WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
Note: These answers are ficticious. We
imagine what these authors might reply to the given question.
Plato: For the greater good.
Karl Marx: It was an historical inevitability.
Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration,
as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the
road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to
contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is
the princely chicken's dominion maintained.
Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff
in its pancreas.
Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be
discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and
each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can
never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DEAD!
Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken
and I'll find out.
Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment
would let it take.
Douglas Adams: Forty-two.
Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the
Road gazes also across you.
Oliver North: National Security was at stake.
B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded
its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion
that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions
to be of its own free will.
Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt
necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical
juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences
into being.
Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true
to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded
into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into
being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the
road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing
events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented
avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an Herculean achievement
formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable
occurrence.
Salvador Dali: The Fish.
Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from
the trees.
Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.
Epicurus: For fun.
Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended
it.
Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made
it do it.
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the
chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
David Hume: Out of custom and habit.
Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and
we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the
(censored) reason.
Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?
Ronald Reagan: I forget.
John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the
transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself
of the opportunity.
The Sphinx: You tell me.
Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all
the marrow out of life.
Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
(Neo-Pagan-style)
Alexandrian/Gardnerian: To reveal this would be to break my
oath of secrecy. I can say, though, that it *really* is an ancient
rite, dating far back in time, back even before 1951, and I have
learned it from an unbroken lineage. As Gerald said, it takes a
chicken to make an egg.
Asatru: First, we don't believe in a "One Chicken" or a "Hen
and Rooster." We believe in many chickens. Second, "crossing the
road" is part of the three levels, or worlds, and the chicken simply
crossed from one level to another. Hail to the Chickens!
British Traditional: The word "chicken" comes from a very specific
Old English word ("gechekken"), and it only properly applies to
certain fowl of East Anglia or those descended therefrom. As for
the rest, I suppose they are doing something remotely similar to
crossing the road, but you must remember that traditional roads
are not to be confused with the modern roads....
Celtic: In County Feedbeygohn on Midsummer's day, there is
still practiced St. Henny's Dance, which is a survival of the old
pagan Chicken Crossing fertility rite. Today, modern pagans are
reviving the practice, dedicated to the Hen and the Green Rooster.
Ceremonial: "Crossing the road" is a phrase that summarizes many
magical structures erected and timed by the chicken to produce the
energy necessary for the intention of the travel across the road.
For example, the astrological correspondences had to be correct,
the moon had to be waxing (if the chicken intended to come to the
other side of the road) or waning (if the chicken intended to flee
to the other side of the road), and the chicken had to prepare herself
through fasting and proper incantations. Note: certain forms of
invocation (summoning an egg *inside* your chicken self) can produce
abnormal or even dangerous eggs and should only be conducted inside
a properly erected barnyard. ...
Chaos: Thinking in terms of "roads" and "crossings" is simply
looking at the formal, typically perceived structure of chicken
crossing space-time. We, instead, focus on the possibility of chicken
crossing itself; what appears to be a random act is thus actually
the norm ---- it is the **road** which is the freak of chance. Indeed,
quantum mechanics now demonstrates what we knew all along: two roads
can simultaneously exist in the same place at the same time. Thus,
by attuning ourselves to the dynamic energy (called "crossing"),
we can manifest the road. Of course, to the knowledgeable, this
appears as a chicken crossing the road.
Dianic: The chykyn ("chicken" is term of patriarchal oppression)
sought to reclaim for herself the right to be on the other side
of the road, after it had been denied to her for centuries. By doing
so, she reawakened the power of the Hen within herself.
Discordian: cock-a-doodle-doo !
Druid: To get to the sacred grove, of course! Keep in mind
that 99% of everything written about chickens-crossing-the-road
is pure hogwash, based on biased sources. Yes, there were a few
unfortunate chicken sacrifices in the past, but that is over now...
Eclectic: Because it seemed right to her at the time. She used
some Egyptian style corn and a Celtic sounding word for the road
and incorporated some Native American elements into her Corn-name,
Chicken-Who-Dances-and-Runs-with-the-Wolves.
Faery: In twilight times and under sparkling stars, those properly
trained can still see the chickens crossing the roads. Reconnecting
with these "fey-fowl" as they cross is crucial to restoring the
balance between the energies of modern development and living with
the earth.
Family Traditional: Growing up, we didn't think much about
"crossing the road." A chicken was a chicken. It crossed the road
because that was what worked to get her to the other side. We focused
on what worked, and we worked more with the elders of the barnyard
and less with all this "guardians of the chickencoop" business.
We didn't get our concepts of "chickens" or "the other side" from
Gardner, either. You can choose not to believe us since we did not
"scratch down" on paper what was clucked to us orally (which, at
certain times in history, was the only way to avoid becoming Easter
chicken soup!), but that doesn't change the facts: there *were*
real chickens, and they *really did* cross the road!
