Musings

On this page I’ll be sharing some of my ideas and feelings with you.  I hope you find a smile or two here or something to think about.

Why Barbara Jane Richards ?

For most of my life the only name I had was me.  Whenever I’d slip into something silky or satiny smooth, it was me.  When I’d put on some lipstick and look into the mirror, I’d see me staring back.
I was never trying to impersonate some female or trying to be somebody else.
When I looked in the mirror I wanted to see a girl, and later a young woman, and later on a somewhat older woman…  (that’s as far as I go)
And I wanted to see me.

Even after I’d decided to make myself as pretty as I could be, I thought of myself as me. Then, I went to A Wig Center to buy a wig and suddenly oh my my!  It didn’t take long after that visit and I knew that I wanted to go out in public, to see my reflection in storefront windows, to walk past other people as the scent of my perfume wafted in my nostrils, to hear the click clack of my heels in a mall.  And I knew I was going to have a homepage on the web…  I mean, I just had to have a name.

T Girls are much luckier than Gender Girls, if only because we get to choose our name rather than have someone else choose it for us.  A person’s name is often the only thing you know about them and so I wanted my name to be about me.  I’ve always loved the name Michelle and if I’d been born Michael I certainly would have picked it.  But I was born Richard and somehow Richelle sounded too contrived.

I wanted my name to be about me and about things that were important to me.  I thought about it and after a while it began to come to me.

I’ve always loved the name Barbara.  Barbara has a beautiful sound and it is unmistakably feminine.  My first love affair after college with a girl named Barbara.  She was beautiful and witty and smart and totally fun to be with.  She was very feminine and very, very sexy.  I adored her, I idolized her, and I had a great admiration for her as a human being.  And suddenly it was obvious.  Barbara !

Jane was my mother’s middle name.  My mother gave me my life, instilled in me my love of God, nurtured me, taught me right and wrong, has always been right there for praise or for help or for solace and it is from her that I got all my femininity.  She is the finest woman I have ever known and the second best human being in the world stands in her shadow.  Jane is so full of meaning for me and is a very real link to my soul.

Richards?  Well, my first name is Richard, so let’s just say that’s a no brainer.  Robertson would have worked just as well, but Richards is one more me.

So there you have it…  Barbara Jane Richards

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I’ll be adding to this page as time permits.