My Reversion Story

I took the LSAT and was accepted atWest Virginia UniversitySchool of Law, but I wanted to attendDuquesne UniversityLaw School, so I took the LSAT again in hopes of raising my score. Had I been asked when I took the LSAT the first time, I would have said that stress was not a factor in my relatively low score. Looking back, I realize that there was a lot of tension in my life, and that this could have accounted for the 20 percentage point difference between the scores of the two LSAT's. Some of those factors included:

I'm still not entirely sure why I wanted to be an attorney. It may have been for the intellectual challenge that such an occupation would offer. I know that one incident, while I was still in the Marine Corps, solidified my resolve to pursue law. I was chosen to sit on a Court Martial Board. It was fascinating. I was enthralled by the abilities and tactics of the attorneys. In one sense, it was like watching a surgeon, except that the attorneys used words to dissect and manipulate the minds of the Board to reach their particular goal. Alternatively, it reminded me of two men deeply concentrating on a seriously quiet match of chess. In a strange way, I do the same thing in apologetics. I must be able to predict what the other guy is thinking. Luckily for Catholic Apologetics, the other side is normally trying to defend their position by warping and distorting the teachings of the Catholic Church rather than expounding on their own beliefs. It's often as easy to predict what an anti-Catholic is going to say as it is for me to know whether my son needs to go potty when he grabs himself and bounces up and down.

After the Court Martial Board, I began the arduous task of preparing to enroll myself into law school. I had no idea that it would be almost three years from that time until I would have the opportunity to accept or decline an offer to attend law school.

After taking the LSAT, a friend of the family arranged for me to get a job in the District Attorney's office of Allegheny County. It was a minor clerical position, but it helped to pay the bills. After working there for about three months, I applied for, got offered and accepted a position inFederated Investors'Legal Department. From that job, which I held for four years, I moved on to a position in Client System Services.Since I began to do some programming in Access and Visual Basic, I eventually moved from that job after two years to one in Federated's Retirement Plans area as a Programmer! I've been there almost two years and I still love programming.

After taking the LSAT for the second time and getting accepted to Duquesne Law School, I had to make a decision. Was being a lawyer what I wanted to do for the rest of my life? In my first job at Federated, I worked directly with attorneys, and although some of them were very good, I knew that corporate law was not where I wanted to be. It was the lure of the floor. I wanted to be the guy convincing a jury that my client was right (whether he was or not). I liked the idea of the showmanship and the research and the study. All of that intrigued me.

However, when the time came to sign the promissory note for education assistance, I chose not to go through with it. I was accepted at Duquesne Law School, but turned it down. Looking back, I know that it was God's will that I not become a lawyer. Interestingly, it was my involvement in Amway that impacted on that decision. Part of the Amway message (at least from a Yager stage) is that any other option for a business or career is futile. They point out that to work for anyone makes you a jackass of the boss (JOB). So, this had an influence on me when I looked at the amount on the student loan.

I was now at a crossroad. After choosing not to go to Law School, I had to decide what I was going to do with my life. While standing in the intersection, I was employed in Federated's Legal Department, still lived in Washington, PA, and was not certain of my immediate future. I know that at that time I did not have a very strong faith. But, I think that in some unconscious way, I offered my direction up to God. Slowly, the pieces began to fall into place. I look back now and see the Hand of God in so much that happened to me after making the decision not to go to Law School. It was the beginning of my long road back to God and His Church.

From the time of my Confirmation until very recently, I could count on two hands the number of times I attended Mass apart from special occasions like weddings and funerals. While in college and the Marine Corps, I went to Protestant churches like Disciples of Christ, Assemblies of God, and others. But at the time, I don't think I was searching for God, peace, truth or a community. So, the feeling I had from all of them was that there was something missing. They just never felt "right". It wasn't always the same "something", though, that was missing. Looking back, I can't blame those churches for my not reaching out to God. But I do look back and recognize where much of their doctrine and practice are far from the Church Christ founded.

The experience I had with the Disciples of Christ came from the four years I spent at Bethany College in West Virginia. Bethany's campus is set on beautiful rolling hills. The education is ostensibly "liberal arts", and the student body is primarily from upper-middle class families. It is quite expensive and once you're out, most people say "You went to Bethany? I think I heard of that..."

