My Own Disclaimer: This depicts SEX between people of the SAME SEX which means this is NC-17, so if you're under 18 and/or think you'd be grossed out by this kind of thing, please don't read this. And, please don't post this without my permission, I'm not making money off of this, and thank God I'm not, huh? One more thing, this is a Paris/Kim story, so if you don't like that pairing, press the D button now.

Special thanks to Ms. M, you know who you are.

You swim
Swim through my veins
Drown me
In your reign
My desire
Carries no shame
My will
Will harbour no pain.....

K.D. Lang

Harry Kim couldn't sleep.

He lay in his bed, on his back, staring at the ceiling. He couldn't get things straight in his mind. He'd just had another one of those dreams about what happened so many months before, when he was caught in that temporal anomaly that sent him to that other reality. He was back in San Fransicso with Libby and had never boarded Voyager, he remembered the smell of her hair, her skin, what her lips tasted like. That wasn't what was bothering Harry. What he couldn't understand was his own feelings. He *was* very happy to be with Libby, was glad to be in her arms, in their bed, but he wasn't as happy to be with her, as he had been when he first laid eyes on Tom Paris, in that other reality.

Harry was confused. Libby was the woman he loved, the woman he was going to marry, the woman he was faithful to and Tom Paris was his best friend, and a man. Not that Harry Kim had anything against same sex relationships, he was not a prejudiced man; but he had never been attracted to another man before, had never thought of another man in a romantic way, especially not his wise cracking, best friend. Harry remembered how torn apart he'd been when Tom had left the ship, to catch Seska at her own game, and how much he wanted to die, when the Kazons took control of Voyager abandoning the crew on that desolate planet, and Tom was presumed dead. Harry had been more than happy both times, when he was reunited with his friend that he wanted to wantonly hug and kiss him. He sighed at his wandering mind, no wonder he couldn't get to sleep. Harry stared at the ceiling, some more trying, wondering what he should do, or should he do anything, when suddenly he realized that he had an erection. What the hell? He wasn't even thinking about Libby, he'd been thinking about Tom.

At first, this had occurred occasionally, but for the past couple of months they'd been more frequent, and for the past five nights, Harry actually had an erection every time he thought about his best friend

"Fuck this," Harry blushed at his choice of words. He started dressing, thank God he wasn't on duty and had to wear his uniform. He didn't want his condition broadcast throughout the entire ship. He wore a pair of loose fitting jeans and a tee shirt, since the enviornmental controls were screwed up again and it was about 75 degrees farenheit. Harry paced back and forth in his bedroom and thought some more.

'I could just do the usual, go in the bathroom and masturbate, thinking of Libby' Harry thought. Then he shook his head. 'If I masturbate now, I won't be thinking of Libby, I'll be thinking about Tom. Can't do that, wouldn't be fair.' Harry sighed and realized that the only person he could share these feelings with was Tom. He nodded, that made sense, Tom's been around, he's been with scores of women...then suddenly a chill went down Harry's spine as he remembered that Tom had been in prison. Harry had read many books about what happened to young men in prison, especially young men as gorgeous as Tom Paris. Harry sat on the bed, nearly dizzy as he thought about Tom's beautiful golden hair, his smooth skin, lean arms....

"Shit," Harry said out loud, realizing that his erection had grown more uncomfortable. He stood up. He had to talk to Tom, now...Harry took a deep breath. Maybe he didn't have to tell Tom how he felt, maybe he could present it to him hypothetically, like some kind of physics problem.

Satisfied with that thought, Harry Kim left his quarters and walked the short distance to Tom's, glad he didn't meet anyone along the way, as they might wonder why the young ensign was walking with such determination, on his off time.

Harry stood in front of Tom's door. He inhaled deeply, as his erection rubbed against his underwear. He pressed the chime and hoped for a second that Tom wasn't there.

"Come in," said the familiar voice.

Harry walked in and nearly gasped. Tom Paris stood in front of him, wearing a pair of black sweat pants and a black sweat shirt, which contrasted beautifully with his pale skin and golden hair. Harry's knees nearly went weak and the sight did nothing to ease his erection.

"Hey Harry," Tom said, smiling, "what's up?"

Harry wanted to laugh at the irony of that question, but then he knew he had to respond. "Um...Tom...um....I....I....I need to...um...can I talk to you about something?" was all he could get out.

"Sure," Tom said, and with that, he took off his sweatshirt. Harry's mouth dropped open. He couldn't believe what Tom was doing...right in front of him....right now...Harry noticed the muscles in Tom's arms, the curve of his back.

Tom turned around and saw Harry staring at him. He frowned. This wasn't the first time he'd taken his shirt off in front of Harry Kim before, what the hell was the kid staring at?

Tom shrugged it off. "I've just had a workout with B'Elanna, and boy, can she work you out! Anyway, I'm all sweaty and I'm going to take a shower."

Harry recovered. "Oh, oh...okay, that's good....um...I still need to talk to you."

Tom nodded. "Okay," he looked at Harry and thought that there was something seriously wrong with this kid. Probably had a bad dream or something....Tom held his breath. He walked into the bathroom, removed the rest of his clothes and got into the shower. "Hope it's hot today." He turned it on and smiled that it was.

Harry heard the soft spray of the shower, soft enough to talk over, he knew. He stood, not sure if he should follow Tom, or wait for him out here.

Tom's voice answered that question: "Harry, didn't you have something you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Yeah," Harry said more to himself. He walked into the bathroom, at first, staring at the floor, then he allowed himself to look up and saw the outline of Tom's body through the frosted shower door that was slowly starting to steam up, as was the rest of the bathroom. Harry imagined Tom's naked body, slim, elegant, like a Greek god. Harry thanked his smarts for making him wear loose jeans so Tom couldn't see how hard he was.

