Conference Calls, Clashes and Plans
*****
As the car stopped at the red light, Owen looked at his pretty passenger."So Buffy, are you ready to do some heavy duty shopping today? I know that your mom planned to do alot in four hours."
"I'm ready to face the day,"Buffy said with a smile. Then she heard a phone ring from her bag."Excuse me, Owen. Hello? Hey Angel, what's up?"
"Buffy, how many cousins from England do you have?"
"Alot why?"
"Because I just had an interesting conversation with your great-grandmother just now. She said that all your uncles and cousins from England are coming over to the wedding."
"Really? That's great! Owen! Look, there's a parking spot right there! Nana said that they're all coming? Great!"
"Yeah, great. Anyway...wait a minute. Buffy...are you in the car with Owen?"
"Um, yeah. So Nana told you that all of my cousins are coming?"
"Yes. Why are you in the car with Owen?"
"Because we're going to pick up my dad, remember?"
"Buffy, didn't I tell you that I'm going to maim him if he's within thirty feet of you?"
"Angel? Deal. Look,I gotta go. We're already late and Mom is going to kill me if I don't meet her soon. Love you, now bye."
"Buffy-"
As Buffy quickly turned off the phone, Owen looked at her curiously."Is your fiancee having problems with the guest list to the wedding?"
Buffy shook her head as she smiled at him."Nope. He's just having some other...issues."
*****
Joyce looked at her husband and ex-husband balefully. The two of them had been making snide comments to each other since Hank got out of his bed. She looked at her watch, Buffy was twenty minutes late."Rupert, do you know where Buffy is?"
Rupert Giles stopped his thinly veiled insult to Hank Summers to look at his wife."She said that she would be here with Owen at eleven thirty."
"Well, it's ten to twelve right now, so I have to wonder where she is, we have barely enough time to stop to have lunch,"Joyce said as she gnawed on her lip."And do you know where Nana is?"
Giles frowned slightly."Lady Atherton said that she had to speak to Angel about something...and she would meet us at Cordelia's."
"Lady Atherton, Rupert? She hasn't told you to call her Nana Bethie yet?"Hank Summers tsked.
Giles sniffed at the other man."She has, though after knowing her for years as the Lady Atherton, it is hard to make the change. But out of respect for her, I will try."
Hank Summers narrowed his hazel eyes skeptically."You've known her family for years? And never even knew that she was Joycie's grandmother?"
Giles was about to say something when Joyce touched his hand. She stared hard at her ex-husband."It never mattered to me or him if he knew that I was connected to the peerage. But he'll get to meet them all when they come to the wedding."
Hank Summers paled a bit."Some of your uncles and cousins are coming to the wedding?"
Joyce smiled sweetly at him."Oh, yes. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if most of them came. They all adore Buffy, but then you knew that, Hank. Remember all the gifts that I got when she was born?"
Hank Summers smiled wanly at his ex-wife as Giles cleared his throat."And how many of your cousins are coming, Joyce?"
*****
Faith looked at the phone when no one was around and hit the emergency button. She waited until someone picked up."Um, hello? Designing Dreams...Cordelia Chase speaking. Xander stop that!"
"Hey, Cordy! I'm on the conference line,"Faith greeted to her."I got some news. Put me on speaker so that Xander can hear also."
Faith heard the whistling on the phone line, then she heard,"Fun Stop. Oz speaking."
"Hey, Oz! We're on conference with Cordy and Xander. Willow stopped torturing you?"
"Let me put you on speaker...yeah, she stopped tickling me a while ago. So what's with the conference call? Any mad prophecies, deranged portents or devious demons we have to stop? Or as of late, any Double-H vamps we have to hold back?"
"What the hell is a Double-H vamp, Oz? Is it a werewolf label again? Jeez, first the smell and hearing, now the vocab."
"Relax, Cordy. New term I made up. Double-H stands for homicidal and horny. Vamp speaks for itself. Anybody we know like this?"
"Gee, it wouldn't be Spike would it? 'Cause we all know how homicidal he gets and as for horny..."
