Benjamin Franklin single handedly ruined much of our nation's philosophical makeup with his insane ramblings about early to bed and early to rise and all the rest of it.  I would like to see people as individuals given the chance to overcome the rantings of this warped man and live a better life therefore.  Thus, I have undertaken the dismantling of Ben's 13 so-called virtues, and replaced each with a new thought for the individual to live by.  Without further ado, I give you:

F: "1. Temperance - Eat not to dullness; Drink not to elevation."

S: Intemperance - Enjoy the flavor of food, and eat until you no longer enjoy; drink to insobriety.

F: "2. Silence - Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation."

S:  Speak Up - Nobody ever got any pleasure out of quietly accepting all the crap that society dishes out.

F: "3. Order - Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time."

S: Controlled chaos - Allow the random nature of things to take their course, only interfering when it will
    advance your personal pleasure or if you are threatened with physical or emotional harm.

F: "4. Resolution - Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve."

S:  Pliancy - Shift with the wind.  Revise, update, move on.  Be ever changeable.

F: "5. Frugality - Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i. e., waste nothing."

S: Indulge - Spend what you've got lest it be stolen by society; enjoy it while you've got it.
    Toss what becomes extra baggage.

F: "6. Industry - Lose no time; be always employ'd in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions."

S: Sloth - Take it easy now and then; restore your energy for the next pursuit.

F: "7. Sincerity - Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.

S: Sincerity - There is no good or evil, right or wrong, innocence or just action.  Strip, and let them see all.

F: "8. Justice - Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty."

S: Watch your own ass - In the words of Sandra Bullock's character in The Net, "They did it to me and they'll do it to you."  Don't let them.

F: "9. Moderation - Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve."

S: Redundancy - I dig repetition.  Repetition, repetition, repetition.

Repetition, repetition, repetition.

"This is the three R's
The three R's:
Repetition, Repetition, Repetition

Oh mental hospitals
Oh mental hospitals
They put electrodes in your brain
And you're never the same
You don't dig repetition
You don't love repetition

Repetition in the music and we're never gonna to loose it..."   Repetition

F: "10. Cleanliness - Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, cloaths, or habitation."

S: Decay - Enjoy the stench of your own waste.  Don't share it with others; they've got their own.

F: "11. Tranquility - Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable."

S: Contention - Don't let yourself get walked on, lest some nazis take advantage of you.

F: "12. Chastity - Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dulness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation."

S: Do it.  'Til it stops feeling good.

F: "13. Humility - Imitate Jesus and Socrates"

S: Self-Esteem - Imitate me.

Away!