Then Harry cleared his throat. "Um...Tom...I...wanted to talk to you about something...." Where were the words when he needed them? "I...um...um...remember that alternate reality, when I was in San Francisco...?

Tom chuckled. "You mean the one where I took you back to Voyager and I blew up in the shuttle?"

"NO!" Harry said alarmed. "You didn't blow up in the shuttle....not really...." Harry sighed, "God, I was so glad when I got back to Voyager and saw you," he said to himself.

"What Harry?" Tom said.

"Nothing...um....Tom....remember when I told you that I saw Libby...." 'Damn,' Harry thought, remembering his earlier plan, 'there goes the physics problem.'

"Right, you saw Libby," Tom said.

Harry nodded and watched Tom, through the frosted glass, soap up his body. He cleared his throat and looked at the floor. 'Can't look at Tom and talk to him at the same time,' Harry thought. "Well... remember when I told you how I met up with you?"

"Yeah."

"Um.....Tom....um....I was real happy to see Libby....but I wasn't as happy to see her...as I....um....was...um...when I...um...saw you..." Harry was light headed, he hoped he wouldn't pass out.

For a moment no one spoke, then Tom sighed. "Well, of course you were happy to see me. You knew you didn't belong to that reality and when you saw me...well, you were just seeing a familiar face."

Harry sighed. "Tom...when you didn't know who I was...I thought I was going to die..."

Tom chuckled. "Yeah, guess you were afraid you'd be stuck there forever."

Damn Tom, always making a joke out of everything. Harry inhaled deeply and balled his hands up into fists. "No Tom, um...that's...um...that's not, I mean...I...when I...um..saw you I...I mean...I..." 'Shit, Harry thought, 'I'm not making any sense at all. Tom should throw you out right now.'

Again there was silence. Harry looked at the his feet, wondering how he could make a quick exit.

Then, the shower door was pulled back, Tom stuck his head out, his hair was plastered down by the water and was a bit soapy. He smiled. "What are you, in love with me or something?" Tom laughed, in a smart ass kind of way.

Harry turned three shades of red and looked down. Then, he managed to look up, preparing to be judged. He smiled and nodded.

"Get in here, Kim," Tom said, grinning.

Harry's eyes widdened, his mouth dropped. Did Tom just say what he thought he said?

Tom cleared his throat. "Ensign Kim, what did I just say? Do you want that to be an order? I said get in here, now!"

Harry Kim undressed quicker than he'd ever done before, throwing his clothes in a heap on the floor. Fuck protocol, fuck everything, including him. He got into the shower, as Tom closed the door behind him. Instantly, the steam hit Harry in the face, and he flinched because the water was hotter than he usually liked it. Harry saw Tom's angelic face through the steam, he was smiling.

Harry looked down and saw that Tom Paris was very erect. For a second, though he knew he shouldn't, he compared sizes, Tom was longer, though not as thick as Harry, which made Harry feel okay. Harry looked up into Tom's smiling face.

"I was wondering how long it would take you. I didn't want to push you, I was afraid that if I told you, you'd be frightened..I know about Libby, about your promise to her...and that you're...innocent about some things...I just didn't want to do anything that would shock or scare you..."

"Oh Tom," was all Harry could say. He walked into Tom's arms. Tom pulled him underneath the shower spray and they shared one long, passionate kiss, and then another, then another. Tom's tongue traced Harry's mouth and Harry hungrily sucked on that tongue. Tom's hands dropped to Harry's hips, pulling them closer together; their erections rubbed against each other, and the sensation was so overwhelming that Harry threw his head back and gasped, nearly getting a mouthful of water in the process.

"Oh...Tom," he breathed.

Tom responded by kissing him again, then Tom moved back and managed to smile. He looked up at the spray. "Hey, you want a shower?"

"Yeah," Harry said breathlessly.

Tom squeezed the soap, from a dispensette nozzle in the wall, into his hands, rubbed them together for a lather, then rubbed his hands up and down Harry Kim's body; neck, chest, arms, thighs (which caused a very large gasp from Harry), knees, calves, feet. Every touch made Harry more aroused, and he grabbed Tom's body, pushing him closer. Tom laughed, and then pushed Harry underneath the spray.

Harry moved out from underneath it and gasped. "I'll get you back for that Paris," he smiled. Then Harry took the liquid soap in hands and repeated the same procedure on Tom, causing him to gasp and grip onto Harry's body for support.

Underneath the shower spray, both men embraced tightly, rubbing their erections together, first slowly, easily, then more roughly, more rapidly. Tom managed to fight the red haze in his brain and pushed himself back, away from Harry.

"Whoa...slow down...don't want to end things...before they start..." Tom's breathing was ragged and he wasn't certain how convincing he sounded.

Harry just groaned, he was almost there, and he knew Tom was as well. Tom sighed, he took Harry's hand and looking into his dark eyes, intently, seriously. "Harry, are you sure?"

Harry looked at Tom and realized what the man was asking. "You mean..." Harry nodded. "Tom, I want you to make love to me...I...I...I've never had a man make love to me before...but...I want...I want ..you inside me..."

Tom looked down, and closed his eyes, as he remembered those times no one asked him, they just took...he also remembered other times, after he'd been in prison awhile when he'd been the predator. He'd never had another man give himself freely to *him*

Tom sighed. "Are you sure, Harry?"

This time, Harry took Tom's hand and kissed the palm, then nodded quickly.

Tom pulled Harry to him and kissed his mouth, deeply, passionately, his tongue caressed Harry's lips, teeth, tongue. He pushed Harry, gently against the shower wall, and again their erections bumped against each other. Harry and Tom both gasped.

