought I was a failure at, being a mom, I really had done a good job. My Sons have grown into very caring and honest young men. And that one I truly did by myself.
I AM VERY PROUD OF ME FOR RAISING SUCH WONDERFUL MEN!
My life has been rough lately but I am gaining on it. People are starting to see I am ok and that I can help if they want. Lately we have lost a few young men to fate. It was their time to go. It truly hasn't been easy comforting those who were in need. But I know that the true gift God has given me is compassion. He has shown me no matter what I can still help those in need. And I guess that has given me the strength to keep going.
STORIES AND POETRY
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