Dear Andy,
I think my
girlfriend is in love with the mailman...what should I
do?
Worried in Wahoo, Nebraska
Dear Worried,
There is nothing you can do as this is
entirely common among their species, so just be
satisfied exacting your revenge. Order the complete series
of Chrysler dealer parts manuals for the years 1944-1998, wait a
couple of days and return them. Then change your mind and
re-order them.
Dear Andy,
What should I do
about my control-freak boyfriend? He gets mad if I sleep
with his co-workers, he yells at me if I take his money to
give
to my
ex-husband, and he told me I needed mental help just for
sitting in my attic, shooting at people on the street
wearing a Batgirl costume!
Signed, Unappreciated
Dear Unappreciated,
Next time let anyone in a Batgirl
costume go by.
Dear Andy,
I have a problem
with
Yeah, yeah, everybody's got a story...go watch some T.V.
Dear Andy,
I wrote to you last
month and asked you what to do about my wife's pesky
relatives who always come around for dinner and bring the
wrong wine. You advised me to call the I.R.S. and have them
investigated, then to wait for the auditor to get there and park an Aston-Martin loaded with heroin in their
driveway.
My wife found out about it and she left me!
What should I do now?
At The End Of My Rope in Boca Raton
Dear Rope,
What do you mean, "do now"? It worked, didn't it?
Dear Andy,
My wife and I have been married for just under a year, and
although we discussed having children before we got
married, she has suddenly changed her mind altogether. What should I do?
Kidless
Dear Kidless,
Don't press the issue. Go ahead and have
the kids but don't bring them home from the hospital until
she's at work. Hide them in a box under the sink until she
goes to sleep every night.
Dear Andy,
Ever since the last "incident" with my ex-girlfriend, it has been very difficult for me to pick up girls. I find myself to be very shy and then when I do find the nerve to talk to a woman, she usually runs off screaming! I am very wealthy so I know that's not the problem. Please help. signed,OJ Ooops,I mean,Mike. Damn!
Dear OJ Ooops,
Are you mentioning the money right up front?
| ANDY SOCIALMAN'S THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Girls, reality is reality. A thing happens the way it happens. There are not two "versions". If someone drops a sandwich on the floor, someone dropped a sandwich on the floor. Try to accept it. |
Do you have a question for Andy Socialman? If you really have exhausted every other alternative, please enter your question below. Do not use your real name, you have no idea how many times this guy has sent a million pizzas to "really annoying" people.