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	What I've learned in this world, I've forgotten,
	So, some education I've bought'en.
		With my good intent,
		And money I've spent,
	My readin' and writin's still rotten!

	To be really smart, I am not,
	'Lottsa' brains, I really don't got,
		'Did 'lousy' in school,
		That's why I'm a fool;
	How to speak, I even forgot!

	I looked up my family tree,
	I was shocked as ever could be,
		There's no variations,
		In my past relations;
	All were stupid and dumb, just like me!

	You called. You must have something to say!
	Sadly, we're busy or simply away,
		But if, after the tone,
		You leave us YOUR phone,
	We'll get back to you later today.

	There was a young chap from Calcutta,
	Who developed a terrible stutter,
		When he asked for the bread,
		They would pass to him instead,
	Beer, broccoli, beans and the butter.

	On October 1st it was said,
	In thirty more days you'll be dead,
		So with that in mind,
		Rather than whine,
	Drink till you see double instead.

	There once was a man from Algiers,
	Who tried growing corn in his ears,
		When the temperature rose,
		He leapt to his toes,
	Now popping is all that he hears.

	This is the way I tie my shoes,
	Lacing-up tight to rid the blues,
		Ummm... why was I sad?
		I thought I was glad!
	No thanks, my body hates booze.

	I went to Tibet with my mama,
	We rode though the mountains on llamas,
		But I couldn't wait to get back,
		To my home where it is flat,
	On the sunny beach in the Bahamas.

	There once was a man named Crocket,
	Who stuck his foot in a Socket,
		When along came a Witch,
		Who turned on the Switch,
	And Crocket went up like a Rocket.