Uma forma de escrever cartas de escárnio e mal-dizer sem esforço!

Quando ouvirmos ou lemos as parvoíces dum John Jardim, apetece-nos enviar-lhe uma carta de desagrado!... Ou ao Bimbo da Costa, ou ao Sr."...quantos são, quantos são! Venham eles!"

Só que, normalmente, ficamos pelo apetite. Chegamos sempre à conclusão, como auto-desculpa, que tal tipo de humanóides não merece o esforço, o tempo e, muito menos, a tinta que se gastaria a escrever um texto de escárnio.

Mas graças ao ACLG (Automatic Complaint-Letter Generator - Gerador Automático de Cartas de Queixa) de Scott Pakin, da University of Illinois, podemos, num instante, elaborar uma carta de sátira dedicada aos nossos "inimigos do peito". Sem esforço, sem grande trabalho. Basta apenas escrever o nome da pessoa e seleccionar o sexo e quantos parágrafos desejamos para a carta de sátira. E se não nos agradar a primeira amostra, repetimos a operação para ser gerado outro texto - sai sempre um texto diferente! Tem um senão: sai em inglês. Mas não faz mal. O destinatário da carta que se amanhe!... Se não sabe ler inglês que mande traduzir a carta! Eheheheh :))

A título exemplificativo podes apreciar 3 exemplos, dedicados aos ilustres:

• Major Valentão
• Bimbo da Costa
• John Jardim

Gerador automático de cartas-queixas

---

Escreve os nomes com a primeira letra em maiúsculas!

• Nome da pessoa (Ex: John Jardim )
• Sexo Masculino ou Feminino?
• Queres tratas a pessoa pelo Primeiro nome ou Último nome?
• Quantos parágrafos desejas ? 1 2 3 5 10

Parts of what follows below were actually painful to write. However, because of the ongoing misinformation campaigns launched by Major Valentão and his thugs, I feel it is my duty to write this. Let's start with my claim that the encroachment of contumelious arguments into the social fabric of our politics, our institutions, and our laws would give credence to my claim that most acts of sadism are committed not by what I call soporific nobodies, but by Major's subordinates in an attempt to progressively enlarge and increasingly centralize the means of oppression, exploitation, violence, and destruction. Widespread exclusionism is the price we'd pay for making "hexamethylenetetramine" a dirty word. This should be a chance to examine and bring problems to light, to share and join in understanding, but his morals owe much to the catch-phrases of villainous hackers. Almost everyone will agree that his superstitious whinges are a shout to the world that, any day now, he will drag men out of their beds in the dead of night and castrate them, but untrustworthy rude self-promoters demand the advantages other people have earned without the disadvantages, like having to earn them. In order to preserve their liberties, sometimes people must make incorrect leaps of logic. Major does that even when his liberties aren't being threatened.

I find his rantings symptomatic of a dangerous but spreading mentality. Although theoretical differences can be drawn between his cold-blooded utterances and money-grubbing spineless masochism, these are distinctions without a difference. It may be obvious but should nonetheless be acknowledged that any claim to the contrary is patently false. Major uses his influence to force us to adopt rigid social roles that compromise our inner code of ethics.

In the strictest sense, I must protest his use of condescending parasitic spoiled brats to achieve his materialistic goals. I do not wish to endorse animalism, but rather to illustrate that there's truly no point in arguing with Major. His patter is smooth and quite practiced. He can fast-talk you into believing you'd be better off if you participated in his effort to undermine the current world order. However, Major's theories fall apart upon reflection. Even giving him the benefit of the doubt, he wants to infiltrate the media with the express purpose of disseminating inarticulate information, even though, for most people, this desire is neither necessary nor instinctive. The bottom line is that Major Valentão needs to step out of the dark ages.

CI

---

Ex.mo Sr. Bimbo da Costa

---

I just want to say one thing: Much of the noise made on Bimbo da Costa's behalf is generated by soulless ignominious wackos who seem to have nothing better to do with their time. What follows is a series of remarks addressed to the readers of this letter and to Bimbo himself. Before I continue, let me state that it's quite a feat of hypocrisy for him to deny he wants to renege on an incredibly large number of promises after so recently doing exactly that. There are a number of conceptual, logical, and methodological flaws in his antics. This is yet to be comprehended by most rotten amnesiacs, but, as you know, this is a fine example of what I've been talking about. Bimbo has a penchant for counterinsurgency and clandestine operations. He leaves me no choice but to adopt a new world-view.

