6-14-98
We're all familiar with America Online and their twisted practices. But few know the depths to which their plots go. We at PVC's News Bytes have a direct line to the inner sanctum of the anarchist order known as AOL. Through our sources, we have managed to uncover perhaps the most extensive plot for chaos, anarchy and destruction since the Clinton Healthcare plan! This plan takes effect on two levels:
1) Disk Proliferation: By flooding the market with millions and millions of unwanted disks with free AOL software on it, AOL not only serves to bring in lots of new victims (they refer to them as customers), but it manages to completely devalue the 3.5" disk. Look around any computer nerds' room and you will find stacks of reformatted AOL disks which he uses to store his files on. Just by reformatting the AOL disks one recieves through the mail, in magazines and packaged with other software/hardware, a computer junkie can completely avoid ever having to buy a disk again. This frivolous production and dissemination of disks serves Steve Case's master plot to create anarchy and destruction by entirely undermining the 3.5" disk industry. We believe that, when the time is right, Steve Case and his personal police (Chatguides) will stop putting out these disks and thus destroy 3.5" disk availability. This will lead to the ultimate destruction of the American economy as we know it.
2)Chatrooms: The second part of Steve Cases' evil plan revolves around mind control. He and his cronies have discovered that, by creating vast numbers of mind numbing chatrooms, completely devoid of content, substance and/or intelligence, they can suck up hours of time from unsuspecting armchair America. Not since the invention of the Andy Griffith show has a more mind numbing and valueless activity been created. By keeping America in chatrooms and in the armchair, Mr Case has managed to completely pacify a large portion of the populous.
So, it has now become clear that AOL is an evil, eclipsed only by Microsoft (See the upcoming article). We must be wary of Case and his gang. Keep a watchful eye, preparing for the day that Cases' plan comes into full effect. We will not go quitely... LOL.