"Tom..." Harry managed to say, "I want you...I want you now."

Tom's breathing was ragged, he was very far gone himself. "Yes, yes Harry." He moved back. "Turn around Harry," Tom said gently.

Harry turned around and braced his hands against the shower wall, and waited while Tom, in agonizing slowness used the hot water and the soap to lubricate his own penis. Then he took one soapy finger and pushed it easily and slowly into Harry's anus. Harry started trembling.

"Harry...if I'm hurting you, you tell me to stop, okay?" Tom knew how it felt when someone didn't care if they hurt you.

"Okay," Harry breathed. Then Tom leaned over and kissed and licked Harry's inner ear, then slowly moved down to his ear lobe, his neck and shoulder. Harry trembled at the sensation. "Tom...Tom...please...make love to me..." Harry pleaded.

Tom then inserted two soapy fingers inside Harry, then whispered in his ear, "That's two fingers now," then slowly Tom removed his fingers, and just as slowly, replaced them with his rock hard penis. Easily Tom moved inside Harry and Harry shook and gasped, not in pain, but reveled in the unfamiliar sensation.

"Oh...God...Tom," he gasped. "This is how it feels...."

"Yes love," Tom whispered, feeling Harry relax.

Then Tom was all the way in, and Harry threw his head back. "Oh, God Tom, you're inside me."

Tom nearly burst into tears. He couldn't believe Harry Kim was saying this to him, that he was bringing this much pleasure to someone he deeply loved. Tom only wished he could look into his eyes. "Oh, Harry."

Tom wrapped his left arm around Harry's waist and gently touched Harry's stomach with his right hand, then moved lower, to Harry's penis, where he touched it lovingly. Slowly, Tom moved in and out of Harry's body and at the same time, he stroked Harry in the same rhythm, an easy, gentle rocking motion. Harry threw his head back and made a hissing sound; he thrust backward and then forward into Tom's hand. Harry moved a bit more forcefully and quickly than Tom was going.

"Tom...please...more...more..." Harry cried.

Tom bit his lip, he fought for control, afraid that if he let himself go, he'd hurt Harry for sure, but damn...why the hell did Harry have to turn him on so much? "Harry...I...I..don't want to hurt you..." Tom managed to get out.

"It's...okay...I...trust you...Tom..."

The hot water rained down on them, the steam covered them, sealing them inside their own private world where there was no hurt, no pain, no prison.

Tom increased the rhythm, moving harder, faster in and out of Harry, stroking his penis in the same tempo. Harry moved more vigorously against Tom, feeling Tom's testicles against his behind, which turned him on more.

"Oh...yes...yes...Tom..." Harry cried.

Harry's cries drove Tom on, before long he was thrusting wildly in and out of Harry, amazed that the younger man wasn't screaming in pain, Tom was rubbing Harry's penis up and down, in the same frenzied rhythm. Harry gasped, crying out Tom's name.

The pace then became frantic, both men thrust at lightening speed as rhythm was non existent, frenzied as both men drove towards release. Tom's vision was blurred, he pulled Harry close to him, leaned over and bit him on the neck, that was all Harry needed, right there he came all into Tom's hand; and the muscles in Harry's anus contracted uncontrollably, stroking and pulling and caressing Tom's penis. Tom shut his eyes tightly, gasped then shouted wantonly, as he climaxed.

Harry's head was bowed, he sobbed as he continued to come into Tom's hand and Tom too cried as his release exploded into Harry's body. It seemed to go on forever and ever and ever, and then when they were both spent, Harry nearly collapsed on the shower floor, Tom had to hold him, as well as himself up. They leaned against the wall, gapsing for air, dizzy as the water continued to rain down on them. Suddenly, Tom turned Harry around and kissed his mouth, Harry put his arms around Tom's neck.

Then Tom pulled back and smiled at Harry, Harry smiled at Tom. "I think we've used up a lot of water, don't you?"

Harry grinned and nodded in agreement. Tom turned off the water. They got out the shower and looked at each other with silly, boyish grins. Then, they dried each other off, and continued to look at each other with happy, satisfied, dopey looks on their faces, their skins flushed nearly red. They looked at each other and giggled.

"Well," said Tom, "I don't know about you, but I'm tired. You wore me out."

Harry giggled. "You wore me out."

They laughed and walked into Tom's bedroom. Tom looked at Harry, and for a second, he was afraid. 'Maybe Harry didn't really want to,' he thought, 'maybe he thinks I forced him...maybe since he knows I've been to prison, he's having second thoughts, or he's thinking, what the hell did I just do, I just let a man fuck me in the ass.' For a second, Tom stiffened in fear, then he looked back at Harry.

"You were saying you were tired?" Harry said, then he smiled and Tom saw the most beautful, happy smile that he'd ever seen. Tom sighed as the tear rolled down his cheek.

"Tom, what's wrong?" Harry said, seeing the tear.

"Nothing Harry," Tom said, shaking his head, "nothing's wrong at all."

Harry put his arms around Tom's neck. Tom smiled. "I was just saying that you wore me out."

Harry nodded in agreement. Then Tom sighed and looked at Harry again. "Stay?" he said, "please Harry?"

"There's nothing that I would like better, Tom," Harry said, dark eyes shining.

The two lovers climbed into bed, Tom pulled a sheet over them. They wrapped their arms and legs around each other and pretty soon both men fell asleep as Voyager sailed on.

The next morning, Tom Paris woke up to the most wonderful sensation. He must be having a dream, he thought as he grinned in his sleep. As he started to wake up, though he realized it wasn't a dream. He raised his head and saw a head of dark hair in his lap, and that head was licking his penis and testicles. Tom suddenly remembered what happened the night before...Harry...