"Xander! Quit joking! Faith? What's the deal with the call? I doubt that you want to hear Xander babble. Any world-ending things going on?"
"Nah. Just had to call about the new betting pool we're gonna make, just hit me when Buff left to pick her dad up."
"If we're making a betting pool again, let me call up Whistler, he was annoyed that he missed the last one. Willow, you know where he's at?"
"He's staying Giles and Buffy's mom's place for now. In the other guest room. Are we already making another one? I'm not sure that I want to lose another fifty bucks to you, Faith. Your luck with these pools is phenomenal."
"Yeah, real extra ordinary if you ask me. You sure that it's not rigged?"
"Xander, phenomenal is extra-ordinary. Anyway, what's the pool going to be about?"
"Who cares? I'm in, I gotta earn back that fifty I lost. I need to get new hairspray for the wedding."
"But, honey, your hair sticks up fine as it does now. Ow! Not so hard Cordy!"
"Who the bloody hell is this? And what the bloody hell do you want?"
"Spike? We were just calling for Whistler. Know where he is?"
"Don't know where the bloody little maggot is and I don't bloody care. You little buggers are going to get your arses kicked but good when I see you!"
"And then 'Mum' will have something to say about it won't she, Billy boy?"
"Ears, is it? Feeling real brave over the phone are we? Well, think of this, she never said anything about getting you outside the house..."
"Hey! Hey! Stop all this! We just was going to call Whistler about a betting pool-"
"Betting pool? What the bloody hell is this about?"
"Duh, we won't know what about until you get the other dressed out of date demon with you. Now be a good little vamp and call the other annoying little demon."
"Fine! HEY YOU LITTLE POOF! GET UP! THE OTHER BUGGERS WANT TO KNOW IF YOU WANT TO GET IN A BETTING POOL!"
"Jeez, Spike, yell in our ears, why don't you? Think we're all deaf like you?"
"Faith, go screw a stake. Oh, yeah. You already do that whenever you can. WHISTLER? YOU UP YET? THEN GET THE BLOODY PHONE! NOW! So what's this betting pool about, mates?"
"Hey! Who invited you into this pool?"
"I'm in this bloody pool since you woke me up, Ears. Got a problem with that?"
"Yo! I'm here! What's with the phone call?"
"Faith thought up of another betting pool. Your show, Faith."
"Thanks, Oz. How's this for a betting pool: Bet on what Angel's gonna to Owen if he finds him with Buffy. How's that? Guys?"
*****
Angel looked at the wall as he waited impatiently for Buffy to pick up. He looked at his wall clock venomously. It was twelve thirty and she was supposed to be at the hospital to pick up her dad with her Mom. And Owen. Who was going to die as soon as he could arrange it. Maybe he should invest in a chainsaw. Or he should just feed him to Spike.
*****
Joyce looked at her husband and smiled."Well, Uncles Aaron and Ben has three sons each. Uncle Caleb and Uncle David has two."
"Hey Mom!"Buffy said as she waved approached her."Ready for some shopping? Hey Giles! What are you doing here? Hi Daddy! Guess what? You'll never guess!"
"You sure are bubbly today, princess,"Hank commented. He looked at Thurman, then at her."You kids enjoy the ride?"
"Yeah, it was great, Dad. Glad you can speak with that funny thing in your mouth. And Owen's a safe driver."Buffy said with a flick of her wrist as she smiled brightly."Guess what? Angel said that Nana told him that everybody's coming to the wedding! Isn't that like, so great, Mom?"
Joyce broke into a happy smile."Oh, that's wonderful. Isn't that wonderful, Rupert? Now you'll get to meet everybody!"
"At the risk of repeating myself, how many are coming to the wedding, Joyce?"Giles asked fearfully.
Joyce shrugged."Not counting wives? About...thirty? Give or take two. I'm not really sure."
Hank Summers looked at Giles grimly."Thirty-one with the family name of Carruthers. Almost all are married. And Joyce is the only granddaughter and Buffy's the only great-granddaughter. It's going to be one hell of a wedding."