A few years ago, I sent a note to the President of the college explaining my disagreement with the school putting on a performance ofAgnes of God, an anti-Catholic play. I also mentioned a play I was in while a student -Sister Mary Ignatius Explains it all for You. His message back to me was only a few sentences long. He explained that becausehesaw nothing anti-Catholic about the plays, I should recognize our country's citizens the right to free expression. I immediately asked that I be taken from the college and alumni mailing list. I have since dissuaded any serious, God-loving person from even considering attending such an institution of "learning".

I know now the mistake I made going there. But I hope to keep any serious lover of Christ from making the same mistake. It shocked me to read that a man, considerably learned enough to be the president of a college, assumed that becausehesaw nothing wrong with deriding and insulting another religion, then why shouldIbe offended. I wonder how he would feel if his "Fine" Arts department wanted to do a vaudeville revival with white face galore. Would he then tell the NAACP that becausehethought it was "all in good fun" that they should not think that the revival was racist?

Or, would he be so quick to tell the Jewish Anti-Defamation League that he knows best whether the entire Jewish faith was being maligned or not by a musical ridiculing the suffering of the prisoners in the concentration camps? I'll bet these two things would never even be considered - as well they shouldn't. In the same way, a play that is offensive to Catholics should not be performed, whether or not the good presidentthinksthere is anything sacrilegious in them. (Which was an observation he offered me, even though I never made any mention of whether the plays were sacrilegious or not. Interesting, eh?)

Recently, a good friend of mine read the paragraphs above and felt that I was being too hard on good ole Bethany. Perhaps he is right. Maybe I should look back and recall only the good times: the beer brawls behind Sigma Nu, the goldfish eating parties in the airplane hangar, Bubba's, swim meets, being Max in The Grinch, etc. Yes, I'll admit that I had fun while I was there. But I am also an adult and mature enough to recognize that simply having fun is not the pinnacle of life. Although most in our culture would disagree with me, I think that a modicum of sobriety befits an honest life.

Looking back, I realize that had God given me the same strong feelings I now have for His Church way back then, I may not have been able to learn as much as I have. The priest at Bethany would pass around a crumbled up loaf of honey bread for the Eucharist. To the young adult Catholics on campus, this was "cool", but in the eyes of the Church it is disobedience. The bread and wine are to be made of a specific matter. To a non-Catholic this seems like a small issue. But how small of an issue would it be if you told your daughter to be in at 10pm, but she decided that midnight fit better into her plans? It's only 2 short hours, but it is still disobedience.

It never ceases to amaze me how many people confidently point out that "there are many things that are wrong with the Catholic Church..." Yet, when asked to point some of those things out, they're too busy to talk, or it would be ungentlemanly to discuss religion (after they made their comment, of course). They never respond. Hmm. I guess that they're not used to Catholics asking them to defend their position. They probably deal with Catholics like I used to be.

Laura and I went to Mass a couple times after our wedding. But it was mostly through a embryonic sense of obligation on my part. Were I to have suggested we go more often, I know that Laura would have willingly gone. She has more of an innate faith than I. And this is one of the reasons I finally came back; it was Laura's childlike faith in God and the Church Jesus founded. Besides her, there were three things which forced me to re-evaluate my spirituality and need for a closer relationship with God. The following three things essentially pushed me to look harder for the Truth:

1. some comments from my two (born-again; fundamentalist; non-denominational) Christian brothers (I have six brothers, one younger twin (by three minutes) and five older)
2. a series of visits from some friendly Jehovah's Witnesses;and
3. a bookoffered me by two different people.

Not one of these things by itself moved me to make a more intellectual, spiritual and rational study of my beliefs. Combined, though, they proved to be the impetus to get me back to the Church that Christ established.

I would be making a mistake if I did not include my affair with Masonry in this article. As I have been doing some thinking about it lately, I am coming to realize how critical it was that God allowed me to enter this anti-Catholic organization. It was while I was stationed in Beaufort. I'm not sure why I asked to become a member of the Freemasons, but some time before I left the Marine Corps, I began my training. The learning consisted of me memorizing certain readings that I would then have to repeat in front of the Lodge in a secret meeting at which only Third Degree Masons and above, could attend (which is the case with every meeting they have that is not designated as a social gathering). Very rarely do non-Masons enter the Lodge. In fact, while meetings are going on, one Master Mason sits outside the door with a sword - he is the Tiler. If someone tries to force their way into the meeting, he is to defend the Lodge from this intrusion while at the same time warn the members in the Lodge of the imminent danger.

