Babylon 5: The Missing Lines
by David Filip from rastb5.mod
supplied by TiTan
HTML code written by Knightod
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(Sinclair gives Lyta her tour of the station) Sinclair: This is the alien sector- Lyta: Why can we look through the walls of the alien's homes? Do they know that we're looking in at them like they live in a zoo? Sinclair: Yes they know, but it's important for them to live in glass houses. This is a diplomatic station, and we wouldn't want anyone throwing stones, would we?
(the intro is the same except "It was the dawn of the third age of mankind, the year some lunatic brought the great war upon us all").
Sinclair: My father had a saying...if you truly want to know someone, make him angry. Ivanova: It's funny. You reminded me of an old captain I was assigned to on Io when you said that. He was always talking about his father.
(Delenn gives the speech about the Minbari fear of Soul Hunters) Franklin: Oh I get it. Back on Earth we have the same thing, only it's called the Boogieman.
(alternate title: The Mandatory Sci-Fi Episode Where a Society is Wiped Out by it's Own Weapons) (Reporter asks where the bathrooms are) Garibaldi: Over there, but I'd steer clear of the methane breather's room. Our janitors were afraid to clean it ever since they heard a rumor. It was something about Kosh leaving a big mess, I believe. (Franklin describes the bioweapon situation to Sinclair) Franklin: They were told to kill anyone who wasn't a pure Ikkaran. Sinclair: And who set the standards for a "pure" Ikkaran? Franklin: A coalition of military fanatics and religious extremists. Sinclair: The Republican party? (Sinclair chases the monster) Monster: Protect! (zap) Sinclair: Why? Monster: Must destroy impurities! Sinclair: Are you pure? Monster: Pure! (zap) Sinclair: How pure? Monster: Pure! (zap) Sinclair: Really pure? Monster: REALLY REALLY PURE! (zap) Sinclair: And what did you think of the Puritans of the 1500s? Monster: Pure! (zap) Sinclair: And your own people? On a scale of fourteen to thirty two, with fourteen being absolute metaphysical impuritude, and thirty two being completely pure, how pure were they? Monster: (thinks) Twenty nine! Very pure! (ZAP!) (the scene continues as we saw it) (Sinclair's quarters) Garibaldi: Listen to me Jeff. Sometimes when people came back from the war, they changed. Some of them thought it was easier to find something to die for than something to live for. Do you have Captain Kirk syndrome or something? Sinclair: You didn't hear me talking to the Ikkaran, did you?
(Catherine Sakai and Jeff Sinclair are talking in Jeff's quarters.) Catherine: Don't touch me unless you mean it. Sinclair: (stiffly as ever) What do you mean by that? Catherine: (frustrated) Never mind. You speak with a monotone! You're as stiff as a block of wood! Sinclair: (still stiff) That's really ironic. I have sex more often than anyone who ever has or ever will stay on this station. Catherine: (passionately) Maybe that's not so ironic at all (they kiss).
Kosh: You are not yet ready for immortality Sinclair: (to Garibaldi) Life is so much easier now that we have diplomatic relations with the Vorlons. I think moral ambiguity is going to become a thing of the past.
Ivanova: (to the people sitting shiva with her) I'll recite these prayers in English so my good friend Commander Sinclair can hear them. I was expecting Garibaldi to stop by, but he said he had some urgent business that couldn't wait. (Then the scene has a transition to the place where Garibaldi really is)
Aldus: Ambassador Kosh, do you know where the holy grail is? Kosh: It has always been here. (Kosh nods to the table in the corner of his room where the holy grail is, but Aldus' attention is taken by Jinxo) Jinxo: Argh! It's the Vorlon! He's going to suck your brain out and eat it! You've got to run! Goooooo! (Aldus reluctantly leaves with Jinxo) Kosh: (curious) How did they know?
(Near the beginning) Garibaldi: A space station doesn't just appear and disappear like some kind of singing frog! (The middle) Garibaldi: Is it zip/fasten or fasten/zip? Sinclair: Even though I'd hate to be a case study, I have a feeling you'll know soon enough. Garibaldi: (excited) You have to go to the bathroom too? All right! (In the next scene they exit the shuttle's zero-G bathroom stalls) Garibaldi: Fasten/zip? Sinclair: (nodding and confirming with complete seriousness): Fasten/zip. (Sinclair goes to the zero-G sink while Garibaldi heads for the door) Sinclair: Aren't you going to wash your hands? Garibaldi: Nah, I never do that. (Sinclair raises an eyebrow and smirks at the camera. In the next scene they return to their seats) Garibaldi: I'm thinking of cooking a duck sometime soon. Want to join me for dinner? Sinclair: Are you going to wash your hands first? Garibaldi: Don't worry about it. My hands are clean enough. Sinclair: I'm not having this conversation. (the end of the episode) Ivanova: What did Garibaldi mean when he referred to a singing frog? Sinclair: There's an old Looney Toons short where a guy tries to get rich by having his singing frog perform for an audience. Ivanova: Frogs can't sing, can they? Sinclair: Not normally, and that's why the guy thought he could make some money. But there was a complication. The frog would only sing to his owner. Since no one else heard the frog, they thought the man was a crackpot. He soon fell into poverty and considered the frog bad luck. He buried the frog in hopes to end his luck, but hundreds of years passed and another man unearthed it. He also tried to get it to sing for other people. Ivanova: Would it sing for anyone then? Sinclair: (grimly) No.
