The Introductions, Scott Barkla:
First Mollari, then Sinclair, Sheridan, and Ivanova:
"Babylon 5 was our *Last*, *Best*, *Hope* for an opening narration that was not riddled with annoying cliches. This time there would be no Boldly-Going, no There-can-be-only-one-and-some-sequels, no It-began-in-the-future, no sir.
It failed.
But in the year of the Great Network Shift, it became something else.
Our First Worst Despair for a timeslot."
Cue music ...
"The Gathering", Chris Hulley:
Ivanova: "Captain, the &*%!ing Vorlon ambassador is due in in one hour ..."
Sinclair: "Right, is there anything else we have to do before the *&@!er arrives ?"
Ivanova: "Well, only get down to the %$#@ing language retraining bay, so we program the swearwords out of everyday usage ... you know how the Vorlons feel about that. Wouldn't want a repetition of that time the security chief said 'How about a %$#@ing drink, you ol' %$#!'. That's how we lost Bab3"
Sinclair: "So, what the *&%$ can we say now ?"
Ivanova: "Well, ... frag"
Sinclair: "You mean, as in abso-%$#@ing-lutelty, we now have to say 'fraggin' ?"
Ivanova: "abso-fraggin'-lutely."
Sinclair: "*&%* me, the things we do for diplomacy."
(exit towards language section)
"Eyes"
"As Sinclair and Ivanova enter a transport tube, Garibaldi and Lennier zip by on the motorcycle."
Leece's version:
Those invisible Shadow guys had better watch out, Lennier might run them over accidently.
Lennier: ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!
Morden: AAAAAKKKK! (Dodges, but only just)
Shadows: !@#$$^%$$(&**)**((_++_+)
Morden looks at mess on floor.
"Well there goes *that* plan for universal domination.
"The Coming of Shadows":
Londo: "He said, 'Continue. Take my people back...to the stars.'"
Refa: "Londo... What did he really say"
Londo: "He said... that we are both damned."
"The Drinking Game" (David GOLDING):
Londo: "He said, go ... take my drinking game back ... to the stars."
Refa: "Londo ... what did he *really* say?"
Londo: "He said ... that we are both pissed."
"Hunter, Prey" (snipped and paraphrased):
"Sheridan and Ivanova stand in awe of the sight before them in the bay: Ambassador Kosh's ship. Sheridan reaches out to touch the ship when part of the ship pulls away and a strange-looking device fires a beam straight at Sheridan's chest. Ivanova tells him to back away slowly, which he does. The device melts back into the ship. They leave. Kosh steps out from behind a corner and "speaks" to his ship. It replies with a few lines of strange symbols, to which Kosh nods, and then leaves."
Leece:
Vorlon Ship: " Hmmmm, 00010001001011...life support OK...hmm maybe I'll try to put that in the key of F#."
Sheridan gets too close..
Vorlon Ship: " Where the hell did he come from..-back off buddy niiiice and easy."
Kosh comes up afterwards..
Vorlon Ship "Hiya boss, you'll never guess who just tried to break in!"
"Hunter, Prey" (snipped and paraphrased):
Sheridan, Ivanova, Garibaldi, and Franklin arrive in bay 13, where the Vorlon ship has redocked. The ship opens up, and tentacle-like protusions extract a large pod which opens to reveal Dr. Jacobs inside. Dr. Jacobs revives. "While I was asleep," he says, "the uh...the ship...It sang to me."
Belegdel:
"Just what does Kosh think I am? A bloody taxi service? Have I suddenly been demoted to hidey hole? Does he think I enjoy these tedious little jaunts just for his idiot allies? Hey you! Human! I'd just want to know that you are not at all welcome! I worked hard to get where I am. And I didn't become a Vorlon ambassadorial transport just to become a plot contrivance for a bunch of degenerate freeloaders..."
Sheridan to Kosh in "In the Shadow of Z'ha'dum":
"You've been trying to help me so we can understand each other. That's not what I want any more. I want you to teach me how to fight them, how to beat them. Because sooner or later, I'm going to Z'ha'dum, and I'm going to stop them."
