Homo-sexuality

***If you are gay or "homo-sexual" please do not be offended by this because I am a big idiot and I have no idea what i am talking about***

Thank you for joining me in this very special edition of the J-News involving the subject of homo-sexuality. So the first thing I wanna say is that I am not gay or "homo-sexual" but someone has gotta say this and have people listen so I decided I should be that man. I am heder-sexual. I am pretty sure I spelled that wrong. A lot of people would say, "hey! your gay! Go get your right ear pierced and move to San Fransisco!" But not me. I am more considerate and will not call you a fruit. I will call you a friend. I wont say that you play for the other team or drive on the other side of the road. I am a better person than that. I will not call you mentally challenged, I am calling you a nice guy. I am not saying you should seek professional help and blame it on your parents, but I am saying that I will be your friend when no one else will be. Of course if you are a lesbian I know a lot of guys who would be your friend. So now that I am done not calling you a fruit I will get to buisness.
Many gay people or "homo-sexuals" are now what they say "coming out of the closet" in the world of hollywood. Such as Elton John, K.D. Lang, Ellen, and hundreds of people on the Jerry Springer show. Dont feel left out but think of yourself like a celebrities. I mean, Ellen isnt even gay. Her show was just really doing bad and she needed ratings. Plus the perverts at Disney that work at ABC thought it would be "funny". I mean the actress from Good Will Hunting Minnie Driver only dates gay men and thats o.k. There are so many girls out there who love Leonardo Decaprio and they most be ok knowing that he doesnt like them because he is, well you know, "Not a fruit". I mean, even Oprah is gay!
Many people is music are gay or "homo-sexual" and that is o.k. Like Mellisa Ethridge or pretty much all guitarists named Pat Smear and most alternative bands.
I would like to leave everyone who has read this deep look into homo-sexuality to remember that I wont call you a fruit but I will call you my friend and you are not alone. So until next time take care of yourself and take care of each other. Here is a list of some gay people you might know:
Leonardo Decraprio
Lassie
Bob Dole
My 8th grade History Teacher
Most math teachers
Hillary Clinton
Chelsea Clinton
Bill Clinton (Just kidding, he is bi)
librariens
Rose Perot
Socks the cat
Montell Williams
Preps
Guys who wear a lot of sweaters
Anyone who says "speak to the hand"
Pat Smear
All members of the Cherrie Poppin' Daddies (dont let there name fool you)
Lisa Simpson
Hippies
ANYONE WHO LIKES HANSON!!!
If you know anyone else who is gay that we might of heard of please e mail me at selloutoi@hotmail.com

I would like to tell you all before you find me and kill me that this whole thing was a joke, kind of, and if anyone wants to kill me please my sister , Kerry, made me do this because I think gay people are all right. And if there is one thing in life that you must learn, learn this: NEVER TAKE ME SERIOUSLY! Good night!