The clearest memory I have about joining the Masons is my apprehension at addressing the leader of the local Masonic community as "Worshipful Master". Everyone addressed him as such, and when he was no longer the leader, he was then called a Past Master. It was very awkward for me to call him "Worshipful Master". I think that this was God probing me a little. There was enough of my Catholic upbringing there to make me uncomfortable, but absolutely no schooling about the fact that I was automatically excommunicated for becoming a member - a mistake I have since been forgiven of by God through one of His representative here on earth.

Some of the other reservations I had were that there were no African-Americans allowed in the regular Masonic organizations. And as far as anyone knows (other than a sparse number in the Northeastern U.S.), the discrimination continues today. The African-American men who would want to become Masons join what is called the Prince Hall Lodge. When I asked my instructor about this, he assured me that it was not discrimination or racism, merely that we had our place to meet and they had theirs. Now I have learned more about the racism that was and still is a major part of Masonry.

After leaving the Masons, I also began to wonder about the contradictions ever present in the Lodge. For example, you cannot become a Mason unless you sign an oath that you believe in God. And yet, you are not allowed to discuss the topic of God or religion in the Lodge. Well, if we are all believers, then why not discuss it? I have come to discover that it is because it is not the God of Judeo-Christian heritage that we are admitting to belief in, rather, it is more akin to the "earth-mother" god so popular in liberal, feminist, anti-Catholic circles today. It is a naturalistic theology based on individualism and strong aversion to "organized religion." (Which is normally the code word for the Catholic Church).

Through God's providence, we moved back to Pittsburgh within a week of my becoming a Master Mason in Harmony Lodge #22 in Beaufort, S.C. I attended a couple meetings in Washington, PA with a friend of my father-in-law, but then did not attend again. It was during this time that the "Three Goads" (as Karl Keating called them) pushed me to study the Church more seriously.

Check out my Amway links page

Upon our return to Pittsburgh, my wife and I began anAmway business(in which I am no longer an active (sponsoring) Distributor). For clarification, I will point out that my wife renews our distributorship each year because she likes a couple of the products and we want to buy them wholesale.

We originally joined because we wanted more money, or at least I did. At the time, we thought we had a lot of debt - which we would find out in three years was nothing compared to what we would rack up trying to make money to eliminate it. My mother had been an active distributor since I was about ten or twelve years old, so I really don't remember growing up using anything but Amway products. I wore SA-8-smelling clothes, used Satinique shampoo, brushed with Glister toothpaste, occasionally splashed on Tonga after shave (some of you older distributors may remember that), received the same Amagift album for my Birthday (B or C), Christmas and Anniversary. So, I went with my wife to our first plan knowing some of what we were in for. I was even a distributor while in high school. But that experience did not prepare me for the games that the Diamonds play with an adult distributor's pocketbook.

We went to all the functions - like they told us to. We bought all the tapes ("You may succeed without these things, but it will take you a whole lot longer." "Now, we're not saying you have to buy them." "You know the Diamonds make most of their money from the "Business", not from the books and tapes and functions." "Listen to the Diamonds, they bought all the tapes, went to all the functions and read all the books." "If you want to reinvent the wheel, you can, since it's "your" business, but we don't recommend it." "Stick with what works."). And all of this advice came from people who were at the same level when I was in as a high school student ten years earlier. I was told by my mom that the reason they had not gotten a higher pin was because they haven't really wanted it. It sounded suspiciously like the fundamentalist excuse for someone who was a Christian, but "back-slid" (their euphemism to explain away not having that "assurance" ofsalvationthey like to talk about).

So, I've got these people, who I put my trust in, telling me that the only way to really "live" and be "free" was to be a successful Amway distributor. And yet, they had been living off of their brief success over a decade ago so that they could stand in front of unwary audiences and pontificate like they had the "great answer" for all of these poor soul's economic woes. The saddest part of my experience with Amway has been my ultimate view of these poor men and women. At one time I looked up to them and aspired to "share the stage" with them. I thought that there was something about me that they liked. Something about my wife that they admired. I really did think that, whether or not I "did" Amway, I would always be able to look to them for help or guidance. The truth slapped me in the face, and it was the beginning of the end for my "career" in Amway.

You become so convinced by all of the hype that if you do not succeed at Amway then there is something wrong with you and your success ability. You say things like, "Well Amway is a great opportunity, but I just didn't work it like I should have." You say these things, because you think them every night that you show the plan. You walk into homes and pray fervently that the couple doesn't ask if it's Amway before you're ready to tell them - two hours after rambling on about business trends, the circles and how they'll never amount to anything without this business opportunity (we never said - or were told to say - it just like that, but that's how it is intended to come across).