“Mr. Summers? Mrs. Giles? Dr. Bains would like a word with the both of you,”a nurse said as she motioned for them to follow her. Joyce and Hank looked at each other, then shrugged.
“Stay,”Joyce said firmly to Giles and Buffy. After a few minutes, the two returned from the doctor’s office. Joyce looking more relieved while Hank looked a bit sulky.
“What was that about Mom?”
“Nothing much, princess. Some papers to sign and a few words from the doctor. Basically no alcohol, driving. Hard food. Let’s go see your dress now?”Hank Summers said heartily.”Thurman? Joyce? The car?”
“What was that about?”Giles whispered to his wife.
Joyce beamed at him.”Wonderful news. Bone bruise. Not a cracked jaw. Tell you about it later.”
*****
"I'm thinking it's a bloody stupid thing to have a betting pool on. But then Angel is bloody stupid sod, so count me in."
"Do we have to name body parts? 'Cause I'm liking the pool but thinking it's gonna be gross."
"Yeah, I'm with Will on that. But after last night, I think we should modify the deal."
"Whoa! Whoa! What happened last night? What'd I miss? Cordy, I can't believe that you made me miss some action! Told you we should've met the guys at the Bronze. Oz, spill!"
"Xander, go soak your head in a vat of fish steroids. So what'd we miss?"
"Nothing much, if you ask me. Just some fucking wanker that tried to bite Mum. And the Slayer giving Angel a wedgie."
"Buffy gave the Salty Goodness a wedgie?!? And where are your manners? Since when do you curse?"
"Cordy, remember to not piss off the homicidal vampire. That's a big no-no when Buffy, Faith or Mrs.G isn't around."
"Whenever I fucking feel like it, Hair Queen. You're not me Mum. Anyway, the look on his face was a great sight. Beat the look stuck on his face when she kicked him in the bollocks after shattering Big Blue with the bazooka."
"Never saw it.Gotta get Smiley to tell me about it. Anyway, Spike's sorta right, you also missed the faces of the two fools that were trying to take her home when Smiley threatened them. Thought that they'd pee in their pants but good."
"What two fools that tried to take Buffy home? From the hospital? Buffy never dates doctors."
"Weren't doctors. It was Scott and Owen. Angel charged in hollering for Buffy, Scott and Owen stepped in front of her. Angel got grrr without the game face, flung her over his shoulder and she gave him a wedgie. End of story."
"Know that you turn a cute red when you're embarrassed, Will?"
"Hey! Hey! Before you and Wolvie into get a smooch session, is that what the pool's going to be about?"
"Do we still have to name body parts?"
"Parts of whose body do you want to name, Will? I'm all for the naming of the Buffster's body parts. Ow! Just joking, Cordy."
"Better be. Yeah, I sorta agree with Willow. Name the parts that Angel's gonna destroy."
"I still say that we modify it a bit. Add to the mix."
"Yeah. I'm with Wolf Boy there. Let's add to the mix."
"What do you guys know that we don't, Oz? Whistler?"
"Just that Smiley's close to losing it. Thinking any male near his sassy sweetie will be in pain until she, ah, takes him to the Gates of Heaven."
"Whistler,'Take him to the Gates of Heaven'? Poetic much?"
"Ease up, Has-Been Queen. Want me to say that Precious has a build up of sperm that's clogging his synapses?"
"No. No. Gate of Heaven sounds fine. What's the starting amount and do we name more than one body part?"
"Well, witch, I'm for Peaches to rip off the bloody heads and bollocks off. But then the Slayer might have something to say about it. Wait a minute, I just had a thought."
"Yeah, like you can think, Bleach Head."
"Go use those lips of yours to suck on a hot curler, Well-Used Queen. Slayer's not gonna let anyone be harmed by Peaches or the other way around. Think up of another pool, people."
"As much as I hate to admit, but Dead Junior has a point. The Buff's not going to let Dead Senior to harm, maim, or kill anyone. So that pool's a wash."
