Confessions of a Vampiress

Okay, so you want some juicy stuff, huh?
Well Here are my character's vampiric confessions,
as written in my book.

This confession is more a confession than an erotic tale...I had grown stale & bored with my never-ending life, and all its trouble. I hated my existence, and needed something to help me out of that rut. I decided to seek out an open-minded & reknowned therapist to try & fix my problems. I didn't let her in on my secret until I knew I could trust her. She proved to a worthy ally in the end. So for a span on time, my journals read like self-help brochures...*L*

I sat sipping blood-wyne, as music played softly in the background. I did this often to relax, sometimes to reflect. I remember the first time I realized I had matured. It became painfully obvious to me, while in Paris. A young lad fancied me. I had no accuracy when it came to guessing ages, so I was way off on this one. I thought him to be a bit older, but in fact he turned out to only be 17 years old. He stayed outside the hotel alot, making tips off carrying bags for the patrons. So we established a very innocent relationship at first. I was friendly because it would pay more to be, than not. He got carried away, I thought. But it wasn't until he lay dying in the alley that night, that I truly did know how he felt. I could have saved him, but I chose not to do anything. I let him go in peace, though. He had grown so close to me. I knew he liked me, but had not the faintest idea he could claim to love me. He had followed me around like a lost puppy, it wasn't even fun, because of his age he was so helpless around me. I didn't have to even cast to get him to anything. He willingly did without asking....he was hypnotized. I saw no challenge in it, and realized I had grown. I did feel terrible when I came upon him in the alley that one last time. He had tried to fight off a theif & was stabbed in the process. He was dying, and he wanted me to help him. He whispered in my ear, he knew what I was & that I could help him. Coughing & getting weaker, he clutched my arm, begging for me to make him one of us. When I laid my hand upon his temple, flashes of thoughts & feelings shot through my entire body! I saw his thoughts, felt his feelings, for the instant that I touched him. The passion he felt was so intense, it didn't even feel real. I forgot that feeling of youth. He was on fire inside & nothing in his life mattered except pleasing me. He woke up thinking of me, and went to sleep with dreams of me to follow, each & every night of his all too short life. It didn't matter, for me, I could have talked him into killing his own mother. It hit me how intensely you feel things when your young. No one tells you when that feeling goes away, you just wake up one night & its gone. But his desperate cries fell on deaf ears that night. I knew his life would consist of nothing more than a shell of a man, following me to the ends of the earth & back again. I could not do that do him. He questioned me with tears, but I could not reply. I just held him, and wept with him til he was quiet.

I used to wander through the alleys looking for the sick & dying, or the homeless. I thought I would be helping us both by ending their lifeless lives & fullfilling mine. No one messed with me when I went there, they knew I was something else. They all knew they were being hunted by something, I could read their thoughts. But one night in particular I was completely caught off guard. I walked my usual route late one summer night, not expecting anything different. But into the depths of the back alleys I came across a very young boy. He was approximately 6 years old I thought. He was so innocent & longed for company, especially mine once he saw me. He talked & talked, while gently tugging on me with his tiny hand, to come with him, please. He took me to his little area he called home, where his mother was lying. She was bluish in color & I knew that was not a good sign. The closer I got I could see she had a needle sticking out of her arm. I was so angry at her, selfish ingrate, total disregard for this beautiful child. Her kind angered me, for I lost my child & chance to ever have one. My heart began to ache for what I knew was in store for this little boy. And now I was in the damn middle of it. How did this shit happen to me? I shook my head in disbelief, but knew I had to deal with it. The right thing to do was to send to him this school I knew about in Paris. They knew of the vampires & catered to our kind. They had a school they often used to refine children to prepare them for being future vampires. It housed them, ded them & helped teach them. This little boy would be perfect, he has no home, no parents, and the fact that he came right up to me without fear showed he would be a wonderful choice. And with that thought I scooped him into my arms & disappeared into the night.

One thing I had learned over the course of time, was a unique appreciation for things I saw or experienced. I did not have those chances in my mortal life. So sometimes I often found myself living vicariously through my vampiric life. But I had learned to appreciate what I witnessed in time.

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I must confess, I believe I have been in love once. I felt like he was the one that would make everything, what I thought it should be. The passion shared between us was magical. No one on this earth could move me the way he did. Never before had I allowed myself to feel that way. The pressure of my coven seemed to tear us apart though. We were truly from different worlds, but that didn't seem to matter. Everything about us clicked. Over time, I realized the pressure was too great for me. I was so torn between what my heart felt and what my coven thought. I didn't want to let him go. I ached inside forever, having to do it. I still ache. But it wasn't so much my choice alone. He continuously left me to run away to places unknown. He seemed to find safety in that. I missed him every day and thought of him more often. I see his face in every stranger's.. I cannot bare my life without him. So day after day I live & breathe him, consumed by him, til I find him again.

