Trying to find a way to start off a new journey is so hard. Your not exactly what journey to write about.

So much goes on in life daily its hard to pinpoint anything really! Lemme see if I can try though.
I am embarking on my 25th birthday, my Daughters 4th birthday and a new world to live in. It seems as though ever since I have been traveling this path I have not stopped to rest!

When I met my luv Calydin 4 years ago, never in my wildest of imaginations would I ever have expected us to be together in real life. I say Real Life, because for those who do not know us, we met(in fact) online. In a chat room in geocities called Athens. At that time I was married, breastfeeding and miserable. My husband had found other things in his life at that time that meant more to him than a wife and newborn. So my excuse to do laundry at my mothers house paid off for me in the long run!

The first time I ever chatted in a room was an experience. I met a "CL" (Like I knew what that was) whose name was Atlas and feel deeply in lust with him. (Course this could have been the lack of sex I was having at home also. LOL) And had my first cyber experience… Cyber you say? You know… SEX online.. *giggle* Its definitely a different experience. I was starting to experience more than just church and motherhood. I was feeling things inside again for the first time in years!! Now granted I was only 21, but still!
Then one day, as I was sitting in Athens waiting for Atlas, some guy by the name of Calydin_the_Celt with his name all colored up in gradients of yellows and reds, with a bolt of lighting and clapping of thunder appeard on the stepping stones next to the coliseum.. With his cloak flapping in the wind and his mock boots undone a bit… I fell bad… LOL And he always carried a rose for his lady.

Now, you may be thinking, "Oh yeah, she's desperate!" But seriously! The only time my husband would ever open a door for me is if it was one of those automatic doors! Or if there was a spider in the pathway. And roses?? HA!!! What was a rose! I was lucky for a hug.

So here is this man… Oh my gawd… I was so smitten and wanted to know every little detail about him. So But I was so afraid to say hi… My name was ~`~Poison Ivy~`~, and one night as I was sitting there talking to Atlas, Calydin asked me, "If I touch you will I itch?" My heart jumped!! "Oh my gawd!" I was thinking, "He just talked to me!!!" I was freaking out and felt like I was 12 years old all over again!
He even sent me an electronic greeting with a rose on it.

The next day I of course made some more dirty laundry that just had to be done! Little did my hubby know what I was up to… Snicker… So I sat and waited for his arrival. My heart beating every time the little message popped up "so and so has just entered the parthenon…" and then… he entered.. His mock boots a flying and thunder and my heart just beat a million miles a minute. "Hi calydin" I said coyly… "Hi"… Hi? He said Hi? What about my rose? I WANT MY ROSE!!! "Just hi?" Yeah, Hi!" And then, he pulled out a rose… Well typed that he did. Did you know 10 seconds can seem like an eternity? Well to me that night they did. As I awaited my rose with eager anticipation. 1… 2….3….4…5….6…. "should I ask"…7…. Naw….8….9…"Umm, calydin, who is the rose for…" Trying not to sound as desperate as I am sure I did… "For my girlfriend" I COULD HAVE DIED RIGHT THERE…. I wanted to. "Oh… Well see ya around!"
I logged off folded my laundry and left my moms house.. Meanwhile my ex-husband had acquired a job with enough cashola we were able to get our own washer and dryer.. Thank god… No more messing around for me. I need to focus on my marriage. Or what was left of it at least!

In July of 1997, my husband, mom and dad, extended family, all went camping… I did not think much about what had happened on the net. Only still wished I had some sort of net connection! Then halfway through my trip my husband decided he had enough of me and left us. Me and our daughter, stranded with my parents, for the remainder of the trip. Well, its really strange how moments stick out in your head. But this one did! We were in Port Townsend WA on vacation and went shopping.. (it's a girlie thing) Every store I went to had something "Celtic" in it. Of course I thought about the Celt man and wondered how he and his GF were fairing hoping to god she had some horrible disease and was dead…
LOL hey I am being honest here!! But I thought of him. I wondered if for one, will I ever have luv in my life. I had a husband, but would I be forced to stay with a man whom I was falling out of luv with and who was just an asshole? Needless to say our marriage got progressively worse. We hardly ever spoke, and I was spending more time with my mother than him. We were church goers at the time and even that was not helping. We sought counseling and fought so much the counselor had to play ref rather than counsel. It was going downhill fast.
We separated in November, 4 days after our 1 year anniversary, and he brought me the divorce papers. Well this predicament left me alone with my parents once again. But, another twist yet again, My father had to travel for some work and would be gone til after thanksgiving.

I was alone, with a year old baby girl to raise and no way to do it. Fortunately for me, my mom left her internet hooked up while they were away. (note: I believe and pretty much know that without this saving grace{internet}, I would have killed myself.)
I sent an email to Atlas and told him everything.. Told him how now I know we can try for something.. Maybe have a relationship. Then another bomb dropped. "You did not think I was serious did you ? It was just for fun." Fun? FUN? Fun is monopoly or cribbage.. But using someone is not fun. Well not for the person anyway. I was devastated once again. I started hanging out in his chat room hoping to see him. Anything, just to be near him.

