-
You know you've spent too much time on the computer when you spill milk and the first thing you think is, 'edit, undo.'
-
Someday I'll find that peer and reset his connection!
-
The truth is out there? Does anyone know the URL?
-
Home is where you hang your @
-
Claiming that your operating system is the best in the world because more people use it is like saying McDonalds makes the best food in the world.
-
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
-
Love is Hate. War is Peace. Windows is stable.
-
Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I...
-
A computer without Microsoft is like a chocolate cake without mustard.
-
Failure is not acceptable. It comes bundled with Windows.
-
W.I.N.D.O.W.S - Will Install
Necessary Drivers, Or Won't Start
-
The Windows98 Eveready Bunny: It's
still loading, and loading...
-
If an infinite number of computer
programmers programmed for an infinite number of years, they would
eventually come up with a working operating system. Bill Gates,
being impatient, gave them two days and took the first one that
was finished.
-
Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to
your CONFIG.SYS
-
'Apple Macintosh' - An anagram of
'Complaints Heap'
-
If Bill Gates had a dime for every
time a Windows box crashed...oh, wait a minute - he already does.
-
Customer: "I'm running Windows
'98" Tech: "Yes." Customer: "My computer isn't
working now." Tech: "Yes, you said that."
-
M.A.C.I.N.T.O.S.H. - Machine Always
Crashes, If Not, The Operating System Hangs
-
The best accelerator available for
a Mac is one that causes it to go at 9.8 m/s2
-
Your mouse has moved. Windows must
be restarted for the change to take effect. Reboot now? [ OK ]
-
Back in the mid to late 80's, an
IBM compatible computer wasn't considered a hundred percent
compatible unless it could run Microsoft's Flight Simulator.
-
"There is no reason anyone
would want a computer in their home." --Ken Olson, president,
chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977.
-
"If I'm not on-line, I'm
waiting for Windows to restart"
-
In 1949, forecasting the relentless
march of science, Popular Mechanics said "Computers in the
future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
-
VMS is a text-only adventure game.
If you win you can use Unix.
-
When you open Windows, bugs get in!
-
The big difference between UNIX and
VMS: To do anything on UNIX, you need to know an obscure command.
To do anything on VMS, you need to know an obscure option to SET.
-
A Windows user spends 1/3 of his
life sleeping, 1/3 working, 1/3 waiting
-
Windows isn't a virus, viruses do
something
-
Beat me, whip me, make me use
Windows !
-
Difference between a virus and
windows? Viruses rarely fail
-
A computer is like an
air-conditioned house, so don't open Windows!
-
Error #152 - Windows not found: (C)heer
(P)arty (D)ance
-
Have you crashed your Windows today
?
-
Windows 3.1 - The best $89
solitaire game you can buy
-
Windows NT: Insert wallet into
Drive A: and press any key to empty
-
"When the grammar checker
identifies an error, it suggests a correction and can even makes
some changes for you." - Microsoft Word for Windows 2.0
User's Guide.
-
Microsoft Windows: Proof that P.T.
Barnum was correct
-
The software said Windows 95 or
better, so I got a Mac...
-
The biggest problem with Macs is
the incessant whine that comes from the user.
-
I don't do .INI, .BAT, or .SYS
files. I don't assign apps to files... I don't configure
peripherals or networks before using them... I have a computer to
do all that... I have a Macintosh.
-
Windows users often swear at their
PC's whereas Mac users often swear by their Macs.
-
A computer without a Microsoft
operating system is like a dog without bricks tied to its head.
-
FreeBSD is like a Wigwam. No
Windows, no Gates, and an Apache inside.
-
Linux... because I'm better than
you.
-
Linux. The choice of a GNU
generation.
-
Name one nice thing about Windows?
It doesn't just crash, it displays a dialog box and lets you press
'OK' first.
-
Unix is user friendly - it's just
picky about it's friends.
-
"Windows 95 - All you ever
wanted in an operating system, and less..."
-
Microsoft is not the answer.
Microsoft is the question. "No" is the answer!
-
Microsoft manager to programmer:
"You start coding. I'll go find out what they want."
-
Linux renders ships. NT is
rendering ships useless...
-
Linux means productivity and fun.
NT means "Not Today".
-
If the automobile had followed the
same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce today would
cost $100, get a million miles to the gallon, and explode once
every few weeks, killing everyone inside.
-
Linux: Because rebooting is for
adding new hardware.
-
Adding manpower to a late software
project makes it later.
-
Students nowadays, complaining they
only get 5MBs of disk space! In my day we were lucky if we had one
file, and that was /dev/null.
-
Excuse me for butting in, but I'm
interrupt-driven...
-
Back when I was a boy, we carved
our own IC's out of wood.
-
God is real... unless declared an
integer.
-
C.O.B.O.L - Completely Obsolete
Boring Old Language.
-
Beta testers who lie! Next time on
Geraldo!