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I felt he was very close one night...I followed my senses until I was standing outside a huge heavily draped window. The rain began to come down harder, as I peered through a crack in the curtains. Inside I thought I saw him with another woman, playfully kissing her & laughing. The rage grew uncontrollably inside me. I felt my eyes begin to glow red. The rain turned to a downpour accompanied by thunder & lightening, the elements were reaticing to my anger. I was drenched to the core standing there outside that window, but my icy flesh felt nothing. My vampire instincts were taking over and I was fighting the urge to attack & kill them both. Yea, I thought. I had crashed in on so many like this before. I was a predator. Maybe that is why Brian, my brother, loved me so. We were so much alike. We both were heartless preying vampires. No remorse, no regrets.

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Its just before sunrise of a long kindred night. I somehow fell asleep, most unlike me! I look around the room & recognize that I am not at home. Then I remembered, Juels. Damn, I let him talk me into coming home with him again! The darkness began to fade as my eyes rolled across his tanned, naked form underneath the sheets. I knew shortly I would be stuck here for the day. I let my eyes roam freely about his bedroom. His taste was extremely nice for a bachelor. His home was beautiful, he was beautiful, hell, even his friends were beautiful, but somehow lying there in the wake of dawn, I felt totally out of place. He knew nothing about me, nor did he care. After all, he was sleeping like a baby, and I was lying there miserably awake, in a strange bed, and feeling homesick as the sun began to rise. I could not figure out his interest in me, after all I was petite and he most often was accompanied by tall, leggy, model types. He always tried to impress me, even when he was with another woman, sending my friends & me, drinks. What a strange mortal. I just could not believe I was lying with such a beautiful mortal, and yet, he seemed more empty than I, a creature with no soul. I felt his only reason for liking me was the fact that he might know I am a vampire...trying to soften me up to bring him over..*giggle* Like hell...this would be like creating Frankenstein, no way..*giggles again*

I missed the passionate sloppy wet kisses that lust filled days used to bring. I longed for those messy tongues blindly searching my lips for refuge. I missed having nibbles upon my neck driving me insane. It had been too long since I had any intimacy with another. I desired it deeply right now. Just the closeness, not just a lay. I enjoyed being close with someone & laying together, thinking evil thoughts together, touching one another without talking at all. Those moments I longed for. I lacked passion in my life at the present. I had cut out almost everything in my life that could bring me satisfaction, just to get a clear head. I had lost direction in life so to gain perspective I abstained from lustful activities until I felt I had my head on straight. But the time had come & I was dying for some "company". *giggles*

Most often I was burdened with these young men, once they found out that I was indeed a vampire. I couldn't tell any, or the results became the same. No matter what, NO witnesses. I learned after Jason, making a kindred isn't always wise. Especially if you think you can control them. Jason rebelled against me early on. I could not bond with him. It seemed as though he held resentment towards for me, because I had more strength than him. I would because he was MY kindred, I made him. Age & experience would give him strength, but undoubtedly, always, I would be stronger. It would forever cause conflict between us.

The first time I had the dark thoughts, it frightened me. I mean the thoughts of killing another vampire. I wondered if it had happened & if Davidson had ever done it. Then those thoughts gave way to the darker ones. I began feeling that if I, or any of my coven were threatened, I would most certainly kill for them. But as time passed, the number dwindled away til there was only one or two left that I felt i would actually kill for. One by one they destroyed the trust I had put in them. And one in particular had such thoughtless actions, I believe I began to obsess about her having an "untimely" end. ~wicked grin~

I remember the first time I ever feasted upon a woman. It was, of course, not an original plan. You see, I found a mortal atop the Eiffel Tower, not knowing his girlfriend was with him. She stumbled upon me, returning from the public restroom. Distracted momentarily, I regained myself & quickly sank my fangs into her as a muffled cry escaped. As the rush of blood fullfilled me, a deafening ring enveloped my ears, only to leave the throbbing of a beating heart. The passion erupted in that moment, and I found feeding on her more erotic than some of the males I had preyed upon. It puzzled me, somewhat, for I had thought there was no difference. Prey was prey. But it was different, indeed. I had to speak to Davidson about this, my curiousity about it was unsettling, but yet exciting to me. ~EG~

One night I found myself mesmerized by a wicked soul. He was very intriguing, dark, mysterious. I knew he was something powerful, but what I did not know exactly. This one night began a ongoing game that would soon reveal its intentions. Perhaps the downfall of a vampiress. I often wondered if it was Rand.

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