"How about if we name the parts that Angel's going to aim for? That would work just the same. I mean, who knows? We never thought that Angel would hit Buffy's dad, but he did."
"I'd rather bet on if Angel's going to last until the wedding. He's not going to last, Buffy's near her breaking point. Bet they're gonna do it while on patrol."
"Cordy! Not needing the image! Can we still add the punching part in? I still think that Dead Boy's gonna deck Owen or whomever gets near her."
"5x5 with me. Main pool is if Angel and Buffy are going to last till the wedding. Minor one is if he's going to deck anyone. Least amount to start?"
"Starting bet is fifty and I'll say Buffy get-Oh, hi Mrs.Giles! Giles! Mr. Summers! Buffy! Owen...And OWEN! Gotta go. Bye!"
"Later people! The Buffster crew plus Owen's here! Someone want to call Dead Boy and tell him what's going on?"
There was an audible click on the phone. Faith sighed."Guess we can deal with this later. At Hotel Giles. Later, people."
*****
"Xander, who are you speaking to?" Giles said as he approached the boy in Cordelia's office. Xander gave him a sheepish grin as he hung up the phone.
"Ah, it was Faith, Giles. Did you want to talk to her?"
"No, it's quite all right. I just had to get away from that insufferable boor,"Giles sniffed.
"Sounds like he's getting on your nerves,"Xander commented."Want to get some tea and crumpets?"
Giles glared at him, then sighed."Sounds good to me. You get it. I can’t leave him alone with Joyce,it's what the noddy wants. Pity there's no good spell to make unwanted people disappear."
"If I tried that with all of Cordy's exes, then Sunnydale would have be depopulated a long time ago,"Xander joked as they went out of the office.
*****
While Buffy changed, Cordelia smiled as she served coffee to Buffy's mother and Owen. Hank Summers merely sniffed at his coffee and held it in his hand as he eyed the store."Is this all the stock that you have?"
Cordelia forced a smile on to her face as she looked at Buffy's father."Not it's not, more of it is in the back. Whatever you see here is personally designed by me."
"You don't seem to have that many dresses,"Hank commented as he looked at a mannequin critically. Cordelia stiffened.
"Cordelia has a lovely sense of style, Hank. That's why Buffy and I choose to came to her, not just because we know her,"Joyce said quickly. She smiled at the girl."She looks at each of the brides and creates a dress just for that bride and her bridal party."
Xander gave Buffy's father a dark smile as he stood next to Cordelia."Cordy has a growing rep for being one of the best wedding dress designers in the Coast. She's only designing a dress as a favor to Buffy."
"Indeed, I was told by Nana Bethie that she loves the dress that Cordelia designed for Buffy,"Giles said as he raised his eyebrow at Hank."Joyce, what is that beeping sound?"
Joyce looked down at Buffy's bag."I think it's Buffy's cell phone. Yep. Hello? Hi, Angel, it's Joyce. We're in Cordelia's store doing the final alterations for the wedding dress."
Cordelia bristled when Hank looked around the store again."Well, I'm sure that Cordelia's done her best design for Buffy."
"Well,I think that Buffy would look great in anything that she wears,"Owen said as he smiled at Cordelia."And...oh, wow..."
"Well? What do you think, Daddy? Doesn't it look great?"Buffy said happily as she slowly twirled around."Daddy? Giles? Mom?"
"You look lovely, Buffy. Quite the pocket Venus,"Giles said softly as he looked at his Slayer. He looked at his wife, who was still busy on the phone with Angel. He smiled at her as he remembered the lovely dress she wore for their wedding.
Hank Summers approached his baby girl, all grown up. Ready to live with an unknown man."I think you look beautiful, honey. Look at you, you're going to be a lovely bride, won't she, Thurman?"
"I'll say. You look beautiful, Buffy,"Owen said softly."May I kiss the bride?"
"Um, sure, I guess so,"Buffy blushed as she offered him a cheek. Hank smiled broadly as Giles winced and looked at the phone in Joyce's hand. As Owen kissed Buffy, Xander and Cordelia exchanged glances, then looked at the phone in Joyce's hand and winced.