Franklin: Michael is in a coma and...he's got this waxy yellow buildup I can't explain. [note this is not a reference to a missing line, it is a reference to a line aired in "Infection"]
The Babylon project was our last, best hope for peace. A giant sitting duck, floating deep between warring territories, housing over a quarter million humans and aliens. A shining powder keg floating in space, waiting to blow in the night. This is the dawn of the third age of mankind, the year I'll bring the great war upon us all. The year is 2259. I am John "Starkiller" Sheridan, and I am the match. The name of the fuse is Babylon Five.
Lennier: ...and the souls of our newer generations are not as great as those in previous generations. Sheridan: Every generation says that, especially about the next generation's musicians.
(At the end in C&C) Sheridan: What did the Technomage say? Dish rag makers. Movers and shakers. Butchers and bakers and candlestick makers. A Narn nack Centauri whack Minbari funny bone, this old Vorlon's going home. All this, and breakfast too. Techs: What's going on? Is he talking to someone? Our new captain is nuts! (fade to credits)
(in C&C) Sheridan: Get Garibaldi a SWAT team on the double! And tell him I'm on my way down there! Ivanova: Isn't it convenient that we've been holding rifles in our hands for no apparent reason? Sheridan: Hell yeah! Let's go.
(they run from the room with the bomb) Sheridan: Did you close the door Zack? Zack: Huh? Oh, the door...yeah, that would really cut down on the bomb blast, wouldn't it? I'll get to it right- (BOOM) Sheridan: Never mind. (In Sheridan's office) Sheridan: ...and even then, I only got one name for the conspiracy. I'll never forget that name...Bureau 13. Garibaldi: Bureau 13, eh? I know that's a name I'll be thinking about for a while too. Sheridan: That's right. Bureau 13. I can't go for a day without thinking about it. Bureau 13 is the kind of thing that could stick with you for the rest of your life. Garibaldi: I agree, but what can we do about Bureau 13? Sheridan: We'll find as much info as we can, and then we'll do whatever it takes to expose it. There is a spider in the web named "Bureau 13", and I intend to kill it. [Note: Bureau 13 is never mentioned or heard from again in the entire series]
(The refugees chant the Barney theme instead of Mary Had a Little Lamb. Chilling, eh?)
Sinclair: Stick close to the Vorlon. Watch the shadows, they move when you aren't looking. Check both ways before crossing the street. Brush your teeth and floss between meals and...for God's sake Michael! Wash your hands every once in a while!
(Delenn returns from the meeting where she is taken off the Grey Council) Delenn: They have decided that it is...uh...er...important that I continue my work on Babylon Five. Lennier: The Grey Council is very wise. I knew they would reach the right decision. We are blessed to have them lead us. Delenn: Oh shut up. (Sheridan's dream continues where he's on a ship full of encounter-suited Vorlons. All of their suits are identical. One Vorlon approaches Sheridan) Hsok: Hi dude. What's up? Sheridan: Huh? Kosh? Is that you? Hsok: No, I'm Hsok, Kosh's old high school drinking buddy. Sheridan: You speak so clearly...I thought Vorlons were always vague. Hsok: No, that's Kosh. He's just a jerk. We made him promise not to do that eningmatic "I am superior" thing, but I guess that's just like the time he cheated at golf. "The ball has always been on the green" my ass! He's a big fat liar. Sheridan: I had no idea Vorlons had such personality. Who's that one? (He points to a nearby encounter suit that looks like all the others) Hsok: That's Hosk, Kosh's girlfriend. Don't stare though, Kosh will get really jealous. Sheridan: Okay. If it isn't too much trouble, I have a question: What do you Vorlons want? Hsok: Kosh would probably get real upset if you asked him that, but the answer is simple. All Vorlons want is- (Suddenly Sheridan wakes up) (Later, Sheridan talks to General Hague. Notice that these lines merely paraphrase the statements made in the series. They only seem a bit clearer this way) Hague: Clark liked you because you looked like a jarheaded moron who'd follow his orders. That's how you look from your record. Sheridan: What makes you think I won't turn you in the second you leave? Hague: You can tell a lot about a man from his record, and your record shows me that you're the kind of guy who couldn't accept the stuff Clark is trying to pull. Sheridan: What did you just say about my record two seconds ago? Hague: Nothing. Nothing at all.
(Instead of using the scale models to plan their strategy, Sheridan and General Franklin use Electronic Battleship)
Na'toth: You'll need someone to watch your back. G'Kar: All right, but you must promise never to appear in another episode. Na'toth: Agreed.
