When I was five, I saw THE INCREDIBLE MR. LIMPET, a movie about Don Knotts turning into a fish. It warped me forever. I had a dream that I turned into a fish, a BIG BLUE CARTOON FISH.

That's okay, and probably not that abnormal for a kid to dream after seeing The Incredible Mr. Limpet.

But when I woke up, I INSISTED my mother come watch me change into a fish in the bath tub.

I went as far as to TURN ON THE WATER to get the tub ready to show her that I could become a big blue cartoon fish.

I don't remember how this little delusion played itself out... I assume I was prevented from going through with the attempt.

Thereafter, everyone called my strange actions THE LIMPET INCIDENT.

So, like I stated way back in column 2, I was CLEARLY destined to be some type of FISH PROPHET.

Years later, when my Uncle Mort died, I came into possession of his diary and a photograph he had of himself on a fishing trip down in the Bahamas. For years I have kept this photo in hiding, not letting anyone see it. I know for a fact it is the only one made and that the negative was long ago destroyed in his boat fire.

In his diary, he affectionately refers to the fish as "Mr. Cane." I don't know why.

But now, as a tribute to Uncle Mort AND to Mr. Cane, I am publishing this picture on the web. And this picture is commemorating the launch of my free electronic newsletter for my organization known as the Order Of The Fish.

So, if you want to join this esoteric order, send me a note at NRUTIGLIQUA@juno.com and I'll send you the orientation papers and all the data about our secret fin shakes.