Game Two
Frodo and Sam mentioned the game to two friends who were also interested. The GM insists that they, too, play hobbits. "These characters suck," notes the fellow playing Pippin. "They have lots of room to grow," the GM insists. "You'll get to see them become heroes." The PCs successfully evade the Nazgul, but a random encounter nearly does them in. The GM is reduced to inventing Tom Bombadil as a deus ex machina to bail them out, so the campaign doesn't end on the second night.

Game Three
The GM's girlfriend has heard of the game and wants in. Being a long-time White Wolf player, she wants a character with many important secrets in his background, an angsty romantic subplot, and the ability to kick a lot of ass. The hobbit players nearly revolt when Aragorn is introduced at Bree, correctly noting that this character is far cooler than theirs. The encounter at Weathertop goes wonderfully, with the PCs getting beat up just enough to put some scare into them.

Game Four
Word of the game has spread and three more players show up. The GM comes up with a "Council of Rivendale" to get them all worked in without taking too much time. Now that Aragorn has opened the way to more high-powered characters, none of the new players are hobbits. The hobbit players are unhappy, and plot revenge.

The GM has everyone roll 1d20 without telling them what for. It's a willpower check to resist the Ring. He notices that Boromir's player fails, critically.

Game Six
Gandalf the NPC is getting to be a bit of a problem, the GM realizes. He's just too powerful. A quick trip through the Mines of Moria ought to fix that. The GM is still pondering how to set the balrog on the party - they're winning all their stealth rolls - when Pippin's player, still ticked that all the later players have cooler characters, starts making trouble by tossing things down wells. "You've alerted the orcs!" the GM cries gleefully, happy to have the excuse. Gandalf is apparently killed, but the GM makes sure that there's no body - he knows he'll need Gandalf later.

Game Seven
The GM uses a scenic stop in Lothlorien as a break from the combat session from last week and the one for next week, and to do some heavy foreshadowing.

Game Eight
It's the last game before summer break. Boromir's player lives out of state and will be gone for the summer; the rest are taking classes and no more than three can make a game on the same night. The GM mulls the situation over for a bit, then pulls Boromir's player aside. "Hey, remember that d20 roll a few weeks ago? How'd you like to go out memorably?"

They agree that Boromir will betray the party, then repent and die a noble death. The GM runs a great battle scene - well, great for the non-hobbits. Merry and Pippin get captured, Sam and Frodo strike out on their own, and Legolas, Gimli and Aragorn are now their own adventuring party. This meets everyone's scheduling needs.

Summer Games: Frodo and Sam
The GM knows the two hobbits can't handle much in the way of combat encounters, so creates a series of wilderness adventures. Unfortunately, he totally blanked on the fact that Aragorn was no longer with the hobbits and they had no relevant skills. After a few frustrating games of pointless wandering and failed survival checks, the GM tosses them Gollum as a guide. Gollum wasn't supposed to show up until the Black Gate, but whatever.

The hobbits surprise the GM by showing the good sense not to try going in via the Black Gate, and have some more wilderness adventures heading for Minas Morgul. The GM drags things out just a little bit, as he's got a surprise for the pair when classes start again.

Summer Games: Merry and Pippin
Since being captured is boring, the GM works out a scene where the hobbits will have a chance to escape. They succeed and end up in Fangorn Forest. The GM uses the Ent encounters as more no-combat experience-builders for the hobbits, and provides the Ent draughts so the two will stop complaining about how uncool their characters are.

Summer Games: Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas
After a half an hour of running and endurance checks, the trio comes upon the Riders of Rohan and a giant pile of dead and burning orcs. Then they get horses. "Wait," Legolas's player says, "you mean now that we've caught up to the orcs and it's too late, NOW you give us horses?" The GM shrugs.

Aragorn, of course, can see that the hobbits escaped, and the group goes into Fangorn. They meet Gandalf the White there, and are torn between thinking this is really cool and incredibly cheesy. The experience is repeated in Rohan, where they get to have a cool fight scene with the king's men, but Gandalf does the real show-stopping move. The spectre of The GM's Cool NPC seems to threaten... but they are mollified when he leaves to go find Eomer. "Gandalf Saves Helm's Deep" might have been another problem, but that battle scene went so well that no one cared. The GM even gave Gimli and Legolas extra experience points for the "dead orc count" game.