"Do you think that Angel heard that?"Xander whispered.
"Buffy! Angel wants to speak to you!"Joyce called out quickly. She sent an uneasy smile at everyone."He says that it's urgent."
Cordelia eyed at the phone."A Double-H vamp on a cell phone that can hear a pin drop from twenty feet? You bet your Taz silk boxers he did."
Xander frowned at her."What is this with the underwear?"
"Cordelia? Are the bride's maids dresses all ready? May I see them?"Hank asked as he sat in a chair."Thurman, have a seat here. And can you pass over some pastries?"
As Cordelia smiled, then whispered to Xander as she started to walk away."If a vamp doesn't eat him, then I'm going to be the one to brain him next. Too bad that I can't feed him any poison."
*****
"Hiya Angel, what's the-"
"Buffy? Is Owen there? With you?"
"Yes...And so is Dad, Mom, Giles, Xander and Cordelia. And he's been a gentleman even though I've been begging him to ravish me."
"Not funny, Buffy. I heard that crack about wanting to kiss the bride. Tell him that if he wants to keep his lips, they'd better not touch any part of you."
"After you throwing him around last night, I think it's amazing he's even willing to be in the same room with me. How are you feeling by the way?"
"I'll be fine as soon as I get you into my bed. I just hope that you didn't do any permanent damage after last night."
"Well, I *did* offer to check the damage, then kiss it and make it better, but you refused. And in *such* a manner, too!"
"Buffy, have mercy! We were on your front porch! With Whistler, your Nana, Mom and Giles waiting for us! I was not about to open my zipper in front of them!"
"Angel? You're being grumpy. You know, I'm thinking of getting a rose-petal pink lace teddy as part of my trousseau. It has a matching garter belt with a small rose right in the center..."
"Buffy!"
"And I just specially ordered that little red number you liked from the new Victoria's Secret catalog to replace the one that you stole when you were in my room yesterday!"
"I never stole it! I borrowed it!"
"Why? So that you could wear it? Angel, I never knew you wanted to dress in drag! I could lend you more underwear if you want to use them. Especially the sheer lace peach set you got me for my last birthday. In fact, I'm wearing the light blue silk set-"
"Buffy! I'm not grumpy! I'm not grumpy! I'm not grumpy!"
"You know, Angel? This is fun. Not as fun as wrestling with you in bed, but fun in its own sick way. And Nana's right, it's your own fault for making the dumb promise to dad and the priest!"
"Don't remind me! Speaking of, your Nana said that your cousins are coming. Any hint on what they like do?"
*****
"I'm going to see if the parking meter needs more coins,"Owen said as he walked towards the door.
Hank waved at him as he frowned thoughtfully at the dress designs before him."Are you sure that the dresses will look good in those colors with this style?"
Joyce resisted the urge to rub her temples."Hank, the Buffy and the girls choose these colors very carefully. It matches their coloring and they look lovely in them."
"And I'm sure that Buffy and the girls look lovely in them, Joycie, and the dresses look wonderful, but-"
"But what, Hank? The dresses are already done and there is nothing that you can do about them at this late date. And if you wanted to have any say with the wedding, you should have given your input when there was time,"Giles said testily. Hank looked at Giles with his mouth agape."And furthermore, I was not aware that a glorified bean counter has a degree in fashion design!"
Hank Summers glared at Giles."This 'glorified bean counter' has more say about his daughter's wedding more than you, Bookworm!"
Alarmed,Joyce looked from Rupert to her ex."Rupert,please! Hank-"
"Stay out of this Joycie,"Hank said as he slowly rose from his seat."I've got a few words to say to old Rupie here."
"Don't talk to her like that! She's my wife and her name is *Joyce* not Joycie. And the name, Hank, old boy, isn't Rupie, it's Ripper,"Giles said as he gave a travesty of a smile to Hank.
"Uh, oh,"Xander whispered to Cordelia."If you want to have a store left, Cordy, better get Buffy here, pronto!"