He was about to speak, when Harry gripped Tom's penis and stroked him up and down, at the same time, he licked his testicles and scrotum.

"Oh, Gods," Tom said, hoping he didn't jump off the bed right there.

Harry raised his head and smiled at Tom. "Good morning Tom."

Tom lay back on the pillows. "Gods, what are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?" were Harry's last words before he returned to his work.

Tom arched his back and fought the urge to grab Harry's head. He thrust uncontrollably into Harry's mouth and groaned loudly. What Harry lacked in skill, he made up for in persistance. Harry stroked and licked harder and faster, even managing to nip Tom lightly. "Oh...Harry...Harry..." were the only coherent words Tom could muster.

Tom gripped the sheets roughly, and closed his eyes. He'd never had someone do this for him, someone who didn't want anything in return that is. Gosh, Harry must really care for him to do this.

Suddenly, Tom felt the madness approaching. He'd wanted to hold back, but Harry's vigorous stroking and sucking prevented that. Tom's eyes shut tight, he arched his back and gasped. "Harry...I'm going to...."

But he never got the sentence out as he climaxed into the younger man's mouth, shuddering and shaking. When Tom was finally able to see clearly, he saw Harry's smiling face, over him.

"How was that?" he said.

All Tom could do was nod. Then he sighed. 'The kid probably did that to pay me back for last night,' he thought. 'Sweet.'

Harry lay down next to Tom and Tom gently stroked his hair. For a nanosecond, he wished he could lie there forever, then he remembered.

"Computer, what's the time?"

"0600 hours," said the synthetic female voice.

Tom sighed. "Can't be late for duty, now can we."

Harry sat up uneasily. "No, I guess not."

The two men dressed in silence. Not avoiding each other, but not looking into each other's eyes either. Tom figured Harry was having second thoughts, that was probably why he was so quiet. 'Well, of course he would, Paris. Probably was just lonely last night, just missing Libby, and what do you do? Do you talk to him, no, you fuck him in the ass, great move, Thomas Eugene Paris. Shit, Dad was right, I can fuck up the easy shit.'

Harry wondered if he was supposed to say something, maybe like thank you? No, no that would sound stupid, and he enjoyed last night just as much as Tom. Damn, why didn't Tom say anything? He's the one who always knows what to say, and when.

After both men were dressed, Tom in his uniform, Harry in what he wore last night (he had just enought time to make a quick run back to his quarters to change), they looked at each other.

"I...I...um...I guess I'll see you later, huh?" Harry said.

Tom nodded. "Sure, see you later."

Harry Kim wondered if he should touch Tom's hand or something, but decided against it, and walked out of the Lieutenant's quarters without one backwards glance.

End of Part 1

[Three days later.]

Harry Kim stood on his post, on the bridge, trying not to look at Tom Paris's back but not being too sucessful at it. For these past three days, Tom was ignoring him. At first, Harry thought it was his imagination, Tom was cordial, he spoke to him, he even smiled at him, but that was it. It was as if that magical night had never happened. Harry tried to get Tom alone everywhere, the mess hall, Sandrine's, but every time he tried, it seemed that B'Elanna was always near. Harry wondered if maybe there was something going on between Tom and B'Elanna? Why else would Tom treat him like shit?

Tom Paris felt Harry Kim's eyes, hot on his back. The feeling caused him to have an unwelcome erection. Stop it kid, he thought. Don't you know what a loser I am? I'm saving you the trouble.' Then Tom started thinking about Harry, his muscular arms, his soft skin, his perfect, firm ass. He rememberd his full, sensous lips, remembered kissing them. Tom imagned them lying on a large, round bed, both of them naked, their erections rubbing against each other, breaths ragged, as they climbed on towards...

"Mr Paris!" Captain Janeway's voice.

Tom blinked and realized she'd given an order and he hadn't heard. Shit, if I'm not careful, I'll crash this fucking thing. He wished he could turn around and tell Harry Kim to stop looking at him, but he knew they'd all think he'd lost his marbles if he did anything *that* stupid.

Off duty, Tom changed then raced to Sandrine's, where he quickly challenged B'Elanna to a game of pool. She narrowed her eyes at him.

"You're getting awfuly chummy with me Paris."

Tom grinned nervously, "Well, you know what they say, B'Elanna," he said in his best "Tom Paris" voice, "you can never have too many friends."

B'Elanna frowned as if she didn't quite believe him, or believed him at all, but she couldn't resist the thrill of beating the pants off this golden boy, so she agreed.

An hour later, B'Elanna five replicator rations richer, grinned. "Had enough Paris?"

Tom put his hand on B'Elanna's shoulder and looked into her eyes. "Don't you know, I never have enough?"

At that moment, Harry Kim walked in, determined not to be ignored tonight. But one look at Tom Paris putting his hand on B'Elanna Torres's arm and looking into her eyes, told him exactly what was the cause of this coldness was. For a second, Harry just stared at the two of them, smiling, laughing together, he wanted to weep, to scream, to tell Tom Paris just what a bastard he was, but he couldn't get any words out.

Just then, Tom looked up and saw Harry. He looked into a pair of dark eyes and saw the most dejected, hurt expression he'd ever seen before, he'd never even seen that expression on his own face.

Harry turned on his heel and left Sandrine's as if the devil was after him. Tom shoved his pool cue into B'Elanna's hand. "I have to go," he said.

B'Elanna frowned and shook her head as Tom left wondering what the hell was his problem.

Tom Paris looked up and down the corridor, but there was no sign of Harry. He ran his hand through his hair and began to walk aimlessly, eyes ahead, but seeing nothing. He passed some people he knew, but they got out of his way, the way Tom felt, he could collide with Captain Janeway and wouldn't notice.

