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So, You Want Some More?

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Smiling is infectious, you catch it like the flu.
When someone smiled at me today, I started smiling too.
I passed around the corner and someone saw my grin,
when he smiled I realized, I'd passed it on to him.
I thought about that smile, then I realized its worth.
A single smile just like mine could travel round the earth.
So, if you feel a smile begin don't leave it undetected,
let's start an epidemic quick, and get the world infected!

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Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.

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Two entrepreneurs, Jack and John, decided to start a bungee-jumping business south of the border. They went to Casa del Sol, Mexico, built a huge platform, and opened for business. By noon the first day, they both noticed that while everyone was watching, no one was buying tickets.

Jack told John to go up and jump, so everyone could see how much fun it was, and then they would buy tickets and try it.

John jumped, almost reached the ground, and sprang back up. Jack saw that his shirt was torn and his hair was mussed. John came down again and sprang back up. This time he had several bruises and his clothes were ripped to shreds. The third time down and back up, and he had several open wounds, a broken arm, and was bruised over most of his body.

Jack quickly raised John to the platform and asked him what in the world was going on.

John replied, "I'm not sure. Do you know what 'pinata' means?"

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A secretary, a paralegal and a partner in a city law firm are walking through a park on their way to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."

"Me first! Me first!" says the secretary. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world".
Poof! She's gone.

In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the paralegal,
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life."
Poof! She's gone.

"You're next," the genie says to the partner.

The partner says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

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President Clinton was walking his dog down the street and a little boy came up to him and said, "that sure is a cute doggie you've got there".

"Why, thank you", the president answered, "I got it for Hillary".

"You sure made a good trade", the boy answered.

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Here's a little treat.


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After insulting the female genie from the magic bottle,
Carlos makes his wish:
"I want to wake up with 3 women in my bed."
She says, "So be it!" and disappears back into the bottle.
The next morning, Carlos wakes up with Lorena Bobbitt,
Tonya Harding and Hillary Clinton.
His penis is gone, his leg is broken and he has no health insurance.

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What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?"

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What do you call three rabbits in a row, hopping backwards simultaneously?

A receding hareline.

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Man's Stupidity At Its Best

A man came home from work sporting two black eyes.
"What happened to you?" asked his wife.
"I'll never understand women," he replied.
"I was riding up in an escalator behind this pretty young girl,
and I noticed that her skirt was stuck in the crack of her ass.
So I pulled it out, and she turned around and punched me in the eye!"
"I can certainly appreciate that," said the wife,
"But how did you get the second black eye?"

"Well, I figured she liked it that way," said the husband,
"So I pushed it back in."

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Husband's Revenge

It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), grunting and pounding his chest with the free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play along. She does and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead.
Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall, she does, and Mr. Gorilla is just about to tear the bars down.
"Now try lifting your dress up your thighs"
... this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.
Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and says,
"Now, tell HIM you have a headache."

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Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day.
So they set off and are seeing lots of animals.
Eventually they end up opposite the elephant house.
The boy looks at the elephant,
sees its willy, points to it and says, "Mummy, what is that long thing?"
His mother replies, "That, son, is the elephant's trunk."
"No, at the other end."
"That, son is the tail."
"No, mummy, the thing under the elephant."
A short embarrassed silence after which she replies, "That's nothing."
The mother goes to buy some ice-cream and the boy, not being satisfied
with her answer, asks his father the same question.
"Daddy, what is that long thing?"
"That's the trunk, son," replies the father.
"No at the other end."
"Oh, that is the tail."
"No, no daddy, the thing below," asks the son in desperation.
"That is the elephants penis. Why do you ask son?"
"Well mummy said it was nothing," says the boy.
Replies the father: "I tell you, I spoil that woman ...!!!"

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Fred goes to the doctor, and says,"doc, please help me.
My wife and I can never come at the same time."
The doctor says,"It's easy. Put a gun loaded with blanks under
your bed. The next time your about to come, shoot the gun.
She'll flood."
The next day, Fred walks into the doctors office, looking really ragged.
The doctor says,"Well, did you try it?"
Fred says,"Yep." The doctor says,"What happened?"
Fred says,"She bit off my cock, pissed in my face,
and hasn't spoken to me since."

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"When do you know your really ugly?"
When dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.

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"What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?"
Kids won't eat broccoli.

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A drunk stumbles into the confessional.
the priest hears him come in, but he doesn't hear anything,
so the priest knocks on the wall.
The drunk says," Forget it, buddy,
theres no paper in this one either."

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Adam had just met Eve and they got talking about sex. Eve was curious about what Adam did to have sex - after all, she was the first woman on earth. So Adam took her by the hand and led her to a nearby tree and showed her a hole in the tree trunk, just about the right height for Adam to thrust his desires away. Eve said smiling, "Well now you don't have to have sex with the tree because I've got a hole too so why don't you put it in me?"

She lay down on her back and opened her legs as wide as they would go. Adam, looking forward to this impending moment of passion, took several steps back.

"Come on, big boy!" said Eve. Adam ran towards Eve and..... KICKED her between the legs as hard as he could!

Eve : "What was that for????" asked Eve
Adam: "Oh, just checking for squirrels......"

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Two cannibals are eating a clown, one looks to the other and says,

"Does this taste funny?"

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What's six inches long and satisfies all women?

A $50 Bill.

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Let's Review The 1st page

"Back To The Fort!"