Ivanova: Sometimes I just look out at Kosh's ship and I listen to it sing to me. Sheridan: Is that why you're here now? Ivanova: No. This time Kosh parked across two berths. I'm looking for a place to put the parking ticket. Sheridan: That shouldn't be a problem. Why not put it here- (the ship reacts quickly) Sheridan: Double parking isn't *such* a serious offense, is it? (the scene proceeds as it did in the tv show)
(The reporter has Delenn crying from her previous question) Reporter: And if you were a tree, which tree would you be and why? Delenn: (crying even harder) I...(sniff)...don't know...(sniff)...I- Reporter: A weeping willow, perhaps? Is that even a tree? (tears flying everywhere, Delenn turns from the camera and is happy to leave the interview when she is called away)
Sheridan: I heard it loud and clear. He said "I'm going to blow the crap out of you, lame brain." Lennier: Our witness claims that he actually said "Ihm gunna blodeh crapadda youh, laimbreinn," which is Minbari for "I respectfully yield authority to you, lame brain." (Later) Sheridan: Earlier you said Minbari don't lie, but that's not entirely true. Minbari would be willing to lie if it protected someone's honor. Lennier: Yes. Since any lie could be percieved to protect someone's honor we get to say anything we want. (Londo complains about the dolls) Londo: Do I have to spell it out for you? This doll has no...attributes. Are you aware the level of insult this brings? Ivanova: That's strange. The norms of every culture were clearly specified on the instructions for each doll, and the Narn manufacturers said they would create these dolls to the exact spec...never mind.
(In the holding cell) Sheridan: Do you know who this is? Morden: (looks at Anna's picture) Pretty. Who is she? (Sheridan doesn't say a word and activates a picture of the Icarus on the monitor) Morden: (takes a deep breath) Oh. That. (Sheridan tries to click the monitor to turn it off but accidentally changes the picture. It reveals an artist's rendition of President Lincoln's assassination) Morden: (sighs) Oh. That. (Sheridan is intrigued by the reaction and flips to another random picture from earth's history -- an encyclopedia page that details the Black Death that spread across mideval Europe) Morden: (takes another deep breath) Oh. That. (Sheridan is furious that Morden could somehow be responsible for so much. He flips to a picture of the Titanic, and Morden gives his same two word reply. Sheridan's anger increases as he shows scenes from world wars, Amtrack derailments, the Hindenburg explosion, the OJ Simpson trial, changes in the flavor of Coca Cola, advertising where two annoying people yell at each other and NBC's "Must See TV" campaign. Morden always replies with a deep breath and "Oh. That." Sheridan still manages to contain his anger until he shows an image of the cast of Star Trek: Voyager) Morden: (shakes his head and almost laughs under his breath) Oh. Tha- Sheridan: DIE YOU BASTARD! (He starts punch Morden violently and has to be restrained by Garibaldi's security team)
(Talia talks about how nice the "real water" shower is and stands right in front of Susan) Susan: Are you going to kiss me or what? Talia: No, I'm just going to stand here and look sassy.
(The fight music after the news broadcast is replaced with the fight music from the 1960's Batman tv series)
Sebastian: If you wish to pass you must answer me these questions three. Who are you? Delenn: I am Delenn, formerly Setai of the Grey Counsel-- (ZAP!) Sebastian: What is your quest? Delenn: I am trying to save the universe from the Shado-- (ZAP!) Sebastian: What is your favorite color? Delenn: Blue-- (ZAP!) (Sebastian pauses, thinks for a moment and uses his staff again for another harsh electric ZAP) Delenn: What was that last one for? Sebastian: I'm just a jerk. (At the end in the docking bay) Sheridan: I did a little checking on you, Sebastian Abox. It seems you disappeared just at the time when there were a series of deadly e.coli outbreaks in undercooked hamburgers during the early 1990s, right in the west coast of the United States...but you wouldn't know anything about that, would you? Sebastian: Yes, I had dreams of owning a restaurant before the Vorlons took me, but I wanted it too bad. I ended up cutting corners, and because I didn't cook the beef long enough, others suffered. No, I was not remembered as an entrepreneur, not as a businessman, not as a chef, but only as Jack. Sheridan: Jack in the Box...right? You're talking about the Jack In The Box fast food chains, aren't you? I'm not an idiot or anything, I just need closure on that anecdote. (Sebastian walks off and shakes his head in disgust) Sheridan: Wait! Am I right? Well? (The music fades ominously and the credits roll)
(Kosh flies out of his encounter suit to catch Sheridan. Lennier, the Drazi, G'kar and the others all react to what they see. Eventually, after holding onto Kosh for a while, Sheridan looks at him, stunned) Sheridan: (squinting and using a voice of astonishment) Garibaldi? (Kosh shakes his head and makes an angry face at Sheridan. He lands with Sheridan. Suddenly, the encounter suit translates Kosh's words) Kosh: You idiot! It's ME. KOSH. Sheridan: (shocked) Really? Kosh: Yes. 
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