The most liberating feeling after shedding the Amway pall, was knowing that I didn't have to devise a way to get every stranger, acquaintance at a picnic or relative in front of the circles. I finally felt like I could have a friendship without the predication of the "business". I also felt the wonderful freedom of spending time with my children without feeling guilty that I was neglecting their financial futures by not abandoning them to show the plan. "But it's only for two years, until you're Diamond. Then you can walk the beaches of the world with your family." They would tell us from stage. Well, my children will never be two again - they will never again walk for the first time. They will never again say "daddy" for the first time. There are too many wonderful things to experience with my children while they are young for me to spend every waking hour chasing some "dream."

And about dreams. I can honestly state before God that I could never again conceive of owning a Mercedes-Benz 600SL. I see the pain around the world. I hear the words of Jesus. And I can't imagine spending that kind of money - no matter how much I had - on an automobile while the suffering exists in the world in the proportions I know. I also could not do it while I know of the people with diseases that could be cured with just a few more dollars given to support research. Yes, I know what you have been told by your upline - well, that's why I want to be a Diamond, so I can give "more" money to those causes. That may be the case - and if you do, may God bless your charity. However - in order to be on a Yager stage you better: 1) Have a lot of things to flash in front of the people; 2) Don't mention your Catholicity; 3) and toe the party line about "If you're poor, then God hasn't blessed you. And if you're rich, then God has blessed you."

If you are currently a Distributor and think that I am a whiny loser (that's what you are told to think of someone like me), just do a couple things to verify what I have to say: 1) Ask you upline Diamond what percentage of their income is from the books, tapes and functions; 2) Ask your upline Diamond why, if there is not a specific religious agenda of Dexter Yager's, no one ever tells the crowd on Saturday evening - as they are hawking sales of the band's tapes and firing everyone up for the Worship service - where they can go nearby to worship in their own faith community? You know - like telling everyone that if you're Jewish, there's a synagogue two blocks south of the coliseum, of you're Catholic, Mass is being said at St. James a half mile down Highway 1, etc.; 3) Ask your upline Emerald or Diamond if they would support you in a business venture un-related to Amway - if they are such good friends and want you to succeed, then it shouldn't matter if you choose Amway or another way, right - if they're so interested in you.

You see, I did these things, and was told 1) No way, they make hardly anything from the books, tapes, and functions - most of their income is from their Amway business; 2) I got a deer-eyed stare on this one - my upline being a former Catholic turned Assembly of God'er; 3) I was essentially told that most small businesses fail and that he didn't know what to say beyond that.

I've had my upline Emerald call me twice since then. Once to ask if I was coming to a function in the following week, and the second time to show me some "new" thing that Amway was doing. So, I guess my well-being was not so important after all - when it was not connected to increasing the size of his organization.

Just recently, after speaking with my mom about the issue of Directs and above stealing money from distributors for the books and tapes, she spoke with our upline Emerald. He said that he was hurt by the fact that I never addressed my concerns to him. And he promised that he would contact me about it. That was almost a year ago. Good thing I didn't decide to hold my breath waiting for his compassionate call. It is all part of the brain-washing. I don't matter to them now, since I can no longer impact their income. How is that for friendship and Christian concern?

Check out my Amway links page

What my brothers told me, and how wrong they were!

Here are some things my two Fundamentalist brothers said to me (So far, the majority of these are links to some very good apologetics articles by writers much more experienced than me. Eventually, I hope to keep their links, but have the questions answered in my own words.)

Please remember that both of my fundamentalist brothers may not have said all of these, but they did say some of them to me at various times. The others I have gathered from other non-Catholic and anti-Catholic sources -through e-mail, the internet, and personal meetings. I hope that I can help some people by clarifying these misconceptions and, in some cases, intentional obfuscation of Catholic doctrine and practice by those who say "Lord, Lord" but do not do what He says. When it is all said in done, if we do not EAT His body and DRINK His blood, we have no life in us. (Jn 6:54) In fact, those of us who EAT His flesh and DRINK his blood dwell within Him and He in us. (Jn 6:56) Seems pretty clear to me.

I spent a lot of time taking in what my brother told me. He was "born-again" while he was in high school or college. And I was away from any serious belief or study of the Church or any Christian faith from about the age of fifteen until I was almost thirty years old. Except for a brief time that I spent with a "Christian fellowship" group in college. As I stated above, I went to a college that was not very tolerant of other faiths - especially the only one that can claim Jesus as Her founder, Our Holy Catholic Church.