Hank's eyes locked with Giles's as he scoffed,"And why is that? Because you tend to rip your clothes? Back away, Joycie. This is between Bookman and me. Who the hell do you think you are?"
"Anybody want a donut? Croissant? Coffee? Tea?"Xander asked weakly."Swords? Pistols? Personal demons to get rid of?"
"I’m the best adult role model she’s had! If I recall, you weren't around her much!" Giles shot back."Some father you are! And a liar to boot!"
"Rupert! You promised me! Remember! After the wedding! Remember?" Joyce said as she grabbed Giles's arm. When he slowly turned to look at her, Joyce flung her arms around his neck and whispered in his ear,"You can pummel him after the wedding! I promise! I'll even hold your jacket for you!"
"Afraid to take me on,Ripper?"Hank Summers taunted."Hiding behind Joyce? Afraid to hurt your hands? Less than a man are you?"
Joyce turned to glare at her ex-husband and poked at his chest. "Rupert could take you on with one arm behind his back and beat you to a bloody pulp if he wants to,you bloody idiot. I just don't want him to hurt his lovely hands since I get so much pleasure from his use of them. More than I *ever* got from you, Hank Summers!"
Hank looked at his ex-wife as she took a step forward and poked at him again."He's a man in everyway that counts! And what’s more, Rupert makes me scream every time! *Every* single time! And several times a night in fact! And he also has the most amazing-"
"THANK YOU, Joyce!"Giles shouted as he gathered his wife close to him and hugged her."There is no need to tell the whole store about our activities in bed."
Her eyes wide, Joyce looked about her and saw several store patrons and clerks staring at her. Owen was rooted to the spot near the door. Then she noticed the wide eyes and mouths of Buffy, Cordelia and Xander. With a groan, she buried her face into Giles's chest. Giles hugged her closer as he shot a smug look at a furious Hank.
"Mom!"Buffy whispered hoarsely."I *told* you not to tell me!"
"Well, *that* certainly was a display,"chuckled a voice from the entrance.
*****
"Hello? Fun Stop. We have-"
"Oz? Angel, here. We're changing the date of the bachelor party. Instead of the day after the wedding dinner, we're having the damn thing tomorrow night."
"Why tomorrow night? We're not ready. What's going on?"
"I had a vise from Nana Bethie. She told me that all of Buffy's relatives from England are coming to the wedding."
"And?"
"From what Buffy could remember, she told me what little bits and pieces about them. So we're having the party as soon as we can."
"And what has Buffy's relatives from over the sea have anything to do with the bachelor party?"
"Everything."
"Seeing the connection that's not there, Angel. You sure you're getting the right blood these days?"
"Grand-uncle Aaron is a retired businessman with an interest in ancient weaponry. Grand-Uncle Ben is a retired Inspector. Dear Grand-Uncle Caleb still designs jewelry and goes hunting when he can. Grand-Uncle David paints after retiring from the army."
"And you're worried about what four Grand-Uncles will do to you? You have been drinking bad blood again, Angel. What have you-"
"Cousin Eli collects swords. Cousin Ethan, his twin, has a dojo. Cousin Gabriel retired from Royal Air Force and his son, Nathan is still there. Cousin Hiram was scout for the British army."
"So a few cousins of Buffy's have-"
"Cousins Issac, John, Joseph and Kenon all own a business that supplies computer technology to the British armed forces after retiring from their respective branches of the army, navy, air force and special forces. Cousin Lemuel likes to play rugby while Cousin Michael prefers wrestling. Cousin Moses has a sixth degree black belt in karate while Cousin Noah has only a third. Are we seeing a pattern, Oz?"
"Yeah, that all of Buffy's relatives have names from the bible. What were their moms thinking when they named them?"
"Oz..."
"Hey, chill, Angel. I'm getting the picture that's being painted. I think. So we'll have the bachelor party tomorrow. Better tell Whistler. Think he needed a day to plan something for you."
"Screw that. I just need a night in Buffy's arms. I'm never going to survive the Carruthers' family scrutiny alive. I mean undead. Just bring a whole case of alcohol and ready to drink."