I by no means claim to know everything about the most cranky oafs you'll ever see. There's more to this letter than inflammatory rhetoric. You do not need to be testy to know that Bimbo spews out so many falsehoods, distortions, and half-truths, that rebuttal requires some lengthy documentation. His rantings will cause more harm than good. Consider the following, which I'll address in greater detail later: He should just quit whining about everything. I call this phenomenon "Bimbo-ism". Negligent quacks and people of similar psychological type are often inspired by his ramblings. That, in itself, will condemn us to live with semi-intelligible proponents of McCarthyism sometime soon. Even acknowledging his shameless prank phone calls is beneath my dignity. Vulgar anthropophagi simply pass through this world sowing the seeds of evil.

I am being completely serious when I say that I doubtlessly don't want my community tainted with such blatant negativism. Let's consider for a moment, though, that maybe Bimbo couldn't agitate for indoctrination programs in local schools if his life depended on it, which it doesn't. Then doesn't it follow that Bimbo is off his rocker? Taking that notion one step further, we can see that his few positive contributions will continue to be overshadowed by his broader message of hate. Hey, it's not my fault that even his horoscope says he's grotty. He wins proletariats over to his side using big words like "paradichlorobenzene". That proves that we must get beyond name-calling. In closing, Bimbo da Costa's buddies are blinded by greed.

CI

---

Ex.mo Sr. John Jardim

---

I wish I didn't have to write a letter like this one, but recent events leave me no choice. First off, John Jardim deserves to be punished. To say merely that the more pressing news is that he is -- for lack of a better word -- disrespectful is an understatement. Fortunately, most people understand that widespread narcissism is the price we'd pay for making "anthropocentrical" a dirty word. The similarities between him and self-serving vitriolic dolts should not be taken lightly. I acknowledge freely and make no apology for the fact that I once considered it reasonable for sexist megalomaniacs to create massive civil unrest. But now I know that Jardim's slogans are nothing short of perverted. Almost without exception, Jardim justifies his evil nature by denying that we should set the record straight. The police should lock him up and throw away the key.

There are rumors circulating that I know how most of you feel, so let me just clarify something: I speak from experience. How will his cronies react when they discover that he wants to encourage the acceptance of scapegoating and demonization? However much Jardim may deny it, I disagree both with Jardim's point and with the way he makes it. Why is he really so feral? Is it because his rise to power was not accomplished without a fair amount of backstabbing, skulduggery, and unanticipated and unpredictable reversals of fortune? Or because the world today seems to be going crazy? If it weren't for subversive proletariats, he would have no friends. The fact is, I hold fast to the view that conceited extremists can't even agree among themselves as to how politically-incorrect he is.

Jardim will undeniably damage the debate about this issue, because we will have to spend lots of time correcting misunderstandings that are directly attributable to his ethics. His spokesmen allege, after performing shoddy research and utilizing threadbare scholarship, that a number of their enemies are planning to control your bank account, your employment, your personal safety, and your mind. I might add: His allegations are a cancer that is slowly eating away at our flesh. The hate just keeps on coming. While even ruthless recidivists would think twice before sitting next to someone whose sole dream is to promote a culture of dependency and failure, to him, imperialism is a kind of religion. By now, we are all more than familiar with Jardim's delirious soulless reinterpretations of historic events. By the way, saying that last sentence out loud is a nice way to get to the point quickly at a cocktail party. You may wonder why Jardim will simply continue to cause distress to people he doesn't know, has never seen, and who have done him no harm whatsoever. It's simply because it is completely ridiculous that I have to be faced with anthropophagi whose randy assertions are treated with apathy. It may seem obvious, but we must publicly distance ourselves from uncontrollable foul-mouthed-types. It is neither possible nor desirable to ignore the issue of separatism here. After having read this, you may think that this is a contributing factor to the apparent decline of civilization and culture around us. Nevertheless, you should always remember that John Jardim's grunts are blinded by greed.

CI