School Starts: Frodo and Sam
Sam and Frodo's players are captured by men of Gondor! "Bloody hell," mutters Sam. "What could go worse?" Grinning like a madman, the GM opens the door and ushers in Boromir's old player! Frodo jumps to his feet. "You're dead! Dude, that character was so dead! You can't have the Ring if you're dead!"

"Boromir is, indeed, dead," the GM confirms. "Meet Faramir, his brother."

"Miss me?" Faramir's player grins. But Faramir makes will checks better than his brother, and after some tension, the Ringbearer and Sam are released. "Aren't you coming with us?" Sam asks, confused. "Nah," replies Faramir's player. "Starting next week I got band practice Tuesdays. The GM says I can hook up with the other party."

School Starts: Everyone Else
The GM hopes to get the rest of the party together again, but that's shot down almost immediately. The sacking of Isenguard went well, but pretty soon Pippin was causing trouble again, this time by trying to take the palantir from Gandalf. The GM decides right then that he'd follow through on his promises to make the hobbits heroes, and separates them from the rest of the party for some solo adventures. It'll mean skipping some classes, but...

Campaign Finale
The GM gathers everyone together for the big bang-up final session. Merry and Pippin get their own scenes to strut their new stuff. "Dude! You killed a Nazgul!" Aragorn gets to deal with his responsibility angst and finally assume his rightful heritage. Gimli and Legolas get to kill lots of stuff, which makes their players happy.

Finally, the GM shifts focus to Sam and Frodo, who've had some really harrowing role-playing over the past few weeks - Shelob's lair, getting captured, Sam with the Ring, and more. Especially after the "easy, no combat" stuff over the summer, it was rough going. But now, they're at Mount Doom, Frodo has the Ring, and it all comes down to...

"Frodo, make me a willpower check at a negative six penalty," the GM intones.

"Drumroll, please," Sam puts in. Aragorn grouses something about the story shouldn't depend on the dice.

Frodo rolls. "I made it... no, wait... negative six? Um... yes! Made it!"

"Great!" The GM beams. "You summon sufficient will to throw the One Ring into the fires from which it was forged! You, Frodo Baggins, save the world!"

"Actually, I put the Ring on."

Dead silence. "What?"

"I agree with your girlfriend. I think Frodo's just become too attached to the Ring, you know? He wouldn't throw it away."

"Dude, I just said you could throw it away."

"Nope. So, do I become Sauron Incarnate and dominate the world now?"

"No! No, you do not, because... Sam won't let you destroy the world! Sam, you see Frodo go invisible. Are you going to try and push him in?"

"Kill Mr. Frodo? My Mr. Frodo? I... I don't think Sam can do it."

"Fine, fine, Sam wimps out. So..."

"So I become one with Sauron, right?" Frodo's player is grinning the terrible grin of a player who enjoys breaking the GM's plot.

"No! Because there's still someone else here! Gollum! Gollum dashes forward to try and take his Precious from you. Sam could kill Gollum, right?"

"Oh yeah, sure."

"Gollum hits!"

"OK, I dodge, sidestepping. Ha! Crit success! Gollum goes flying out over the ledge, into the volcano, and now there's no one left to stop me!"

The GM is fuming. He rolls a die secretly behind his screen and ignores it. "Yes, yes, Gollum goes flying over the edge. But as he goes, he bites the One Ring from your hand."

"Oh, no way. Dude, I'm invisible."

"And Gollum is linked to the Ring. He can feel its presence, too."

"Oh, no way. This is so lame! You're just making this up, since I didn't bend over for you. Screw that!" Frodo's player gets up and storms out of the room.

There are several moments of silence. Then Gimli's player speaks up. "So... back in Gondor. We're still fighting, right?"

"Right. Let's finish that."

Enjoy the LotR spoof? Check out other content on Flying Koala Games, including the ongoing humorous short fiction series, Evil Masterminding for Idiots!.

This work copyright Jamie Lennon, 2003. Do not use without permision. Contact her for permission.