"And the Lord did grin and say, 'Mmmmm, that's a tender hunk o' cheese!'"
In the beginning there was nothing. Then came the one, the lord god (The Head Cheez), who did chew his cud and think for awhile. Until at last he spoke, "Mooo." said he, and proceeded to smack and chew once more. Then, a decision was made, with a great, creation shattering heave, he spat out his cud and thus formed the Earth. From this cradle man would grow, nurtured by the milk of those followers the Lord saw fit to leave on the Earth, the cows. From this point on, it would be the duty of every cow to watch over and nurture man. To this day they may be seen, congregating on hill tops and in fields, simply watching, contemplating, chewing their cud, and waiting for the time when the Lord may ask them to move, to help guide man further.
But all was not well. Man was unhappy and had nothing to eat with his wine or bread. He needed some sort of food that would be both durable and tasty. A food which mold could not ruin and time could not turn. So it was that the lord sent his son to Earth. In a sleepy town, in a manger, the Lord Cheezus was ushered into the world. Yet he was born of a virgin, the virgin Bessy. And the lord did grin and say, "Mmmmm, that's a tender hunk o' cheese." Thus Man's problems were solved. Or so it seemed.
Yet this was not enough. Man soon decided that he needed a greater variety of cheese. So it came to pass that Cheezus was hung on a cross, to die for our Pallet. In death he helped to bring about the birth of millions of new varieties of cheeses. And the world was at peace again.
Yet, soon after, just as he had said, Cheezus was resurrected. A wiser, moldier cheez, he taught man to value all cheeses, moldy or otherwise.
Ghudda and the False Prophets
The Anti Cheez
Armageddon, the great Meltdown
The creation of Cheez-foods and Aerosol Cheez
"Spread the word, cheez-spread."
