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feedback mechanism. If someone says something to you that is hurtful, it's probably because it has an element of truth in it. If it were completely unfounded, then it shouldn't cause you pain.
Here is a great exercise for the brave: ask your friends not only for feedback as to what they like about you, but also what they don't like about you. The negative and less flattering comments will always reflect back to you where you are not being real and accepting of yourself. Don't we all like real and authentic people rather than phony and posturing people? Posturing and maintaining a false facade is our way of denying and disowning parts of ourselves.
When I'm teaching seminars, I have to work on not playing the "the know-it-all" professor role which leads to feelings of superiority and omnipotence. This type of self-deception makes it difficult for me to be open to learning from class members. (And believe me, teaching can be a great learning experience if you provide an open, safe atmosphere and encourage questions.) Class members frequently ask thought-provoking questions that provide the stimulus for me to think deeper about a specific topic and this learning process makes for better, higher quality and more insightful seminars.
I have also discovered that when I'm in my "guru" role, it's hard for me to say "I don't know" and accept that it's not possible for me to have a ready response for every question. Acknowledging that makes me more real and allows me to connect more easily with class members.
When I made the decision to teach, counsel and write for a living, I knew that this form of service or contribution would be very fulfilling. I also attempted to accept unconditionally the notion that a life of service is all that mattered and money wasn't relevant. My wife was concerned that I had secretly taken vows of poverty. I tried to disown my baser instincts of greed and wouldn't admit to myself that I really do enjoy things that require money (e.g.,
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