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Great Truths About Life That Little Children Have Learned

Great Truths About Life That Adults Have Learned

One Liners Of Wisdom

Actual Headlines

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED


No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats
When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair
If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person
Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato
You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.
Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair
Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time
School lunches stick to the wall
You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk
Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma's lap

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED


Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-o to a tree.
There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring
The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere..and let the air out of their tires.
Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment is due.
Families are like fudge, mostly sweet with a few nuts
Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely
The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
One day I shall burst my buds of calm and blossom into hysteria.
If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
Life's golden age is when the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family car.



ONE LINERS OF WISDOM


A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
On the other hand, you have a different finger.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.
She's always late. her ancestors arrived on the June Flower.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular.
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
If it is zero degrees outside today, and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
How come you recite at plays and play at recitals?
Why do you park in a driveway and drive in a parkway?


ACTUAL HEADLINES


1. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
2. Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says
3. Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers
4. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
5. Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case
6. Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
8. Prostitutes Appeal To Pope
9. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
10. British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands
11. Lung Cancer In Women Mushrooms
12. Eye Drops Off Shelf
13. Teachers Strike Idle Kids
14. Clinton Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead
15. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax
16. Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told
17. Miners Refuse To Work After Death
18. Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant
19. Stolen Painting Found By Tree
20. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Counter



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