I have began to get the upper hand on my depression & I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I don't hate the world and all that's in it....be it good or bad. I let go the rage that kept me angry & negative 24 hours a day.....but most of all I missed who I was & didn't recognize what I had become. One day I woke up with open eyes.....and everything changed that day. Like I always say, no regrets. *grin*I suffer from depression from time to time. Its a constant battle to keep it from consuming my life sometimes. But its one I win alot more lately, than lose. I realize sometimes it is out of my control. I have anxiety attacks too. If I don't write enough, it happens, because my writing is a way for me to channel it. The depression gives way to alot of negative feelings & rage. Its a tough battle, but one can win because I have before. It is just something that never truly goes away. There are just lesser degrees & levels of it. But people with depression, I believe, never truly get rid of it, its a ghost you carry with you all the time. It's something you hope you can keep in its place constantly, so you can enjoy life & those around you. Otherwise, it feels like a monkey on your back & you never feel free of it. It's a battle of wills to me, my mind & body place with each other. It can be scary to see what tricks they can pull on each other. I have the attitude that it's something I experience, it makes me stronger, wiser & more aware of how important little things in life are. And I learn everyday how to appreciate them. I hope you all can learn the same. The world is already too full of bitter & negative people, why add to that????
I'm a creative person, constantly writing stories, poetry, or painting in my house. Basically I translate alot of my life into my writings or poetry. I feel such passion about my own life that I can create such stories. I experience things within my life with fierce intensity. When its anger its rage....when its love, its unbridled. It is always the extreme with me. So there is great passion behind these stories. The main vampire character parallels my own life greatly. Many of her feelings, thoughts or experiences were my own. Her future in the book will be very unpredictable, for my own life is coming into a great change. I haven't decided exactly what I will do with her, but be assured that it will signify quite an event happening within in my own life as well. ~wicked grin~
I love music, and often use it while I write. I feel I must always do something that will better myself. Always utilizing information & never wasting my brain on crap. I am always filling my head with interesting things, from books to documentaries, I like it all.
If I am not writng then I am painting. Not portraits, but walls. I paint constantly, sponging & ragging & marblizing walls. I love it. And everyone always asks me to paint their rooms because it turns out so cool. I enjoy it too. I do these things best when I have something bothering me. I use the creative outlet I have as a sort of therapy for when I am down or distracted. It works usually too. *S*
I must say this, I don't ever sit still. Not for a moment. I am extremely hyper-active & constantly moving. You know, one of those who needs no stimulates of ANY kind! I never need speed or anything to keep me going. I must have a high metabolism. It works for me, I keep an extremely clean house, my co-workers love me, and I am so hyper, I manage to stay a little bit ahead of my 8 yr. old son! *L*
I'm also a dark little soul. Things around me have recently changed, allowing lots of new opportunities & creative ideas to flood into my life. Relationships teach you alot. And I always try to gain something positive from all of them. Mostly I have been influenced by the company I keep. It allows me to open my mind a little more and evolve into a better human being. Through my writing, I can channel my thoughts & emotions into it, therefore it is quite theraputic. ~smiles~
But lately something has been wrong with my best friend, and I can't figure it out. I think he's lied about a very serious thing in his life. And now the friendship is compromised. Check my new story detailing this event in my life. The Decomposition of Davidson
We talked & things are going back to normal a little. Although I don't see him as much & his relationship with my friend has totally dwindled due to bad circumstances. So its a very non-predictable future for us all.
Visit my newest Tale ~Cat Tales~
~Ravinn..