'Shit,' he thought, 'how could I have been so stupid.' The memory of Harry Kim's pained and tortured face was permanently etched in his mind. 'Fuck, fuck, fuck, oh man, I am a fuck-up, Dad was right about that. Poor Harry, he's just a kid, he'd led a sheltered life.' Suddenly Tom stopped walking as a thought occured to him. 'Damn, maybe Harry was a virgin. Sure he's got a girlfriend, but they probably never got as far as heavy petting.'

Tom took a deep breath, then another. He heard his father's voice inside his head, "How the hell could you expect a nice boy like that to love you, Thomas Eugene Paris? You're a loser, you've been to prison. Not the type of boy to bring home to mother."

'Go to hell,' Tom thought. He looked around, got his bearings and started walking again, this time he had a purpose. He was going to find Harry Kim and tell him everything, tell him that he'd been in love with him ever since he first saw that cute face, smooth skin, firm butt, on Deep Space Nine. And if Harry didn't like it, well...then no one would ever say that Tom Paris was a coward.

"Computer, locate Ensign Kim," Tom said.

"Ensign Kim is in his quarters," was the response.

"Thank you."

Harry Kim sat at his desk with his head in his hands. He wanted to cry, but managed to will himself not to; besides, Tom would think he was a fool for crying.

Tom, Harry tried to push him out of his mind, but he coudn't. How could he have been so nice to him that night, and then turned so cold in less than twenty-four hours? Harry searched his mind, trying to think of something he might have done to anger Tom, but couldn't think of a thing. He sat up and stared at his blank computer screen. All he could think of was Tom kissing him, caressing him, making love to him. It was as if Tom was all that ever existed in his life, that he had no life before he met him, and now Tom was with B'Elanna. Harry couldn't remember Tom and B'Elanna being close before. Had Tom always loved her, and was he too blind to notice?

Harry sat, silent for awhile, just thinking of Tom and himself. Then he made a decision. It sounded crazy even to him, but he knew if he didn't do it, he'd go insane.

"But first things first," Harry said to himself, and then turned on his computer screen.

Tom pressed the chime on Harry's door, trying to find the right words, he didn't want to make a complete fool of himself.

"Come in," Harry said.

Tom slowly walked into Harry's quarters and didn't see him at first, then he looked over and saw the ensign seated at his desk, staring at something on his computer screen.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt," Tom said.

Harry froze seeing Tom. "You didn't."

Tom came closer, his palms were sweating, his breathing was ragged and he hoped he hadn't bit his lip so hard that it was bleeding. He opened his mouth to speak, when he caught an image in his periphral vision. He turned to see what it was and his eyes widened as he came face to face with the photograph of a very beautiful young woman with long dark hair and eyes. He knew instinctively that it was Her -- it was Libby.

Tom's face went pale his hands balled up into fists. Harry stared at him. "Tom?" he said.

Tom just stared at the woman's face as he began to shake, not in fear, but in rage. "Oh...oh now I see."

"Tom?"

He looked at the photograph. "Her," Tom couldn't even bring himself to say her name. "It was her you were thinking about, wasn't it!"

Harry's eyes widened in confusion.

"Oh, don't you dare lie to me Harry Kim, I'm not stupid, I may be a fool sometimes, but I recover pretty quickly!" Gods, how the hell could Tom have ever thought this sweet, lovely kid could have ever loved someone like him, a loser, a criminal, a traitor. Suddenly the voice in his head wasn't his father's it was his own.

"It was her you were thinking of, when you were with me! You came to my quarters because you were lonely, because she's not here! You came to me all sad with that bullshit about how glad you were to see me in that other reality, when all the time you were thinking about her!" Tom was shouting so loudly, he spit his words, his face and neck were crimson. "I should've known what you were up to Harry Kim, oh, yes, Harry Kim, sweet young innocent, everybody likes baby Harry Kim. You must've laughed your ass off at what a fool I was, believing you were happier to see me than Libby! What the fuck did you do Harry, close your eyes and pretend it was Libby fucking you!"

Harry stood up so quickly his chair fell backwards, quietly resting on the carpet. How the hell could Tom say something like that when Harry was all ready to do whatever Tom wanted, even if it meant sharing him with B'Elanna, that he'd take crumbs as long as they were Tom's. Harry had Libby's photograph out, because he was saying goodbye to her and to all they had. He couldn't be in a new relationship if he was still in the old one. And now, here was Tom, acting like a complete asshole, saying terrible things, things he knew hurt Harry.

Tom moved closer to Harry so they were nearly nose to nose.

"Why the hell did you do it Harry Kim? Why'd you get in the shower with me, why'd you let me fuck you in the ass. Oh, I know...you wanted to please me, you wanted to make old Tom Paris happy..."

Harry was shaking with anger. He wanted to punch Tom so hard in his smart mouth, that he'd lose more than a few teeth. 'Baby Harry Kim?' he thought, 'well maybe it's about time this baby stands up to this asshole.'

"You know why I did it Tom!" Harry said, blind with rage, "I knew you'd want it, and I felt sorry for you. Poor pitiful Tom Paris, always playing the big shot so no one can see what a shit you are!"

Tom stared at Harry as if he'd been stunned by a phaser. The crimson in his face disappeared and in it's place was a deathly grey. Tom backed away from Harry, breathing heavy, then he turned around and stormed out the ensign's quarters.

Harry's breathing was still ragged seconds after Tom left. Then, he put his hands to his face. "Oh shit!" he cried, as he realized what he'd said and to whom. He ran out of his quarters.