Tim Gollschewsky:
"You've been trying to teach me so we can understand the trekkies. That's not what I want anymore. I want you to teach me how to fight them, how to beat them, because sooner or later, I'm going to aus.sf.star-trek, and I'm going to stop them."
Kosh to Sheridan in "In the Shadow of Z'ha'dum":
"If you go to Z'ha'dum, you will die."
Trek warning Babylon 5 (Tim Gollschewsky):
"If you go to Channel 9, you will die."
Chris Hulley writes: The original text for this quote, which was abbreviated in the filmed script for improved dramatic effect, now appears here for the first time:
Kosh: If you go to Zha'ha'dum, you will die.
Sinclair: How about if we just stay in orbit, and try to bomb them from there ?
Kosh: You would be severely maimed.
Sinclair: What could we do, and get away with maybe a few scratches and some light bruising ?
Kosh: You could send a severely worded subspace radio message, from a distance of about 5 light years, and perhaps blow a raspberry.
Sinclair: Hmmmm, I'll have to think about this, and work out the tradeoffs. Will you teach me ?
Kosh: Yes.
Delenn, speaking to Sheridan in "Confessions and Lamentations":
"All life is transitory. A dream. We all come together in the same place at the end of time. If I don't see you again here, I will see you in a little while in the place where no shadows fall."
Kristi, "Confessions and Lamentations that B5 Doesn't Get the Recognition it Deserves":
"All life is transitory. A dream of a ST-free universe. We all come together in the same place at the end of time, if only to bag out Trekkies. If I don't see you again here, it's because I've been flamed. I will see you in a little while in the place where no shadows fall, simply because I've sent the Shadows out looking for the Trekkies so they're not around here at the moment."
"Divided Loyalties" (Mardi Gras style).... no offence intended, no offence achieved. (Leon Poladian)
Ivanova confesses a deep secret to Sheridan.
Sheridan tries to tell her that he understands, but she knows he doesn't.
"I've told you that my girlfriend was a lesbian, and that she could slip into my heart in a way that I could never even describe to you. But what I didn't tell you was that I learned how to keep her out when I wanted to, and that once in a while, I was the one that...well... I'm bisexual."
"Susan, why didn't you tell me this before? I thought we could trust each other."
"It's got nothing to do with trust. I've spent my entire life hiding this, Captain. It's not something you can just change overnight. It's hard enough telling you this now."
"You're right. I'm sorry."
"For as long as I can remember, my girlfriend drilled three words into my head: 'Tell no one.' She taught me how to fool the membership forms given out by Mardi Gras, transferred me from one nightclub to another, always staying one step ahead of the dyke Corps. I'm probably not even a 3 on the Kinsey scale--I've never been able to love anyone except my girlfriend. I can pick up on feelings sometimes, I can block a casual flirt, and I know instantly if someone's doing it. Nothing more. But that's enough for Mardi Gras to come pull you in and accuse you of divided loyalties..."
Lennier speaking to Sheridan in "Comes the Inquisitor":
"If you do the right thing for the wrong reasons, the work becomes corrupted, impure, and ultimately self-destructive. Ambassador Kosh wishes confirmation that the right people, are in the right place, at the right time."
Scott Barkla:
"If you do the right thing for the wrong reasons, the work becomes corrupted, impure, and ultimately self-destructive. Ambassador Kosh wishes confirmation that the right people, are in the right place, at the right time, that they look right, look left, and look right again before crossing the road, that it is the inalienable right of the third alien from the right to believe that "might is right" is wrong and that "might for right" is right, and that President Clark's politics lie somewhere to the right of Ghengis Khan."
This one is not so much a corrupted quote as a somewhat frightening comparison pointed out by Jason Hales:
B.Gates: "Where do you want to go today?"
Mr Morden: "What do you want?"
If you enjoyed this page you may also be interested in:
Babylon 5 versus Star Trek - the Rewritten Quotes
and
Babylon 5: The Missing Lines by David Filip, which was posted to rastb5.mod.
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