The Planet of the Meatballs
A SC fanfic by KayLynn
Part 3
…The 'Cases are discussing what to do with the breadsticks…
Rosie: I don't see what's difficult about this, Commander…shouldn't we just drag the breadsticks over to the Christa and pry it out?
Comdr. Goddard: Actually, Rosie, it's a complicated problem. We have to somehow get the breadsticks to the site of the ship, and look at the size of them! I don't know how we're going to move them, and then we'll need to get them under the Christa, and exert enough leverage to pry it out from under all that spaghetti.
Bova: Which, of course, we'll never be able to do.
Rosie: Oh, c'mon, Bova! We can do it!
Radu: Hopefully… Hey, Cat, Harlan! Could you guys stop arguing? We could use your help here.
…Harlan and Catalina come over from near a small patch of parsley "bushes", still glaring at each other…
Comdr. Goddard: Catalina, it was your idea to use the breadsticks to get the Christa out of this mess. Do you have any ideas as to how to do it?
Catalina: Well, Suzee thinks --
Harlan: We don't care what "Suzee" thinks!
Comdr. Goddard: That's enough, Mr. Band. Catalina, what do you…I mean Suzee…think we should do now? How are we going to get these huge things over to the Christa??
Catalina: Umm…we could… Oh, that's a good idea, Suzee! Guys, Suzee says that to get those things over to where the ship is, we'll need to tie ourselves to them with spaghetti, and then pull them over to the Christa.
Harlan: I am not harnessing myself to a breadstick. Period.
…Several minutes later, everyone has a piece of spaghetti leading to the biggest breadstick tied around their waist…
Harlan: This is humiliating.
Ms. Davenport: We're all in this together, Mr. Band.
Commander Goddard: Well, people, everybody ready? …Okay, then. Go!
…Once again, they all jump into the spaghetti, and they strain to haul the giant breadstick off the shore. The breadstick is slow to start moving, but finally it slides from the meatball into the spaghetti sea. They all swim towards where the Christa sank, getting pinched by the worms occasionally, but the going is slow…
Radu: C'mon, guys! Pull!
Harlan: That's easy for you to say, with your Andromedan strength…
Rosie: *gasps*
Catalina: THELMA! How much further to where the Christa sank?
THELMA: 73.5 meters.
Comdr. Goddard: Pull, team, pull!
…Finally, they reach what THELMA says is the right place. They all untie themselves from the breadstick. The Christa, by now, is totally submerged…
Harlan: Aww, man, how are we even going to find it?
Bova: We probably won't.
Everybody: Bova!!
Rosie: There has to be a way…right, Commander?
Comdr. Goddard: Well, the only way I can see is for one of us to dive and attach a compupad to the ship to mark the location electronically. *pauses for a moment* I'll go.
Ms. Davenport: Commander, that is entirely too dangerous!
Radu: Let me do it, sir. My molecular density can hold up to the spaghetti pressure much better.
Comdr. Goddard: No, Mr. Radu. I can't jeopardize a cadet.
Rosie: Well, be careful, Commander.
…Commander Goddard takes a deep breath, and dives down under the spaghetti. After a minute (Ms. Davenport panicking the whole time) he comes up to the surface again…
Catalina: Are you okay, Commander?
Comdr. Goddard: Fine. Could be worse, anyway. Now let's get the Christa up!
Radu: THELMA, what angle should we put the breadstick in at?
THELMA: Given the size of the breadstick and the location of the ship, 43º.
Comdr. Goddard: Okay. Bova and THELMA, you two guide the breadstick, the rest of us will push.
…The 'Cases struggle to get the breadstick in. The thing is sliding every way but where they want. Finally, though, THELMA announces that it's at the proper angle…
Radu: Now how are we going to pry the ship out? It's too heavy!
Comdr. Goddard: We'll just have to cross our fingers.
THELMA: I do not believe that our combined efforts can pry the Christa out, no matter how our digits are arranged.
Comdr. Goddard: THELMA, why didn't you say this before?!?
THELMA: You did not ask me, sir.
Bova: Great. We're doomed to stay on this planet till we die.
…They all float in a miserable silence for several minutes, then…
Catalina: Wait, Suzee…say that again. What? What are you talking about??
Rosie: What is it, Cat?
Catalina: Suzee says that Zidyonian neck-pinching worms are strongly attracted to parsley, like cats to catnip…however that would help us.
Harlan: Hey, Cat, there were some parsley bushes back on that meatball!
Comdr. Goddard: Which one, Mr. Band?
Harlan: The last one we were on.
Catalina: Hey, I get it! If we could tie some parsley onto this end of the breadstick, the worms might pull the Christa up!
Rosie: What are we waiting for?
Comdr. Goddard: Harlan and Radu, you two go back to the meatball and get some parsley. But be careful on the way back! Hold the parsley up above the spaghetti, so you don't get attacked by the worms.
Radu: Will do, sir.
Harlan: Right.
…Radu and Harlan swim back towards the meatball. The others wait, all thinking their own thoughts. Finally, Radu and Harlan return, each of them holding a parsley "bush" above his head…
Comdr. Goddard: Good job.
Radu: Now what do we do?
Harlan: Tie the parsley onto the breadstick with spaghetti, and call "Here, worms!"
Catalina: Wait - one piece of spaghetti won't be able to stand the pressure. We should braid three strands together to use as a rope. We do not want this to break.
Rosie: Good idea!
…The 'Cases quickly braid a spaghetti rope, and then they tie one end to the bunches of parsley, and lasso the other end about the upper end of the breadstick…
Comdr. Goddard: Okay, everyone back way away from the breadstick. When the worms come to get the parsley, we definitely don't want to get in their way. I'll drop the parsley into the spaghetti, and once the worms have pulled at it enough to pry up the Christa, you, Bova, will cut the spaghetti rope with an electric bolt when I say "Now!" Then we'll all swim for the ship and try to clean out the spaghetti and plug up the holes before she sinks again. Everybody clear on this?
…Everybody nods assent…
Comdr. Goddard: Okay. Ready…steady…go!
…He flings the parsley into the spaghetti, then hurriedly swims over to join the others. They stir uneasily as they sense a distant rumbling in the spaghetti. And then they see the worms coming…
End Part 3
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