"Tom!" he called. "Tom wait!" But he was gone. Harry slowly walked back into his quarters, walked into his bedroom and sat heavily on the bed.

"Computer, locate Leiutenant Paris."

"Leiutenant Paris is in Holodeck 5 - Privacy Lock."

"Damn," Harry whispered. He fell backwards on his bed. 'Shit, damn, now who's the shit. Of course he freaked when he saw Libby's picture, the guy's insecure, I know that, I should've just told him what I was doing...but he made me so mad...I still shouldn'tve said what I did...I hurt him...the person I love more than anyone...I hurt him..he'll never speak to me again...'

Harry lay like that for what felt like hours. Then he sat up and sighed. "Tom, Tom I'm sorry," he whispered. Now the tears began to fall. Harry rubbed his eyes but it was no use and he leaned forward and sobbed.

When his eyes were dry again, he sat up straight. 'Baby Harry Kim, huh? Well, maybe Tom was right about that. I'm not going to be a baby anymore. The next time I see Tom, I'm going to tell him everything...how I feel...how much I love him...how making love with him was a dream come true...everything'

Just then Captain Janeway's voice was heard through the ship: "All senior officers, report to the bridge."

Tom Paris sat at his desk, staring at the blank computer screen. He didn't know why he was there, he didn't have any work to do on it, and he didn't feel like playing any games. Tom sighed heavily and once again thought about the things that had happened just one week ago; he and Harry taken, thrown down that chute into that awful prison...Tom remembered Harry's declaration: "This man is my friend - no one touches him," and then, he remembered when Harry tried to kill him. 'Yeah,' Tom thought, 'I know it was the implant, but if some guy fucked me in the ass when I didn't want to do it, I'd want him dead too.'

Again Tom sighed. He'd been avoiding Harry since they'd been back, four whole days. It wasn't easy, he managed to avoid him in the mess hall and at Sandrine's, by surrounding himself with B'Elanna and others (B'Elanna had asked if he and Harry had a fight, and Tom simply shrugged and said he was just expanding his horizons); and the rest of the time, he worked out in the holodeck, always keeping the privacy lock on; that was where he was heading now, and he rose and stretched his arms over his head.

He heard the door chime and froze. "Who is it?" he shouted, knowing deep in his gut who the visitor was.

"It's me Tom," Harry's voice said quietly.

Tom groaned. 'Well Paris, can't avoid the kid forever, might as well hear what he's got to say.' "Come in," he said.

Harry Kim entered Tom's quarters, he immediately walked over to his friend and stood directly in front of him.

"I wanted to catch you before you went into the holodeck," Harry said, looking Tom up and down, 'damn, he's got that black sweat suit on...the one he was wearing when we first...'

Tom shrugged, jolting Harry out of his thoughts. "Okay Kim, say your piece."

Harry looked down, he felt very uncomfortable, he'd expected Tom to be angry, not indifferent. "I'm sorry Tom, about what happened in the prison...it was the..."

"Implant," Tom said, then smiled slyly, "Right, I know that."

"Do you?"

"Course I do. It was the implant. You don't have any reason in the world to want me dead."

Harry heard the biting sarcasm in Tom's voice. "You're right," he said slowly, "I don't."

"Of course, if some guy fucked me in the ass and I didn't want to...hey, I know how that feels," Tom gave an evil chuckle, "I sure as shit would want him eight feet under something." The last part was said with tightness, though Tom was smiling.

"Tom, I need to say something."

"Make it fast Kim, I'm already late for my workout."

Harry looked into Tom's blue eyes that were both cold with anger, but also very afraid. He knew if he didn't speak now, he might never get another chance. "When I told you that I let you...do that to me...because I felt sorry for you well...I was angry at you...I didn't..."

Tom shook his head and started to move away. Harry grabbed his arm. "Tom I don't care if you never speak to me again, but I have to say this. I did it...I let you make love to me...because I wanted you to...I love you Tom."

Tom sighed and shook his head. "Harry, Harry, Harry," he said softly, "we're friends..."

"No Tom, that's not what I mean....I love you...I'm in love with you...being with you was like a dream come true."

Tom took a step backwards, he stared at Harry. "What are you saying Kim? Do you know who you're talking to? I'm Tom Paris, convicted felon, loser, all time creep and fuck up. Harry, you don't know what you're doing...you don't..."

Harry looked up at Tom and thought, 'I know one way to shut him up,' He took a step closer to his friend and put his hand behind his head, then he pulled his head down and kissed him fully on the mouth. At first Tom didn't respond, but then, slowly he returned the kiss, opening his mouth, inviting Harry's tongue inside. Tom sucked hungrily on Harry's tongue, his hands moved upward and caressed Harry's biceps. Harry's hands moved to Tom's waist and pulled him closer to him. Both men were becomming hard, very fast and Harry's hands moved lower to Tom's hips, pulling him closer.

Suddenly, Tom came up for air and pushed himself away from Harry. They stared at each other, breathing hard Harry smiled, seeing Tom's eyes, dark with desire, he himself felt weak in the knees.

"Libby..." Tom managed to say..."when I came in that day...you were looking at her..."

Harry looked at the floor, then again at Tom. "I was telling her good-bye Tom. You can't have a new relationship unless you finish the old one. It was the only way I could finish it...I was ready to do anything...even share you with B'Elanna."

"B'Elanna? Harry...I...we're not..." Tom shook his head sadly, realizing what he'd done. "Guess I was using her as a smokescreen. She knew something was up," Tom smiled.

"You've got a beautiful smile Tom Paris," Harry said, coming close to his friend again and pulling him in for another kiss.