I just recently learned that the way my brother remembers my experience at "Mid-week" which is what we called our fellowship since it met on Wednesdays in Doug and Gretchen's apartment, is dramatically different from what I remember. Considering I was there and he was not, I think that I will stick to my memories and not his. Perhaps his reasons for distorting that time period is a way for him to forget the bizarre and un-Christian groups he belonged to, as well as some of the un-Christian ways that he confronted me when I was not "as Christian" as him. He seems to remember that I boasted to him how I was able to disrupt the "Mid-Week" meetings by demanding that we sing more songs, and that I demanded we sing songs that were not Christian. Yes, we sang songs, and yes, I had some say in what the songs were. However, everyone else had as much say as me, and normally it was Doug and Gretchen, the Campus Crusaders who decided the musical selections.

I remember coming home and telling him how excited I was to be in this group, and I told him some of the music we sang. But instead of support or encouragement, he began a tirade about how careful we must be in the music we choose, how "just any Bible-study" is not safe, etc. To say he burst my bubble would be an understatement. He convinced me that Christians were not loving, kind, patient, or supportive. Rather, they were accusatory, self-righteous, haughty, vain, proud and distrustful. After that, my time with Mid-week was less and less. I'm sure that deep down I figured that it was no use trying to be a Christian if every time you met another Christian they were either like my brother or like some of those nuts who wear the colorful suspenders and Bozo hair.

In the mean time, my brother never missed an opportunity to point out how Catholics were wrong. Keep in mind that at this time, I was not a practicing Catholic and I doubt that I would be the one to raise these topics. I remember one time, when we were traveling to Florida - it was me, my twin brother, my mom and dad and this other brother - he ripped the St. Christopher medal from the rear view mirror. He said that it was distracting him, but could not leave it at that - he then had to make some comment about idols. My dad commented back, but my brother grinned in his self-righteous manner thinking that he had the "Bible" on his side. How I wish I could go back to that ride with the knowledge I have now. That way, he could not claim he is too busy, or that we've been on the phone too long or that he needs to check on something (all of which he uses now when I press him on his assertions and accusations). May Mary, the Holy Mother of God, intercede for the benefit of his family and soul. Her love is so great. She bravely stood at the foot of the Cross with the Disciple whom Jesus loved. Jesus gave His mother to John, representing all of us, so that she would be our Mother as well. Jesus is our brother, so Mary is our Mother.

The following are some of the issues raised. Most can be refuted by a novice Catholic apologist. But some require a little more study and prayer. May Jesus give us enough time to evangelize our fallen-away brothers and sisters who truly love the Lord but are just swimming in circles around the true Barque of Peter. Let us prayerfully, with love and compassion, reach down into the water and lift them into the fullness of Truth which can only be found in the Holy Catholic Church.

What the Jehovah's Witnesses offered me, and how shallow it was!

I will not be able to get into it right now. But I have felt a very strong calling to focus my apologetics efforts toward the Jehovah's Witnesses. They are a mis-guided group of decent yet lost souls. Jesus wants all of us to be in His Church. Yet there are men and women out there who make too much money and gain too much pride to allow Jesus to have the glory. They want it for themselves, and they will create lies, deceptions, contradictions and enticements to gain and keep people in their created churches. Not only in the cults such as Jehovah's Witnesses, Seventh-Day Adventists, Scientologists (hope they don't sue me for mentioning them), and Mormons, but also in churches like the Disciples of Christ, Churches of Christ, Plymouth Brethren, Full Gospel, Evangelical Free, Baptist, Lutheran, and Catholic parishes, there are souls who are thirsting for the true waters that only Jesus can provide - and which are only available in their fullness in the Catholic Church founded by Christ on the Rock of St. Peter and the foundations of the Apostles.

What the book was, and how important it is!

OK, ok, the book wasRome Sweet Home, by Scott and Kimberly Hahn. Soon, I will write about the impact that this book had with me and others with whom I've spoken. Click here to buy this book from Barnes and Noble -->>Rome Sweet Home.

Another critical book (and one I practically devoured) in my re-version was by Karl Keating,Catholicism and Fundamentalism: The attack on Romanism by Bible Christians. I highly recommend it if you deal in any way with anti-Catholic fundamentalist Christians.

If you click on the link, it will bring you to the Barnes and Noble page. Although some of the stuff they carry sickens me, I have to allow for freedoms up to a point. And, even though I would never recommend some of the things they carry, I figure that the few cents I make on the sale of a book, I can apply to maintaining this site for the good of the Church.