"Want me to bring some tapes?"
"Not too much porn. My zipper's at the straining point as it is."
"And you felt the need to tell me this because?"
"Just bring the alcohol, Oz."
*****
Hank blanched as he saw the amused face of Nana Bethie."Oh,God!"
She looked at him with a lifted eyebrow."Not God, but something a else...the devil to bother you. So, noddy, what masterpiece of idiocy are you performing now?"
"Nana! That's my dad you're talking to!"Buffy scowled. Nana Bethie looked at her great-granddaughter.
"My apologies, my dear, but I repeat, what masterpiece of idiocy has your father been performing? Especially since your mother is so riled that she started shouting about her sex life in the store,"she said blandly.
Groaning, Joyce dug her face deeper into Giles's lapels."Joyceln, dear. Do lift up your face, I believe your cheeks will get redder if you bury your face in tweed."
"I'm never going to show my face until everyone I know leaves," said Joyce's muffled voice. Nana Bethie lifted her eyebrow at Giles's uncomfortable chuckle as he hid his face in Joyce's hair.
"Lovely gown, Elizabeth. Don't you think that you should change before you gets it dirty?"Nana Bethie suggested."Xander, do go to your store, I believe that Oz has something to tell you. Ah, Cordelia, is it? Your clerk will need your help now. Owen, go get some more coffee. Hank..."
Hank looked at her warily. Nana Bethie looked at him and pointed to a chair with her cane."Sit."
Hank Summers went and sat. Nana Bethie looked at Buffy who sighed."I'm going to call Willow. Have everyone behave, Nana."
After Buffy left, Nana Bethie looked around the faces that was still there."Well? Move! And Joyceln, do lift your head up.Now what store is next on the list?"
*****
"And then my mom started shouting about her sex life in the whole store, can you believe it?"
"What'd your dad do to make her shout that B?"
"I don't *want* to know what he said to make Mom shout about her sex life with Giles!"
"It doesn't sound too bad, Buffy. I mean-"
"Will, think of the image of my mom and Giles. Not something that I really *want* to imagine!"
"Hey, least you know that the G-man's giving her the happies while being pelvic with her. He's doing something right."
"Faith! My mom! Giles! Images not needed! Ew!"
"But like Faith said, what'd your father do to make her shout things like that?"
"Will, I really have no idea. I mean, I love my dad, but he's been goading my mom and Giles since he got out here. And I think it's really going to be hard to watch over him because Giles won't let my mom alone with him, Nana antagonizes him, Owen's in complete non-knowledge and Angel's ready to rip off Owen's head."
"Is that literally or figuratively, B?"
"Faith! Too bad there's nothing that'll make sure that my dad stays in bed all night. Wait...Coming Mom! Gotta go! Later!"
*****
Willow bit her lip as she walked to the back room where she kept all of her herbal and spell books. Maybe if she could find something that could remove her dad's antagonism towards Giles, it would be easier to protect him...
*****
"Well, I can't knock out B's dad every night, but maybe one of these babies will have something that I need,"muttered Faith as she looked at the books on the shelves.
*****
As Xander left the store in a hurry, he ran into a familiar form.
"Hey! What's the rush?"said an exasperated voice."You made me drop my bags! Xander!"
"Oh, hi, Amy!"Xander said as he bent to pick up the bags."What's up? You coming to the wedding?"
"Wouldn't miss it for the world,"Amy said as she smiled at him."I think it'll be a blast! I'm still looking for a perfect wedding gift. Never mind the one for bridal shower I need for tomorrow."
"Yeah, I'm sure that it'll be a blast. As for a present, I'm still looking for..."Xander said as he trailed off, and then grinned at her.
Amy stared at him."For...What? What are you looking at me like that? Xander? You're scaring me..."
"Sorry. Amy, how would you like to give Buffy and Angel an early wedding gift?"Xander said as he started walking with her.
*****
"I believe that the caterers are next,"Giles said as he walked out of the store, his hand in Joyce's."And Nana, may I ask where are the Carruthers staying for the duration?"