They kissed again and again and again, long, hard, lasting, tongues exploring teeth, lips, gums. Each kiss increased in intensity, as both men held on to each other tightly and groaned as their erections rubbed rhythmically against each other. Finishing a kiss, Harry pulled up Tom's sweatshirt and gently licked his nipples, Tom groaned and gripped Harry's flesh, beneath his tee shirt, Harry licked harder, until he sucked hungrily, first one nipple, then the other. Tom leaned over and slowly licked Harry's ear lobe, then moved softly to his inner ear. Harry pulled Tom tighter and Tom pulled his sweatshirt over his head, throwing it to the floor, to give Harry better access. Harry followed suit, discarding his tee shirt on top of Tom's. They explored the planes of each other's chests, the tight, lean muscles, the flat stomachs.

Harry and Tom took turns undressing each other; as hands, lips, tongues, explored newly exposed flesh. The boots and socks were the first to go, followed by the sweat pants and jeans and lastly the boxers, freeing their trapped organs. They groaned, and gasped, as their erections and testicles bumped against each other, enjoying their similarities and differences.

Finally, they moved to the bed, lying down, facing each other, kissing, keeping their eyes open, never taking them off each other. Then, Tom pushed himself away and moved down, the next thing Harry felt, was soft breath on his penis. He gasped at the incredible feeling and looked at his friend who was about to go down on him.

"No..." Harry panted, "Tom....no...I..." It was very hard to think and talk at the same time, as Tom slowly began to lick the tip of his organ, moving his tongue in and out of the slit.

"Mmmmm...Tom...I...I want to make love to you...I want to be inside you..." Harry managed to say.

Suddenly Tom stopped and Harry felt his body stiffen. He then realized what he'd asked, and remembered what Tom just said about being fucked in the ass when he didn't want to. Harry sat up and gently touched Tom's face. "Tom, I love you...I'd never, ever do anything to hurt you...I promise..."

Tom looked up and saw the most loving pair of eyes he'd ever seen, he nearly started to cry. He blinked once, twice to keep the tears away. "Harry..." he was surprised that his voice sounded so hoarse. "I've loved you since I first saw you on DS9...you were so sweet, so beautiful...and I wanted to believe that someone like you could love someone like me... but I never thought it was possible..."

"It is possible, Tom."

Tom nodded. He knew. Harry would let the Kazons torture him, rather than hurt someone he loved. "One second," he said and Tom left the comfort of the bed, went into the bathroom then came out seconds later with a tube of something. "This'll make it easier," he explained, getting back into bed.

Tom slowly, easily rubbed the lubricant, onto Harry's penis, causing a giggle from the younger man. The lubricant was warm, and soft, and Tom's hands were so skilled that Harry feared he'd come right there. Then, Tom showed Harry to to prepare his anus, and Harry used the opportunity to get back at Tom, by caressing him with one, then two fingers and "accidently" stroking his scrotum, causing Tom to shudder.

Then, Tom took two pillows and placed them under his hips. "Tell me if I'm hurting you Tom, I'll stop, I promise."

Tom smiled, he could tell by Harry's ragged breathing, that he probably wouldn't be able to stop himself once he got started. "Okay," he said anyway.

Harry kissed Tom's buttocks cheeks, allowing his lips to linger there. "I love you," he whispered.

Slowly, carefully, Harry entered Tom. Tom shut his eyes tightly, bracing himself for the assault, but none came as Harry eased inside his lover. Tom leaned his head back and gasped. 'Oh God, he fit...perfectly...'

"Tom? Am I hurting you?"

"No...no Harry...no...it's alright..."

Harry began to slowly move in and out of Tom, easy strokes, all the way in, and out without withdrawing. Tom relaxed more, and Harry went deeper and deeper inside his lover. "Oh God Tom....I...I...can feel you..."

"Yes....yes...baby...yes..."

It didn't sound so bad, being called "baby" now, as Harry moved in the gentle rhythm. 'God, Tom was so tight, so smooth...if he could mover...just a little bit harder...'

Harry increased the tempo a bit and Tom helped him by moving his hips in time to Harry's pace. "Oh God..." Harry felt Tom's behind against his testicles. He reached around and grasped Tom's erection, causing a moan of pleasure from his lover and started to stroke Tom in time to his movements. Tom moved forward against Harry's hand and backward against his penis.

"Oh..yes...baby...come on baby...oh yes..." Tom cried, and his shudders and groans and shouts of encouragement, caused Harry to thrust harder and much faster inside his lover. He didn't want to hurt Tom, but he was feeling so damn good now as he thrust into his friend from behind and pumped his penis with his hand. The slow rhythm was gone, replaced by frenzied, raging lust as both men groaned incoherent, animalistic sounds.

Harry felt Tom's body tense, he threw his head back and shouted, "Harry....baby...." and then came with incredible force, against Harry's hand, slipping through his fingers and onto the sheets. As Tom came, the spasms in his anus gripped Harry's penis, then stroked it vigorously. Harry gasped in surprise and came inside Tom, his own body shuddering and shaking.

It seemed to go on for hours and Harry wondered if both of their hearts would give out and they'd die like that, together. Finally, Harry sighed heavily and collapsed against Tom's back. Tom smiled, feeling Harry's sweaty chest against his skin. It took awhile until he got his breath back, 'Damn, I haven't come like that since I was sixteen.'

"Are you alright love?" Harry said.

"Yeah," Tom whispered.

"I'm going to get out of you now...I want to see your face."

Tom groaned as Harry withdrew, and Harry sighed, glad there was no blood. They lay on their sides, facing each other.

"That was wonderful...it's never...I never..." was all Tom could get out, because Harry kissed him on the mouth. Tom put his arms around Harry's neck and returned the kiss and they lay there, on their sides, arms and legs wrapped around each other, kissing. Pretty soon, both men became aroused again.