Kitchen Witch: The chicken crossed the road to get food, to
get a rooster or to get away from me after I decided to have chicken
for supper !
Left Hand Path: White, fluffy chickens prancing across the
road ! Do you think that is *all* there is to crossing the road?
Do you *dare* to know the dark side of crossing the road and the
*other* path to self-development?
New Age: The chicken crossed the road because she chose this
as one her lessons to learn in this life. Besides, there was so
much incense and bright, white corn to explore on the Other Side.
Newbie: well, 'cause I read in this really kewl book that said,
like, chickens are supposed to cross the road, right?
Posting on an Online Discussion Group: What do you mean <<why
did the chicken cross the road?>> ???!!!??? Haven't you read
**any** of the previous posts? We've been [expletive deleted] debating
every word of that question, painstakingly trying to come to some
kind of answer. I know you wrote <<all i wnted to know was
why chickens cross the road, i'm not looking for any chicken spells>>
but I'm fed up with newbies who can't even bother to REEEEEEEEAAADDD
the posts on that very topic! No, this is *not* a flame. But, I
and several others here have the *maturity* to properly explore
and respond to this question, and we were properly trained; we *didn't*
just read a book and think we were full-fledged chickens. <whew,
feeling much better after ranting>
"Sethian"/Jane Roberts: Session 666; Wednesday, Dec. 2, 1969;
9:00 p.m.: Now, you create your own chicken, each of you individually
and en masse. Your physical senses fool you into believing you are
seeing a chicken crossing the road, when instead, the chicken has
already crossed the road, and hasn't even begun to cross the road.
There is a probable chicken that never crossed the road as well.
Further, because you each perceive a chicken, there is not only
one chicken but, in fact, many different chickens. As I have said
before, time is simultaneous. All probable versions of the chicken--past,
present and future--exist at once in the spacious present. It is
only because you *believe* [emphatically] that time is linear, with
each moment followed by another in one-line kind of fashion, that
you perceive the chicken taking chicken steps to get to the other
side of the road. It does no good to ask "Which came first, the
chicken or the egg," either, for they both exist at once in simultaneous
time. [9:10 p.m.] Now, there are families of chicken consciousness.
All life seeks value fulfillment, for consciousness is consciousness.
What you perceive as a chicken may be something far different in
another reality. The chicken may, for example, be a fragment personality
of your entity. The chicken is no less than you are, however, simply
because it is a chicken. Now, the chicken has its reality, and you
have your reality. But the chicken is more than a chicken [emphatically],
and *you are more than you think that you are!* [Pause one minute]:
The chicken crosses the road because it *believes* it can, and it
does. It knows that it is sacred and that it will not die. You (underline
'you') also are sacred and you will not die. But as long as you
believe that it is unsafe to cross the road, you must take chicken
steps and obey the laws that you have agreed upon to get to to the
other side safely. [End at 9:30 p.m. Jane came out of trance easily.
She didn't remember a word she had spoken as Seth.]
Solitaire: The chicken didn't want to be part of a coven or
an oven.
Shaman: Crossing the road is a way to reconnect with the healing,
visionary lifeways of the past. Chickens have long known this, but
increasingly the Rooster's Movement is adding more roosters to the
crossings too.
Snert: Hey, are you guys really chickens? Can you give me a
spell that will make a chicken cross the road?
Wiccan: The chicken crossed the road because she felt like
she was finally "coming home." She could do it alone or with others,
but she had to call to the Guardians of the Watchtowers of the Barnyard
first ... uhm, after casting the circle.
How Some Pagan Authors Might Respond:
Margot Adler: The recent chicken resurgence, it can be argued,
is directly based on a response to the suburban middle class experience.
While I found that chickens-who-cross-roads who responded to my
survey are of a wide range of ages and backgrounds, I discovered
some trends in the "why" of crossing the road. For some it is was
freedom. For some it is chickensim. Many chickens told me they crossed
the road for intellectual satisfaction. One thing is clear: the
growth of road crossing by chickens is expanding in the numbers
of chickens and in the ways they cross the road, including at chicken
festivals and for political blocking of roads.
P.E.I. Bonewits: Real crossing-the-road, we have seen, is a
very interwoven and complicated subject. Our conclusion could be
that real crossing-the-road is the build up of chicken emotion in
conjunction with chicken concepts to vary the modulation of chicken
energy so as to effect the modulation of the road's energy. That's
all! Perhaps it is unfortunate, though, to use the word "chicken"
in relation to it, since the "C" word is being used now in a way
it was never used before in the English language and is an utterly
meaningless term without a qualifying adjective. And this, of course,
is the fault of the medieval Christian Church, through the Gothic
Chickens it invented and used as the basis of persecuting men, women
and chickens. The word "chicken" itself comes from an Indo-European
root, "cheeka/e" meaning "one who lays eggs," and it has no relation
to the later Anglo-Saxon word for "wise spirit of flight," as so
often stated by certain contemporary "Chics." An'Chk'Rrhod ("Our
Own Chickens on Our Own Roads"), an authentic Neo-Chicken Rooster
tradition, offers the best of paleo-, meso- and neo- Chickenism
...
