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Seeing and learning to accept the totality of ourselves (both the good and the bad) is the first step on the road to greater compassion for other people and ourselves. We all have our dark side and share shameful impulses and thoughts (lust, greed, anger, impatience, etc.). These are part of our total identity. We have to learn how to accept and live with these desires and thoughts in order to become healthy and whole. When we deny or disown aspects of ourselves, we expend tremendous amounts of energy trying to suppress and keep submerged these baser instincts. Rather than learning acceptance, which leads to serenity, peace and a higher level of energy, we begin to develop a facade and false fronts that we present to others. When we deny our authentic selves, we cease being real and become poseurs. Phoniness breeds contempt and distrust, whereas authenticity provides for the possibility of real connection and intimacy. We begin to play the games listed below and live false roles that mask our true identity:
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