Dear Baby Ribbon:

Whatever happened to the Prince that Scorpan transforms into, Katrena and Rex, and other "bad guys" who later befriended the ponies like the giant bees and the troggles?  How come they never showed up in subsequent episodes?

Lyra

Dear Lyra,

Lyra, I hope you're sitting down, because I'm going to tell you something . . . actually, none of them ever existed.  Yes!  It's true!  They are a figment of somebody's diseased imagination some time back, propagated by TV.  There are no monsters in Ponyland, only the usual deterrants to happiness like taxes, HMOs, and processed cheese food.  

I have discussed the difference between TV and real life before when asked about Pony Actors. The monsters we see on MLP TV are merely guest actors; in fact, Knightshade is my cousin's boyfriend's roommate at DVUP (yes, I've spoken to him about the hair).

And the reason we don't see more of these supposed bad-guys-turned-good is that, while the characters were interesting one time, nobody would be too excited about Pluma and her Grandpa or Niblik the Troll dropping by for milk and cookies every other week.  They're not real, so they are expendable.  We here in Ponyland have our myths and legends, just like those in the human world.  Ours are just more . . . well, stupid.

As a small child, I, like any good, decent baby pony who spends at least a respectable 19 out of every 24 hours in front of the TV, would have staked my life on such facts as that there were big bees dressed like Hell's Angels that came to Flutter Valley for the nectar every Spring, there was a giant fossilized puppy that guarded the Heartstone in the Purple Mountains and scared the living daylights out of everyone when he tried to "jump up," and that a nice lady pig, formerly of monarch status, once turned Ponyland into glass but has a good therapist now and lives underground with the Bushwoolies and evidently feels free enough in her spirit to waltz around without a stitch of clothing.  Even in winter.  

The day I discovered that some things I saw on TV were imaginary was much like the day human beings discovered that  the tooth fairy was your mom, or that Santa Claus was really Uncle Murray wearing a pillow, or that your parents knew you were fake-sleeping when you were fake-sleeping and you hadn't really fooled anybody.  

Around the nursery here, you can always perceive when a baby pony has come to this crossroads in his or her life, known colloquially as "Porcina Syndrome" (after the repentant despot pig lady)

Please forgive me if I have imposed "Porcina Syndrome" on you.  If it is any consolation, please know that we are all much happier not having to attend the Crabnasties' retirement party for Optimus Prime (sorry--Transformers crossover).