Carlos Castenada 4/10/1964 I spent 14 hours, without food or
water, sitting on the dirt and under the sun in front of Don Juan's
house, grinding chicken feed. I asked Don Juan if I could have a
drink of water, and he told me that it was always this way, that
a man who wanted to cross the road with the chicken cannot have
any food or water till the chicken feed is ground. I asked Don Juan
if the chicken is an ally, like the little smoke. Don Juan seemed
to get angry and stayed silent. After I completed grinding the corn,
I hallucinated from heat exhaustion, and Don Juan said I was ready.
As I collapsed to my side, I spilled the chicken feed around me.
A chicken appeared to be eating the feed around me, and I became
strangely absorbed in the vision. I heard Don Juan's voice tell
me, "You must let the chicken cross the road into you. It is very
painful, but for a man of knowledge it is easy."
Scott Cunningham: A chicken passes between the grasses, clucking.
The wind blows, and the chicken knows, *knows*, that this is the
time. She puts her energy into taking the steps, in harmony with
the gravel and the stones of the road. She is across; it is over,
and the chicken stands in the field on the other side of the road.
... Natural chicken crossing is unique among most other branches
of the art of chicken road crossing. It doesn't require years of
collecting or fashioning copps, feeders or hen houses. Indeed, the
most important tools of natural chicken crossing are free: the road,
the chicken and you, your personal chicken power. You're already
familiar with it. You've felt it. You *are* a chicken. Crossing
the road is you, with your chicken need. And, you can do it on your
own. After all, who initiated the first chicken?
Janet and Stewart Farrar: Since so many editions of Gardner's
Chicken Book of Crossings have appeared in print (some accurate,
some not), we think it won't "lay an egg" too much if we clearly
present "The Chicken Crossing Rite," especially if we do so after
two and half pages of well researched introduction set in six-point
type. In version A of the Chicken Crossing Rite, we find many pseudo-archaisms
(e.g.,"Yea, Ye Anciente Rite of Ye Chiks and Ye Rodes is a moste
powerful Crafting,taking thy athame..."); however, Doreen Valiente
notes (in version C, which is what we present), and we agree, that
underlying it all is a basic ritual for summoning the astral road
through the spirit of the Chicken (drawn down in the person of the
High Priestess, holding the black handled feed bin; of course, a
second degree may assist or perform the rite when....
Llewellyn's Practical Chicken Magick Series: To some people,
the idea that "chickens crossing the road" is practical comes as
a surprise. It shouldn't. The whole idea of Crossing the Road is
practical for chickens. While Crossing the Road is also, and properly
so, concerned with spiritual growth and psychological transformation
--the "why" of crossing the road-- every chicken's life must rest
firmly on material roads. Crossing the Road is the flowering of
chicken potential. And the profits from publishing all those books
on how to do so? Well, that ain't chicken feed...
Starhawk: The chicken crossed the road to reclaim the crossing
experience, the experience of being fully alive, with streams and
earth and rocks and road, in the fullness of her chickenhood after
thousands of years of roosterarchy. The chicken crossing the road
--not a chicken laying eggs, not a chicken being roasted and eaten--
a chicken strong and free, crossing the road, this is something
I can believe in. We chickens, as chickens, can reclaim this in
harmony with the Earth who gives life to all chickens and Who has
been terribly scratched by roosters. Exercises: Dance the Spiral
Chicken.
Doreen Valiente: Old Chicken really did exist, and she really
did cross the road. Gerald talked about her often, but she didn't
cross the road till before I began studying with Gerald. Still there
are records of Old Chicken which confirm her reality. As for all
the comments that Gerald had a "thing" for chickens, that is simply
not true. The reason we worked with chickens is really quite simple:
it worked !
Silver Raven Wolf: Although many times people have asked me
why exactly the chicken crossed the road, I often wonder myself.
My point is that every chicken comes to the road in a different
way, and there is no one correct way for the chicken to get to the
road to be crossed. The study of crossing the road is hard work
if the chicken is going to develop any degree of proficiency. It
is not something where you can just cluck yourself across the road.
The first time my chicken crossed the road was for my chicken's
friend, whose rooster was being abusive. The chicken worked the
steps for crossing the road after carefully considering all the
reasons for crossing the road and all the steps she would have to
take. Finally, my chicken just started clucking and flapping her
wings and started across the road. When she reached the other side,
her friend's rooster was respectful! Afterwards, the chicken ate
some corn to ground herself.
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