-
Sleep: A completely inadequate
substitute for caffeine.
-
Programmers never die: They just
GOSUB without RETURN.
-
C Programmers do it recursively
-
Computers make very fast, very
accurate mistakes.
-
Error: Sector not found -- search
behind couch? (Y/N)
-
As a computer, I find your faith in
technology amusing.
-
File not found. Should I fake it?
(Y/N)
-
Three things are certain: Death,
taxes, and lost data. Guess which has occurred...
-
"Historically speaking, the
presence of wheels in Unix has never precluded their
reinvention." - Larry Wall
-
Epigram: Ada is the 400-pound
gorilla of programming languages.
-
The programmer's national anthem is
'AAAAAAAARRRRGHHHHH!!'.
-
I have yet to meet a C compiler
that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a
knife.
-
FATAL ERROR! SYSTEM HALTED! - Press
any key to do nothing...
-
Application has reported a 'Not My
Fault' in module KRNL.EXE in line 0200:103F
-
BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th
quarter, 5 yards to go!
-
A computer is like an Old Testament
god, with a lot of rules and no mercy. - Joseph Campbell
-
Hey! It compiles! Ship it!
-
Real programmers don't document. If
it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
-
Whip me. Beat me. Make me maintain
AIX.
-
APATHY ERROR: Don't bother striking
any key.
-
"If the Start Windows Restart
when Windows starts check box is checked Windows Restart will
start automatically every time Windows is started." - Actual
excerpt from a windows program help file!
-
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad
command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
-
Press any key to continue or any
other key to quit...
-
I read the FM, and it didn't work.
-
PCMCIA - People Can't Memorise
Computer Industry Acronyms
-
Life's unfair - but root password
helps!
-
You've heard about the computer
programmer that died while washing his hair in the shower. The
instructions said, 'Lather, rinse, repeat.'
-
C makes it easy to shoot yourself
in the foot. C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away
your whole leg. - Bjarne 'Stumpy' Stroustrup
-
Finish the project. We'll buy you a
new family.
-
665.9238429876 - Number of the
Pentium Beast
-
Error: Keyboard not attached. Press
F1 to continue.
-
Linux renders ships, NT is
rendering ships useless.
-
Carpe Aptenodytes! (Seize the
Penguins!)
-
Computer Science: solving today's
problems tomorrow.
-
Programming graphics in X is like
finding sqrt(pi) using Roman numerals.
-
RTFM: No just an acronym, it's the
LAW!
-
Software isn't released, it's
allowed to escape.
-
This message has been brought to
you by the language C and the number F.
-
Fine, fine, everything is fine. But
using your GUI's breaking my mind! Change this, don't change that,
can't you redesign!!! (to the tune of 'read the signs')
-
I feel like a genocidal maniac when
emacs asks me if I want to kill 10789 characters.
-
ACK and you shall receive.
-
The three most dangerous things are
a programmer with a soldering iron, a manager who codes, and a
user who gets ideas.
-
Once we've got the bugs ironed out,
we'll be running on flat bugs.
-
Let's face the obvious. Yesterday
we were nerds. Today we're the cognitive elite. Let's conquer. -
Chester G. Edwards
-
'The Geek shall inherit the earth.'
- Linus 5:5
-
To know recursion, you must first
know recursion.
-
Behind every good computer -- is a
jumble of wires 'n stuff.
-
A program is a device used to
convert data into error messages.
-
Standards are industry's way of
codifying obsolescence.
-
A bad random number generator: 1,
1, 1, 1, 1, 4.33e+67, 1, 1, 1...
-
ICMP: The protocol that goes PING!
-
Programming today is a race between
software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof
programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better
idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. - Rich Cook
-
Beta. Software undergoes beta
testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for 'still
doesn't work.'
-
VI VI VI The editor of the beast.
-
My software never has bugs. It just
develops random features.
-
Enter any 11-digit prime number to
continue...
-
A)bort, R)etry, I)nfluence with
large hammer.
-
There are two ways to write
error-free programs. Only the third one works.
-
Intel: We put the 'um...' in
Pentium.
-
Unix, BASIC, C, PASCAL, APL, ADA,
and PROFANITY spoken here.
-
Universe.SYS corrupted. Reboot?
[Y/N]
-
A good programmer is someone who
looks both ways before crossing a one-way street. - Doug Linder
-
Remaining time multiplied by
distress is constant.
-
Mountain Dew and doughnuts...
because breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
-
My operat~1 system unders~1 long
filena~1 , does yours?
-
Being married to a programmer is
like having a cat. You talk to it but you're never really sure if
it hears you, much less comprehends what you say.
-
Real_men_don't_need_spacebars.
-
Calculating in binary code is as
easy as 01,10,11.
-
You know you're obsessed with
computer graphics when you're outside and you look up at the trees
and think, "Wow! That's spectacular resolution!"