"It was arranged by Joyce and I that they stay at the Seascape Resort,"Nana Bethie replied as she looked into the sun."The same place where the wedding dinner rehersal and reception will be held. We've rented the whole resort for the duration. Everyone will begin to arrive the day after tomorrow."
"Isn't that cutting it a bit short, Nana?"Hank asked a bit snidely. Joyce frowned at him.
"If I had known that you were eager to see all of the Carruthers, I would have allowed them to come sooner like they really wanted to,"Nana said sweetly. As Hank blanched, he shook his head.
Giles coughed slightly as his cell phone rang."Excuse me, hello? Whistler? What?"
*****
"I said, Englishman, that Smiley wants to change the bachelor party to tomorrow night."
"Why does Angel want to change the bachelor party to tomorrow night? I thought it was supposed to be set for the day after the wedding dinner?"
"Because he wants to have a clear head when dealing with Sweetie's male relations. And from what I hear, you'd better be sober, too,'cause they're sounding like a nasty bunch to me. You meet them yet?"
"No, I haven't but-"
"Oh, boy. Then better call Angel or ask Beth what those men of hers are like. I'm betting not pretty. So remember, ALL RIGHT ALREADY!! I'M PASSING IT ALONG! HOLD YOUR DEAD HIDE! The party's on tomorrow, and pass the phone to your wife. Psycho vamp wants to speak with her."
"Right, tomorrow night."
"By the way, how's Sweetie's dad? Is he really a pain in the ass like Smiley says he is?"
"It'll be a miracle if he bloody survives until the wedding. All bets of his survival are off after Buffy and Angel exchanges their vows."
"That bad, huh? Maybe the good fairy will do something for you."
"One may hope that the good fairy send him a demon that will eat him. But then again, he might give the demon indigestion."
"Hey Watcher! Give it to Mum will you?"
"Yes. Yes, just one moment, Spike. Joyce? For you. It's ah-"
"Thank you, Rupert. Hello? Liam? Yes?"
"Hiya,Mum! Just wanted to see how you're doing with that bloody idiot by your side."
"Liam, please. Not now, I have a headache the size of Texas."
"He give you one that bad, eh? You sure you don't want me to torture him? I'm still good for it. Got a few spikes around here somewhere, and I know where I can get a few more."
"No, Liam. I'm sure. Besides, I already promised Rupert first shot at him. I just wish there was a way to keep him safe until the wedding, especially with this hunt for him going on. After it, he can take a flying leap for all I care. Wait, I didn't mean that. Really."
"Sure you did, Mum. But don't worry, I won't toss him off the roof unless you really want me to."
"You're all heart, Liam. Want me to get you something before I come home?"
"Can I have some more batteries for the walkman? And some toffee and chocolate biscuits with the raisins? And a few more bags of blood, I'm down to three here. And a gory book about a serial killer. There's nothing good on cable today."
"Your fangs are going to have cavities, Liam. I'll bring them as soon as I can. Bye, now."
"Bye, Mum."
****
After Spike hung up the phone, he rolled over to stare at the ceiling."So, the blithering fool's bothering Mum, is he? Well, we've got to do something about that..."
*****
As Joyce walked back to the group waiting for her, she smiled as she looked at them."It was Liam. He needed a few things before I got home."
Giles rolled his eyes as he took the phone from Joyce. Nana Bethie and Buffy snorted. Hank frowned at her."Who's Liam?"
"Member of the family. He's related to Angel and Rupert. He's related to them in a distant way, and likes to be called Spike," Joyce said quickly."Stays at the house when he comes to visit."
"He's related to Angel? And what does he do?"
"I have to go now,"Giles said quickly."Must do some planning. Must go to work now. Uh, Joyce, the bachelor party for Angel moved up to tomorrow night. So if you need me for anything-"
Joyce quickly kissed him."Go. We still have a lot to do. See you at home. Well, after here, the caterer, florist and hotel."
Hank Summers looked at Giles's retreating back."Bachelor party, hmm? Tomorrow night. Got some planning to do."
~Fin.