"Mmmmm," Harry groaned, "what are we going to do about this," he pointed to their hard organs.

"I know, and it's something that doesn't require lubricant." Tom smiled and got on top of his lover. He moved his hips sensously against Harry's, causing the younger man to gasp out loud. "Look at me," Tom said.

Harry opened his eyes and looked into Tom's.

"I want to see your face when you come, baby."

Slowly, Tom began to rub his erection against Harry's. Harry followed suit and thrust his hips upward. They kept their eyes on each other as the pace rapidly accelerated and they thrust wildly against each other. They continued to watch as the madness approached and their faces and bodies tensed for a moment, then exploded in a glorous climax. Tom came over Harry's stomach, Harry came like a fountain, all over Tom's chest. They fell into each other's arms, rolling on the bed, nearly rolling off of it. Tom went into the bathroom and came back with a wet washcloth. He cleaned both of them off, and then he and Harry changed the sheets.

"There's nothing *but* wet spots in that bed," Tom laughed.

Harry laughed too, and they got into the fresh bed and pulled the covers over them. Harry wrapped his arms around Tom and lay his head on his chest. "I'm so happy, Tom."

"Me too."

The next morning, Harry Kim woke up to an incredible, pleasurable feeling in his groin. It felt so good, it had to be a dream, and he smiled, then he laughed, as it felt like someone was tickling his sensitive area, his inner thighs. He groaned, smiled, and then had an incredible urge to thrust his hips upward and when he did, found that he couldn't stop.

Harry gripped the bedsheets and moaned out loud. Then, he felt a terriffic explosion and he sighed. Slowly, Harry opened his eyes and saw Tom Paris sitting between his legs, a big smile on his face.

"Good morning, baby," he said. Tom leaned over and kissed Harry's mouth. Harry tasted something wet and salty, he blinked and realized he was tasting himself. He wasn't repelled, just stunned.

"Tom," he said.

"What a wonderful way to wake up, huh? You looked so sweet lying there. *My* baby Ensign Kim."

Harry grinned, grabbed Tom and pulled him close. "Good morning love, I'll get you back for that."

Tom winked, "I can't wait."

They sat with their arms tightly around each other. Harry felt Tom's body tense.

"What's wrong?" said Harry.

Tom shrugged, then sighed. "What now?"

Harry frowned. "What now?" he repeated.

"Yeah. I'm not good at this morning after stuff. Usually I leave or they leave before things get too crazy." Tom tried to laugh, but it didn't come out and he ran his hand through his hair. "Are we going steady...are you going to take me to the prom?"

"What do you want, Tom, a ring?"

Tom blushed and looked down. Harry sighed, remembering that his lover was insecure and needed some kind of assurance that this wasn't just a one night stand. Harry snapped his fingers. "I've got an idea," he bounced out of bed and quickly dressed.

"Where're you going?" Tom almost sounded lost.

Harry finished dressing, got back in bed and kissed Tom's cheek. "Just wait."

Tom touched Harry's face. "Okay baby."

Harry smiled. "Guess that's my nickname now."

"Well, I wouldn't call you that on the bridge."

Harry laughed, then jumped out of bed. "I'll be right back," he told Tom as he rushed out the door.

Harry ran down the hall, glad he didn't meet up with Captain Janeway or Chakotay, or worse, B'Elanna. They'd haul him off to sickbay for being this happy. Harry reached his quarters and rushed in, he knew what he had to find and where it was. He wanted to get back to Tom as soon as possible, he knew the man was worried. Harry thought it cute that Tom called him baby, when in reality, Tom was more of a baby. Tom needed a lot of reassurance and Harry liked being the one to reassure him. In every relationship Harry ever had, either with friends or with Libby, he was always the follower, the one who let others dominate and it felt kind of nice to be the one leading now.

Tom got under the covers and pulled his knees to his chest. Sitting there, naked, alone, he felt vulnerable, half expecting his father to walk in any minute and laugh at him. "What makes you think someone like Harry Kim would want a loser like you! You should have stayed in prison!" Tom put his hands to his ears and shut his eyes, he didn't hear the doors open, nor was he aware that he was shaking, until he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder, definately not his father's.

"Tom," Harry's voice said.

Tom opened his eyes and smiled at Harry, then he chuckled. "Didn't hear you come in...I was trying to figure out a new flight manouver."

Harry smiled, knowing damn well Tom wasn't thinking about flying. Harry undressed, then took something out of his jeans pocket.

"What's that?" Tom asked.

Harry held up a gold chain and on the end of the chain, was a single, small pearl. "My mother gave this to me right before I left home to come on Voyager. It means more to me than anything Tom, and I want you to have it."

Tom's eyes widened. "Harry...I...I...can't...I..."

"Yes you can Tom Paris. And before you say anything, yes, I know who you are and what you've done...but that doesn't matter to me Tom, I love you, and I want you to have this." Harry moved behind Tom and put the chain around his lover's neck, then moved in front of Tom to look at it.

"How does it look?"

"Beautiful."

Tom grinned sheepishly. "I'll have to give you something..."

"Whenever Tom, we have plenty of time."

Tom stroked Harry's face and again fought the impulse to cry. "I love you," he said.

"I love you too, Tom."

Tom took a deep breath. "Computer, what time is it?"

"0500 hours," said the simulated voice.

Tom smiled at Harry. "We've got time."

"And how do you think we should spend it?"

Tom laughed, pulled Harry into his arms, and kissed him long and hard. "Oh, I can think of a few ways."

"So show me Lieutenant," winked Harry.

"My pleasure Ensign," Tom said before covering Harry's mouth with another passionate, delicious kiss.

Continued in Part Two

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