So many people around us - I exclude myself, of course - are devotees at

the temple of technology. The following list of symptoms relating to

people involved in techno-fanaticism was developed in the USA. I've

adapted the list for New Zealand conditions. As a techno-freak, you

are...

1. One of those people who beeps or buzzes in the middle of the

quiet bits of a concert.

2. A person who no longer tells other people

your phone number. You call it your voice number, and distinguish it

from the many other numbers or addresses you now have, such as e-mail, or

fax; or if you're upmarket, your Compuserve code.

3. You think people who can't program their video recorder are

probably illiterate. And g-codes are for the birds.

4. You know not only how to do those funny little keystrokes that look like

someone lying down and smiling, :), but you have a file on disk that tells you

 how to do 203 others. Only some of these are recognizable by the average

person as anything more than a typo.

5. When you go on holiday you hide your lap-top in the bottom of

your suitcase underneath the pyjamas you don't expect to wear, even

though your wife forbad you to bring it. You justify this by saying you

may get inspired, or that the lap-top needs daily backups.

6. You know that Ross Perot calls the "the information superhighway" the

"electronic town hall." (You think you know who Ross Perot is.)

7. It takes you so long to design and print out a perfect letter to your friend

you fall asleep on the keyboard - and your wife only wakes you up because the

beeping is keeping her from sleeping.

8. You feel no embarressment about talking to someone on your

cellphone in the middle of the street.

9. You're so used to putting an earcatching message on the answerphone

you don't even bother to write it out beforehand.

10. You get a minor form of RSI using the push buttons

on your phone while exploring your options on the call minder.

11. Your electric kettle starts to boil water, (as it should), when the alarm goes

off at 7am, but you haven't quite figured out why your bread gets stuck

in the toaster.

12. You've lost your no-claims-bonus completely because

you're so fascinated with the electronic gadgets on the dashboard you've

run into into the rear-ends of cars on three different occasions.

13. The following are plain English to you: FAQ, SCSI, http, URL, JPEG, and

Chicago.

14. There are more cords, wires and multi-plugs on the floor

of your home office (aka bedroom) than lost socks or underpants.

15.

When your older daughter says there's a mouse loose in her cupboard you

look at her strangely.

16. You become frazzled if a fax isn't replied to instantly; irritable if someone

doesn't leave a message on the answerphone; and you can't understand why

your cell phone isn't crystal clear when you use it under the house while mending a pipe.

17. Your two-year old usually sits on the toilet singing, Garbage In Garbage

Out.

18. You become highly insulted when you leave a message on your

workmate's e-mail and he replies by saying that you're "cluttering up

cyberspace."

19. You know the names of more people you've never met face

to face than of the people you work with. And finally....

20. You no longer remember how you filled up your days before

your first computer arrived.