One day minding my own business, I see out of the corner of my eye, a "Calydin" with a gradient colored name in hues of yellow and red… "Could it be?" I pondered. "Naw… it would have "the_celt" after it, wouldn't it?" By this time I had chosen a different name, and was going under D`ni~. "Calydin enters the patio carrying a single red rose and awaits his luv…" My heart pounded in my throat.. there was no way that was him… And yet a small glimmer of hope rose in my heart. I waited. I wanted to make sure he was not still upset at me or whatever had caused him to ditch me before.

At least 3 weeks went by before I spoke.. "Did you ever chat in Athens?" I asked… swallowing my tongue and hoping he does not yell at me. "Yeah, why." He wrote. "I thought so," I said. " I used to chat there by the name ~`~Poision Ivy~`~, and I was not sure if this was the calydin the celt or not." "Poison Ivy??? No way!!! How are you!!" I WAS SMILING FROM EAR TO EAR!!! He remembered me… Sigh We talked for at least an hour, re-hashing old times and I found out why in fact he had dissed me! My ex-husband had come into the chat room and was asking for me. (He could never leave well enough alone) And of course that would scare any guy off.
"Towdah enters the patio and looks for a seat"
Guess who that was? Yep! His girlifriend.. I was crushed once again. The small hope and faint glimmer had exhausted me to the point of no return. I was jealous, angry, sad, mad all at the same time! Yes it is possible! I just did not understand what was up with my luck.

I tried to get over it but could not… He was going to visit her in a few weeks in Alaska, and they were going to meet in Real Life.. Its kinda like crossing over to some people.. *S*

When he returned from Alaska, I greeted him in the chat and asked how it went."Can I ask you something dni?" like duh… "sure you can!!" "When a girl says no matter what I want us to always be friends what does that mean." Here was my chance.. LOL "I would have to say most likely they want you to always be friends!!! " "LOL, but you think it means they want to break up?" "well, if I said that to a guy that would be the reason yes. " "oh… ok… " "Why?? What hapned?" He proceeded to tell me about his trip to Alaska and how it was nothing but perfect. And just as he was leaving she had said that to him.

Of course I was luving this. (yes I do have a mean streak in me, just does not show all that often)

I tried to console him and talk him into the fact everything would be ok, that I was sure she still luved him.

Then a thought flickered… tell him... tell him what… Tell him how you FEEL!!! NO WAY!! He will laugh and most likely never speak to me.. If you don't tell him now, you will never know!!!
So I typed it out…layed it on the line. I have always like you I have always wanted to be with you and I know this is probably a really bad time, but…..

"Towdah enters the patio and looks for a seat"

Impeccable timing she had.. Just like me.. Needless to say I licked my wounds, erased the message and said adios to Calydin and his love Towdah.

"Now wait a minute," I can hear you saying.. You guys are together!! What happened!!
I am getting there ya gotta give me time!! Its 3 am as I am writing this!

I met some weird guy named Belgarion and was going to take a trip to see him. I had mentioned something to calydin that morning about him and he shrugged it off and seemed rather upset at it actually!! Well I thought not much of it and went on my merry way.
Later that evening, he popped up on ICQ..
"Hi there! You ok?"
"I am frustrated that's all."
"Oh.. If its sexual I can totally understand that." ( At this point in the game I needed to redo sex education to remember what it was)

Did I just send that? I was petrified.. He is so never gonna talk to me again now..
*UH OH* ICQ? He messaged me? OMG!!! I made him laugh!! That's a good sign right?

Okay, here we go…

"I have something I have been meaning to tell you but I don't know how to."

"You can tell me Dni."

"You hafta promise you will still be my friend."

"I promise… LOL"

"Okay, here goes… I have liked you ever since we met in Athens and I would really like to be with you more than just a friend."

This had to be the longest most agonizing 30 seconds of my life….

*uh-oh* "how come you never told me before."

" because you were with Towdah."

"Well, not for very much longer, wanna chat?"

We chatted for hours, talked for months and have been together for years. And I luv him more today than ever.
He left Colorado and everything behind and rode 32 hours on a greyhound bus to be with me. In the 3 years we have been together we have spent 2 nights apart.
Any amount of time away from him is painful for me. I have never luved anyone as I do my Celt.

So many times in life we take things for granted. We keep things bottled inside and don't let them go! Marriage can be forever. But its takes the right person to last an eternity…

This journey is dedicated to calydin.

My luv, my soul mate, my one and only true luv… Without all you have taught me and continue to teach me day after day, my journeys would never be so well written. You have truly been an inspiration to me in my work, family, and how we cope together. With all the paths, rocks, boulders and rainbows we have been though I know we can make it through anything… I luv you with all my heart and soul… You always take the time for me. No matter how small the problem may seem. And your great in bed…